Meditation, Procrastination and the Emotional Attachment (The Relationship talk Part 1)
So I’m sitting in the computer room at uni, trying to do some work, and suddenly I decide that now’s a perfect time for a new blog
What? That’s legit!
OK so maybe I'm procrastinating a little bit.. But if I make a really good blog then I can call it inspiration? I’m going to go with that anyway, don't judge me
So I’ve started doing meditation in my free time, I’m hopping it can bring me a little bit of balance in my life and love. So far one key statement has stuck out for me
Love is only present
The context of this is that the only place to feel love, to experience love, to love and be loved, is right now. Past love is a memory and future love is a fantasy, they are nice to think about but they are just that.
So when I hear this I think about all my past relationships (all 3 of them) and all the people I loved (all 5 of them) and I ask myself why I couldn’t keep them.
The first (and easiest) answer is anxiety. I couldn’t be with them because I was so afraid of losing them, which is true, I broke down my relationships because I didn’t feel.. worthy of them.
I don't feel worthy of the people I love
And that’s a big problem in more ways than one. Because I don't feel worthy I feel like its only a matter of time that they realize I’m not and leave. Because I’m not worth I had to work hard, really really hard, to make sure they were happy. Because if they weren’t happy then why would the be with me?
My relationships ended (within like a couple months) and I was sad, so sad for so so long. More importantly I felt that I had only proven my point, I thought they had left because I’m not good enough.
Wish I had realized what was going on sooner.
When I.. when we don't love ourselves, we make the burden of loving us someone else’s. We become dependent on their approval, on their attention, on their love for us. And the minute we don't get that love we feel cheated/ sad/ unlovable (well I do anyway, its an anxiety problem). We become attached and its not good for us or our partner.
Attachment isn’t love
‘The near enemy of love is attachment; it pretends to be love and even says “I love you”, but what its really saying is I need you to make me whole’
Someone told me that true love is a connection, an bond between two people, that should be honored and respected. I believe this is true and I hope to find that some day.
I don’t want to make my problems someone else's responsibility, I really want to share my life with someone. I think that’s the difference really.
“Maybe before we run to each other we should learn to run to ourselves”
So to the few girls I’ve loved, I’m sorry
I didn’t want you to have to deal with that..
I’m so sorry
I didn’t do it intentionally
I love you and I just wanted you to be happy
It hurt when you left, but I’m happy now
Thank you for the time we had together
The 3 people that’s meant for totally aren’t going to realize its for them. Ahh well, its more for my benefit is suppose :P
That’s me done, be sure to follow this blog if you want more of these