atracting guys

anonymous asked:

How to know if you are actually atracted to guys or you are just brainwashed through heteronormativity letting you believe you have to give guys a go because you have some kind of connection?

This is such a good question and it’s really important for any woman questioning their orientation/attraction. I’m going to explain the difference using three specific examples of times when attraction gets confusing, but there are a ton of different ways compulsory heterosexuality manifests, so if none of these hit on what you’re feeling, feel free to shoot me another anon. 

Attraction vs. Compulsory Heterosexuality

  1. Nervousness and Blushing

    A ton of romance media and common cultural tropes have this idea that you know you’re attracted to someone if you’re nervous or blushing around them. Because of this, you might feel like you must be attracted to a man if you feel nervous around him, just because you’re experiencing the physical bodily response you’ve been told to expect, not because you actually want to date him. 

    Actual Attraction: You’re nervous because you’re excited to get to know someone. You find them attractive first and because you’re thinking about your attraction to them, you get self conscious because you hope they might like you too. 

    Compulsory Heterosexuality: You’re nervous because you are aware that he is attracted to you, and because he’s paying such close attention to you– especially if he’s pushing boundaries or getting too close into your personal space– you become self conscious because you know he’s watching you. You blush because you’re uncomfortable. 

  2. Hypothetical Attraction

    Many questioning women have a hard time sorting through their attraction because of hypotheticals. Our culture, in general, disregards or challenges wlw’s attraction and it gives this anxiety that we need to know 100% that we are not and will never be attracted to men no matter what in order to claim labels.

    It’s hard to do that as a young person who is just learning about themselves, flooded with “what if”s about the future. Because of this, you might feel like you can’t rule out being attracted to men because you might hypothetically be attracted to one someday. Who knows?

    Actual Attraction: You imagine a hypothetical future where you end up with a man and it feels exciting and makes you feel good and hopeful and happy and right. It’s a nice feeling and is comfortable to think about. Reassuring. 

    Compulsory Heterosexuality: You imagine a hypothetical future where you end up with a man and it makes you feel uncomfortable, scared, sad, disappointed, wrong. It’s an upsetting thing to think about and you hope it doesn’t happen. You don’t want to end up with a man even if you feel like you could. 

  3. Sexual Fantasies

    Our culture places a big emphasis on sex when it comes to orientation. Some people’s orientation includes sexual attraction and some people’s orientation doesn’t, but most of us feel like our sexual fantasies are the most important indicator of non-straight sexuality because LGBPQ+ people have been so thoroughly reduced to sexual acts and sexual objects in the homophobic culture we’ve grown up in.

    Along with that, we’ve also grown up in a heteronormative and cisnormative society that repetitively teaches and reemphasizes the same singular sexual “script” for how sex is supposed to go, over and over and over. They do not teach any others, and it requires non-straight and non-cis people to invent their own sexual scripts individually and with partners.

    But as a young person, when you’re aroused, your mind has a very limited template of potential narratives associated with that feeling, so many people default to the same heteronormative script in their fantasies because it’s unconscious and easy. Because of this, you might feel like you must be attracted to men because you imagine abstract situations of sex with men, even though you have absolutely no desire to sleep with men in real life. 

    Actual Attraction: When you fantasize about men, it is because you’re attracted to their bodies or specific men or the idea of having sex with men. You imagine qualities of their body and you like the idea of what you’re imagining. If you think about the fantasy later that day, you might feel like it’s embarrassing, but you also feel like it’s sexy. 

    Compulsory Heterosexuality: When you fantasize about men, it is mostly just enacting a kind of narrative. More focused on movement than features– the men in your fantasies might be faceless or blank-featured or their bodies might symbolize some emotion. You don’t really like the idea of what you’re imagining. You might not even be in the fantasy, but instead another faceless woman might be. You might even imagine yourself as the man. The narrative follows the sexual script, but the details are more vague and abstract and might even shift and change throughout the fantasy. If you think about it later that day, you might feel vaguely nauseated or uncomfortable or feel invalidated and wrong. 

It’s really difficult to unroot compulsory heterosexuality. My simplest advice on getting through it is this: even if you are attracted to men, you do not need to date them if you don’t want to. If you only want to date other women, then you have the right to that. The rest is less important than the simple reality of what you want right now. 

Why Do Good Girls Like Bad Guys?

Artist / Band Member:  Ronnie Radke

Inspired by the song: Good Girls Like Bad Guys - Falling In Reverse

*Smut Warning*

You were so nice and good.  Your notes at highschool were so good. Your bestfriend wanted you to go a concert with you and you were so exited about it.   And it was because you had something with bad boys,  you didn’t know why or what but you just loved to know you could be with someone who’s badass.

And knowing you were going to meet Ronnie Radke had you nervous. You didn’t know if being on jail or have a band or a lot of tattoos made him a bad boy but you cannot help but feel exited to meet him. The day came and you put on some skinny jeans and a FIR T-shirt. The concert went by and you were on the line to meet FIR. When your turn came you went in and said hi.

“Hi,  cute thing. How you doing tonight?” Ronnie said winking at you.

“Oh, well it’s nice to meet you Ronnie. I just hope that I go home in time or I’ll be killed by my mom. I hate being l late.” You said worried.

“So you’re a good girl? I like that” He said getting closer to you. “Well, I really like bad guys.” You said getting closer.

“You don’t look like a good girl” He said smiling. He lean in and kissed you but it wasn’t sweet and slow. It was hot full of passion and lust. He pinned you to the wall and said.

“I want you in my house tonight at 23:00 ok?” You just nodded.

The meet & greet went by. You didn’t tell nothing to your best-friend because Ronnie told you to not tell anyone that.

It was already 23:00 and you knocked on the door of his house. He answered fast.

“Hi there, pretty girl.” He said kissing you hard.

“Hi, Ronnie.” You said breathlessly because of the kiss.

He didn’t said anything else. He left you in the bed and took off his shirt and yours. He start to kiss your neck and took off your bra. You moaned and bite his neck. He grabbed your breast and bite your nipple. He went down and took off his and yours pants and both underwear. He kissed your tights and went between your folds. He started to rub your clit in small circles but fast. You moaned louder. You weren’t virgin but no one ever has done that to you. You had always follow the rules but one night a random guy make you do drugs and fuck you, after that you never see him again, you didn’t remember anything about that night and you didn’t want to. You didn’t know why you were like this. You just felt atractted to bad guys, and if it was Ronnie it was a fucking turn on. Just the way he looked at you make you get wet.

“You like that, huh?” Ronnie smirked.

“Oh, yeah! Ronnie keep like this, don’t stop.” You close your eyes and pulled his hair.

He licked your clit.

“Oh my god Ronnie I can’t hold it anymore!” You screamed

“Yes you can (Y/N)” He said to you.

Without warning he slammed into you hard, and start to thrust fast and harder, you were about to cum, you couldn’t hold it any longer.

“Ronnie, I’m cumming!” You whimper.

“Me too, me too. C'mon let it go baby girl” He whispered into your ear

You both cum hard and he kissed you and lay next to you on the bed.

“God, I thought you were a good girl, you were fantastic!”

“I am a good girl, but sometimes it’s good to have fun.” You winked at him and kissed him, “Thank you Ronnie, I haven’t feel so good in a while.”

“Well, you’re very very welcome girl” He laughed.

You both fall asleep fast. After that night you bacame friend, sometimes with benefits. Who knows.