Changes as I've Gotten Older
- I get really sappy about small gestures & I cry so much more easily than I did when I was younger. A friend from home sent me a letter? Prepare for waterworks. Someone getting married? I will discreetly try to hide the tears.
- While I have always done volunteer work since I was a teenager, I commit to a lot more hours & I volunteer for more specific causes. I don’t talk about it too much in here because I know a lot of people have strong stances on certain types of people I work with, but I’ve just realized more so how incredibly unfair life can be as I’ve gotten older & everyone deserves a chance at a better life.
- I don’t casual date anymore. I’ve always been a person with a chaotic schedule & I’ve always been on the move so barring Atticus, I just never made the time for a person that would last more than a handful of dates. Sometimes when I’m lonely, I get tempted to join the Tindr ranks; but it just feels pointless to see someone 3-4 times just to go Dutch on a few dinners & hope he tells me I’m pretty. I would rather be alone until I can make the time to form a deeper romantic relationship or meet the right person. Also, casual dating was never all that fun looking back on it.
- I can’t do roommates anymore either. I used to love always having someone around, but I definitely don’t miss the headaches of cohabitation with another person… though everyone else seems to have much better luck with sane roommates than I ever did.
- This past year I’ve realized how finite things like time & health can be. I’m always trying to make more time for new experiences or arrange my schedule for better time management, it’s just this weird fear of missing out. I also make a lot more effort to talk to people regularly or travel to meet up with people, you only have so much time for others & I want to spend as much time with hem as
- I can.
I feel like my younger self was much more self-assured than I am now. It comes with its benefits, I’m much more willing to apologize & admit my mistakes now. I also don’t have crippling self esteem if I’m not the most well versed person in the room now. However, I’m not exactly sure what I want out of life & I feel a lot more vulnerable than I once was.
- I can’t watch horror films at night anymore, they just make me overthink everything in life. I used to be a huge horror buff & now I’m a relentless wimp.
- I was quite the work-horse when I was younger, I have always been desperate to seek approval of others & I would commit to 70 hour work weeks like it was nothing. Over the last 2 years I have really come to realize that life is my own & I still enjoy working hard, but I am not going to keep sacrificing more of my personal time for a job where I am still just a machine cog & I want my life to feel like it is my own again. If I can’t get a job done in a 40 hour work week, that’s no longer my problem.