attack of the lettuce

god morrowind’s resistance to tiber septim’s conquest was a fucking disaster, man. dres and indoril wanted to surrender, hlaalu wanted to JOIN him, house telvanni stone cold did not give a shit, the temple and redoran were like [that corgi attacking the lettuce gif], and it was such a mess that vivec literally had to sneak out in the middle of the night to make an agreement so they wouldn’t all have their asses kicked. i lov dunmer 

You Need a Maid? Chapter 11

Fandom: Avengers / Marvel
Rating: G / PG13 / R
Warnings: Swearing, Mention of Blood
Disclaimer: I don’t own Marvel, blah legal stuff. Don’t sue me, I’m poor.
Songs: An Honest Mistake - The Bravery

Chapter Menu


Your name: submit What is this?


“Guys, I can go grocery shopping by myself, I do it every week.”
You tried to explain, watching the team fidget with putting coms in their ears and plan disguises. “Things are dangerous out there,” said Tony, pulling a baseball cap on. You didn’t think it was much of a disguise. He just looked ready for Red Sox season now.

“We just want to make sure you’re safe.” Steve came over, placing a large hand on your shoulder, smiling down at you. What? Was the lettuce going to attack? You sighed, knowing there was no disagreeing with them. Slipping on your jacket you headed for the door, boys in tow.

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you, idiot: whole wheat bread is good because its common knowledge
me, after watching 3 food industry documentaries, knowing that a can of coke gives me less sugar than the same amount of whole wheat bread, also knowing that i will never have a heart attack: (wraps meat and vegetables in lettuce) I cant read suddenly

Relevant Words on an Irrelevant Bathroom Stall

I’m not going in order because a certain @katryusha  won’t let me XD. Also, I’d like to thank her for being my beta.

Also, ugly title is ugly.

Prompt Number Four: High School AU Click here for the first one.


‘Arthur Kirkland is bae af’

Emerald eyes widened and the golden-haired Brit parted his lips in partial surprise. Who knew that words haphazardly scribbled across a bathroom stall could bring someone such conflicted feelings?

“See? It’s as I told you.” Francis said with a smirk, patting his friend on the shoulder. “Someone wrote that about you on a bathroom stall. Didn’t I just make your day better?”

Thick brows furrowed and Arthur ran his finger across the fading markered words, the corners of his lips twitching down momentarily as he tried to place the handwriting. Where had he seen it before?

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In School Suspension ||Sammy Wilk smut

“Y/n and Sammy, tisk tisk tisk. Why cant the both of you stay out of trouble? I just dont understand it.” The school disciplinarian asked Sammy and I.

She looked at us and raised a curious brow. “In the last five months both of you have been in my office seventeen times. Thats record braking.” She spat. “But both of you will be in, in school suspension for 2 weeks with Mrs. Trish.” She declared 

I groaned and sat back in my chair “Your the one who chooses to make bad decisions and you must deal with the consequences.” She snapped. 

“Alright go to the ISS room Mrs. Trish should be in there.” She instructed pointing her bony finger at the door.

Sammy and I got up out of our chairs. I smoothed my hand over my uniform skirt and walked out of her office. 

We walked through the silent halls together. He leaned over and whispered into my ear. “Damn y/n you look so fucking good in that skirt I might nut off in my pants just looking at you.” He whispered sneaking a quick slap to my rear end.

I took a seat in one of the 10 empty desks in the ISS room, Sammy sat in the desk to my left. I was surprised to see that the room was completely empty except for Sammy and I and Mrs. Trish, who was sitting behind her desk attacking a salad. 

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BTS Animal Series: Jin - Tasteful

A/N: What kind of animal is our cute Mama Jin? This gif is me @ Jin honestly 

word count: 2,014

Yoongi   Hoseok   Jimin   Taehyung   Namjoon   Jungkook

Originally posted by baebsaes

A light knock alerts you. The clock on the wall reads one am, who the fuck would come to your place at this hour? Your eyebrows knit in confusion, no family or friends told you they were going to be stopping by. No crazy ex-boyfriend crying his eyes out, drunk off his ass asking you to take him back again. That was a fucking nightmare.

You pause the movie playing, deciding to investigate. Maybe something interesting will happen tonight. A change in pace would be great, almost seemingly desirable for the past boring year.

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  • 'That,' he said ,'is the mayonnaisey. Made it myself. Out of a book,' he added proudly.
  • 'Yeah, I expect you did,' said the man, prodding it. 'Clearly oil, eggs and vinegar were not involved, right?'
  • 'Specialitay de lar mayson,' said Fruntkin.
  • 'Right, right,' said the man. 'Only it's attacking my lettuce.'
  • Fruntkin grasped his ladle angrily.
  • 'Look--' he began.
  • 'No, it's all right,' said the prospective diner. 'The slugs have formed a defensive ring.'

anonymous asked:

Hi. I don't normally do this and ask people that I don't know to give me words of wisdom but I'm going through some really bad shit right now with my dad and I haven't seen him in a month and I'm really sad. I could really use some happy words.

life will not always be an up hill battle, as said in the words of Ellen, peoples mind will change and you should be alive to see it. Sometimes you just need to be alone and remind yourself of who you are and who you want to be. In the mean time, here’s a dog attacking lettuce

*update* maybe it’s a cabbage