I spent the entire night yesterday in the emergency room. I got really really ill to the point where I felt like I was gonna die. I was so scarred of what was going on. I was crying so hard to the point where I ended up sending Austin a DM. Telling him how I was in the emergency room, and how I needed him. He replied back within a minute. In that moment, I realize how lucky I am to have an inspiration like Austin Carlile in my life who loves and cares so much about his fans. He’s the reason why I’m fighting every single day. I’m nothing without him and OM&M. I’m feeling a lot better now though with all the medications they gave me so that’s a good thing. I’m proud to call Austin my hero. He’ll never let me down.

Last full day of vacation, was a blast. Took family sweater photo in the freezing cold lol! Literally it was 1 degree outside! Went and played putt putt golf with my superman:) got a nice morning kiss:) and loving my Minnesota shirt:) this vacation was great- even with it’s ups and downs, I love the family I got to spend it with, and am looking forward to many more (hopefully warmer) ones:) #nealvacation2013 #austinandme #minnesotaeh (at Mall of America)

UPDATE: WOW, 3 years later and I am better. So grateful. I love my big brother and hero with all my heart. 

This happened during the summer last year at the Rockin’ Roots festival. When I saw Austin my best friend Allison and I were the first ones to talk to him. When I saw him I told him, “HI, remember me?” and he said, “Susie, of course I remember you! I follow you on twitter! how can i forget about you?! I love you so much!” When austin said that it made me so happy. And then I asked him, “would you be upset if i wrote you another letter and he said, “of course not! i love getting letters!” So, i gave him my letter and he said, “AW, i’m gonna read this!” and then Austin took this picture. :’) and after that, I said, “can i tell you something?” and he said, “YES!” 

I told him, “Because of you i haven’t cut in 61 days. You’ve given me hope to stop cutting and I wanted to thank you for that because I’m here alive because of you! So, thank you for helping me along the way!” then he said, “AW oh my god, wow 61 days?! how does it feel? doesn’t it feel good not hurting yourself anymore? I love you okay. I’m gonna be hanging out later on, so we can talk, okay? I love you” then he gave me another hug.

After all that, my best friend Miriam told Austin, “I wanna thank you for helping my best friend. Because of you she’s survived, so thank you!” and he said, “Aw, take care of her, okay?!” 

Later on, I saw him walking around and people were in line to meet him, so me and my friends decided to wait in line. Austin saw us and he said, “I want you, you, and you to take a picture with me on MY PHONE!” he wanted me, Sandra and my friend Allison to take a picture with him on his fucking phone. We were like “oh my god! really?!” He said we’re his favorite. So, he asked my best friend Miriam to take the picture of us with his phone. He told her to take four or five! Here’s one of the pictures we took on his phone :-)

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IT WAS LITERALLY THE GREATEST THING IN THE FUCKING WORLD. Then after we took the pictures with him he said, “I want all of us four to hang out later and talk when there isn’t that many people around.” We were all so happy and just touched that he wanted to hang out with us.

The best part about that day was how after the show we went to Jack In The Box and in about ten minutes Austin, Tino and the whole crew walk in. My heart literally stopped. When Austin saw us, he said, “AH my friends!” and hugged us! Then Austin went to go order his food and he walks past our table and he patted my head. It was so cute. He sat next to our table alone with his phone out and he turns around and tells me, “Susie! Check your twitter!” So, I did and he tweeted me saying, “I see you right now. And I love you. ♥”

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And I said, “AWWWW i love you too!” and we both smiled. :’)

After that, right before they left he stopped at our table to say bye and he hugged me for the longest. When he hugged me I whispered in his ear, “Thank you for everything!” And he said, “Susie, you’re my favorite and I love you! See you at Warped!” I hugged him even tighter omg I didn’t wanna let him go but I did eventually. He was such a sweetheart. I am just so happy that my hero loves and cares about me. 

YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND MY LOVE FOR Austin Carlile. I owe him the world. 


Austin was gonna take a picture of us, but my camera was on video oh MY GOD HE’S SO PERFECT IM GONNA CRY :’) 

I’ll post the story right now :)

i don’t do any of this to get attention, and I can’t believe people are hating on me for this. im doing this for ME and to let people know who are struggling that YOU CAN do this too. i just wanted austin to know because he’s like my big brother and i wouldn’t have made it this far if it wasn’t for him inspiring me to stay planted.
i just want you all to understand that.

oh yeah, this happened yesterday. I got to the point where I needed someone to talk to. I couldn’t take it anymore & the only person that came to mind was Austin since he was following me on twitter & he knows everything since i told him everything in the letter i gave him during meet & greet at Outbreak Tour. So, I sent him a direct message saying I needed someone to talk to and whatnot & this was his response. I read it and I just started bawling my eyes out. He cares. <3 For the people that say, Austin is a douche. YOU are dead wrong. Austin is the sweetest guy on earth. He amazes me of how much he cares for his fans. The fact that he was willing to help me made me feel SO much better. Because of him I’m getting better. He saved my life. Of Mice & Men saved my life. He gives me strength. I love him so much you don’t understand. He gives me hope. He’s my hero. I look at this every time & it makes me feel better. He cares & that just means a lot to me. Austin, thank you for everything. Thank you, for showing me that someone cares. I love you. <3


I’m sorry if this is long, but I hope it’s worth reading it. 

I got reunited with Austin yesterday and it was the best day of my entire life. He sent me a direct message on twitter saying he was in the hospital during the show before their set and I was so worried until he showed up on stage and played the entire set. Austin is so dedicated and I have so much respect for him. Anyways, during their set Austin gave me two shout outs. He kept looking at me smiling, and holding my hand. Then, after one of their songs, he looked straight at me with such a cute smile and said, “Hi Susie!” And waving at me in front of the whole crowd it made me so happy :) He kept putting the mic in my face like 3 times, so I can sing AND IT WAS PERFECT.

After the show, I went outside to see if he was outside. My friend Miriam met him before I did. Miriam told Austin if he knew where I was, and he said, “No, i don’t. You lost Susie!” Austin was all worried because he thought I was lost until he saw me and his smile made me smile. Austin told me to wait 10-15 minutes till he meets every fan, so he can have more time with me, and he said he has something to give ME. Then, I told him “you sure you’ll come back” and he said, “aw how can you say that? You don’t believe me? That breaks my heart. haha I swear I will. And I also have to take a picture of you wearing the Aspire & Create shirt to put it on instagram duh!” And I was like “awe okay!” So, i stepped aside so he can meet everyone else, and Austin said to me, “Susie’s not cool enough, next! haha” as a joke hahaha and I just laughed because he’s such a butthead. Then, Austin went inside the bus for a few minutes, and he comes back with two water bottles one for me and one for my best friend Allison. He was such a sweetheart. We were so thirsty after the show, and we didn’t even ask him for water. As i was waiting for him, it made me so happy to see all the fans talk to austin because i can see how happy they were and it made me smile. When it was my turn, we both hugged each other, and didn’t let go go for a while. I whispered into his ear, how i was so happy to see him, and how i was gonna cry. He said, “Don’t cry, I love you!” Then, I told him how i brought him gifts. I made him a scrapbook, a special note that i put in a frame that went along with my key necklace I was giving him. His face when I gave him the key necklace made me wanna cry because he looked so happy, and honored. He told me how he loved it so much! I told him how he doesn’t have to wear it, and he’s all like, “what?! Of course I’m gonna wear it!” After that, I asked him if he could write a note for me, and he did. It’s up above in the photo set. :) I didn’t read it till I was in the car. I cried so hard, because I can’t believe Austin considers me as one of his best friends. Austin gave me a gift. He gave me a lightsaber. He said, he wrote a note on it. He put my name on it, and he wrote, “SUSIE! I am so proud of you! Keep adding onto the 160 days and remember you always have ME ♥” I cried even more. Because of Austin I haven’t cut myself in 160+ days. He’s the only one who actually helped me overcome self harm. I haven’t fully recovered, but I’m trying my hardest every single day. He kept hugging me, and I smell like Austin afterwards. He let me borrow his cute hat thing omfg it was the greatest thing ever.  I made everyone sing him happy early birthday, and it was the cutest thing ever because he was smiling so big! :) I got to hang out with Austin for like two hours outside their bus. Then when everyone left we went at the back where all the buses where and we talked some more. He told me, my best friend Allison and Sandra how he was so excited to see us! He wanted to spent time with us. He saw how we were wearing Aspire & Create, and he took a picture of us, and posted it on instagram! :) Hanging out with Austin was honestly the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. When I left he gave me one last hug, and I whispered into his ear, “I’m gonna miss you! I love you so much!” And he whispers into mine like with such emotion and said to me, “I’m gonna miss you too! I love you! Smile, for me okay?” And we hugged for a while, and I had to leave since It was getting so late. Austin even thanked my friend for bringing us to the show to hang out with him it made me so happy. If you don’t think Austin is such an amazing and caring person after reading this, you probably never will. I love my best friend/hero so much. <3

Austin brings me so much happiness. :) I’m so glad I have him in my life too!

this happened last month, but i just never posted it on here. Austin stopped me from relapsing that day. I was honestly at my breaking point and I hit rock bottom. I was starting to get bad again, and austin knows everything about me. He knows about my depression, self harm, brain disorder and he knows everything that my parents don’t. I was so close into giving up that day until i reached out to him how I wasn’t gonna make it to my one year clean streak, and minutes later he sent me a DM on twitter. He stopped me from relapsing. He’s helped me more than anyone ever could, and NOTHING is ever gonna change that. I have his back, and he has mine. Thanks to Austin I’m gonna be one year clean from self harm next week, and he keeps me going. He helps me stay planted. He’s like my big brother, and I look up to him. He needs us ALL now more than ever. He never let any of us down before, and we should do the same and stick by his side. He deserves to be treated with love and respect. Do you guys remember how sick he was a few weeks ago, and he was starting to recover and now this happened. Give him a break. He needs us, and we need him to rise back UP.

Phone call with Austin:

okay so my friend Emily went to warped today, and she wanted to find austin, so she can thank him for everything’s he’s done for me. She was looking for him everywhere and she finally found him, and when emily told austin about tomorrow being my 100th day without self harming. He told emily, “Do you have her number, can i call her?” so, austin called me from emily’s phone but her battery died SO THEN AUSTIN CALLED ME FROM HIS PHONE, so he has my number now and he said he’ll talk to me soon.

Here’s our phone call: *i hear Austin talking to emily*

Me: Austin?!

Austin: Noooo hahah *in a joking way* SUSSSSIIIE HIIIIII

Me: oh my god you liar HI I miss you so much

Austin: hahah aw I love you

Me: I wanted to tell you something. guess what tomorrow is?!

Austin: I know what it is, it’s your 100 day with out self harming. Your friend told me. She’s standing right next to me

Me: I seriously wouldn’t have done it without your help. I promise you I’m gonna try my best to not do it to myself anymore because I wanna get better. 

Austin: I love you. Please don’t do it anymore. Do it half for me and half for you

Me: I promise I’ll try my best. I wouldn’t have made it this far if it wasn’t for your help.

Austin: GOOD! I love you. I have your number now so I’ll talk to you soon. I have to go now byeeee I love you.

Me: I love you more

Austin: aw hahah byeeee Susie!

Then we hung up AND I am literally shaking AND crying because Austin is perfect I made him laugh three times. My goal was accomplished in making him laugh omg

Also, Emily told me that when she told Austin about tomorrow being my 100th day he looked so sincere and said “wow” and that’s when Austin wanted to call me. She said he was smiling the whole time I was on the phone with him


part 3- austin had the whole band sign this as a gift for me for making it one year clean from self harm, and I didn’t expect him to give me anything and the fact that he did made me so happy to have such a hero and a big brother like austin :-)