I spent the entire night yesterday in the emergency room. I got really really ill to the point where I felt like I was gonna die. I was so scarred of what was going on. I was crying so hard to the point where I ended up sending Austin a DM. Telling him how I was in the emergency room, and how I needed him. He replied back within a minute. In that moment, I realize how lucky I am to have an inspiration like Austin Carlile in my life who loves and cares so much about his fans. He’s the reason why I’m fighting every single day. I’m nothing without him and OM&M. I’m feeling a lot better now though with all the medications they gave me so that’s a good thing. I’m proud to call Austin my hero. He’ll never let me down.


Austin was gonna take a picture of us, but my camera was on video oh MY GOD HE’S SO PERFECT IM GONNA CRY :’) 

I’ll post the story right now :)

i don’t do any of this to get attention, and I can’t believe people are hating on me for this. im doing this for ME and to let people know who are struggling that YOU CAN do this too. i just wanted austin to know because he’s like my big brother and i wouldn’t have made it this far if it wasn’t for him inspiring me to stay planted.
i just want you all to understand that.

oh yeah, this happened yesterday. I got to the point where I needed someone to talk to. I couldn’t take it anymore & the only person that came to mind was Austin since he was following me on twitter & he knows everything since i told him everything in the letter i gave him during meet & greet at Outbreak Tour. So, I sent him a direct message saying I needed someone to talk to and whatnot & this was his response. I read it and I just started bawling my eyes out. He cares. <3 For the people that say, Austin is a douche. YOU are dead wrong. Austin is the sweetest guy on earth. He amazes me of how much he cares for his fans. The fact that he was willing to help me made me feel SO much better. Because of him I’m getting better. He saved my life. Of Mice & Men saved my life. He gives me strength. I love him so much you don’t understand. He gives me hope. He’s my hero. I look at this every time & it makes me feel better. He cares & that just means a lot to me. Austin, thank you for everything. Thank you, for showing me that someone cares. I love you. <3

this happened last month, but i just never posted it on here. Austin stopped me from relapsing that day. I was honestly at my breaking point and I hit rock bottom. I was starting to get bad again, and austin knows everything about me. He knows about my depression, self harm, brain disorder and he knows everything that my parents don’t. I was so close into giving up that day until i reached out to him how I wasn’t gonna make it to my one year clean streak, and minutes later he sent me a DM on twitter. He stopped me from relapsing. He’s helped me more than anyone ever could, and NOTHING is ever gonna change that. I have his back, and he has mine. Thanks to Austin I’m gonna be one year clean from self harm next week, and he keeps me going. He helps me stay planted. He’s like my big brother, and I look up to him. He needs us ALL now more than ever. He never let any of us down before, and we should do the same and stick by his side. He deserves to be treated with love and respect. Do you guys remember how sick he was a few weeks ago, and he was starting to recover and now this happened. Give him a break. He needs us, and we need him to rise back UP.

Phone call with Austin:

okay so my friend Emily went to warped today, and she wanted to find austin, so she can thank him for everything’s he’s done for me. She was looking for him everywhere and she finally found him, and when emily told austin about tomorrow being my 100th day without self harming. He told emily, “Do you have her number, can i call her?” so, austin called me from emily’s phone but her battery died SO THEN AUSTIN CALLED ME FROM HIS PHONE, so he has my number now and he said he’ll talk to me soon.

Here’s our phone call: *i hear Austin talking to emily*

Me: Austin?!

Austin: Noooo hahah *in a joking way* SUSSSSIIIE HIIIIII

Me: oh my god you liar HI I miss you so much

Austin: hahah aw I love you

Me: I wanted to tell you something. guess what tomorrow is?!

Austin: I know what it is, it’s your 100 day with out self harming. Your friend told me. She’s standing right next to me

Me: I seriously wouldn’t have done it without your help. I promise you I’m gonna try my best to not do it to myself anymore because I wanna get better. 

Austin: I love you. Please don’t do it anymore. Do it half for me and half for you

Me: I promise I’ll try my best. I wouldn’t have made it this far if it wasn’t for your help.

Austin: GOOD! I love you. I have your number now so I’ll talk to you soon. I have to go now byeeee I love you.

Me: I love you more

Austin: aw hahah byeeee Susie!

Then we hung up AND I am literally shaking AND crying because Austin is perfect I made him laugh three times. My goal was accomplished in making him laugh omg

Also, Emily told me that when she told Austin about tomorrow being my 100th day he looked so sincere and said “wow” and that’s when Austin wanted to call me. She said he was smiling the whole time I was on the phone with him


I know I say this a lot, but I just can’t get over the fact that the key necklace I would always wear is now around Austin’s neck, and it honestly makes me all teary eyed because when I gave it to him I said, “you’ve given me the key to have faith in myself, and now I’m given you the key to find your way out of your own struggles” and he pulled me in for a hug. If you know me, you would know how much I love my key necklace, and I’m totally okay with Austin having it now. He needs it more than I do. I will never forget his reaction when I gave it to him. :’)