athlete salary

Let’s go on a bit of a tangent for a sec.  Bear with me, please, this’ll make sense shortly–let’s talk about SportsballTM.

There’s been a lot of controversy over the last decade about American professional athletes and their salaries–sometimes ranging into ludicrous amounts of money, per year, even when they aren’t actually doing anything.  If I recall correctly, there was a fellow a few years back who signed a multi-million-dollar contract and then immediately got hurt and sat out the rest of the season.  Why are they being paid this much to play sports?  It’s ridiculous.

Well, you see, it would be ridiculous…if they were being paid to play sports.

Professional athletes on the scale of, say, the MLB, the NFL, or the NBA?  They aren’t, from a business sense, getting paid to toss a ball around.  They are machines where you input money and output even more money.  Brand deals, merchandise, ad revenue, everything–these people are paid ludicrous sums of money because they bring in attention, and attention brings in dollars.  Really, tossing the ball around is incidental to the whole process–not unnecessary, but hardly the focus of these people’s incomes.

As such, a brand deal for Sour Cream would be amazing.  It’d jumpstart his career, give him stability and income, and allow him to focus on his music–but for fuck’s sake, Marty, you talk that over with him first.  You don’t spring that on him pre-rave.  If that’s even what you’re doing, and not just using him to advertise soda!  To, like, fifteen people!

What the fuck is wrong with you?