“He didn’t have a lot of technique—you just saw this kind of raw naturalism. You just turned the camera on, and he would tell the truth.”

- Rob Reiner (director, Stand By Me) about River Phoenix 

When I first starting coming to terms with being attracted to women, I finally built up enough courage to tell my therapist. She responded by saying that if I followed those desires I would “Never be the woman God wanted me to be.” She was right… because I’m now the man that I was always meant to be. 

I will never forget that day. Sometimes I am tempted to visit her and show her who I really am and how far I have come. I have been thinking about it a lot lately. I remember when I told her about my attraction to women her whole face lit up. Like I was her next biggest miracle project. She was so confident that she was going to fix me. I remember her saying “This is what the issue has been the whole time.. I was wondering why we couldn’t get passed anything.” She was happy that it wasn’t her therapy skills that were not letting me progress.. it was my deep dark secret that I was not filing her in on. Right away she tried to get me to read books on homosexuality, and wanted to accompany me to conversion groups. I gave her a maybe… and then never returned. She continued to text me. This is the last text that she sent me. She said that she hoped that I had not given up. Well, Susan. I did give up. I gave up living a lie. I gave up the shame, the guilt, and any fucks I had about what people thought about me.