one of my fave things about australian politics is that it’s almost entirely made up of old white men who have no idea what they’re doing, no-one trusts them, they’re all racist fools who put us in debt, every single one of them has been thoroughly humiliated on tv at least once

and then there’s penny wong, a left-wing malaysian lesbian who is quite literally the only australian politician i know of never to have made a fool of herself. she’s never lost a debate. she is five feet of rage, climate change action, and whoop-ass. everyone i know wants her to be prime minister but she’s literally said she doesn’t think australia could handle it. i love her

anonymous asked:

Okay I'm an idiot for not seeing the prompts. If it's still open, can you do the prompt "Reading ancient books, never a good idea" with Foxma?

This… is all that came when I started writing. I’m so sorry.

Dogma frowned as he watched Fox go through the ancient books on the old shelf, and shook his head and Fox pulled one down and set it on the table between them. Dogma had just wanted to write his essay for politics and magic with his fiance for company, but no, Fox decided to do his essay on an ancient book, rather than one from their century.

“You know, I’m not really an expert, but usually, reading ancient books? Never a good idea.” He told his partner. Fox just smiled at him.

“Come on, Dogma, it’s just a book. What could go wrong?”

Dogma wasn’t surprised when the house was destroyed by a tornado when Fox opened the book.

if you’re struggling for AU ideas take a look-see at this list i wrote for my friend who dubbed it “better than the 10 commandments" 

1)     Coffee shop AU

i)       Barista and person who has a ridiculous coffee order

ii)      I’m worried about your coffee dependency

iii)     you accidentally poured boiling hot coffee over me so you’re responsible for taking me to A&E

iv)     you give me a different fake name every time you come into starbucks and I just want to know your real name bc ur cute but here I am scrawling “batman” onto your stupid cappuccino

2)      Flower shop AU

i)       You buy a weird amount of flowers and I’m concerned as to why

ii)      I’m allergic to flowers but I work in a flower shop – you’re a customer who’s very confused as to why I’d do that

iii)     (this is also a good way to incorporate flower meanings eg, buying certain colours/types for person to represent feelings etc.)

3)      Library AU

i)       You’re overdue on this book and I want it so I’m tracking u the fuck down

ii)      I work in the library and I’m a little concerned for your health bc you never stop studying

iii)     The library’s pretty empty save for you and me and OH that couple making out loudly in the shelves somewhere

4)      Awful first time meeting

i)       I accidentally punched you in the face when I was too overexcited about something

ii)      I thought you were my friend who’s just done something awful to me (read: cut my hair while I slept, dyed all of my clothes pink, etc. etc.) because you look similar from behind so I stormed up to you and shoved you from behind while calling you an asshole

iii)     You get the gist to this one

iv)     Oooh when you told me your name I thought you were joking because it’s fucking awful and I made a joke about it and things got awkward real fucking fast (perfect for a Hannibal au just saying)

5)      Weird places to meet/awkward meetings in general

i)       We live in the same block of flats but haven’t ever talked and Sunday morning we were both doing the walk of shame and had to stand in the lift together

ii)      “okay I know that being in the woods at 2am is a weird thing to be doing but my friend called me and- wait, why are you in the woods at 2am, fuck I’m going to die aren’t I?”

iii)     A personal favourite of mine – first day at a new job and oh fuck my boss is the person I drunkenly hooked up with last weekend/night

iv)     We keep accidentally running into each other I’m not a stalker I swear

v)      You live across from me in our apartments and we smile when we see each other but we don’t really know each other and oh you’re the stripper at my friend’s stag do/hen night fuck this is really uncomfortable

vi)     “My shower’s broken but I’ve got a date tonight could I possibly use your shower please?” “Oh sure (neighbour that I’ve been crushing on for the past six months) of course you can use my shower to get ready for your date (fuck fuck fuck)”

6)      Friends to romance – pining and all that wonderful shit

i)       You’ve got a date tonight and you asked for advice on what to wear but I’m so in love with you and damn you look good in the outfit I picked out for you

ii)      I really like you but you’re my best friend’s ex

iii)     You’ve liked me for ages and were really obvious about it and I didn’t like all the attention but now you’re over me I really miss it and fuck I think I like you too?

iv)     Somewhere along the way of getting into bar fights together, staying up all night with movie marathons, other friendship things, I’ve fallen in love with you but oh my god this could ruin EVERYTHING

v)      Friends with benefits oh wait I like you


i)       It’s my highschool reunion and I need a hot date so I can rub it in the faces of the people who hated me

ii)      My homophobic parents are coming to visit will you pretend to date me as an extra “fuck you”?

iii)     There’s a person who won’t stop bugging me will you pretend to be my partner so that they’ll fuck off?

iv)     I told my sister I have a boyfriend so she’d stop trying to set me up with people but now she’s coming to visit and I’m in too deep I need a fake boyf ASAP

8)      Soulmate aus

i)       The first words your true love(s) will say to you are tattooed on you and why the fuck are their first words something really ridiculous like ‘I’ll pay you a tenner to punch me in the face’ or ‘quick what’s your favourite animal’ or ‘fucking shit hell holy fuck wow oh my god jesus h Christ fuck me’ etc. or even worse a really ridiculous song lyric like  the opening lines of uptown funk or a high school musical song or smthing did you have to serenade me the first time you saw me asshole?

ii)      You get an ‘impression’ of your soulmate when you turn 18 or something but all I got was a strong smell of bananas or an overwhelming feeling that Thatcher was a good prime minister or an image in my mind of a fucking unicorn

iii)     The more ridiculous the better actually

iv)     Something like whenever your soulmate sings a duet you can’t help but join in and my fucking soulmate is in a goddamn band but I can’t sing for shit

v)      Or maybe something like soulmates always sneeze at the same time and I cant be sure but me and this kid in my French class just sneezed at the same time are we soulmates or was it a coincidence (proceed w character trying to make themselves sneeze around said person to see what’s what)

9)      Alternate universes for real

i)       Mermaids

ii)      Siren and asexual pirate who doesn’t understand why all his crew are losing their shit that person has a nice voice sure but what the fuck is happening

iii)     Hogwarts

iv)     We live in a world where the greek gods are real and you went and got yourself cursed and now I have to go on a fucking quest to sort this shit out why do I love you again?

v)      Pacific rim au (either they’re drift compatible or one of them is a ranger and the other stresses constantly bc what if they die yes I have read a fic like this no I didn’t come up with this one but it’s fucking good) (also if you haven’t seen that film go watch it now)

vi)     Literally any movie or book universe you like tbh just go for it

10)   Other aus that I like

i)       I wanted to go on the ferris wheel but there has to be two people to a cart come on random person let’s go oh wait are we stuck at the top? Fuck

ii)      We work in the same office and you have a goddamn squeaky chair and you wONT FUCKING STOP SQUEAKING IT BECAUSE YOU KNOW IT ANNOYS ME

iii)     Our mutual friend set us up on a blind date and I thought I’d hate it but you’re actually… kind of funny? But because I expected to hate it in no way am I going to let you change my mind just because you’re gorgeous and funny and intelligent oh no my friend is not winning this

iv)     It started to snow and I’m the only one of our friends who would go outside with you – I soon found out why none of the others would go out in the snow with you (this works best if they’re new friends who don’t know each other all that well) when you shoved a handful of snow down my back and declared snow war

v)      It’s nowhere near Christmas it’s literally still November would you calm down about Christmas wait no why are you getting the tree out no stop please stop (if you do this pre-relationship you can have the grouchy one secretly finding the other’s excitement endearing and falling in love with them actually that works for established relationship too)

vi)     Current partner got a new job in America (or other country far away) and we’re getting by on skype calls and emails but it’s not easy and then I met someone new (can be poly or can be finding the OTP person)

vii)   You want us both to get in shape and I hate working out/running but your ass looks really good in shorts oh the things I do for my friends and their nice asses

viii)  Carrying on from 10.vii. you’ve caught me checking you out in what I thought was a subtle way too many times and now you’re calling me out on it what do I do???

ix)     You’re an actor/other famous person that I really admire and I just saw you in the street and as I was debating whether or not to say hi you came up to me and started flirting what do I do??

x)      You were waving at your friend behind me but I got confused and waved back at you and now I’m dying of embarrassment but you think it’s cute

xi)     I sat down in the wrong class and I’m panicking but don’t want to get up and leave because the class has started and you think it’s hilarious and shut up you dumb fuck you don’t know me aahhh

xii)   I’m a waiter at this wedding and you’re a drunk guest who will not stop hitting on me please I’m trying to work no I can’t dance with you omg let me find you some water

xiii)  Our best friends are that awful ‘cute’ couple that make-out in public and call each other “sweetie” and “sugar” and “babe” and god they’re awful let’s talk about how awful they are – develops into “shit we’re the awful couple now”

xiv)  You pissed me off in class so I threw a book at your head and now I’m in detention and jesus fuck I hate you so much and the teacher made me apologise and wait you’re cuter up close and the way you talk is kind of nice actually oh fuck no

Okay I could go on forever but this is over 1,500 words of auing already I have too many ideas christ

send me some to @theskyis-forever with a pairing for me to write :)

we’ve all heard of the fake dating trope… but have u considered.. fake exes trope…..

  • ‘my new romance-obsessed friend asked me who my last date was with and i was too embarrassed to say i’ve never been on a date so i blurted your name and it turns out they know you’ au
  • ‘i didn’t want to tell my friend who my real date last night was so i just pointed at a random stranger (you) but now they’re storming over to interrogate you and you’re playing along??? okay’ au
  • ‘a mutual friend tried to introduce us, but we already knew each other from LARPing but we’re both too embarrassed to admit that so i jokingly said we used to date and oh god now our friend wont stop interrogating us about it’ au
  • ‘im egging your house for a dare but your parent is a cop and they’re yelling at me so i told them that you were my ex and you wronged me and now you’re coming outside and please go along with this i don’t want to go to jail’ au
  • ‘my current partner is a huge asshole and i need a reason to break up with them so will you pretend to be my possessive and violent ex’ au
  • ‘we’re contestants on a reality show and we kind of hate each other so the producers told us to pretend to be warring exes for the ratings so now we keep inventing crazier and crazier things the other did while we were dating’ au
cute weather/seasonal AUs for your OTP

when it rains 

  • who wears the designer raincoat/umbrella set and who is wearing oversized polkadot rainboots and a huge yellow duck raincoat 
  • going for a walk in the rain and splashing in puddles 
  • making a “SPLASH US!!” sign and standing on the side of the road waiting for cars to drive by 
  • person A is Very Enthusiastic about thunderstorms and person B is Very Afraid so A makes up elaborate fake explanations abt where the thunder comes from to make B laugh and forget they were scared 
  • We Were Going To Go On A Picnic But It Rained So We’re Picknicking Inside Anyway 
  • which one seduces the other into standing under a tree before shaking the branch and soaking them 
  • gOING SWIMMING IN THE RAIN and making out maybe 


  • which one gets Super Excited for fall and gets pumpkin everything while the other one shakes their head and can’t wait until mint everything 
  • who rakes the leaves; who jumps into the pile 
  • one carves the pumpkin, the other one stares horrified and whispers, ‘YOU DIDN’T TELL ME YOU WERE GONNA KILL IT’
  • which one buys ugly baggy sweaters and which one actually wears them 
  • one person wears fingerless gloves the other wears fluffy mittens 
  • who buys mulled cider, who buys hard cider 
  • who wears the really intense halloween costume, who wears a sheet with holes in it 
  • which person asks to do a seance in the graveyard halloween night, which one slaps them and says ‘have you ever SEEN a horror movie??”


  • BUILDING SNOWFAMILIES including their pets, house, dog, car,,,, 
  • Who builds the snowman, who eats the carrot nose bc they weren’t paying attention (”OH THATS what the carrot was for, my bad”) 
  • “Maybe Jack Frost isn’t nipping at your nose, but I can do that instead ;)” “Oh my god shut up”
  • who-can-find-the-tackiest-decorations contest that gets super intense and oh god did we really need a second tree and the plastic santa and the rainbow menorah and all of these garlands jesus christ 
  • who makes hot chocolate from scratch, who mixes it with a candy cane and calls it a day 
  • watching cartoon holiday movies together in a blanket cocoon and singing along to the songs bc lets be real everyone does it
  • snowball fights that end up forming barricades complete with les mis references and backup snowballs until person A is covered in snow and person B has to dig them out 
  • oh no we stayed out too long and need to warm up better share the shower/hot chocolate to conserve resources 
  • Who dumps snow down their partner’s neck and runs away laughing 
  • person A burying person B in snow and then kissing their forehead and walking away (”YOU MOTHERFUCKER YOU CANT LEAVE ME HERE” “I love you too I’ll be back!” “EXCUSE ME”) 
  • who wears the oversized scarf and hat, who wears a t shirt and skinny jeans no matter how cold it is (”DUDE ITS FUCKING -15″ “that’s WARM where I come from”) 
Theatre Kid AUs

-that stage kiss WAS NOT SCRIPTED WTF
- I’m the stage manager and you’re the cocky lead who won’t SHUT UP backstage PEOPLE CAN HEAR YOU
-for closing night bets you slipped me tongue during our stage kiss what the fuck do I do
-we’re not playing the romantic leads but everyone ships our characters and they keep making us take pictures together in costume (I kind of love it)
-we’re in the chorus together and you never know what the notes are so you have to stand impossibly close to me to listen and it just makes me mess up and I SWEAR TO GOD ARE YOU DOING THAT ON PURPOSE
-everyone in the show has to wear makeup I swear I will wrestle you into this chair if I have to
-oh my god you’re doing my makeup and you’re so close and I can’t breathe
-I may have learned your romantic lead’s part and then attempted to take them out the night of the show
-we made out in the light booth
-this is the first time I’ve seen you in costume and holy fuck how do you look so good in that

soulmate AU prompts

- the voice you hear your thoughts in is your soulmate’s but you don’t know who they are until you hear them speak for the first time

- your soulmate’s initials are imprinted in your skin of your hand at birth and the letters burn more intensely as the day you meet them grows closer

- you’ve only ever seen your soulmate in your dreams but you can never remember what they look like, the imaginary life you have with them picks up wherever it leaves off when you fall asleep again. but the dreams stop after you meet them, but you have no way of know who they are because you still can’t remember their face

- your soulmate’s hair color is the color of your eyes. the color of your eyes also changes to match the color of their hair if they dye it

- you think you have a sleepwalking problem but it’s really just the universe trying to bring you to your soulmate when your mind is disengaged

- you’ve been sketching your soulmate’s face since you were old enough to pick up a pencil, the drawings become more realistic through the years as the day you meet comes near

- you’re born with a band of your soulmate’s skin color tattooed in your skin

- all of your dreams are your soulmate’s most significant memories from that given day

Pre-relationship things for your ships (Based off of real experiences)
  • Finding excuses to touch each other in little ways {Example: “whoa your hands look so little let’s compare” / “you had something in your hair” / “my hands are so cold feel them”}
  • Singing with each other when their favorite songs come on the radio and laughing awkwardly when their friends say they sound great together. 
  • One noticing that the other has been having a bad day and giving them a hug to try comforting them. 
  • Throwing stuff (grass, paper, etc.) at each other and laughing until their friends yell “get a room already!” 
  • One slowly becoming more comfortable with physical affection - but only if it’s coming from the other. Anyone else will get slapped. 
  • Sitting a little too close to each other and trying to act casual about it while their friends silently wink at them. 
  • Person A finding out that Person B has a crush on them when A’s best friend tells them that B has been talking to them about their feelings for A on Facebook/email/whatever. 
  • One tracking the other down at lunch and making them accept food that they personally made because they know the other person doesn’t have a lunch that day. 
  • One noticing the other looks sore and offering to work on their shoulders for them. 
  • Constantly insulting each other as a form of affection. When their friends finally ask why they hate each other so much, they immediately laugh, put their arms around each other’s shoulders, and say that they actually don’t hate each other and that they’re actually “offensive soulmates.” 
  • Having a playful flirty argument about the rules of the board game they’re playing. {Example: ”You rigged the dice. You’re such a cheater.” “Why would I rig the dice? That’s your job.”}
  • One singing karaoke and purposefully choosing a song that they know is meaningful to the other person. 
  • Sitting next to each other on a long bus/car ride and one realizing that they’re actually getting very tired, but it’ll be a cold day in hell before they fall asleep on- oops. 
  • ‘Platonically’ and ‘sarcastically’ saying “wow, rude. Love you too, (Name),” after the other teases/insults them. 
A list of random dumb AUs
  • “We were all given assigned seats on our bus because shit went down too many times and now you’re my seat buddy and I don’t want the rest of the year to be awkward”
  • “I always see you in the mall I work at and you always look upset so I made you some cookies now cheer up, Mr. Grumpypants”
  • “Hey we kissed once in kindergarten but I haven’t seen you since and I couldn’t remember why you were so familiar”
  • “It’s 3am and you’re the only person in McDonald’s right now and why do I have to work the night shift”
  • “My friend is out of town and I’m supposed to be taking care of his pet fish but it died and you work at the pet store help me find one that looks the same so he won’t notice" 
  • "We’re sitting in a food court and I can see you staring at me so what’s your fucking deal- wait are you drawing me?”
  • “We’re always both in the apartments’ fitness center at 3 am”
  • “I drive to school and you walk and I drive past you everyday and it’s below freezing and you’re still walking please just get in the damn car I’ll drive you”
  • “You’ve walked past the bakery I work at and stared longingly at one of the pies at least 4 times today I’ll buy it for you if you just stop”
  • “I’m not actually the person you were set up on a blind date with but I was eating alone and you asked if I was someone else and wow you’re cute so of course I said yes and now you think my name is something it isn't”
  • “My destination was actually a few blocks back but you are the most interesting uber driver I’ve had so I changed it to spend more time with you but I seriously do need to be somewhere else so can you turn around”
  • “You parked in the parking space I always use so I wrote a note and put it on your car and you put one on mine the next day and now we have been writing notes for over a week just tell me your phone number to make this easier”
  • “People used to tell us we should date and now we graduate in like two weeks and I am starting to agree with them so can I have your number before I never see you again”
  • “We both came here to buy the same movie but there is only one dvd left let’s split the cost and watch it together I have popcorn at home”
  • “I took advice from my friend and pretended to trip in front of you to get your attention except I fell harder than I thought and now my arm is broken can you drive me to the doctor please”
  • “We are both too short to see well at this concert so how about we alternate sitting on each other’s shoulders, we can switch every song or something”
  • “My friend bet me 20 bucks that I wouldn’t walk up to a random underclassman and ask them to senior prom and I’m about to be 20 dollars richer and, no, that doesn’t invalidate the question, you’re actually really cute”
  • “Somehow every time I have a dentist appointment you do too and you always sit next to me in the waiting room and ask me ‘what are you in for’ as if we are in prison and this has been happening for almost two years who are you”
  • “I play the guitar on a street corner sometimes for some extra cash and you usually give me a dollar or two but today you brought a violin and joined in? And we made almost three times what I usually do holy shit you’re talented”
  • “I’ve worked at this dollar store for 3 years and you are the first person I’ve ever had to kick out, what are you, fourteen?”
the weirdest shit that’s come out of aussie parliament
Hanging Out Washing In Australia In Summer
  • Sydney:Hang out washing, go to collect in half hour - bone dry.
  • Hobart:Hang out washing, go to collect in half hour - hasn't dried at all, has probably been rained on.
  • Melbourne:Hang out washing, get sunburnt in raging sunlight whilst doing so, go to collect in half hour - wet again, as it's now raining.
  • Brisbane:Hang out washing, go to collect in half hour - still has that damp kinda feeling because even the clothes are sweating; why so humid?
  • Canberra:hang out washing, go to collect in half hour - Tony Abbott is tangled in your clothesline and you have to beat him away with a broom.
  • Darwin:Hang out washing, go to collect in half hour - washing has blown away, time for a new wardrobe.
  • Perth:Hang out washing, go to collect in half hour - washing gone, claimed by great white shark.