atl:e

Emily,

        We’ve been together now for two years and two months. That’s exactly two years and one month longer than I thought we would last. You know, we’ve talked about how we were sure we’d only be some summer going in the beginning, never really making it to the point we’d actually meet. And I guess at the time, with us both in such fragile states of mind, that was what we needed. Someone to lean on with no strings attatched.

But that’s not what we got. We’ve recovered, changed, grown, for good and for bad, and I am still so loyal to you. My mind runs on repeat, over and over, I have to turn the doorknob 3 times, lock it 8 times, turn the doorknob 3 times again, lock it for the final time, I count sidewalk cracks and touch lampposts for a living, I am stuck on everything, but oh god with you. You are my world and somehow everything manages to find it’s way back to you, my cat Aria reminds me of you cause you don’t like her, I introduced you to her on a bad day and now you can’t warm up to her. My trampoline reminds me of you cause I’ve only ever been able to get you to do a solid 23 jumps on it, you don’t like it’s texture, you don’t like like moving without doing it yourself. Red lipstick, grey, green, burgundy, flowercrowns, my couch, hamsters, rabbits, guinea pigs, nails, bangs, smile, cute cute cute damn smile. You it’s you, you’re in my head, my thoughts, my  emotions. My every day life is fit for you, and yours to me. We think in harmony, the same morals and ideology. I am so sure.

In fact I’ve never been this sure, that I will marry you. From everything we’ve been through, I just, too much has happened, if the whole world were against us I don’t think we’d break. I put so much trust into you, I’d gladly any day pull the heart from out my chest and give it to you, and my god if you told me you needed a star I would find my own way to get one, no matter how much time and money it could take. I love you. I love you and I really don’t think I’ll ever stop loving you.

Emily I love you. I love you so much. I don’t think you’ll ever be able to comprehend my amount of love. You beautiful girl. You are the one. This is why I know you are the one.

-Rian

i want a girl to ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… hold me

Your disorder is not special. It is not beautiful. It will not make anyone love you. You are not a tragic hero.

You are special. You are beautiful. People love you for who you are, not for your illness. Those who would love you for a disorder only love to see you weak so they can feel strong. You don’t need them in your life, you are bigger than they are. There is no heroism in suffering. Heroism is found in pulling yourself out of the darkness.