auntie em's

pjo musical: the rundown

so i went to see the lightning thief with @angelicomma yesterday and um. oKAY GUYS GALS AND NONBINARY PALS LEMME TELL U ABOUT THIS MOTHER!FUCKIN! SHOW!!!! because it was SO GOOD this is just like. the short list of what i loved about it because oh my god 

prepare for the longest post ever 

  • the set was such an aesthetic? it was all very metallic like there was scaffolding and greek columns with graffiti on them? it was very chb and very nyc and overall a Blessing 
  • every time they needed to show a different location they’d do it with the lights so like there were these lights lining the scaffolding that would change color ?? in the underworld they’d flash red, yellow and orange and were made to look like fire and near the ocean theyd be blue and if they were talking about trees itd be green and! if they wanted u to focus on a certain part of the scaffolding it’d be a different light color than any of the other parts which was rad af
  • the overhead lights were used really well too like when percy was singing about being the son of poseidon or when there was water the lights would be blue and when they were in the forest theyd be green
  • there is an entire song about how they hate new jersey and how they refuse to die in the garden state. know this
  • the show was very low budget like oh my god it was great
  • they didnt make some of their own props so sally walked in once with a trader joe’s bag and also the most important bag in the world (containing the master bolt) was a fucking jansport 
  • their representation of water was just to attach toilet paper rolls to leaf blowers and turn the overhead lights blue like what even
  • they covered the first 4 rows in toilet paper at one point 
  • also they fuckin deca-casted everyone except for percy (chris mccarrell, the light of my life actually he was so good) 
  • jonathan raviv played chiron, auntie em, random chb girl in a bike helmet and braids (?), random tractor guy (?), a bus driver, a train conductor, hades, and poseidon and im probably missing someone. he had very distinctive characters for all of them not to mention horse puns 
    • “the gods are kind of dicks”
    • medusa’s eyes were just light up swim goggles
  • sarah beth pfeifer, who probably has the best comic timing ive seen ever, played clarisse, katie gardner, a fucking squirrel?, mrs. dodds, lotus casino girl, random camper assistant to mr. d, and thalia 
    • *chases annabeth down a flight of stairs with a sword while screaming* 
    • “for their sixteenth birthdays my friends all got cars. I got a fern and a mason jar!” 
    • “ARROWS ARE MADE WITH WOOD. I REFUSE TO PARTICIPATE IN AN ACTIVITY THAT CONDONES VIOLENCE AGAINST OUR ARBOR BRETHREN!”
  • they had the most roles and they were GREAT 
  • george salazar was such a wonderful grover and mr d oh man 
    • mr d’s whole gag was he’d kick a chair when he got pissed which was hysterical bc the camper assistant would start pouting every time and he also wanted to turn percy into a dolphin 
    • “grover, are you ever going to wear pants again?” “NOPE!” 
    • his solo song was about thalia and how he couldnt save her talk about EMOTIONAL he cried
    • dam jokes
      • we might have more drachmas if you didnt spend them on those DAM SNACKS” “HEY! IT WAS THE HOOVER DAM” 
  • let me talk about. carrie compere for like multiple hot seconds bc GODDAMN GIRL CAN SANG 
  • she was such a good sally. can she be my mom. she sang a song abt percy being special and wonderful and i got a lil teary 
    • “you saved my life, percy. It’s time i learned how to live it.” cryin g 
  • her silena was really funny? like very whiny but very funny.
    •  “every time i bring a boy home, my mom’s there in her nightie […] she steals my mascara and all my dates!” 
  • she also played sort of charon? underworld guide in this awesome gold dress (she looked SO GOOD) who smacked grover’s goat ass (?????) 
    • “you know, bringing people to the underworld isn’t my only job. I also have a band. wanna hear a demo?” “not really?” “sorry, i can’t hear you over this SWEET ASS RIFF” 
    • We got everyone! we got kurt kobain, we got beethoven. any requests?” “um, do you have josh groban?” “we will.” 
  • JAMES! HAYDEN ! RODRIGUEZ! was sO GOOD AS LUKE
  • THERE WAS A GOOD KID REPRISE AND I WAS SHOOKEN 
    • “being a good kid gets you nowhere at all” bruh 
  • they couldn’t have a scorpion onstage so luke just. fucking stabs percy in the back??? 
  • He was also a really funny ares and gabe!! 
  • ok and my gal KRISTIN STOKES 
    • fun fact abt me and kristin stokes ….. so we were walking in the same direction after stage door and so me and @angelicomma just walked with her….to the train…. she gave us dessert recs…… and talked about the show (she’s so salty about how rangey her big solo is but trust me she was so good on that song) and also waitress with us…. it was the best experience of all time she is so nice and cool and was wearing jurassic park leggings how rad is she oh my god
    • her annabeth? was awesome? she was witty and tough and aggressive and i was ABOUT IT 
    • she called out sexism all the damn time 
      • “annabeth, i get it. do you know how many schools i’ve been kicked out of?” “yeah, percy, but when boys mess up they get a second chance.” 
      • “hey, annabeth, who’s your dad?” “he’s a history professor.” “i thought everyone’s dad was-” “a god? that’s my mom. sexist.” 
        • longest yeah boi ever 
    • the moment where she betrayed luke at the end??? YES GIRL
  • chris mccarrell was such a perfect percy i am elated 
    • “Tartarus? LIKE THE FISH SAUCE???!!!?!?!” 
    • *swings riptide like a lightsaber while making lightsaber noises* 
    • *packages medusa’s head* “To Mount Olympus. Signed, Percy Jackson and Annabeth Chase.” “the gods will think we’re impertinent!” “*winning smile* we are impertinent.” 
    • *pouts* “i know how to hold a sword! like this!” annabeth corrects him and he swings it “oh wow actually that’s a lot easier” 
    • in good kid he was like? running around the stage and climbing the scaffolding and shit? and i cried??? the no mom line was the WORST i wanted to actually scream and his voice is so pretty 
    • and he was so shook by his own powers oh man 
    • he was just. so good at the twelve year old thing it was fantastic he was all fidgety and Dramatic ™ god bless
    • he loves sally so much!!! all the demigods were salty af abt their parents and he was just quietly singing like “my mom loves hugs and scary movies” and i just. screamed quietly
  • there were rlly cute percabeth moments too. 
    •  percy’s knocked tf out the first time annabeth meets him (she infiltrates his dream a lil) and he sings a lil song abt how she’s beautiful and stuff and he wakes up and she’s all “YOU DROOL IN YOUR SLEEP” shook 
    • she shows up at capture the flag (percy hasnt officially met her yet) and he points at her and was just “gasps YOURE MY DREAM GIRL!” and annabeth side-eyes him hardcore and he goes “UM. THE GIRL. FROM MY DREAM.” 
    • “the god is my mom. sexist.” “NO NO I LOVE GIRLS!” annabeth is shook yet again and percy panics and is like “I MEAN UM THEYRE VERY NICE” 
      • percy gets serious side eye from luke
      • it’s great  
    • when percy gets stabbed they almost kiss and then grover RUNS ONSTAGE “HEY! here’s your ambrosia percy” goddamn it was DRAMATIC
  • im definitely missing shit but oh boy it was so so good
  • i’d kill a man for that soundtrack  
  • if you have the chance (and the money) it’s just. such an Experience and everything i could have ever dreamed of. the cast is great (and theyre all so freakin NICE s/o to kristin especially). 
  • i’d highly recommend it!!! A+ 1000/10

“my grand plan just you wait and see

so eyes up ‘cause I’ll rise up

bring on any challenge”

.

Here’s a little Annabeth from the Lightning Thief Musical. She was amazing. Kristin played her character like flawlessly and “My Grand Plan” really felt like Annabeth. The characterization was really spot on. Here are some few highlights of the great Annabeth in the musical on premiere night:

- Percy seeing her and screaming “You’re my dream girl!”

-Percy going “Oh your mom is-” and Annabeth replies with “Athena. Sexist much?”

- interactions with Luke and Grover

- drinking water halfway to avoid the story of how Athena turned Medusa into a monster

- basically wanted get away from Aunty Em until Aunty Em wanted to take her picture and she’s all like “It’s just one picture”

- then when Percy tells her its not her fault she goes “you’re right, it’s yours!”

- “My Grand Plan” more like the story of my life omg I think I died there

- says “no mom I don’t want to go to the movies, I have a quest.. and homework” in her sleep

- the story of how Thalia became a tree

- disarming Luke when he told her to join

- Annabeth Chase being the Annabae Chase is she in the books ( I just really love her okay?)

anonymous asked:

Mini scenarios of oikawa, Kuroo, and Sugawara how they handle their gf's mischevous nephew who pulls pranks on the boys.

These were fun! And made me super excited because as it turns out I’m gonna be an Auntie soon myself!


“What is this?!”

Her head popped up from the book she was reading to turn to the living room where Oikawa had been with her nephew for the last half hour. The sound of her boyfriend screeching was definitely not a good sign, for sure, but knowing the little devil her nephew could be, she wasn’t very surprised by the noise. “Tooru,” she called, reaching for her bookmark, “everything okay?”

Giggles came her way, the small body of the mini torment came rushing at her with arms wide. She instantly leaned to scoop him up, smiling in return at his grinning face. “What’s you do to Uncle Tooru, huh?” The only answer she received was another fit of laughter, small arms raising to his chest and his shoulders rising; he was claiming nothing, just as he always did when he was the cause of something.

“My hair!”

“Oh, no,” she grinned back at her nephew as she turned into the bathroom where Oikawa was bent over the sink to shove his into the mirror, hands raised over his head. He was unsure of where to dig his fingers into the wildly tangled mess in any attempt to fix it.

“Look!”

There was no stopping the laughter that came from her then which was joined by the small boy’s in her arms, “I don’t know, Tooru, I think it might look better now.”

“Traitor!”


“Both palms of the table,” the eleven-year-old demanded, placing two glasses filled with water on the surface of the table. He waited patiently for Kuroo to do as he was told and didn’t say another word until he saw both hands displayed flat on the surface of the table. “Okay, so you have to balance both glasses without spilling them or else you lose the bet.”

“I know the rules, kid,” Kuroo replied cockily. He almost felt bad making the deal with the kid, but he couldn’t pass it up after the tenth time he had asked. Sending an amused smile to the boy’s aunt, he gave her a wink, smile tugging wider when she rolled her eyes at him. Turning back to her nephew, he watched as the boy carefully set both glasses on top of the back of his hands, waiting until they were perfectly balanced before taking his hands away.

There was a beat of silence as all of their eyes remained on the cups, breath stopping as they anticipated them to fall, but… they remained still; unmoving.

“Ha!” the laugh of triumph left Kuroo’s lips, his head whipping towards the small boy who appeared completely unfazed, “sorry, kid, maybe next time.”

The boy shrugged, an ‘oh, well’ leaving his lips as he rounded the table, hand taking his aunt’s and pulling her from the kitchen with the suggestion of watching a movie for the evening. And they were gone, leaving Kuroo stranded with two hands trapped under two glasses of water. He paused, staring at his hands, brows furrowing. Slowly, the genius of this small boy hit him hard; looks like he was the loser today.

“Hey,” he finally called, “I’m stuck.”

The laughter that erupted from the living room came as no surprise to him in the slightest.


“Time for bed, Bud,” she informed the ten-year-old who was sprawled out on the living room floor, eyes on the screen of the television, which didn’t move despite the words of his aunt. She stepped over him, hands on her hips as she leaned over him, “Come on, your mom will kill me if I let you stay up past eight again.”

“Five more minutes,” he delivered the counter offer without removing his gaze from the television.

“Now.”

“Three more minutes,” he continued to haggle.

“Fine,” moving to cross the room to the kitchen, she smiled as Sugawara pulled the bag of popcorn from the microwave, turning to look at her as she entered. “We’ll have the TV soon,” she informed.

He grinned, leaning to press his mouth to hers, “Ya know, we don’t really need the TV.” The suggestion was very appealing, especially since they hadn’t been able to be alone since her nephew had been dropped off the day before.

“Night Auntie. Night Suga,” the small boy peeked his head into the kitchen to say before scurrying off to the spare bedroom he had taken over. Both adults returned the words as he retreated, their eyes landing on each other before they were moving to the couch together. The sudden feeling of being like anxious teenagers again washing over them as they collapsed to the cushions of the couch with their limbs tangling. Lips pressed tightly together, breaths mingled, and the seconds grew more and more heated as the clock ticked.

The command for him to remove his shirt was about to leave her lips when the sudden bombardment of sound and light filled the room. Both members cried out in surprise, panic causing their brains to malfunction for multiple seconds as they searched for the source of the assault on their senses. Her hands scrambled for the television remote and pressed hard on the power button, her breath coming fast as the adrenaline pumped through her.

The TV had turned on by itself at top volume.

“What the–”

Laughter was heard from down the hall, answering the question before it was even asked. The little brat knew how to manipulate technology now. They were surely doomed.

✰   —  —  —  RENT LYRIC STARTERS

SEASONS OF LOVE.
‘  let’s celebrate and remember a year in the life of friends.  ’
‘  remember the love.  ’

RENT.
‘  real life is getting more like fiction each day.  ’
‘  where is the power?  ’
‘  we’re hungry and frozen.  ’
‘  some life that we’ve chosen.  ’
‘  how can you generate heat when you can’t feel your feet and they’re turning blue.  ’
‘  on every street it’s ‘trick or treat’ and tonight it’s ‘trick.’  ’
‘  welcome back to town.  ’
‘  oh, i should lie down.  ’
‘  everything is brown and uh-oh, i feel sick.  ’
‘  we’re not gonna pay rent.  ’

YOU’LL SEE.
‘  hey, you bum. get your ass off that range rover.  ’
‘  what happened to (name)? what happened to their heart and the ideals he once pursued?  ’
‘  you’re wasting your time.  ’
‘  you broke your word – this is absurd.  ’
‘  that boy could use some prozac.  ’

LIGHT MY CANDLE.
‘  what’d you forget?  ’
‘  got a light?  ’
‘  you’re shivering.  ’
‘  they turned off my heat.  ’
‘  i’m just a little weak on my feet.  ’
‘  would you light my candle?  ’
‘  what are you staring at?  ’
‘  i always remind people of – who is she?  ’
‘  i think that i dropped my stash.  ’
‘  i know i’ve seen you out and about when i used to go out.  ’
‘  they say that i have the best ass below 14th street. is it true?  ’
‘  i didn’t recognize you without the handcuffs.  ’
‘  i’m just born to be bad.  ’
‘  our eyes will adjust. thank god for the moon.  ’

TODAY 4 U.
‘  today for you – tomorrow for me.  ’
‘  you earned this on the street?  ’
‘  darling, be a dear, i haven’t slept for a year.  ’
‘  i need your help to make my neighbor’s yappy dog disappear.  ’
‘  but sure as i am here that dog is now in doggy hell.  ’

TANGO: MAUREEN.
‘  this is weird.  ’
‘  fuckin’ weird.  ’
‘  i’m so mad that i don’t know what to do.  ’
‘  feel like going insane? got a fire in your brain and you’re thinking of drinking gasoline?  ’
‘  honey, i know this act.  ’
‘  it’s a dark, dizzy merry-go-round.  ’
‘  as she keeps you dangling, your heart she is mangling.  ’
‘  it’s different with me.  ’
‘  her cold eyes can burn.  ’
‘  has she ever pouted her lips and called you pookie?  ’
‘  have you ever doubted a kiss or two?  ’
‘  this is spooky.  ’
‘  did you swoon when she walked through the door?  ’
‘  where’d you learn to tango?  ’
‘  you pretend to believe her cause in the end you can’t leave her.  ’

LIFE SUPPORT.
‘  i find some of what you teach suspect because i’m used to relying on intellect.  ’
‘  i try to open up to what i don’t know.  ’
‘  reason says i should have died three years ago.  ’
‘  there’s only us. there’s only this.  ’
‘  forget regret or life is yours to miss.  ’
‘  no other road, no other way. no day but today.  ’

OUT TONIGHT.
‘  it’s gotta be close to midnight.  ’
‘  my body’s talking to me, it says ‘time for danger.’  ’
‘  i wanna commit a crime, wanna be the cause of a fight.  ’
‘  i wanna put on a tight skirt and flirt with a stranger.  ’
‘  i’ve had a knack from way back at breaking the rules once a i learn the game.  ’
‘  we don’t need any money. i always get in for free.  ’
‘  let’s go out tonight.  ’
‘  in the evening, i’ve got to roam.  ’
‘  let’s find a bar, so dark we forget how we are and all the scars from nevers and maybes die.  ’

ANOTHER DAY.
‘  who do you think you are?  ’
‘  little girl, the door is that way.  ’
‘  your sweet whisper, i just can’t handle.  ’
‘  i should tell you, i should tell you – no!  ’
‘  another time, another place, our temperature would rise, there’d be a warm in brace.  ’
‘  looking for romance? come back another day.  ’
‘  the heart may freeze or it can burn.  ’
‘  the pain will ease if i could learn.  ’
‘  there is no future. there is no past. i live in this moment as my last.  ’
‘  excuse me if i’m off track.  ’
‘  if your so wise then tell me, why do you need smack?  ’
‘  long ago, you might’ve lit up my heart, but the fire’s dead – ain’t ever gonna start.  ’

I’LL COVER YOU.
‘  live in my house, i’ll be your shelter.  ’
‘  just pay me back with a thousand kisses.  ’
‘  be my lover and i’ll cover you.  ’
‘  don’t got much baggage to lay at your feet, but sweet kisses i’ve got to spare.  ’
‘  i think they meant it when they said you can’t buy love.  ’
‘  you are my love, on life. be my life.  ’
‘  you’ll be my king and i’ll be your castle.  ’
‘  you’ll be my queen and i’ll be your moat.  ’
‘  a new lease you are my love on life, all my life.  ’
‘  i’ve longed to discover something as true as this.  ’
‘  with a thousand kisses, i’ll cover you.  ’

OVER THE MOON.
‘  out of the abyss walked a cow, elsie. i asked if she had anything to drink, she said, ‘i’m forbidden to produce milk. in cyberland, we only drink diet coke.’  ’
‘  the only thing to do is jump over the moon.  ’
‘  they’ve closed everything real down.  ’
‘  i gotta get out of here!  ’
‘  i gotta get out of here! it’s like being tied to the hood of a yellow rental truck, being packed in with fertilizer and fuel oil, pushed over a cliff by a suicidal mickey mouse.  ’
‘  and although he once had principals, he abandoned them.  ’
‘  maybe it’s a… female thing.  ’
‘  moo with me!  ’

LA VIE BOHEME.
‘  what am i? just a blur?  ’
‘  go to hell.  ’
‘  i’m surprised a bright and charming girl like you hangs out with these slackers.  ’
‘  do you really want a neighborhood where people piss on your stoop every night?  ’
‘  dearly beloved, we gather here to say our goodbyes.  ’
‘  to being an us for once, instead of a them.  ’
‘  hey mister, she’s my sister.  ’
‘  dorothy and toto went over the rainbow to blow off auntie em.  ’

I SHOULD TELL YOU.
‘  i should tell you i’m a disaster.  ’
‘  let’s just make this part go faster – i have yet to be in it.  ’
‘  i should tell you i blew the candle out just to get back in.  ’
‘  i’d forgotten how to smile until your candle burned my skin.  ’

TAKE ME OR LEAVE ME.
‘  you were flirting with the woman in rubber!  ’
‘  there will always be women in rubber flirting with me. give me a break!  ’
‘  every single day i walk down the street, i hear people say ‘baby, so sweet.’  ’
‘  ever since puberty everybody stares at me. boys, girls – i can’t help it, baby.  ’
‘  be kind and don’t lose your mind.  ’
‘  just remember that i’m your baby.  ’
‘  take me for what i am, who i was meant to be.  ’
‘  take me baby, or leave me.  ’
‘  this diva needs her stage!  ’
‘  baby, let’s have fun.  ’
‘  you are the one i choose. folks will kill to fill your shoes.  ’
‘  so be mine, but don’t waste my time.  ’
‘  oh honey bear, are you still my baby?  ’
‘  no way can i be what i’m not, but hey, don’t you want your girl hot?!  ’
‘  don’t fight, don’t lose your head.  ’
‘  every night, who’s in your bed?  ’
‘  kiss pookie.  ’
‘  it won’t work!  ’
‘  i hate mess, but i love you.  ’
‘  so be wise cause this girl satisfies.  ’
‘  you’re one lucky baby.  ’
‘  take me for what i am.  ’
‘  that’s it – the straw that breaks my back.  ’
‘  i quit unless you take it back.  ’
‘  women, what is it about them? can’t live with them or without them.  ’
‘  guess i’m leaving. i’m gone.  ’

WITHOUT YOU.
‘  i die without you.  ’
‘  but i know blue, only blue, lonely blue, within me blue.  ’
‘  the mind churns, the heart yearns.  ’
‘  life goes on, but i’m gone.  ’

GOODBYE LOVE.
‘  it’s true your with this yuppy scum?  ’
‘  you said you’d never speak to him again.  ’
‘  who said you have any say in who she says things to at all?  ’
‘  who said you should stick your nose in other people’s business?  ’
‘  who said i was talking to you?  ’
‘  we used to have this fight each night – she’d never admit i existed.  ’
‘  he was always run away, hit the road, don’t commit. you’re full of shit!  ’
‘  your full of shit!  ’
‘  you gave an inch when i gave a mile  ’
‘  c’mon guys, chill!  ’
‘  i’d be happy to die for a taste of what they had: someone to live for, unafraid to say i love you.  ’
‘  all your words are nice, but love’s not a three-way street.  ’
‘  love’s not a three-way street.  ’
‘  you’ll never share real love until you love yourself.  ’
‘  you said you’d be cool today, so please, for my sake…  ’
‘  i can’t believe this is goodbye.  ’
‘  how could you let her go?  ’
‘  are you insane? there’s so much to care about.  ’
‘  who are you to tell me what i know?  ’
‘  you hid in your work from facing your failure, facing your loneliness, facing the fact you live a lie.  ’
‘  you’re always preaching not to be numb when that’s how you thrive.  ’
‘  you pretend to create and observe when you really detach from being alive.  ’
‘  are you really jealous?  ’
‘  she’s running out of time and you’re running out the door.  ’
‘  for someone who’s always been let down, who’s heading out of town?  ’
‘  i’ll call.  ’
‘  i hate the fall.  ’
‘  you heard?  ’
‘  you don’t want baggage without life time guarantees. you don’t wanna see me die?  ’
‘  i just came to say goodbye love.  ’
‘  please don’t touch me, understand i’m scared.  ’

YOUR EYES
‘  your eyes as we said our goodbyes – i can’t get them out of my mind.  ’
‘  i find i can’t hide from your eyes, the ones that took me by surprise, the night you came into my life.  ’
‘  there’s moonlight i see in your eyes.  ’
‘  how’d i let you slip away when i’m longing so to hold you?  ’
‘  now i’d die for one more day ‘cause there’s something i should have told you.  ’
‘  why does distance make us wise?  ’
‘  i should tell you i have always loved you.  ’
‘  i should tell you i have always loved you. you can see it in my eyes.  ’

i think one of my favourite parts of the season was Shiro’s complete lack of chill

Shiro: I cut my finger, Keith you better get ready to lead Voltron in case i don’t make it. *cough cough* Tell Auntie Em to let Old Yeller out. Tell Tiny Tim I won’t be coming home this Christmas. Tell Scarlett I do give a damn.

Shiro: I’m gonna murder the tech support if he doesn’t stfu

Shiro: Fuck you, Zarkon, you don’t get my lion in the divorce

Ranking OUAT’s Villain Redemptions

10. Mr. Gold / Rumpelstiltskin - What redemption!?  Rumple was an out-and-out villain in S1, and he didn’t truly change at all in S2 no matter how often he publicly restrained himself to appease Belle.  S3 was the only time he made an honest effort at redemption, but it was fraught with failures, temptation, doubt and relapses into asshole behavior.  The only thing that made it succeed was that it occurred in a very specific set of ideal circumstances…and that Rumple died at the end of it all.  After being resurrected and losing his son, Rumple quickly regressed into the villainy he’s comfortable with, becoming the Big Bad of S4.  In S5, we had that brief “hero Gold” arc that was not only morally insulting and nonsensical, but also pointless since he ends up choosing to become the Dark One again by the end of it…the Darkest Dark One, in fact, who is thoroughly unpleasant up until the very end of S6, where - after being faced with the consequences of his own evil actions, consequences that include the potential destruction of the entire multiverse - he does the right thing once, which leads to Belle taking him back, allowing him to help raise their son, and him getting accepted at the big family dinner by all of his victims. What the actual fuck!?  That’s not a redemption - Rumple hasn’t repented of his evil ways, he hasn’t given up his dark powers, he hasn’t sacrificed one damn thing, and he only did something good after his own evildoing backfired on him. He is literally responsible for the crisis he helped resolve.  And yet he gets rewarded with his own “happy beginning” with his abused wife and helpless infant son?  Fuck off, A&E.

9. Regina Mills / The Evil Queen - I technically consider Regina to have the worst redemption on the show since I refuse to accept Rumple as even having a redemption. Regina’s first attempt at redemption happened quickly into S2, some may argue too quickly. While it seemed to be going well at first, it soon became apparent that she was only doing it in order to regain custody over Henry rather than out of any true remorse or desire to change. The moment something goes wrong for her, she turns evil again, and ends up being even more heinous a bitch than she was before.  If the show had been operating under any logic, Regina should have been considered irredeemable at this point.  But instead, she is given another chance, and for most of S3 she does a surprisingly good job…until the last five episodes, where her redemption is suddenly fasts-forwarded so that she receives all the rewards she has not yet done anything to deserve: a new boyfriend, easy reconciliation with Snow and with Henry, a True Love’s Kiss with Henry that breaks the Dark Curse, light magic out of nowhere that defeats her previously more powerful sister, and the complete trust and forgiveness of the entire town despite her past victimization of them. But then one thing goes wrong for her, and while she resists falling back into full-on villainy, she still returns to being a whiny, spiteful, self-pitying woman-child who is always looking for the easy way to get what she wants and occasionally does do evil things to achieve this, yet is paradoxically treated by the rest of the cast as a messianic saint, someone who has come so far and worked so hard and deserves her happy ending, with the narrative frequently giving her all of the big hero moments at Emma’s expense.  In fact, much of her development comes at Emma’s expense, since A&E clearly see her as the true star of the show.  And that show just isn’t any fun to me.

8. Cora Mills / The Queen of Hearts - This one is just bizarre. Cora was a villain of the highest order all the way up to her death, where she had a dying epiphany as to where she went wrong in regards to her daughter.  But for some reason, her death is treated as such a tragedy and as such a source of guilt for Snow (not how she killed Cora, no, just that she killed Cora at all) that one would think Cora redeemed herself before her death, which just isn’t so.  Things got iffier when Cora showed up in the Underworld during 5B, and after doing one good deed in reconciling with her daughters and getting them to reconcile with each other, she is allowed to go to Heaven.  While I personally find this acceptable since Cora actually did repent of her villainy and fully acknowledge that she would deserve to go to Hell if that was her fate, I can see why many would be bugged about one of the most evil villains in the show’s history being shown going to Heaven while other characters higher above her on the moral scale - Milah, Gaston, Auntie Em, and even Prince James in the same episode - are condemned to the River of Lost Souls.  When put into that context, it seems less like a good lesson on divine mercy and more a case of creator favoritism toward the character. Cora probably should have just remained in the Underworld to continue her redemption.

7. Maleficent & Ursula - Two thirds of the Queens of Darkness (the other one, Cruella, was an irredeemable sociopath in life and in death), both of them have things that work about their redemption and things that don’t work.  For Ursula, her redemption comes when, after Hook brings her father Poseidon to town who restores her singing voice, she realizes that her true happy ending wasn’t recovering that but reconciling with her father, who is now repentant of his past patriarchal abuse of her.  This is all well and good, but Ursula really didn’t do all that much evil for the redemption to be powerful.  She always came off as lost and confused and hanging out with the wrong crowd, not truly villainous.  And then there’s Maleficent, who has the opposite problem.  Her happy ending is also reuniting with a family member, her long-lost daughter Lily.  It’s sweet and touching, but it also glosses over all of Maleficent’s established villainy.  Maleficent cursed people, burned people alive, destroyed a village, was deemed as having the greatest potential for darkness by a Chernabog, but none of it matters in the end. Even her sworn vendetta against Snow and Charming (whom were made to look like villains and Maleficent their victim) is abruptly dropped and she’s suddenly getting along with them. It’s pretty much Regina’s bullshit redemption but on a mercifully smaller scale.  Since Maleficent did not actually repent of her evildoing, the show should have treated her character accordingly - as still a villain and a potential threat, but also a loving mother.  At the end, she’d be the gray-shading which is complimented by Ursula’s white and Cruella’s black. 

6. Tinkerbell - Aside from the villain-to-hero journeys of Regina, Rumple and Hook in 3A, we also got Tinkerbell, who was an ex-fairy turned trusted partner of Peter Pan.  The Nevengers persuade her to help them, but only if there’s something in it for her (namely, leaving Neverland and being able to confront the Blue Fairy about getting her wings back).  In the end, inspired by Regina and Hook’s progress, Tink learns to believe in herself and earns her fairy status back.  It’s a nice little arc, but it’s missing one crucial detail - the nature of her villainy.  We never see her and Pan interact, we never learn exactly what kind of work she did for him to make him trust her so much.  We see that she’s a scavenger who is prone to violence, but that’s it.  Wendy, Pan’s longtime prisoner, is friends with her, so she couldn’t have been all that bad.  This lack of clarity undermines what is otherwise a good redemption.

5. Zelena Mills / The Wicked Witch -  For the most part, Zelena’s redemption in S5 and S6 really works.  She was never as bad as Regina, so already her changing is more believable. When she realizes that her wicked lifestyle is actually harmful to her baby daughter, she allows Regina and Robin to take her in order to keep her safe.  She doesn’t join Hades despite him professing his love for her until she thinks she can use her own love for him to redeem him.  And when it becomes apparent that it won’t and never will, Zelena kills him in order to protect her sister and everyone else in Storybrooke.  When Regina is an ungrateful bitch and blames her for Robin’s death, Zelena is ostracized from everyone else.  But even when the Evil Queen comes along and tempts her to return to her wicked roots, Zelena keeps firmly out of the conflict, preferring to remain a neutral party for her baby’s sake until her hand is forced and she joins the side of good despite it not really getting her anything and no hero save for Belle caring much for her.  This commitment to doing the right thing comes to a head when she actually sacrifices her magic, the thing she’d defined herself by for so long, to help stop the Black Fairy, a sacrifice Regina should have made long ago but never did. After this, the other heroes fully embrace her as one of their own.  It’s a great redemption, but there is one snag - Robin, both the man and the baby named after him.  The baby Zelena conceived through deceiving Robin into thinking she was Marian.  By - let’s not mince words here - raping him.  It’s not quite as bad as Regina with Graham, especially since Zelena didn’t kill Robin and Robin was willing to give her a second chance of his own volition prior to his death, but it’s still rape all the same, and to have the rape victim die while the rapist keeps the baby is extremely squicky, no matter how surprisingly good a mother Zelena may be. This one aspect casts a shadow over Zelena’s redemption and it never should have happened. 

4. King Arthur - Arthur was a villain in 5A, a corrupt monarch obsessed with fulfilling his destiny and ruling over Camelot at all costs.  While despicable, Arthur was also somewhat sympathetic too, as he became more evidently pathetic as the arc went on and Merlin really did screw him up by filling his head with visions of a future he felt the need to achieve.  In the climax of 5B, Arthur escapes prison only to be promptly murdered by Hades.  Down in the Underworld, Hook confronts Arthur with the truth: he was a terrible king and will probably go to Hell if he doesn’t do something to atone.  Note that at first this is the reason why Arthur helps Hook in his quest for the book: he just wants to avoid the consequences of his villainy.  But as the episode goes on, a clear change in Arthur can be seen as he sees the depth of Hook’s feelings for Emma, his bravery and his nobility…in this lowly pirate, Arthur sees the man he had wanted to be and failed to become, making him feel true remorse.  Arthur then becomes invested in the quest to the point where he is willing to sacrifice himself to the River of Lost Souls so that Hook can get to the book.  And at the end, when a doorway to Heaven is open and Arthur has the chance to go through it, which was the whole reason he joined Hook on this quest at the start, he declines and opts to stay in the Underworld, to rule it as a benevolent king and make it a better place, which a short on the S5 DVD shows that he did indeed do.  In just one episode, Arthur had one of the best redemptions on the show, from a selfish cad to a noble hero.  While like Zelena, he also has a rape-like situation with Guinevere that remains untouched upon (he used magic dust on her to keep her from leaving him and turn her into his compliant wife), there was no confirmation of actual rape and even some proof against it (he was too consumed by his obsession with Exaclibur to do anything romantic for Guinevere, let alone sexual), so it’s not quite as harmful to his redemption.

3. Ingrid / The Snow Queen - Ingrid is an even better example of a great redemption being accomplished in just one episode.  Despite being terrifying, prejudiced and insane, Ingrid was also one of the most tragic and sympathetic villains to ever be on the show, with an absolutely heartbreaking backstory and her sole motivation being to have a family who loves her.  She cast the Shattered Sight spell in order to make everyone in Storybrooke kill each other save for Emma and Elsa, who would become her new sisters, but when Anna shows her a letter from her sister Gerta expressing remorse for imprisoning her and confirming that she still loved her, Ingrid realizes the error of her ways.  In one of the best redemptive villain lines in the series, she says “I am a monster. Not because of my powers, but because of what I let them turn me into!”  She then reverses the spell at the cost of her own life, telling Emma, Elsa and Anna that they are all amazing people and that she is proud of them, then saying that her happy ending will be to join her sisters in death.  The whole scene is acted and scored beautifully, and I can’t help but cry anytime I see it.  By acknowledging what she did wrong and accepting responsibility for it, Ingrid is one of the show’s best redeemed villains.

2. Anastasia / The Red Queen - One of the two main villains of Once Upon in Wonderland, Anastasia quickly began to look more appealing, sympathetic and redeemable in contrast to the monstrous villainy of Jafar.  Her main crimes, apart from aiding him, were giving up love for power and being a neglectful ruler to her people…and she was helping Jafar in the hopes of getting to change the past so that she never did any of that.  When this failed and it became clear that she wasn’t going to be able to take the easy way out, Anastasia gave up on her aspirations and finally took full responsibility for being a terrible queen, vowing to make it up to the people of Wonderland by fighting to save them from Jafar, a fight that she stuck through even when it got her tortured by the Jabberwocky and then murdered by Jafar. In the end, her redemption earned her life, being revived by the water from the Well of Wonders, and won her back the love of Will Scarlet.  Years later, she is still ruling Wonderland but now as the White Queen, who actively works to bring love, hope and joy to her people. Anastasia’s redemption is everything that Regina’s is not, with her being fully self-aware of her villainy, truly remorseful of her actions once she starts her redemption, and with purely altruistic motives - doing the right thing just because it’s the right thing and she wants to help make amends for her past mistakes.  Add in Emma Rigby’s performance and it’s nigh-perfect.

1. Killian Jones / Captain Hook - Hook’s redemption starts at the very end of S2, inspired by his regrets for failing Baelfire long ago and not wanting to do the same with his son Henry, putting aside his desire for revenge in favor of doing the right thing.  He had everything to gain by not making this decision, but he does so anyway.  Throughout 3A, he does an admirable job helping the heroes through Neverland and returning to being the honorable man he was long ago, although his motives aren’t entirely pure as he hopes to woo Emma. When he is separated from Emma and gives up hope of reuniting with her, he tries to go back to his villainous pirate ways, but is overcome with remorse after doing so, realizing that his time with Emma changed him to the point where it’s not just for her that he wants to reform for, but for himself too.  When he learns that Emma’s family is in danger and that he must find her and get her to go help them, he trades the Jolly Roger - and his home, crew, livelihood and reputation along with it - in order to do so.  He continues to do good not to “get into Emma’s pants” but to ensure her happiness regardless of whether she ever returns his feelings, and to be the hero he now sincerely wants to be. His redemption comes to a climax in S5, where he becomes evil again after Emma forces the Darkness upon him to save his life, and is once again put into a position where he’d gain everything he wants by following through on his villainy, but remembering that this is not the man he wants to be, he once again does the heroic thing instead, at the cost of his own life.  In the Underworld, Hook learns the value of self-forgiveness and accepts the possibility of a second chance at life, but when it looks like this is impossible, he promises Emma to move on to Heaven when she asks him too.  Unable to do so until his unfinished business of helping Emma defeat Hades is resolved, Hook has a heroic quest alongside Arthur where he proves just how far he’s come, and when he goes into the light to fulfill his pledge to Emma at the end of it, he is instead resurrected by Zeus, deeming him a True Hero worthy of being reunited with his True Love.  

Hook’s redemption is superb not just because of the events that transpire and his growth throughout it, but because of his overall attitude toward the whole thing.  He knows full well that he was a villain, is remorseful for every crime he committed and takes full responsibility for them, and whenever the chance to make things right with someone he wronged comes up, he takes it.  It takes a long time for him to fully get past his self-loathing for his past sins, as he doesn’t feel entitled to happiness just because he’s changed and is doing heroic deeds now, as opposed to Regina, Rumple and initially Zelena who all believed themselves entitled to a happy ending, their crimes and victims be damned.  And lastly, also unlike them, every privilege that Hook has by the end of the series he has earned through his own hard work at redeeming himself.  He has no leftovers from anything he gained as a result of his villainy, even the rings on his fingers have changed from ones that belonged to dead victims to new ones he presumably fairly bought.  His new wife and family, his friendships with others, his house, his ship, his job as deputy sheriff, his very life…all thanks to his heroism and the good karma it rewarded him with.  All of this is why Hook’s redemption is truly the series’ finest.

telegraph.co.uk
Mary Berry 'to lead new rival' to the Great British Bake Off on the BBC
Mary Berry is being lined up to join Mel Giedroyc and Sue Perkins in a new BBC cookery competition, after Paul Hollywood became the only Great British Bake Off presenter to follow the programme to Channel 4.

This article is great. Highlights include:

- Mary Berry refused to even enter formal talks with Channel 4. LOL. 

- The BBC have told Mary she’s going to be there go-to cookery host until she chooses to retire

- The BBC is already in talks with Mary, Mel and Sue to produce a competition for next summer

- The BBC rushed to put out Mary’s announcement she wasn’t going with the show because they heard Paul was putting out his statement that day and wanted to undermine him

- Channel 4 have said that the show will run longer than 60 minutes so that the adverts don’t eat into the show’s running time (called it)


I’m now firmly in the camp of being so resentful of Love Productions for imploding my favourite show that I’m hoping the BBC will twist the knife by exercising the stipulation in their contract that says they can’t have the GBBO main format on another channel until 2018, giving themselves time to launch their new, sure-to-be awesome show. Stick it to ‘em, Auntie Beeb. 

I’m glad that everybody seems to be on board with my wild and crazy “people should be allowed to eat” stance, so here’s a handy Auntie Em meme for y’all to whip out when the bad guys inevitably start giving us a hard time.

A Helping Hand (Ch 4/?)

Summary: My girlfriend just dumped me and I’ve gotten piss drunk and somehow managed to get into your apartment instead of my own. I’m trying to masturbate my feelings away and boy were you surprised. Based on a Tumblr prompt that spiraled out of control.

Rated: Mature

Also available: AO3 FF.N

Ch 1 Ch 2 Ch 3

Emma didn’t really know what the hell she was doing. She had gone from being upset and trying to suppress her thoughts about her new neighbor, to forgiving him and offering him friendship. The next minute she had her tongue down his throat and her hand around his cock. And now she was about to have him in her bed.

She could tell that he had still felt awkward about the other night. She still had, too. When she had hugged him, she couldn’t stop the memories from flooding her mind. The images of his muscular and toned naked body as he took his long, throbbing length in his own hand. The image of him in only a towel as it hung low at his hips, the hard abs that her fingertips had actually touched. She had known exactly what was underneath the towel and yet she was hoping it would have fallen at his feet.

With those memories fresh in her mind, the feeling of his warmth against her had sent shockwaves of lust through her entire body. It ignited her in a way she didn’t expect. So she decided to uncoil the awkwardness and tightly drawn tension that was still dawdling between them. She thought that if she offered him a similar type of view that he had given her, then maybe she would no longer feel the ache in the pit of her stomach every time she saw him. Even with him living across the hall now, she knew that nothing could come from this, which made it so much more appealing. His heart had just been shattered into a million pieces, and he said himself, he wasn’t looking for anything serious. And neither was she.

Yes, having a good, satisfying fuck with the gorgeous Jones brother was for the best, she reasoned.

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Future Family of Four.

AU

Characters: Spencer Reid x Reader

A/N: This still involving a baby but I decided to change it because the one I had written up didn’t turn out so good so I have no made the genius’ baby grow older into a cute, little preschooler. So this is about the reader taking the child to see Spencer when he arrives home from a case BUT OF COURSE, there is a little surprise. WARNING: MAY CONTAIN CUTENESS!


Originally posted by babyspencerreid

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Until Dawn Headcanon Dump

¤(In accordance with @transchrishartley ’s step-siblings au) Everyone going over to the Hartley house for pizza and video games ever friday night (even the jocks who don’t like to game)

¤ Hannah and Beth being alive

¤ Josh and Sam dating

¤ Chris and Ashley dating

¤ Hannah and Matt dating

¤ Jess and Beth dating

¤ Emily being ace/slightly aro and is perfectly okay just being single. (She has cats and adopts a daughter later in life)

¤ Mike becoming a better person (helps at the animal shelter with Sam *and Josh on occasion* on Tuesdays and Thursdays)

¤ Everyone effectively getting therapy

¤ Josh’s anti-depressants and anti-psyches working/taking them regularly

¤ Everyone going to Matt’s football games to cheer him on

¤ Emily’s family offering scar removal surgery for Jess as a peace offering

¤ They become better friends again, and Emily becomes a fashion designer who Jess models for

¤ Jess getting slight scrutiny for her relationship with Beth

¤ Emily telling them to piss off

¤ Chris and Ashley have four kids

¤ Sam and Josh only have one

¤ Matt and Hannah have three

¤ Mike being known as “Uncle Mikey” and Emily being known as “Auntie Em” from everyone’s children

¤ Mike teaches all the children basic survival skills

¤ Emily lets them pet her cats and has a soft spot for Chris and Ashley’s youngest daughter

¤ They still stay in touch

¤ Beth and Jess being the most “fuck you” gay couple ever

¤ Like they make out in front of gay marriage protesters

¤ And they don’t even care

¤ Sam reminding Josh to take his pills and driving him to therapy

¤ He really likes the snakes at Sam’s animal shelter

¤ He’s named quite a few of them

¤ Would you look at that Mike has a Wolf Friend™

¤ Ashley becoming a published author

¤ Chris becoming known as “The Next Bill Gates” in the technology world

¤ Sam becoming a veterinarian

¤ Josh becoming a special effects editor

¤ Mike becoming an actor (Johnny Cage level of sass)

¤ Hannah spinning blood at the test lab for a job

¤ Matt becoming one of the most aggressive players in football (but anyone who knows him knows he’s the BIGGEST softie ever)

¤ Josh setting both Jess and Matt down in a room and lecturing them in a creepy voice about the dangers of hurting his sisters

¤ Beth works as a mechanic, less interested in the spotlight

¤ Hannah sometimes guest stars in Josh’s movies

¤ Josh adapting some of Ashley’s books into movies

¤ Ashley not being able to see blood without passing out. But Chris gives chees commentaries to calm her when they watch horror movies

¤ Sam is the type of mom to let her kids learn from their mistakes instead of argueing

¤ Chris is the “I’m the parent I’m always right” parent

¤ Josh is the parent that gets suckered into buying their kid anything they want

¤ Hannah is the kind of mom to always embarrass her kids

¤ Matt is the kind of parent who is super attentive to his family and wouldn’t trade them for anything

¤ Ashley is the kind but firm parent

¤ THEY ALL LIVE

¤ THEY’RE ALL HAPPY

Music Series: Chainsaw by Nick Jonas...sort of

K…so I’m a bit tipsy, went out with friends for dinner and drinks, and thought it’d be fun to see what I can write after some tequila, so look out!

Entertaining maybe, if not good….

Sorry, Anon. You lost this lottery. This is “Chainsaw” by Nick Jones. Nothing was coming to me sober for this one besides the obvious, which I didn’t like, so let’s see how tipsy works! I really do love you, Anon! If you want to listen on Spotify, click —>HERE<—. Mwah!

And now, before I post, a tribute to a few under-rated and highly under-appreciated emoji’s…because I can…

😱 <—blind alien blowjob…not sure why nobody uses this…

🖖 <—does anyone else think ‘almost shocker’ with this one? hm? just me? two in the pink, one in the stink?

🕴️<—seriously? man in business suit levitating…nobody uses this?

🌪️<—it’s a twista! it’s a twista! Auntie Em! Auntie Em!

🥝<— because Harry…duh….

🎾<—tennis is a highly under-appreciated sport which I love, so, yeah…

♋️<—because it’s 69, in position! Obvious!

xoxoxo

Shelli

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Return to Oz Review

Okay let me start off by saying how I ended up watching this movie in the first place. A few months ago I got this book from Seven Seas publishing which included both the original Wizard of Oz and it’s sequel the Marvelous Land of Oz with brand new manga style illustrations. I strongly recommend picking it up as the illustrations included are adorable and full of charm (and don’t worry the story is kept entirely intact). While I had read the original Wizard of Oz book a couple of times before this, I had never read any of the books after that for some reason I just never thought of looking at the rest of the series, but since Marvelous Land was included in this book I decided to give it a read and surprisingly I think I enjoy it more than the original Wizard of Oz book. I still love the first book but Marvelous Land just has so much more in it, there’s more characters, more humor, more of Oz is explored, and we get to see what happened after Dorothy went back home. This then brought up my curiosity about the Disney film Return to Oz. This movie has earned quite the reputation as being one of the most horrifying children’s movies of all time, which is particularly why I avoided seeing it for most of my life considering I was a complete fraidy cat. However after reading Marvelous Land I remembered reading that this movie took elements from both Marvelous Land and the third book Ozma of Oz to create the story, and being the one of the biggest Disney nuts on the planet I was curious to see how Disney would adapt Marvelous Land to the screen, though before seeing the film I did read Ozma of Oz so that I see how elements of that book were done as well.


Before I go into detail about the film one thing I want to make perfectly clear is that despite what several reviews and websites might tell you this is NOT a sequel to the 1939 MGM movie musical. Actually while I’m on the subject of the MGM adaptation I still love that movie. While it isn’t completely faithful to the original books it still does it’s job well as an adaption, and manages to stand on it’s own. It’s a fun, uplifting, and charming movie and definitely a classic. However there’s a bit of a problem with that. Nowadays when people mention Wizard of Oz the first thing to come to mind isn’t the book but actually the MGM musical, because of that there seems to be some unwritten law in Hollywood that states all adaptations of Oz must be as close to the MGM musical as possible, leading to some pretty mediocre Oz films. Fans of the books don’t enjoy them because they aren’t faithful to the books, and fans of the MGM musical don’t like them because they all feel like cheap imitations of the movie, and to fans of both they’re bad for both of those reasons. There is so much more to the land of Oz that a lot of people aren’t aware of today and it sucks that most movie companies are like “Nope, it has to be like the MGM one.”


This movie on the other hand does not follow that trend. Okay a few elements are lifted from the MGM musical such as Dorothy’s braids and darker hair and the red ruby slippers (Which Disney had to pay MGM big bucks for because originally they were sliver in the book), but that’s pretty much it. Instead of being a sequel to the MGM musical its a sequel to the original book (well mostly anyway), this causes a few problems in case you haven’t read the original book but I’ll get to that later.


The story begins with Dorothy being depressed and having trouble sleeping because she can’t stop thinking about Oz. This worries Uncle Henry and Auntie Em, who end up taking her to a Doctor that can help her sleep and “get rid of those pesky dreams” through a brand new process known as electric shock therapy… Yes. That is mentioned, and actually almost happens to Dorothy while being in the most unsettling hospital in family film history. Luckily the power goes out before they can start the process and another girl helps Dorothy escape, only for Dorothy to fall into a river during a terrible storm almost immediately afterwords (jeeze, Kanas sure has a lot of bad weather in these stories). Later she wakes up in the land of Oz with a talking chicken named Billina, however when Dorothy gets to the Emerald City she finds it in ruins with everyone being turned to stone and the Scarecrow nowhere to be found, the land said to be ruled by an evil character known as the Nome King. Throughout the movie Dorothy meets up with more unusual characters such as Tik Tok the mechanical man, Jack Pumpkinhead, and a flying couch with a Gump’s head on it (Why are you giving me that weird look), and with her new friends they go on a journey to find the Nome King, rescue the Scarecrow and restore Oz back to it’s former glory.


The story is very well written, it’s not completely accurate to the books it was based on, but out of all of the big screen Oz adaptations I’ve seen this honestly feels the most loyal to the original books. A lot of the new dialogue feels very much like something L. Frank Baum would write. I especially like how the movie handles all of the characters, once again staying true to their original book versions. I absolutely love the characters of this movie, Tik Tock, Jack Pumpkinhead, Billina, the Gump and pretty much every single character that was included. It makes me wish that budget cuts didn’t limit the appearance of other characters in the film as I would have loved to see more of this movie’s versions of the Lion, Tinman, and Scarecrow.

While I’m on the subject of the characters lets talk about the visuals of this movie… I am in love with them. This being before the age where CGI was used for everything (the good old days as it where), every effect here is practical, from the claymation used to bring the Nome King and his minions to life, to the puppetry that brings Jack, Billina, Tik Tok, and the Gump to life. As a puppetry nut I love how the puppets were done here. Their designs look like they walked straight out of the book, heck they even move like how you think they would based on the books descriptions (well okay the Tin Man looks like he could collapse at any second with those skinny legs, but that’s the only issue I have visually). For instance Jack Pumpkinhead was put together with various sticks and ropes, as a result his movements are very off balance. Oh and there’s also this cool effect with Jack where his head can squash and stretch like a cartoon character, I love touches like that! I’ve also gotta give praise to the claymation here. They got special effects master Will Vinton to head the animation on the Nomes it it looks fantastic, there’s this one character who’s just a face on a wall and he’s super expressive, his face morphs with every movement he makes, it just looks so cool!

That being said the movie still has a few issues. Getting the main one out of the way first, I think this movie starts off way too dark and depressing. Not only is Kanas shown as being more boring and colorless, but anytime Dorothy mentions the smallest thing about Oz everybody tells her to stop talking about Oz because they think it’s imaginary. Okay I know adults were more strict with kids back in the time this film takes place, but honestly what’s wrong with a kid having an imagination? Now I don’t mind the dark and spooky stuff that comes later on, but most family films start off a bit more light hearted to ease you into the scary stuff that comes later on (Disney’s Pinocchio is a good example of this). I was actually surprised at how lighter the tone got when Dorothy and Billina finally got to Oz complete with comedic piano music, I was like “well that was a tone shift.” That tone would have been a bit more appropriate to begin the film with Dorothy in Kanas (or at least have her get to Oz sooner).
 This causes another problem which is with most of the Oz stories you want Dorothy to be able to get back home. One thing the MGM musical did was give Dorothy more friends with the farm hands back in Kanas, which not only made Kanas feel more welcoming but gave Dorothy more of a reason to go back home. Here, I think there’s honestly not much reason for Dorothy going back home except for Toto. Kanas just looks so unfriendly in this movie, even with all the scary stuff that happens in there Oz still seems like the more appealing place and she has a lot more friends there, so… Why go back to the family that sent her to electro shock therapy? However that’s probably my only problem with the story that I can think of off the top of my head. 


There’s also the fact that since this is a sequel to the book a few things were referenced in this movie that people wouldn’t nessicarly know about unless they did read it. These elements are given brief explanations so it isn’t too out of left field though. However there’s also the fact that the book and the MGM musical have different tones to the story, thus if people going in expecting something similar to the musical they’re gonna be disappointed and caught off guard. It seems like a lot of studios try to make their own sequels to the original Wizard of Oz while still giving it a new twist or changing elements, but it’s hard for people to get into a sequel story when they haven’t seen the first story and it’s even harder when that universe’s first story doesn’t exist as it’s own movie. Personally I think Disney should have tried to adapt the first Wizard of Oz story before making Return to Oz, but then again I can understand why they went with Return to Oz first as people might just be comparing it to the original MGM musical.


Some people might say, “what about all of the scary stuff that happens in the movie?” and while yes there is a lot of scary stuff I didn’t think it was too horrifying per say. It never went gory or bloody, I felt like a good amount of scary for a family film. I think the reason why Return to Oz flopped back in it’s day was because it just came out before it’s time. Nowadays we have family films like Coraline and ParaNorman, which were much more successful films and featured stuff that was just as scary as what happens in this movie. Now I’m not saying all kids can handle this movie (I would strongly suggest not showing it to little kids), but I think this is the kind of family movie to show to pre-teen crowd nowadays.

Honestly I kind of like when this film gets scary, and I still consider myself a scaredy cat. I particularly like the climax, which is probably the most intense climax I have seen in any Disney movie. While I was watching it I kept on thinking “Come on go quickly” or “Quick around that corner-wait don’t go there!”, its full of suspense even on my second viewing.


Overall I think Return to Oz is a fantasitic movie and I absolutely love it now. It really is a shame that it bombed because I would have loved to see Disney try to adapt more of the Oz books (and I don’t mean new prequels to Oz I mean adaptations of the original stories). I’m honestly surprised that not many studios have tried making more Oz movies in the style of the books. The Oz stories are practically begging to given their own cinematic universe, all of the original books are public domain now so it’s practically gift wrapped for the studios and they do nothing with them except adapting the first book over and over again! -sigh- Maybe someday we’ll get an Oz movie series that gives the Oz books the proper treatment and respect they deserve, until then we’ll always have Return to Oz to return to. If you’re an Oz fan or love family films with a scary edge to them this is certainly the film for you.

Pros to Middle Eastern Di Angelos AU:

  • middle eastern representation in a series that has (canonically) ZERO CHARACTERS, main or otherwise (other than aunty em who was a fucking monster) who are from the middle east
  • muslim representation
  • literally there are so few middle eastern characters in anything ive seen that aren’t a) made into jokes (looking at you an abundance of katherines :/) or b) turned into the bad guys or terrorists 
  • bianca and nico are now poc. this is for people who think olive skin (from europe) is poc (which it isn’t)
  • nico and bianca are now fluent in arabic, italian, and english and theyre hella hella attractive
  • doesn’t erase their italian heritage because people can move from one country to another

Cons to Middle Eastern Di Angelos AU:

  • nothing. literally nothing. you cannot go wrong with this.