at top comment

What if Scotty is not actually Scottish, though? 

Like, what if his name just happens to be Montgomery Scott, so all of his friends started calling him “Scotty,” and then every time he was introduced to a new person, they would be like “Oh, are you Scottish? My uncle was Scottish!”

And finally, he just gets sick of explaining the situation, so he starts replying with “aye, laddie!” But then it turns out that the person he said that to was Captain Kirk, and he doesn’t want to admit that he lied to his new commanding officer, so he has to keep speaking in a ridiculously over-the-top brogue and commenting constantly on how much he loves drinking Scotch, and by the time that he realises that Kirk would have found humour in the situation, he’s in too deep and can’t stop pretending, and it gradually just becomes his normal speech pattern.

Then, years later, the Enterprise is being inspected by a Starfleet engineer who’s actually Scottish, and Scotty takes him on a walking tour of his warp engines and is all like “Auch! Here be me wee bairns!” and the other engineer is just like “what the fuck is wrong with you?”

I take the fact that James Doohan is Canadian as evidence of this theory.

i don’t know why i thought clicking on a suggested family guy clip would do anything but ruin my day but then i looked at this top comment and it ruined my day twice

It's not just the food that's revolting.

(long story)

Back in my college days, I lived on campus and ate the 20-meals-a-week meal plan at the cafeteria. It was… terrible. Seriously. I know people complain about their college cafeteria all the time, but they still gain their “freshman 15”. I lost mine. The food was disgusting. Sunday spaghetti was made from tomato sauce and Saturday’s cheap hamburgers. One week they didn’t bother ripping up the hamburgers: watery, sauce-tinted, overcooked noodles garnished with dry, leathery, two-day-old hamburger patties. It was still better than the other options. At first, they had a “make your own pizza” line, but removed it because everyone was using it, and “bread isn’t cheap.” I remember seeing a real salad in their “healthy eats” line and getting excited, because it’s hard to screw up salads, only to realize that it was literally floating in oil. The salad on the actual salad bar was not an option; it was changed out every morning, whether it needed it or not. Oh, sorry, I meant the ice in the salad bar. Not the salad, no. A student wrote his initials in the tuna and it remained for a solid week. Sometimes the salad would grow its own salad.

They had a big board set up for student complaints, and they would write responses back. Oddly enough, the board rarely had bad things to say; the manager, may he be haunted by a thousand bedbugs, confessed that he didn’t have time to answer every complaint, but he did read every one, and took the complaints into consideration. And, as far as we could tell, threw away all the ones he didn’t like.

Keep reading

6

the happiest kiss & cry

anonymous asked:

Top ten memes inspired by Viktor "Extra" Nikiforov? :D

Because I feel that Viktor would be just as meme-worthy, could you do a top 10 Viktor inspired meme post? Haha, probably including the variations of his “why not both?” comment!

Top 10 Memes inspired by Viktor Nikiforov? (because surely Yuuri isn’t the only ultime walking meme source, Viktor is as extra as him, even more)

Top ten Viktor Nikiforov memes? He’s so extra and then there was the doping scandal and him yelling at the reporter and the kiss at the end and how he looks at Yuuri ;-;

Oh man now I want a “top 10 memes inspired by viktor nikiforov” post! I bet no. 1 is “fall in love with a guy who hates your guts and then pine after him for five years …”

—————

You guys really wanted this one! Ok so…


Top Ten Viktor Nikiforov Memes:

10) ‘Nikiforov level pining’ is a commonly used phrase for the maximum amount of pining/being hopelessly in love that anyone can possibly be doing

9) In reference to the Yuuri Top Ten Memes, ‘creating your own Katsuki’ is also applicable to Viktor and is used as a cautionary tale to celebrities about why you should always be nice to your fans no matter what

8) Viktor ‘skating my feelings’ Nikiforov becomes a joke after everyone watches back his programs over the years and sees what a romantic dork he was. It becomes the figure skating equivalent of songwriters writing entire albums about their breakups, skating entire programs about your hopeless love life

7) In reference to the TMI Top Ten, Viktor saying ‘why pick one?’ in response to a trashy reporter asking him who tops and who bottoms in the relationship becomes a popular reaction gif along the lines of the one from Road to El Dorado ‘both is good’ and the little taco girl ‘why don’t we have both’

6) ‘Don’t do a Nikiforov’ is a line used when someone is involved in a rivalry/has someone who really hates them as a joke about not falling in love with someone who you’re supposed to be trying to beat

5) Once a reporter talked about Viktor’s grey hair and Viktor got really offended like ‘It’s s i l v e r  not grey’ and Yuuri was just like ‘it’s ok honey I love your grey hair’ and so ‘it’s silver not grey’ and Yuuri being casually savage became a running joke among Viktor’s fans

4) A screengrab of Viktor’s face when Yuuri did the quad flip in YOI became a really popular reaction picture

3) A running joke that Viktor only married Yuuri to get more medals for his trophy collection after he posted a picture on Instagram of their combined trophy cabinet and it was ridiculously big

2) Whenever anyone mentions loving Yuuri the automatic response from fans is ‘no-one will ever love Yuuri as much as Viktor’ or ‘but viktor loves him more’ and variations thereupon as a joke reference to the  fact that Viktor is pretty much the no.1 Yuuri fan and won’t let anyone forget it

1) To match Yuuri’s CAH one, Viktor also has a card dedicated to him in Cards Against Humanity. His one is a black card that reads ‘This time, Viktor Nikiforov has spent five years pining after_______’. You can imagine some of the combinations it makes when it’s being played in the game

2

The top comment on an article about North Korea threatening Australia with a nuclear strike pleads with Kim Jong Un to hold off until after the Australian Football Grand Final. This country is wild. 😂😑

First sexual experience with a female

Pairing: stucky x reader

Plot: Steve and Bucky ask the reader if she wants to have a threesome with them because they want to know what it feels like to have sex with a woman and they asked her because she’s their closest female friend.

A/n it’s been awhile since I’ve written something so please don’t hate me if this sucks. I really did try 😔

Originally posted by skylerlockerbie

Shocked is the only word that came to mind when Bucky and Steve asked you something that could change your relationship with them forever. At first, you thought it was a joke but then you looked into their eyes you could see they were serious. “Wait you guys seriously want to have a threesome with me? Why?”

Keep reading

Mother Nhaama, you see me from high above

Tonight I shall dance with you

Show my gratitude for the life you bestowed upon me

Pray for your protection over myself and those I hold close


Say Mother; is my family gazing at you now as well?

Celebrating for you like I am now

Far beyond the horizon…


Dawn draws near

I shall dance with you again

When you once more grace the skies with your beauty


Til then…

Please keep being my guide through the nights to come

Watch over me and those I love

Oh Dusk Mother, our light in the darkest night

Vlogger Confessions

Youtuber AU where Simon is a daily vlogger and Baz has no idea what his roommate is always filming.

For @snowbaz-feda

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4]


Part 4

We’ve been avoiding each other for the past week, and it’s weird. He’s been out of the house pretty much the whole day, seems like we are back to when he was ashamed of vlogging in front of me.

I’m currently in my bed, trying to read a book but I can’t focus, I can’t keep bloody Snow out of my mind. So because I’m weak and I miss him, I decide to catch up on him.

Apparently I’m only a couple of days behind on his vlogs, he didn’t vlog on the first few days after his live chat.

The one that I’m currently watching, he’s saying sorry, that he just decided to take a few days off.

What’s up with him? He’s out in the beach, but he doesn’t seem to be his usual self. Even when he goes to that coffee shop, that we usually go eat scones, he’s smiling but he’s not happy.

The third vlog which was two days ago, is a short one, and Snow mentions that he noticed people in the comments asking what is wrong with him, he tells them not to worry because he’s fine. Which clearly is a lie.

I decide to check the comments, I never read them because they seem rather pointless, but in this video people are discussing theories about what happened. I read my name in there and what the fuck? One of the top comments is saying, that we had a fight because of the chat, so that’s why Simon looks so broken.

Hold on, they think I’m the one that caused this? People are all agreeing that I must have said something to upset him. That I didn’t like hearing about Snowbaz. Which no, I totally support it, I want it to be real more than anyone.

Instead of replying anything stupid, I decide to check his video of yesterday called we need to have a chat. He went with Penny to some meeting, with a few fans that won a competition, but now in the vlog, it’s night and he’s in bed.

“I had so much fun meeting everyone this afternoon, but I think I need to make something clear, I noticed some comments about Baz and even this afternoon people asked me what happened between us, but he did nothing wrong, so please don’t make him the bad guy…”

He takes a deep breath and passes his hand through his hair, he’s looking so broken right now, “It’s not his fault how I feel about him and you guys notice things, but we were never more than friends so please leave him alone, he never asked for any of this” I pause the video.

Did Simon just said he had feelings for me? Is this a fucking joke?

I storm into his bedroom with my laptop.

“What the fuck Snow?“

He jumps at my sudden entrance and blinks stupidly at me “What.”

I go back a few seconds and press play.

“Stop…” he mumbles to his knees.

I’m so pissed at him right now, why didn’t he said something sooner “Do you mean it?”

He whispers “Just drop it Baz, please.”

I sit on the edge of the bed near him, “Look at me, do you mean it?”

He’s still looking down and I need to see his eyes, I need to make sure this is real, that I’m not fucking dreaming. With my hand I raise his chin up, and when he looks at me he just spits it out angrily “Of course, why would I-” I don’t let him finish, I just kiss him.

Simon has his hand on my hair and he’s pulling me closer. The kiss is getting sloppy and desperate and it’s perfect.

Fuck, I’ve been wanting to do this since the first day I saw him.

**

Later on, we are cuddling in his bed watching silly videos when I tell him, “I still can’t believe that I found out, that you liked me back in one of your vlogs.”

“I know, Penny is gonna love it. She kept saying that I should just talk to you, but I thought that there’s no way you liked me back.”

“Why did you said it in your video then? You know that I watch them.”

“Well…” He starts blushing.

“Oh, no way….Snow, you didn’t.”

“I tried to tell you in person, but it was easier like this.”

“You confessed your feelings in the vlog so that I would watch it, you’re ridiculous.”

He shrugs “Yeah well, It worked didn’t it.”

I put my hand on his neck to bring him closer. I kiss his moles one by one, making a path to his mouth, then I kiss him slowly on his lips and when we stop for air I whisper, “It did.”


(see my snowbaz fic masterlist)