Job AUs

Part 1 | Part 2

General

  • ‘Hey bastard this store is already closed oh wait you’re hot never mind please do come in’ AU
  • 'I’m on the verge of tears because of a rude customer and you step in and stand up for me’ AU
  • ‘I can feel you silently judging me as you ring up my purchases I swear I’m not using these for their intended purpose’ au
  • ‘Why does this cost TEN DOLLARS THIS IS AN OUTRAGE’ AU

Hairdresser AU

  • ‘You’re my regular customer and I’m in love with the feel of your hair’ AU
  • “Rumor has it that you’re a hairdresser with magic fingers and you can fix any bad hair day so that’s why I’m here’ AU

Gift store AU

  • 'Why the fuck are you choosing that for a gift to your crush’ AU
  • ‘You walk in and offer to pay me to wrap your gifts’ AU


Florist AU

  • ‘I work as a florist and every day you walk in, buy one flower and give it to me’ AU
  • ‘I work part-time in a flower shop and you keep asking me about what this flower means in flower language and I honestly don’t know so you end up giving me a lesson’ AU


Jewellery shop AU

  • 'You walk in and ask for the most expensive piece are you loaded to the gills what the fuck man’ AU
  • ‘I’m the employee and this is the first time ever I’ve met you but you buy me a necklace saying the gem compliments my eyes’ AU

Coffee Shop AU

  • I write a bad pick up line on your cup every time I’m your barista’ AU
  • 'You’re the customer and you get back at me for all the times I’ve spelt your name wrong by mispronouncing my name in increasingly horrible ways’ AU
  • 'You’re really short and cute and you buy a cup of black coffee every morning but you make weird faces as you sip it and you never finish your drink are you trying to look mature or something’ AU
  • 'Should I be concerned about how much caffeine you’re taking in’ AU


Bakery AU

  • 'Your love of strawberry shortcake really doesn’t match your appearance but i still think that’s really cute’ AU
  • 'Every morning you walk in and inhale deeply then walk back out seriously just buy something already’ AU 


Drug Store/Chemist AU

  • 'You embarrassedly place your items into the counter so I call a price check just to make you feel more awkward, but it turns out one of your items were actually overpriced’ AU


Bartender AU

  • 'You’re the bartender and you catch someone slipping something into my drink’ AU
  • ‘I ask you to concoct something from all the ingredients on the list i gave you and it ends up tasting so horrible and wrong that i can’t stop laughing’ AU


Teacher AU

  • We’re both teachers and at the end of the year we compare how many gifts we’ve received from students and you’ve won for the past three years’ AU
  • 'Romeo and Juliet of the math and english dept. in school’ AU

Writer AU

  • I’m a writer and when it gets close to my deadlines I neglect taking care of myself so you’ll pop in my house every so often to make sure I’m doing okay’ AU


Fast food Chain AU

  • ‘You just ordered a smile and I look at you like you’re batshit insane before bursting out into laughter’ AU
  • ‘You’re an employee and I have a crush on you so when you hand me the soft serve I accidentally grab it by the ice cream instead of the cone’ AU
  • ‘We have a free refill policy for soft drink and you’ve prepared several empty bottles what the fuck’ AU

Corner Shop AU

  • ‘I see you come in here every day to buy the same drink and one day I leave a message on the bottle’ AU
  • ‘You run in looking really panicked and you ask for 6 gallons of milk why’ AU

 

Restaurant AU

  • ‘You’re a famous critique and I’m a server and I get so nervous that I trip and spill the dish all over you’ AU
  • ‘You’ve always been a good cook so I encouraged your start your own restaurant and seven years down the track you own one of the most successful businesses’ AU

Idol/Manger AU

  • ‘I’m your manager and holy shit you have crazy fans’ AU
  • ‘You’re an idol and you got the lead role in a romance drama and you practice at my expense’ AU
  • ‘Can you please act appropriately do you know just how many of your fuck ups I’ve had to cover up last week’ AU 


Firefighter AU

  • ‘You’ve just been saved from a burning building and you’re begging to go back in to save your pet cat’ AU
  • No that’s impossible how the fuck did you manage to get it to catch fire?!” AU

Sex Line Operator AU

  • ‘I called you because I was curious and wow you have a very soothing voice can you please sing me to sleep’ AU
  • ‘I have a very cute neighbour and very thin walls and one day I call you and err your moans are very synchronised with my neighbour’s’ AU

And Finally:

  • You’re a drug lord and I think I’ve just walked into your drug den’ AU

sorry not sorry

Awkward First Meetings AUs
  • “My cat steals underwear and I come home to find you chasing my cat to get your underwear back.”
  • “I was imitating a fight scene off this anime I watched and accidentally hit you in the face.”
  • “This horrible umbrella won’t extend! Oh shit I just hit you in the stomach/crotch! I’m so sorry.”
  •  “I needed a drink of water after my shower but I forgot that I opened the blinds to my balcony and you just saw me walk into my kitchen naked.”
  • “I just tripped and fell face first into your crotch, god end my life now please.”
  • “I drunkenly tried to fight you and knocked myself out but you were kind enough to take care of me till I woke up.”
  • “You have just witnessed me cry over the ending to my favorite game before class began please don’t ever tell anyone about this.”
  • “I thought you were my friend so I slapped your ass in greeting.”
  • “I sent a selfie of myself in the tub to the wrong number and you responded back with another selfie. Holy shit you’re really attractive.”
  • “You’re headphones aren’t plugged in all the way so I know you’re listening to educational children’s cartoon theme songs.”
  • “You just caught me reading hardcore smut fan fiction during class and you’re wondering how I can read this with a blank face.”
  • “You accidently broke my arm when you fell from a tree and landed on top of me.”
  • “I got my ass handed to me in SSB4 by this little kid and you were there to witness it.”
  • “I’ve never talked to you before but the teacher just used us as an example for a scenario where we are married.”
  • “Hello we are full grown adults fighting over this last balloon that’s shaped like a cats head.”
  • “I’m running late to school and you just hit me with your motorcycle cause you’re also late and no I don’t want to go to the hospital instead because I cannot miss this test just please give me a ride instead?”
  • “Please don’t tell anyone that I carry a stuffed animal around with me and even talk to it.”
  • “Hello I’m your boss and you’re the new employee who just saw me shove an entire cupcake into my mouth.”
  • “I’m watching The Lion King on my phone and I’m trying to hide the fact I’m sobbing uncontrollably but you notice anyway.”
  • “I was trying to ask for directions and you accidentally pepper sprayed me cause you thought I was your stalker.”
  • “Hey you called this number at like 3AM and we talked about some pretty heavy shit do you remember any of that?”
AU ideas!

➸ gets into a cab only to find someone else already inside AU
out walking their dog who starts chasing after the other person’s dog AU
cat/dog runs away and other person finds it AU
mistaken identity AU
pen pals AU
sit next to each other in orchestra AU
partners in (literal) crime AU (theft? fraud? hacking? murder?)
partners in dance class AU
trapped on a deserted island together AU
wizard AU where one accidentally apparates into the wrong house
protester and police officer AU
lab partners AU
new neighbors AU
one’s blind and falls in love with the other’s voice AU
hair stylist/make up artist and actor/model AU
bffs when they were little but one moved away and they run into each other again AU
mailman(/woman) and person who receives a lot of mail AU
private detective and client AU
➸ archaeologist AU
paramedic AU
runaway royalty and confused commoner AU
android and human AU
ghosts in love AU
go to the same support group AU
just keep running into each other everywhere AU
orchestra player/pianist and concertgoer AU
younger siblings are best friends AU
photographer and model AU
writer and editor AU
immortal and non-immortal AU
➸ screenwriter and director AU
greek god and roman counterpart AU
ALL OF THE AUS

before writing your au, consider the following: 

  • meeting while waiting for hours on end in the emergency room au
  • monopoly night au
  • commiserating on a night shift at mcdonalds au
  • you were the only one that offered to help me move in au
  • marching band au
  • sharing a high school school textbook and leaving each other notes and answers in page corners au
  • working in a museum au
  • panicked yelling in unison because of lost baggage in between connecting flights au
au ideas you never asked for
  • “HEY STOP! YOU’RE STEALING MY NEIGHBOR’S DOG! WHAT THE FU – oh, they hired a dog walker? hahaha haha.. ha… carry on”
  • “i’m in the nurse’s office a lot with migraines and you’re always in here organizing her tongue depressors and i really don’t think you go to this school so what gives”
  • “the building manager neglected to tell me the window washers would be coming by today so excuuuuuuse me for thinking that twenty three floors up was high enough that i could dance around in my office without being seen”
  • “you’ve been awkwardly inching your way towards the human sexuality section of the bookstore i work at for like fifteen minutes are you looking for something in particular or –?”
  • “you and your friends have been playing the penis game in the library for the last five minutes and none of you have gotten above a quiet yell and i’m really just trying to study over here so i’m gonna put an end to this by winning the game”
  • “it’s 2 in the morning and i was just trying to get home but i left my sunroof open all day and now there’s a squirrel in my car and it scared me and i drove into a pole – would you please stop laughing you’re a cop. you’re supposed to be helping
  • “my favorite band dropped a new single today and i’ve had it on repeat for seven hours and i can see you judging me but that isn’t going to make me shut it off"
  • “hey new neighbor it appears that your dog likes me a thousand times better than she likes your partner and they’re really jealous and i’m sorry but not really because hellloooooo there”
  • “you can’t get tattooed drunk, come back in the morning and if you still want my name on your ass we’ll talk”
consider the following
  • “please for the love of god help you’re the only one here who speaks English” AU
  • “i go to this restaurant every week and sit at the same table and suddenly you’re my new server” AU
  • “i’ve been breaking my phone on purpose just because you work at the help desk” AU
  • “i saw you taking selfies and i wondered if i could take one with you” AU
  • “i’m the sarcastic techie who got dragged into running your stupid presentation” AU
  • “we somehow ended up in charge of senior prank” AU
  • “i’ve walked into your classroom four times by mistake can you please help me learn my way around this stupid school” AU
  • “your music’s way too loud bUT THAT’S MY FAVORITE SONG” AU
  • “bored single parents at a OneDirection concert” AU
  • “mutual drunk friend called BOTH of us to pick them up from a party well this is awkward” AU
  • “for the last time we do not sell hydrochloric acid I’M CALLING THE COPS” AU
  • “your email address is one letter different from my friend’s so i keep emailing you by mistake” AU
  • “you accidentally added me to this group chat and i don’t know how to take myself off” AU
AUs

Here are some aus, divided in different themes.

College themed

  1. I’m really passionate about this cause and I will give you this flier if I have to shove it down your throat
  2. My roommate’s boyfriend is staying over so can I please sleep on your floor
  3. We’re studying in the library and there are two people very obviously fucking in the stacks and we keep sharing embarrassed glances
  4. You peed on my car. You were drunk. I was in the car. There will be hell to pay
  5. My friend dragged me to this party and I just saw my ex quick make out with me
  6. It’s 3am, in the dead of winter, some motherfucker pulled/set off the fire alarm and I am being very vocal about how I’m gonna make that fucker pay
  7. I swear I’m wearing this Batman costume because of a dare
  8. Accidentally knocked on the wrong dorm room college au
  9. Heard a scream and thought you were getting killed but it was just a spider
  10. Somehow, we always end up sitting next to each other during the weekly gatherings to watch [Game of Thrones, SVU, Rupaul’s Drag Race, pick a show] in our dorm’s really good TV room 
  11. I took a bunch of free condoms from health services just because i could and they all fell out of my bag at once and now you’re staring at me weirdly

Awkward first meeting themed

  1. “This horrible umbrella won’t extend! Oh shit I just hit you in the stomach/crotch! I’m so sorry!”
  2. “I just tripped and fell face first into your crotch, god end my life now please.”
  3. “I drunkenly tried to fight you and knocked myself out but you were kind enough to take care of me till I woke up.”
  4. Trapped in a bank during a robbery 
  5. “I met you last night when you were drunkenly patting my dog in my backyard at 3 in the morning and when i asked you what the hell you were doing you slurred something about dogs being great and then you threw up on my feet and then fifteen minutes later you were passed out on my couch so that’s why you’re here right now also what the fuck is your name and why were you patting a dog in a stranger’s backyard in the middle of the night”
  6. “Last night was a haze for both of us and somehow we woke up hungover in a bed that isn’t either of ours and also neither of us recognize this apartment we should probably get out of here before someone calls the cops on us”
  7. “You found me hanging by my fingertips from your window and i don’t want to tell you i was trying to rob you but idk how else to explain this and i don’t want to go to jail and also you’re kind of cute we should make out when i’m not clinging onto your window ledge for my life”
  8. ‘you thought i was someone else and started making out with me at a club and you’re really hot so i just went with it and now we’re heading back to your place and idk how to break it to you’
  9. ‘we’re two thirds of the threesome we had last night and we’re walking awkwardly out of the last persons’s apartment together’
  10. ‘i’ve had a really awful day so i started kicking a car out of frustration and it turned out to be your car i’m so sorry’
  11. “I ordered pizza but the pizzeria got my order wrong so now I’m screaming at my really cute pizza delivery boy because I’m angry and very hungry”

Nobility themed

  1. “your country’s trying to take over/annex my country and you’re making it difficult to hate you because you’re so nice and attractive stop it”
  2. “we’ve been engaged to be married since we were three but this is the first time we’ve met and your portraits really don’t do you justice”
  3. “i’m a prince/ss and you’re a servant and we’re not supposed to hang out but we’re gonna fall in love anyways”

Opposites attract themed

  1. a hopeless romantic and a single-but-proud meet at a store on valentine’s day. the latter is buying valentine cards ironically, the former buying them sincerely in hopes of getting a date
  2. a scary-looking person who unintentionally makes kids cry and a daycare volunteer meet at a children-filled park
  3. rebellious teenager who’s failing all their classes is assigned a studious tutor
  4. really distinguished food critic and fast food chef
  5. a hopeless romantic and a horny beast are set up on a blind date

High school themed

  1. “We’re the only ones in detention”
  2. “I desperately need my books but my locker is blocked and you’re the only one in the hall”
  3. “Someone wrote I’m cute in the bathroom stall and your notes match the handwriting”
  4. “I twisted my ankle and you’re the only one here strong enough to carry me to the nurse’s office but we’re both really awkward”
  5. “We were both left out when everyone was picking partners and now we always choose each other when we have classes together”
  6. “I lent you my cool pencil months ago and you still use it”
  7. “I accidentally took your notebook thinking it was mine and you have really nice handwriting and cute doodles”
  8. “You started sitting by me at lunch because I’m alone at my table but we never talk to each other”
  9. “I was really hungry but had no money and you bought me lunch even though I don’t know you”
  10. “I left my phone number on the bathroom stall wall and you text me about your day and your frustrations for a month & it’s really nice and cute but I still don’t know who you are”
  11. “I fell asleep on your couch after a party but you didn’t complain and made breakfast for the both of us”
  12. sharing a textbook and leaving each other notes and answers in page corners
  13. found their phone number in a library book
  14. dancing partners
  15. younger siblings are best friends
  16. playing romantic interests in a play
  17. “yes i understand that it’s may and this classroom is stuffy but why are you taking your shirt off and why aren’t you in trouble (not that i mind)”
  18. “i can’t believe you dropped the frog we’re dissecting on tHE FLOOR WHAT THE FUCK”
  19. “i’m fightin this person and they shoved me into u im sooo sorry- oh hey you’re cute- oH MY GOD UR KICKIN ASS MARRY ME!!! PLEASE!!!!”
  20. “you asked me to prom by filling my locker with ping pong balls that say “prom?” on them but i tripped on one and smacked my head on a locker but thanks for taking me to the nurse!!! i still want to go with you!!”

Ridicously sentence themed

  1. “I’m going to need you to put on some underwear before you say anything else.“ 
  2. "Quick catch that cat it stole my wallet!”
  3. “I hope you know that my name is actually ________.”
  4. “That is the tenth demon summoning this week holy shit.”
  5. “Please put me down it’s just a sprained ankle" 
  6. “Why exactly do you need chloroform at 2AM?”
  7. “I’m like 75% this won’t explode on us.”
  8. “I understand the whole sleep talking thing but what I don’t understand is the princess dragon dream and why I’m in it.”
  9. “I’m sorry that I got way too into playing house and accidentally kissed you passionately.”

Height difference themed

  1. “I’m in a bookshop and I really need that book can you get it for me??? Wait you’ve read that book? let’s have an in depth conversation about it.”
  2. “You were trying to reach for a box of cereal and a whole shelf’s-worth of cereal boxes fell on you here let me help”
  3. “We’re both baristas and sometimes I have trouble reaching for things and I show up to work one day to find a personalized stool with hearts and my name on it i hATE YOU but also thanks”
  4. “You are very tall and I am very short so you run into me all the time and honestly this is getting ridiculous”
  5. I’m in art class and I just opened a cupboard to find a tiny person (you) squished inside and you just looked at and said “shh i’m hiding”
  6. “We’re on the bus and I’m really not trying to take up your space I’m sorry I just have rlly rlly long legs” 
  7. “You’re afraid that you’ll lose me in big crowds so you always hold my hand but now you just hold my hand when there’s only, like, five people around and I’m getting vry suspicious” 

Reincarnation themed

  1. I fell in love with you three lifetimes ago and I’ve been looking for you ever since but I’ve been starting to give up and my friend’s new crush has your eyes and oh god I’m not going to steal someone’s date just because I’m hoping you’re the person I met in a past life
  2. We keep reincarnating as people who speak different languages and it’s kind of pissing me off because I can never initially confirm if it’s you but at least I keep learning a bunch of cool new languages each lifetime

Mythical creatures themed

  1. “i’m a newly-turned werewolf without a pack and i can’t really control myself well on full moon nights yet and you keep finding me passed out naked on your lawn”
  2. “i got cursed and turned into an animal and taken to the shelter and ended up getting adopted by someone who is really hot OH NO”
  3. “i’m a history major and i keep getting into arguments with one of my classmates about things because they keep saying i’m wrong so i finally scream, ‘how would you know?!?’ and they’re like, ‘because i was THERE!’ and that’s how we all find out that there is a centuries-old vampire taking our British history class”

Funny meeting at a party themed

  1. “i was on my balcony and you started loudly quoting romeo and juliet at me”
  2. “spilled my drink down your shirt and then tried to drink it off you”
  3. “we had an impromptu rap duet in the middle of the party”
  4. “you kept asking everyone to play the cha cha slide then proceeded to pass out when the song started”
  5. “you keep shouting “THIS IS MY JAM” at every song that comes on i have a headache the size of nebraska you’re lucky you’re cute”
  6. “whenever you saw me you’d shout ‘WHOOOOOOOOO’ really loudly and then do finger guns at me before walking off to god knows where”
  7. “you thought I was your friend and pulled me up on the table to dance with you now you’re shirtless and grinding on me”
  8. “you got up to the mic and started singing and holy shit you’re really good???”
  9. “you’re really bad at beer pong but you do this really cute dance before you throw the ball so I’m letting you stay on my team”
  10. “our mutual friend dared the two of us to chug a whole pint of beer and I’m not going to let you beat me”
  11. “we both grabbed for the last bottle of the good beer and i’m not saying we’re going to fight for it but we are”

Competitive themed

  1. we’re both ‘team leaders’ at a summer camp for little people and you may be hot but goddammit my collection of twelve-year-olds are going to beat yours into the dust
  2. I used to be the best baker in the neighbourhood but then you showed up at Mrs Appleby’s 80th birthday with a stack of brownies which almost gave me an orgasm my honour is at stake and I’m going all out for the next event
  3. a mutual friend invited us to their laser tag party and we’re the last two alive on opposite teams and goddammit if I’m going down you’re going down with me
  4. you’re going to be at the halloween party and you’ve won best costume for the past three years but this year I am wearing the best costume ever if you defeat me I will eat my - wait you actually look really cute when did you turn hot what the fuck um
  5. we’re always making stupid bets like 'bet you can’t drink this whole bottle of BBQ sauce’ but then you did and now you’re sick and I feel really bad here let me look after you
  6. did you actually just blue shell me on our date you fucker

“We’re bad at dating” themed

  1. I can’t tell whether this is a date because you asked to see a movie but I’m still not sure you’re queer, and I’m toeing the line because maybe you’re just trying to make friends
  2. I decided to flip a coin about every decision in my life for a week and that’s how we ended up on a date
  3. We’re both meant to be going on blind dates with other people but we sat down at the wrong table and got our hopes up
  4. We had one really bad date and never spoke again and now our friends have set us up on a blind date
  5. We’re going on a blind date - but wait a moment, aren’t you that went down on me in a back alley behind a club year ago? … what do you mean “which one”?
  6. You’re my waiter and I’m on a really crappy date with an asshole

and you know what? here’s even MORE aus:

  • i keep callling tech support because you’re helpful and also your voice is really cute au
  • rival ice cream trucks au
  • you helped me get my kayak upright so we’re friends forever au
  • competitive buskers who eventually form a band au
  • pen pals who vent at each other every week au
  • newspaper advice columnists who passive-aggressively diss one another in their advice au
  • working at a theatre together during the midnight premiere of a blockbuster au
Yes coffee shop & spy AUs are totally cute but here are some more AUs I need
  • Accidentally fell asleep on each other on the train au
  • Always in front of me in line for the coffee shop with a ridiculous order that takes forever to make au
  • “I moved into the appartment next door and it’s 100% haunted please let me crash here for the night” au
  • “I may or may not have robbed a bank just now and please help me get away i’ll repay you in sexual favours and also cash” au
  • Neighbour who’s way too enthuisiastic about LOTR soundtracks au
  • That one asshole costumer that always comes in 5 minutes before the store is about to close au
  • “I don’t know you but you were at that party last night and long story short I now have your name tatooed on my ass” au
  • “Could you please move your bed a little further from the wall I’m trying to work” au
  • “My friends dared me to go on this rollercoaster but now that we’re at the top it looks way too scary and hellO hot person sitting next to me (careful i might puke)” au
  • “I was trying to take a sneeky picture of you because i told my friend about the hot guy on the train and she wanted to see but you totally noticed and yeah this is awkward” au
  • “That is a hideous shirt you should totally just take it off” au
  • “That asshole stole my song at karaoke night” au
  • Met on the fireescape outside the appartment for smokes au
  • Ice hockey rival teams au
  • Hot lifeguard au
  • 911 operator au
AU's I'd love to see
  • You accidentally chained your bike to mine and I can’t leave until you get back au
  • I’m the tour guide on your fancy package holiday au
  • We both really want that parking space au
  • I’m your new neighbor and I’m using your wifi au 
  • I work at the checkout and you’re clearly not old enough to buy that au
  • It’s pouring with rain and there’s space under your umbrella au 
  • There are loads of empty seats on this train but you chose to sit next to me au 
  • I tried to parallel park and hit your car, do you want my details au
  • We live across the street from each other and you really need to get some curtains au
  • I’m an interior decorator and you hired me to fix up your apartment au
  • We’re both actually con-artists trying to scam each other au 
  • You dined and dashed in my restaurant but you left your coat behind au 
  • Please stop picking flowers from my garden au 
  • You left your phone number in the library book I just borrowed au 
  • We turned up to this party wearing the same outfit and you look better in it au 
  • Someone in this building is listening to my favorite song au 
  • I found a USB and it’s full of your holiday photographs au 
  • My hamster escaped and I think he went under your door au 
some more aus
  • “okay buddy you’ve been serenading the wrong window for about five minutes now, time to let you know my neighbor is out of town” au
  • “you hired me to be the surprise stripper for your friend at this bachelor/bachelorette party and they did not take it well and threw both of us out in the freezing cold this is all your fault” au
  • “i’m the superhero’s sidekick and you’re the super villian but i don’t know that and we both met on an online dating website and you look really familiar?” au
  • “you’re a stress baker and i stay up too late working and i’m writing a thank you note to the ethereal being responsible for the food magically appearing in the common room” au
  • “it’s autumn and we’re both picking pumpkins upstate but you picked one that’s bigger than you are and it looks like you’re struggling oh god do you need help???” au
  • “you were trying to make a snow angel but the snow is too deep and you can’t get back up and i’m trying to decide whether to keep laughing at you or help you” au
  • “i’m a figure skater who’s trying to practice and you took your baby cousins out to the rink but none of you can skate do you need help??” au
  • “you’re supposed to be on a blind date with someone but you sat down at the wrong table and i haven’t been able to get a word in edgewise to tell you that and it’s been thirty minutes” au 
another list of weird but funny AUs
  • “You rubbed my lamp, I am your genie but I kinda suck at using my magic so bear with me here” AU
  • “I was digging in my garden and I found your time capsule with a bunch of weird stuff in it, sorry I went through it” AU
  • “Yeah yeah I’m the person who tripped and fell on their face to get to the podium on stage for the welcome speech at freshman orientation” AU
  • “This is the tenth time this week we’ve had a fire alarm go of but uh… this time it was my fault” AU
  • “You crashed into me on your bicycle but I’m actually okay, you on the other hand look like you need some first aid” AU
  • “Hey classmate, I’ll be telling some jokes and puns during my presentation but I’m not sure if anyone will laugh so can I count on you to laugh so I don’t look stupid?” AU
  • marching band “you’re in the drum section and I play trombone, this is a scandal” AU
  • “I tried to rescue you from being mugged but instead I got knocked out and you had to take me to the hospital after having your wallet stolen” AU

you want more aus? i’ll give you more aus

  • met standing in the reallllllly long queue for the dressing rooms au
  • lifeguards at a summer camp au
  • you’ve been playing guitar in the hall of the hotel since three in the morning and i came down to tell you to shut the fuck up au
  • the 5 cent hug for charity you offered me on the street really brought out our amazing chemistry au
  • awkward teenage spin the bottle/seven minutes in heaven au
  • dungeons and dragons au

alright but why does no one write colorblind character AUs??? 

(note: i am not colorblind, a friend of mine who is was just telling me about some of the shit that’s happened to him)

  • you accidentally took my bag instead of yours and i don’t know your name so i yelled “YOU IN THE YELLOW SHIRT” but you didn’t respond so i yelled “HEY ASSHOLE” when i finally caught up with you… and apparently your shirt is red??
  • we’re doing a lab in chemistry with the “flame test” where you set an element on fire and we’re supposed to record what color the flame is, but i have no fucking clue what color it’s supposed to be so i’m copying your answers and now you think i’m trying to cheat
  • i thought this tomato was ripe but it’s actually green and you saw me take a bite out of it and whispered “hardcore”
  • if you ask me “what color is this” one more time i’m going to punch you out don’t think i won’t
  • did you know i can’t be a police officer in certain states??? like what the fuck i will fight the system and become a police officer goddamn it, my partner can record that the perp’s shirt was fucking purple
  • you’re too polite to tell me that the colors of my outfit clash horribly but the jokes on you because i actually know what colors they’re supposed to be (because there’s an app for that!) and i just like making your eyes bleed
random aus & prompts to consider
  • we pulled an all nighter trying to play monopoly and i think i may have confessed some weird shit
  • i got so emotional during that movie that i didn’t notice i was gripping your hand i’m so sorry
  • your the lead in the play and im just the person painting the backdrops but role is hilarious and i have to stop myself from watching and laughing at you
  • this is some fifteen hour flight to goddamn australia and there is a very cute flight attendant on this plane
  • we’re in an orchestra and you’re a strings whilst i play brass and i think we both take our rivalries too seriously
  • we’re the leading actors in a play/movie/show and during my performance i accidentally punched you in the face and i really hope i didnt wreck that gorgeous face of yours
  • we’re in a class and i sit behind and all you ever do during the lessons is watch cat videos and youtube and it’s extremely distracting
some dumb au ideas
  • “i’m a horror game developer and you’re well known for playing my game and your face looks really stupid when you scream” au
  • “i’m the band teacher and you’re the choir teacher and we take our rivalry more seriously than our students do” au
  • “i found your number in a library card on a scrap of paper with some really confusing random words i’m intrigued and i’m calling you so you can explain” au
  • “you’re my theatre department rival for this lead but we got cast as love interests instead” au
  • “we’re both hired as disney world royalty and our characters never intermingle but that won’t stop me” au
  • “i picked up your bag at the airport but i can’t find your number so i’m about to embark on the largest scavenger hunt of all time by using your strange belongings to track you down” au
  • “you’re a celebrity who just broke up and i tweeted you a selfie with the caption “date me” as a joke but you thought i was serious?” au
  • “we’re cosplaying at comic con dressed as a pair and we didn’t come together but people think we did and i have yet to meet you?”
  • “you’re an extra for my superhero movie and you clearly have no idea how to do this” au
soulmate AU prompts

- the voice you hear your thoughts in is your soulmate’s but you don’t know who they are until you hear them speak for the first time

- your soulmate’s initials are imprinted in your skin of your hand at birth and the letters burn more intensely as the day you meet them grows closer

- you’ve only ever seen your soulmate in your dreams but you can never remember what they look like, the imaginary life you have with them picks up wherever it leaves off when you fall asleep again. but the dreams stop after you meet them, but you have no way of know who they are because you still can’t remember their face

- your soulmate’s hair color is the color of your eyes. the color of your eyes also changes to match the color of their hair if they dye it

- you think you have a sleepwalking problem but it’s really just the universe trying to bring you to your soulmate when your mind is disengaged

- you’ve been sketching your soulmate’s face since you were old enough to pick up a pencil, the drawings become more realistic through the years as the day you meet comes near

- you’re born with a band of your soulmate’s skin color tattooed in your skin

- all of your dreams are your soulmate’s most significant memories from that given day

more au ideas no one asked for
  • “you’re super short and i’m sorry but it’s really really cute whenever you try to reach that book on the top shelf here lemme help you- oh no don’t be embarrassed, your face is all red and you’re even more adorable now i am going to die” au
  • “i’m a biker and one day i was biking in your neighborhood while you just happened to be outside watering the plants and since you’re so goddamn cute i accidentally steered into a pole and now you’re giving me first aid (holy shit you’re even cuter up close)” au
    • “you’re biking through my neighborhood and you ran into a pole so now i’m really concerned and patching you up, oh my gosh you’re really hot even though you have a bloody nose” au
  • “i’m at a karaoke bar and i’m sober enough to realize that your voice singing my absolute favorite song is the most beautiful thing i’ve ever heard, and you caught me staring and winked at me oh shit” au
  • “you fell asleep on my shoulder on the plane ride and i would ask you to move but you look so comfy and adorable when you sleep. also you smell really good and the feeling of your breath on my skin is somewhat relaxing, maybe we can go out to lunch in this shitty airport when you wake up?” au
  • “you’re so perfect and i’m in love with you but i’ve never actually met you and you keep avoiding meeting up, so i called nev and max to help me figure out whether or not you’re catfishing me” au
    • “whoa it turns out you were actually just super shy and you’re even cuter in person pls kiss me in front of all these cameras” au to followup with that
  • “i’m a quiktrip worker and whenever I work a night shift, you always arrive and buy like 3 cans of redbull and you look exhausted, do you need some help? are you okay?” au
  • “you invited me to your brother’s/sister’s wedding as a plus one bc we’re hella best friends but we end up making out at the afterparty and now everyone thinks we’re fucking so uh,, u wanna go out for a drink sometime? try this whole couple thing out?” au
  • “my sister tried to set me up with her friend but little does she know that i am hella gay and i end up falling in love with her smoking hot brother, and whenever i hang at her place we always tell my sister that it’s for a date when really she’s now just trying to set me up with her brother” au
    • (this can be tweaked in any way to fit your otp :p)
  • “i’m one of those talk show stars that walks up to random people on the streets and asks them really obscure questions, and you’re really cute and camera shy and i’m sorry but it’s adorable how you stutter when you’re nervous, uh, perhaps when there aren’t so many cameras surrounding me i can buy you a drink?” au
    • “you just came up to me on the street and asked where the weirdest place i had sex was and i’m assuming it’s for one of those talk show things, but i’m really nervous because you’re really really hot in that suit holy shit” au
  • “will you stop flirting with me you just got seriously injured and i’m the EMT trying to tend to your wounds in the ambulance, i don’t give a fuck that i look cute when i’m concerned, you’re lucky you’re not dead you dipshit” au
  • “my mom/sister/dad/brother/best friend doesn’t know we’re dating but one day he/she/they walked in on us making out and started cheering oh my god this is so embarrassing i’m so sorry” au
  • “you have fire powers and i have ice powers and one day you save my ass and even though we’re supposed to be rivals, you’re actually really really cute and warm can i just stay in your arms forever bc i am perpetually cold” au
    • “you have ice powers and i have fire powers and i save your sorry ass from getting hurt/killed, okay i know we’re supposed to be rivals according to every legend ever but you’re adorable and wow you’re really cold, would you like me to warm you up?” au
  • “i’m so sorry i’ve been stowing away on your ship but i’m lonely and tired and starving with nowhere to go so please take pity on my poor soul bc you’re the sweetest pirate i have ever met and since we’re in the middle of the ocean now there’s no way you’re taking me back to land anytime soon” au
    • “i would be furious at you for stowing away on my ship if it weren’t for the fact that you look really sick and sad can i help you” au
  • “dude why did that siren take on my image to try and seduce you, is there something you wanna tell me” au
  • “I’m an elf with really bad aim so while hunting i accidentally shot you in the shoulder with an arrow i’m so sorry can i make it up to you in any way? oh shit you’re a wizard, please don’t turn me into a frog i’ll do anything you want me to” au
  • “we’re coworkers and all the other employees ship us so just for fun we all go out clubbing/to a bar but little do we know its actually a plot they set up to get us to realize our supposed love for each other. wait you’re actually a really good dancer and your laugh is so endearing and, holy shit, maybe our colleagues were right” au
  • “i catch you at the bus terminal shivering your ass off because it’s 30 degrees and for some godforsaken reason you’re wearing a short sleeve t shirt, so out of pity i lend you my hoodie and you look so surprised it’s the cutest thing i’ve ever seen, setting aside the fact that you’re a goddamn idiot, do you want to get sick?” au
    • (cont.) “you look so sad and cold that i just tell you to keep my hoodie b/c you obviously need it more than i do. a week later i see you at a coffee shop/book store/etc. and you’re wearing my hoodie which you look so fucking tiny and cute in, and you just saw me and you look super embarrassed; you offer me it back but i tell you it suits you more and we end up talking and i buy you a drink” au
  • “we’re partners in cupcake wars and i never realized how cute you look with frosting on your face until now but no distractions, we have to fucking pummel these other teams because we are the best goddamn cupcake company in the universe WE CAN DO THIS” au
  • “i’m swimming laps in a lake alone at night and i thought no one else was here but i just swam right into you and uh?? you’re not wearing a shirt and you’re hot as hell pl ease take me right here” au
  • “i took you to my family’s lakehouse and we went jetskiing which you were so adorably excited about b/c you’ve never been, and when we drove around on the water at ungodly speeds u held onto me b/c there was nothing else to hold onto” au
  • “my friends dared me to buy 20 condoms but i didn’t realize that the cute cashier would be working tonight so i avoided eye contact as i piled them onto the counter and please stop laughing so hard, oh my god it’s for a dare okay i’ve never had sex in my life and once you stopped laughing, i swear i fell in love with that sparkle in your eye as you grinned wildly at me and asked me out for a drink” au
  • “i accidentally called the wrong skype number and it turns out the person i called was you and you’re in a different time zone, so it’s 3am where you are and you just woke up and look fucking pissed but you’re cute so… let’s do this again when you’re not asleep. i’m more than willing to stay up into the dead of night to talk to you” au
  • “i’m a radio host who indirectly mentions you and flirts with you on my show but you’re so goddamn clueless, please just notice me i’m so desperate for you it’s kind of sad (see: welcome to night vale)” au