australia food

Imagine aliens reacting to human eating habits.

For instance, taste. Like, one day an alien notices the human crew member dumping something bright orange on their midday ration.

Alien: Does your supplement not have the right nutrients/?
Human: No, it just tastes bad.
Alien: ????
Human: Well, not precisely bad, but bland. It’s boring. So I thought I’d spice it up a bit. *waves bottle of bright orange substance*
Alien: You add items to your food that provide no necessary sustenance???
Human: Oh, just wait ‘til you hear about junk food.

‘Cause humans eat stuff that is not good just for the sensation. Like really spicy foods, chewing gum, and all these spices. And the aliens don’t get it. You put that in your body? Doesn’t that mess up your digestive system? What purpose does it serve?

Or human eating rituals. If you eat with one group of humans there are all of these utensils, some of which look extremely similar, but each with it’s own unique purpose. And if you don’t use the right one at the right time it’s a social faux pas. Then another group mostly uses their hands and lick their fingers. Does this not introduce pathogens? And you’ll see the same human doing both behaviors.

And there’s the whole concept of a meal as a social endeavor. Humans will have a meal with those they are close with as a sign of affection. Humans don’t even spend the entire meal eating, no they use it to talk. Business is done, friends catch up, families share news. All over a meal.

Aliens considering food a necessity not to be discussed in public. Yet here are these humans, who post pictures of their food to social media, share recipes, use food as a social catalyst, and as comfort. Hell, comfort food as a completely human idea that aliens don’t understand.

Anyway, humans are weird.

So culture is fluid and changing, so why can’t we see humans adapting to alien culture? We already emmulate others, if not blend it to our traditions, so there should be a mix of alien/human traditions. Humans dress in the style of alien dress because it looks good. Humans adopting alien slang or creative new slang based on alien words. Or learning alien games and try to teach it to other humans. Or learning about alien food, then blend it with human cooking styles (Lomo saltado is Peruvian food cooked Chinese style so it happens) or just really studying alien culture and teaching it to people at home. Not for any academic reason, but because they are super interested. Like when you want to travel to your dream place you study every little bit about, or those culture clubs in schools. Aliens could be flattered, or confused, because Humans who can adapt to any place chose to adapt to their planet.

So I just thought of this...

So it’s established that a lot of the time, humans would be the ‘weird space orcs’. But what I want to see is aliens who are totally baffled by the complexities of food we would consider 'simple’ meals. Like ramen. I just made a ramen with corn, an egg, and sliced Ham and Turkey I chopped down into bite-sized chunks. Like, aliens would be so confused by that.

“Human Jess, why are you putting two substantially different meats together? What is the purpose of the corn? Humans can not digest corn. What is in the little spice packet? Why are there noodles? Is that an egg? Why?”

And we’d be like 'nah, man, it’s good, it’s just soup’ while their soup is just what we would call broth. And the aliens would be so confused and amazed because it smells really good actually?

We humans are weird.

youtube

How to make Käsespätzle - German Cuisine (in English)

“Ingredients (serves 2): 9 oz (250g) flour - 5 eggs + 1 egg yolk - a good pinch of salt - 2-3 tbsp water (if necessary) - 2 tbsp butter - 5 - 7 oz (150-200g) cheese, grated (Emmenthaler, Gruyere etc). To prepare the onions: 3 oz (75g) butter - 2 mid-sized onions cut in rings

How to make it: Start with combining flour, eggs and a good-sized pinch of salt. Blend well and add water if necessary, spoon by spoon. The dough should not be runny, but soft enough to gradually follow gravitation. Then set aside and allow the dough to rest for 20 to 30 minutes.Meanwhile heat the butter in a frying pan over low to medium heat, add onions, and let them slowly gain a golden brown colour. Don’t let them get too dark, as they tend to become bitter. Drain on a paper towel and then set aside.Bring a large pot of water briefly to a boil, add a pinch of salt and then reduce heat. The water should simmer throughout the whole process. You can either cut and shape the spaetzle by hand or use a spaetzle maker or a colander which makes things easier. Cook the spaetzle for about 2-3 minutes until they float back to the surface, then remove them.When done, drain the water, melt 1-2 tbsp of butter and return the spaetzle to the pot. Shake the pot a few times to evenly distribute the butter, then add the grated cheese and mix well.Now simply add the browned onions and chopped chives on top and serve.Guten Appetit!”

Little Melbourne Things
  • frantically topping up your myki so you get to your train on time
  • the disgusting toilets at flinders st
  • the macca’s on swanston street
  • the giant pocket watch clock at melbourne central
  • THE JESUS BIKE
  • all the coffee is great
  • having to walk a million kilometers to get to a vline platform
  • “it looks like it’s gunna be hot today i’ll wear cooler clothes…well fuck it’s raining now”
  • the ptv mates
  • wondering wtf occupies 90% of the flinders st building because it all looks abandoned af
  • theres always somethin goin on at fed square
  • taking a tram instead of walking for 10 minutes because youre just too lazy
  • dont even think about taking the train between 4 and 6, you will SUFFER
  • the tram noise
  • flying half way across the tram because it’s suddenly stopped
  • the really weird mix of old and modern architecture ??
  • the giant chess board out the front of the state library
  • HSPs…!!!!
  • the dread in your heart when you hear your myki get declined
  • tHE COFFEEE IS SO GOOD LIKE CMON
  • getting horribly lost like mate you better know where you’re going bc i am sick of walking