august rocks

3

Red Hot Chili Peppers perform at Lollapalooza on August 1, 1991.
Photo by Steve Eichner.

3

We haven’t categorized ourselves. And I don’t think we’ve thrown ourselves at the public as much as a lot of other people who say they haven’t—we don’t put ourselves in the way of glory. But three years is such a short time to start making any grand assessment. We’ve had the opportunity to be superduper incredible stars, and we could have lived on that much more than we have done, but I think it’s just a case of holding back all the time, because if you take the reins that are given to you, you end up destroying yourself—overdoing it, over playing it, over living it, and suddenly finding out that the things from your past don’t fit in at all with what you’re doing now. Therefore it’s much better for me to go home and be as I have been for years and years and years, than make some new being out of myself… —Robert Plant (Rock Magazine, August 1971)

I started testosterone injections in June of 2016.

Now, that was a huge accomplishment for me, but it was also the beginning of me having to navigate uncharted territory.

Most of the changes were smooth.

Voice cracks, body hair, bottom growth, acne,

The usual trans guy on T cocktail.

But come August I was rocking a crustache that should never have seen the light of day.

You know what I’m talking about,

When the hair on your lip is dark and in a really thin line,

And it kinda looks like you drank really rich hot chocolate and didn’t wipe your mouth.

Yeah, that.

It was approximately 2 in the morning when I noticed this atrocity on my face.

I was taking selfies and binge watching Netflix.

At first I was so excited.

It was like-

OH! I am a Man now!

There is hair on my face!

It didn’t totally register that I still looked like I was 13 years old  until I got to the bathroom and viewed it in good lighting.

I knew I needed to remove it from my face.

But faces are weird, and I had no fucking clue how to shave one.

I hadn’t shaved any part of my body in years.

I had only ever removed hair from my legs and my armpits and it always happened in the shower with a bright pink razor that had soap around the edges.

This was a different ball game. Faces aren’t even shaped like legs or armpits or vaginas.

The edges are more sharp and curves are different.

And the razors are different too.

There was a blue razor in my bathroom.

It belonged to my father.

It wasn’t the first time this razor had been in my hands, but it was the first time it was going to touch my face.

The blades were already familiar with my skin from late nights of cutting and crying and other things I don’t want to admit that I did.

Using a razor to shave was new to me.

You know, most boys have a father to teach them how to shave when the time comes.

I had a father too, but he didn’t think I was his son,

And he sure as hell wasn’t gonna teach his daughter how to shave her face at two-o-clock in the morning on a Wednesday.

So, naturally, I turned to the most masculine person I know.

He is 6’2”, an athlete, a huge dork, and he has killer facial hair.

No, really. He honestly looks hot as fuck and rocks everything he has.

But he also shaves.

So my dumb ass snapchats this boy at 2 in the morning.

I sent him a black photo with the caption

“Can you teach me to shave?”

While I was waiting for a response, I cried.

The last time I held a razor in my hands I destroyed my body.

This time, I’m building it up.

I slice my skin because I hate the body I was given,

And this time I’m shaving to embrace what my body can do.

It’s so fucking weird.

He responds with

“You get a razor and move it over the hair and it goes away you dipshit”

So I did.

But I definitely did not do it right.

I came out of it with the hair gone, but with blood running down my face and red marks under my nose.

No one told me that you had to use shaving cream AND water.

No one told me a lot of things about being a boy.

I covered up the gash in my face with makeup until it went away.

I felt dirty.

I felt like I was doing something wrong,

Like I needed to hide.

I thought I was done hiding.

I was so ashamed that I didn’t know what I was doing

And I was mad that I couldn’t ask my father for help

And I was sad that I never got to experience this the way so many other boys get to.

I taught myself to hide again.

But my friend made me stop sitting on my ass feeling sorry for myself.

He sent me step by step videos of himself shaving

So I could follow along the next time I had to.

My best friend was a stand in for my asshole father

And he taught me to love my body.

My body with the too big boobs

And the micro penis that is my clitoris

And the new hair

And the voice cracks

And everything else that comes along with my physical being.

As the gash in my face healed, so did my confidence.

I knew very well that I was an idiot who didn’t know to use shaving cream,

But I also knew that teenage boys are generally idiots,

So I was right where I was supposed to be.


Crustache by Emmett

Subtitle Release Schedule

Since I’m back in the Netherlands, it’s time to pick up the pace again and release some subtitles. As expected, none of my projects are anywhere near finished, and I realized I’ll be away from home for a good part of July, so… I think it’s safe to say I’m not going to make any of the goals I set about a month ago. Hence I’m here with an update on the new (temporary) release schedule…

Third week of June: Stage Play Touken Ranbu Kyoden Moeyuru Honnouji Saien
First week of July: Musical Hakuoki Reimeiroku
First week of August: Musical Touken Ranbu Mihotose no Komoriuta
Last week of August: Shinsei Rock Musical Bleach Reprise / Musical Touken Ranbu Shinken Ranbu Sai 2016
Last week of September: Rock Musical Bleach 2016
Third week of October: Stage Play Touken Ranbu Akatsuki no Dokuganryu

The schedule is subject to change, as somewhere in between I’ll be working on “Musical Saiyuki theMovie -Bullets-” too.
Italized projects take priority. Non-italized projects releases may be delayed in favor of releasing italized projects on time.
No matter what happens, November won’t bring any releases!! Because I’ll be in Japan again and won’t have time to work on subtitles.
Depending on whether or not I manage to stick to this schedule, December may bring another (not yet listed) subtitle, but I have yet to decide what I’ll pick up after finishing the current list. ^^ (Suggestions are welcome.)