Warning : English is not my mother tongue so please forgive all my lacks of conjugation / spelling mistakes. Thank you ♡
« I’m going to bed… » Taehyung gets up and waves to you before going to his room. You wish him good night and huddle up to Yoongi’s arm, enjoying the warmness of your best friend’s body. You’re alone with him in the living room and it’s getting pretty late. You had a great night with your friends like always, and now everybody’s asleep. Yoongi reaches for his phone and choose a random song to play on the speakers.
« No, not this song… », you sigh.
Yoongi hisses : « Such a pain in the ass… »
You bite his arm which makes him groan. Yoongi hisses and firmly squeezes your thigh. You whine and move away to get rid of his hand but Yoongi puts his arm around your folded leg which gives him better balance as he searches for another song. You don’t have the energy to fight him so you let it go, putting your head on his shoulder and watching his phone’ screen. You smile when Yoongi puts Offonoff’s new album and you squeeze his arm, whispering « My favorite… ». Yoongi’s head leans back on the sofa as he whispers back « I know… » and he smiles when he hears your little laugh. You watch him close his eyes, his lips moving with the lyrics, his hand nonchalantly releasing the pressure on your leg.
Your eyes slowly goes down. You can see the beat of his heart pulsing on his neck. His pale skin looks really smooth down here. As you gulp, you lost yourself in the contemplation of your best friend’s beauty, your heart beating faster than usual. You want to look away, you try to look away, but your eyes are stuck. You stare at his neck, feeling a strange heat growing between your thighs.
“I can not emphasize how incredibly hot and attractive both Alter Saber and Jeanne are, gosh those outfits are just too good to be true. 10/10 would join the dark side. They can step on me any time they want.
Characters: Alter Saber & Alter Jeanne/Ruler 💗💗💗💗💗
Okay guys. Here goes. I’m going to try to remember and describe as much of the experience as possible, so you can all feel a little piece of it too. This is your warning… this is going to be a long post.
Disclaimer: this review is going to be very little about the play, and very lots about how mindblowingly gorgeous and excellent Tom was in the play. If you’re not in this to hear a dissertation on that man’s thighs in his tight-ass jeans, don’t read further. I love and deeply appreciate theatre (this is the 14th play I’ve seen since moving to London 10 months ago), but this is tumblr and I’m not really here to be a theatre critic or to dissect various interpretations of Shakespeare. I’m here to drool over sexy men. It’s right there in the title.
So, to get that boring, non-thigh-centred discussion out of the way first - the play was seriously great. I enjoyed it hugely, even apart from the magic of Tom’s Hamlet (and somehow in spite of the distraction that was my brain screaming “HE’S RIGHT THERE!!!” for 3 hours straight). I saw a similarly intimate staging of Hamlet back in January, which I found… overly intense. This one was much better. I especially liked the touches of humour throughout, which helped to break up the heavier moments and moved the story along in a nice rhythm, and brought out the humanity and likability of the characters. The cast were all fantastic, and the sparseness of the stage worked well - the focus was fully on the actors and the words they were saying.
We were sat in the front row, far stage left…which was basically on the stage. The theatre is teeny, with no raised stage, which meant the actors were walking by us close enough to touch. Being that close to Tom for an extended period of time was full-on exhilarating. When he’d run by us, we’d get a waft of air and could actually smell him. I didn’t get to last time, so I breathed in deep this time…and it was absolutely delicious. I’m sure we were visibly swooning after each inhale.
(I’m really sad that only a limited number of people will get to see this, and I know there’s been much discussion over the supposed “exclusivity” of this show, but I must say, in being one of the lucky ones who got to be there, that it was magical how intimate this was. It was immersive - a unique and beautiful theatre experience. I feel incredibly grateful.)
Important things must be addressed, so: couch humping. Was SO FUNNY. It wasn’t a full-on dry humping (oh god…I just had to take several minutes to think about what that would be like. I’m back now) but rather a couple of energetic thrusts. Which was enough. This was met with laughter and tons of quietly imploding vaginas, I assume.
In this same scene (a great scene), Hamlet sits on the recently-violated couch with Polonius and laughs loudly with him. It’s rather forced (he’s putting on a show here), but also - seriously adorable. Because Tom. It gifted us with a huge Hiddles grin, which is so damn infectious (as you well know). In the third bout of this laughter, Hamlet dissolves into tears. One of the best things about Tom’s Hamlet was how perfectly and naturally he navigated the quick shifts in his mood - swinging wildly between grief, rage, lunacy, amusement, earnestness - and it all felt incredibly deft and real. Also, that man is gifted when it comes to crying. I think there were real tears in his eyes for about 75% of the performance. At one point, you could see the tears falling, illuminated by the stage lights. It was beautiful. I managed to stay seated and not run to throw myself on him and cover him in kisses, which was obviously what first instinct was telling me to do.
Okay…let us talk about how good he looked. IT IS GROSS, AND MAKES NO SENSE. My brain can’t compute this level of attractiveness, and I have no appropriate words to convey it. It’s even worse in real life. And truly, this is Peak Tom, look-wise. I missed probably large sections of dialogue due to thinking about his hair (I wish this was a joke). I could not stop staring at it. The curls are entrancing. It is perfection. I will cry when he gets a haircut. THIS IS THE HAIR HE WAS BORN TO HAVE. Also, THE JEANS. Holy fucking hell. I could write a Hamlet-length soliloquy about those jeans. Maybe it was because I was on the side, so I spent a good amount of time looking at the back of him, but…I have never appreciated a view more. Those jeans were, um, very tight, and I have zero complaints. I think I could actually see his thigh muscles flexing through them. I was equally entranced by his legs and thighs throughout the whole thing. My stream of consciousness went something like this: hair-legs-thighs-jaw-eyes-voice-words-legs-ass-kill-me-now…!
Yeah… his ass in those jeans. Specifically when he was moving or jumping around a lot. I leave it to your imagination.
Overall, there is truly just something about him. We have not been imagining that. His physical presence is undeniably, overwhelmingly attractive. He’s all legs and cheekbones and curls, and the way he moves is impossible to look away from. He’s so damn FIT. His body, his face, his every movement…it’s all just sex incarnate. I can’t be eloquent about it. What the fuck do you say about this. Just. Ugh. Fuck me up.
Will you look at this? GOD.
Wardrobe stuff: I love his new peacoat. It’s really nice and looks so soft, so he looks super huggable in it. I will continue to swoon over the upturned collar look on him - it works so well with his long neck and impeccable jawline. I also like how well he rocks the hoodie-and-peacoat combo. Really, is there anything that doesn’t look good on him?! Oh, and…there was no appearance, sadly, of the beloved grey boots (those boots are like a secondary celeb spotting for us by now). He was wearing dark brown boots through the whole thing. But they looked really good too no duh, so, no big loss.
Uh-oh… this post is already very long, and I have at least 26 more things to say about all of this. I’m think I’m gonna stop here for tonight and write a part two tomorrow. Coming up: tummy peeks, dancing, leather gloves and the opinions of the lady sitting next to me on Tom’s ass in those jeans (you didn’t think I was done talking about that yet, did you?)
Soooo this was going to be a “5 + 1” fic but I really gotta work on my project now, boo. but I wanted to send you what I had :) so here’s three parts! I tried to write from Icarus’s point of view this time… not sure how great I did lol anyway I hope you like it though :)
Icarus is taking four classes this term; the standard for a full-time student. He also signed up for a handful of extracurricular activities, not many, but enough to keep him involved. He’s discreetly in the student LGBTQ+ club, though he doesn’t often speak up. And of course, astronomy club, which is the thing he lives for every week.
He also has five separate jobs, that require his efforts at various times of the day/week. Between the five of them, Icarus manages to make enough money to keep his monthly bills in check, as well as taking a chunk off of the cost of tuition. He’s not rich, for sure, but frankly, it’s enough for him to keep his head above water (a phrase that’s always made him shudder, for some reason), and not burden his family with debt.
So many jobs, classes and extracurriculars requires Icarus to keep a detailed schedule on his refrigerator so he can keep track of where he’s supposed to be and when.
Tragically, this becomes his undoing, as certain other individuals also consult this schedule at their leisure to determine how and where to find him and maximize their pestering.
-It’s around 11th grade when Richie becomes really self concision. He notices how good his friends start to look and how much people seem to focus on attractiveness.
-He starts covering his mouth when he laughs because he doesn’t want people to see his teeth. Richie thinks they’re too big for his mouth.
-And he starts trying go without his glasses. Like he knows how big and thick they are and he starts to hate them. So he’ll sit in class and squint at the bored and he ended up walking into a couple walls because he can’t see anything.
-He starts worrying about his hair. It’s always wild, not like Stan’s. Stan’s hair is neat and curls just right, Richie thinks his hair looks like a mop or a main or even a bird’s nest. He shows up late to class because he starts spending more time on it. In the end he just ends up making it frizzy.
-Even his height starts to bother him. He’s tall and thin and he feels like he’s all legs. Not graceful either, not long attractive legs. Most of the time Richie feels like a baby deer trying to ice skate. He knows he’s not graceful.
-His friends starts notice too. Everyone loves to tease Richie but Stan knows Richie is really bothered by how he looks. He thinks it’s ridiculous.
-So Stan starts pulling Richie’s hand away from his mouth when he laughs saying things like, “Stop, you look fine” or “I wanna see your smile, stupid.”
-At first Richie is shocked but he starts to go with it. It’s easier than trying to fight Stan. And he’d be lying if he said it didn’t make him feel better about himself.
-When he plays with his hair too much Stan will gently pull his hands away and give him a knowing look. “I like the way it looks, it’s you.”
-When Richie tries to go without his glasses Stan with frown at him before digging them out of Richie’s bag and carefully putting them back on his face. “You’re gonna give yourself a headache trying to read without them. Don’t take them back off.”
-And when they have movie night and Richie is tucked in on himself, Stan insist that he stretches out. “I think you’re overestimating how tall you are, Trashmouth.”
-And when Stan catches Richie staring at himself in the bathroom mirror frowning, he quickly pulls him around and shakes his head. “Stop being so hard on yourself. Don’t you know you’re the hottest boy I know?”
-After that day Stan just points out all the things he loves about Richie. “Beautiful eyes, cutest freckles, best smile, favorite laugh.” All of those things. And Richie just kind of eats it up even though he’s blushing and rolling his eyes at Stan.
-It’s when they’re hanging out together on the last day of summer before they start senior year. Richie leans over from his spot on the sofa and presses a quick kiss to Stan’s cheek. “Thank you, for always making me feel good about myself. Just so you know, I think you’re the hottest boy /I/ know.”
I’d meant to include this in my earlier post, but ran out of space - and it wasn’t really relevant anyway, as Jonah’s costuming doesn’t really have anything remotely in common with Amy’s. But if you want to know why EVERYONE hates Jonah, just look at the way he dresses.
“u will be like princess fiona and lord farquaard. that height difference tho”
“u have attractive legs” “thank u….. u also have.. legs”
“by the way, people on planes LOVE when u shout,, u dont even need to shout complete sentences just shout ‘DOWN!!!!!!!!’ trust me i’ve been on a plane before and they love me they gave me free peanuts”
“how do i use snapchat???? ok i just sent u a message. don’t be mistaken i don’t actually want to talk to u i just need to send a message”
“i’m always scared that one day i’ll send ‘massage’ instead of ‘message’. like what if one day ii say ‘yh i’ll massage u when i’m at the train station’ and they roll up with oil”
“people are always trying to be edgy,,, as for me,,, im naturally edgy *IMMEDIATELY DROPS EVERYTHING HE’S HOLDING, NEARLY FALLS OVER*”
me: i had a dream u died flatmate: *EYES WIDEN, PUMPS THEIR FIST* Y E S
slow dancing w/ knives while making risotto
“I wish i was a whore…… i could make sweet money selling this ass”
created a new dance move in the club called ‘filing the tax returns’. when the beat drops u pretend to throw all ur tax papers in the air
‘pranking’ us by leaving loose onions outside everyone’s doors???
“im laying here thinking about how Ross from friends said he got his ex wife off eight times in one night and im just thinking how can u get off eight times if ur sleeping with ross from friends i hate ross from friends”
“i rly love baby grinch. my idea of the perfect date would be for someone to invite me over and we sew patches of the baby grinch onto the pockets of our jeans/denim jackets”
“make me apple pie slime woman”
*in the middle of a serious whatsapp conversation* “man chocked on a great nut”
generally speaking, i really don’t believe that they’d care overly a lot. it wouldn’t be a deal breaker and none of them would be like “oh, but you dont have the body type that i want bye bitch” so this is just speaking in a sense of what i think they might like and who i see them with.
also hi im not including mark because hes still a baby he may be 18 but hes a BABY