Meditation, Procrastination and the Emotional Attachment (The Relationship talk Part 1)

So I’m sitting in the computer room at uni, trying to do some work, and suddenly I decide that now’s a perfect time for a new blog

What? That’s legit!

OK so maybe I'm procrastinating a little bit.. But if I make a really good blog then I can call it inspiration? I’m going to go with that anyway, don't judge me

So I’ve started doing meditation in my free time, I’m hopping it can bring me a little bit of balance in my life and love. So far one key statement has stuck out for me

Love is only present

The context of this is that the only place to feel love, to experience love, to love and be loved, is right now. Past love is a memory and future love is a fantasy, they are nice to think about but they are just that.

So when I hear this I think about all my past relationships (all 3 of them) and all the people I loved (all 5 of them) and I ask myself why I couldn’t keep them.

The first (and easiest) answer is anxiety. I couldn’t be with them because I was so afraid of losing them, which is true, I broke down my relationships because I didn’t feel.. worthy of them. 

I don't feel worthy of the people I love

And that’s a big problem in more ways than one. Because I don't feel worthy I feel like its only a matter of time that they realize I’m not and leave. Because I’m not worth I had to work hard, really really hard, to make sure they were happy. Because if they weren’t happy then why would the be with me?

My relationships ended (within like a couple months) and I was sad, so sad for so so long. More importantly I felt that I had only proven my point, I thought they had left because I’m not good enough.

Wish I had realized what was going on sooner.

When I.. when we don't love ourselves, we make the burden of loving us someone else’s. We become dependent on their approval, on their attention, on their love for us. And the minute we don't get that love we feel cheated/ sad/ unlovable (well I do anyway, its an anxiety problem). We become attached and its not good for us or our partner.

Attachment isn’t love

‘The near enemy of love is attachment; it pretends to be love and even says “I love you”, but what its really saying is I need you to make me whole’

Someone told me that true love is a connection, an bond between two people, that should be honored and respected. I believe this is true and I hope to find that some day.

I don’t want to make my problems someone else's responsibility, I really want to share my life with someone. I think that’s the difference really. 

“Maybe before we run to each other we should learn to run to ourselves”

So to the few girls I’ve loved, I’m sorry

I didn’t want you to have to deal with that.. 

I’m so sorry

I didn’t do it intentionally

I love you and I just wanted you to be happy 

It hurt when you left, but I’m happy now

Thank you for the time we had together

The 3 people that’s meant for totally aren’t going to realize its for them. Ahh well, its more for my benefit is suppose :P

That’s me done, be sure to follow this blog if you want more of these

Mad love


Submitted by Mac B


Stefan and Elena | Sentimental Atachments [6x11]


superliet replied to your post:i havent talked to rae or liet n like a year but…


omg you SHOOUUUUUUUULD LIKE the style can sometimes be like??? wh at is happening why are they so large BUT u get used to it and u start to love it and its one of those things that once you get into it its like impossible to stop and you get more atached to characters than you thought you would PLEASE watch/read it at some point when you have time u wont regret it

#amedios Aprendamos de los grandes a hacer opciones de calor por default que nos acostumbren a lo bueno en papa y videojuegos. Un ejemplo genial de hoy!!! Google ya me quiere cobrar mas porque me acabe el espacio que tengo con ellos. Y ya pagaba eh! Ahora veo que las opciones por default automáticas para respaldar mis fotos y mail son los culpables. 1) para limpiar el mail es un infierno y mas porque tendría que ser nada mas lo de atachments 2) en Google+ tienes que apagar la opción de respaldar las fotos pero ni siquiera puedes leer!!! Ha ha sus opciones -no dan la opción para ello en landscape- finalmente te llevan a la opción “más fácil” pagar tantito mas al mes y me quito este problema. Como podemos hacer eso nosotros los startups chiquitos? Wow! 😍👏🏼😤 brillantes! at – View on Path.

Feeling like this right now because we havent talk in a week, and i knew this would happen
But i dont wanna pressure you are be clingy or judge you without actually knowing your reasons, maybe youve just had a really .. REALLY busy week.
It also worries me that something might’ve happened to you. I hope not. But idk why i think thw worst
But whats really killing me is this need to wanna talk to you and your not there. Im scare to be atached to you. Because you dont want me to, which in a way hurts me. Its not something i have control of. But my feeling just Are, i really really wanna talk to you and you dont send me a msg. And im too proud to write to you because i might come off as “too clingy or attached” and that would scare you off..
Idk. Im overthinking… But

But.. You mentioned proposal lasts times we talked. You where so sweet and loving. I cant help overthink

Please write to me soon. I hope everythings ok


So the the light atached go the movement sensor in my back garden just went off. I thought this was pretty damn weird since its 1:35 AM right now, so I look outside and it’s a big adorable hedgehog sniffling around in the grass. By the time i grab my phone for a picture though, he ran away, so close.


You always ask me what I’m afraid of. because I’m always afraid. It’s hard to put it into words. I’m afraid of a lot. I’m afraid to loose you. To get too atached. To get my hopes up and then be disapointed again. I’m afraid to be happy because I know how easily happines can be taken away from me. I’m afraid to really trust somebody because somehow it is so easy for people to lie. I have experienced too much, to actually believe in something positive. I always see how things could go wrong.
I’m afraid to love you because I can loose you. But at the same time I’m afraid that there will be a time where I have to live without you. I want to love you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. But I’m afraid that the rest of my life might not be enough. I’m afraid that you coeld be taken away from me before my life ends. How am I supposed to survive that? How am I supposed to live with that?
You always say that I’m too afraid. That I should loose my fears and just be happy. But everytime I try to, I can’t shut off my thoughts. Everytime I try to, I end up sad.

I’m sorry my mind is so messed up.

May 13th

This week’s panelist, Robyn Clay-Williams, talked about human aspects of complex systems. The key point that struck me here was that sometimes it’s essential to work beyond the normal boundaries. Robyn said that technological, legal and social pressures push us towards a space that puts us at a higher risk of making mistakes. This space, however, also leads to greater levels of innovation and more efficient solutions. It was interesting to hear just how prominent this kind of practice is, especially in the medical field. Robyn used examples that she had experience with - such as with nurses and medicine distribution. In her example, there had been an issue and they lost a patient because the wrong type of medicine was given to a patient. As a result, the dispenser machines were redesigned to only take a certain shape of atachment, one that was unique to the type of medicine required by the patient. From what I can see, this introduces another slowdown point into the already rushed working habits the nurses have. The wrong medicine had been issued because they were behind schedule, and as a reaction the process was slowed down further. It appears to me that this is another perfect examplke of the feedback loops from the beginning of the course. The problem solved wasn’t the core issue here, and the new solution will only exacerbate the issue further.
The idea that we sometimes need to work at the edge of what we’re ‘supposed’ to do really stuck with me, and I used it as a part of my tutorial facilitation. My partner and I had a section on the importance of knowing when you’ve exceeded the limits. I feel like that’s the critical thing to be aware of, because knowing when you’ve reached your limit can help you stay aware of potential mistakes. I’ve seen this before, where I was working beyond my capacity and didn’t catch my mistake. This was in the course Comp2100, where I got picked up for a minor plagiarism incident. I had been behind on the course work, and as a result me and a friend were working together in order to catch up. We were taking a maths course together at the same time, and had spent part of the day working on that, when we remembered there was a bit of java code we needed to get done in order to stay apporximately on target with the Comp2100 workload. We worked together on two java classes, knowing that we’d already talked to the tutor about the legitimacy of collaboration. In our haste to get it done, we forgot to acknowledge in the code itself and our commit logs that this had been completed together. When Shayne then looked at the plagiarism graphs he generated for the course, it came back that our work was identical, and we got called in for a meeting. When we explained it to Shayne, he understood and only gave us a minor penalty. In this incident, we had to push the boundaries of best practices in order to get our work done, and as a result we lost sight of the fact that we were working in this dangerous space. It made a big impression on me, and as a result I’m now much more concious of when I’m being pushed to complete my work. Understanding the space we were in would have helped us to make the proper disclaimers in time to avoid too much trouble.