austin powers series

Literally the End of The Bad Beginning

Klaus Baudelaire : I just think, like, he hates us. I really think he wants to kill me and my sisters.

Arthur Poe : He doesn’t really want to kill you…

Count Olaf : No, actually, the boy is quite astute. I really am trying to kill them, but so far unsuccessfully. …They’re quite wily.

shit i’ve actually said starters.

  • ❝I just didn’t wanna answer the door wearing SpongeBob booty shorts.❞
  • ❝I hate Christmas! I HATE IT!!❞
  • ❝I don’t really hate Christmas. I was quoting the Grinch when I said that.❞
  • ❝Yeah, sorry Santa. False alarm.❞
  • ❝Finding Dory was truly what changed 2016 for the almost-better.❞
  • ❝Your two options are spicy meatball and nonexistent meatball.❞
  • ❝Hurry up and make up your mind.❞
  • ❝I’m not just standing over here doing jumping jacks for my health, you know!❞
  • ❝Wait, that came out wrong.❞
  • ❝No one wanted to believe me when I said I was stupid.❞
  • ❝You need to lowkey stop whatever you’re lowkey doing.❞
  • ❝In all seriousness, you can just play New Jack Swing at my funeral.❞
  • ❝Like, just tell a rousing speech about my life, and then start dancing to “Poison” or something.❞
  • ❝That girl / boy is poison!❞
  • ❝It was Robbie Rotten! HE WAS NUMBER ONE!
  • ❝It’s too cold outside, and it’s raining.❞
  • ❝Why are you looking at me like that? I’ve gotta maintain my “burning in the flames” aesthetic at all times.❞
  • ❝Don’t go chasin’ waterfalls. You should just chase, like, a small babbling brook or something.❞
  • ❝I’m definitely the best at quoting old, random, and obscure song lyrics.❞
  • ❝I’m second only to Satan, maybe.❞
  • ❝We’ve got an ongoing competition going on, so stay tuned.❞
  • ❝Wanna go running later?❞
  • ❝Well, I was thinking we could go sprinting through the Red Light District.❞
  • ❝I took a trip down to a local graveyard once. I thought, “Wow, that’s a lot of dead people.”❞
  • ❝I can’t eat Frosted Flakes. I mean, I CAN, but I don’t want to.❞
  • ❝Me and Tony the Tiger have a long, ugly history, okay? Don’t ask.❞
  • ❝I’m only hugging you because you approached me with your arms spread out.❞
  • ❝I was just like, “Oh. Hey, Satan.”
  • ❝He told me to tell you he hates you and wants you dead.❞
  • ❝Basically, he said he wanted to consume my soul. And then he started quoting Disturbed.❞
  • ❝I wish I was joking. But unfortunately, I’m not.❞
  • ❝Is that Bleach’s third opening theme I hear?❞
  • ❝My dream is to be able to do the screamo part.❞
  • ❝I should keep on dreaming, right?❞
  • A-HA!
  • ❝I have located the vibe!❞
  • ❝Fasten your seatbelts! It’s about to get LIT!❞
  • “I really wanna post extensive documentation of this LIVE BIRTH on Instagram!”——has no sane person ever thought ONCE in their entire life.❞
  • ❝I hate you so fucking much, in the most tender and loving way.❞
  • ❝You never know——maybe they’ll have FaceTime in Hell?❞
  • ❝Please pass the pain and suffering…❞
  • ❝Please pass the happiness and rainbows.❞
  • ❝So… no cummies?❞
  • ❝I love you, dawg.❞
  • ❝Yeah——I love you. I just said that.❞
  • ❝So I chilled with Santa Claus the other day.❞
  • ❝Guess what? You’re getting nothing for Christmas!❞
  • ❝Santa told me he wouldn’t even waste coal on you.❞
  • ❝You have consistently chosen to keep acting the fool.❞
  • ❝Eating food is only important to people who want to continue living…❞
  • ❝I just had the most disgusting canned soup of my entire life.❞
  • ❝Yo, can I get yo’ number?❞
  • ❝Zodiac is life, brah.❞
  • ❝I want to marry an Aries.❞
  • ❝I want to meet a nice, beautiful Virgo man and fall in love.❞
  • ❝Just because you proved via the Scientific Method and extensive research that it’s not true, it doesn’t mean that it isn’t true!❞
  • ❝My kindergarten teacher implied that I had the highest reading level in the class once. It’s been the foundation of my self-confidence ever since.❞
  • ❝Oh. Sorry. Continue on with your marriage proposal.❞
  • ❝Only your taste in music can rival mine.❞
  • ❝Heaven could just be a continuous loop of the Austin Powers series, and I’d be in bliss.❞
  • ❝Awww, that was so cash money of you to say!❞
  • ❝I’ve raised you well, poodle.❞
  • ❝Dude! They’re not even poodles!❞