at the end of the day be yourself

To Be Better

another rewrite of something old because i wont have time to update zelus on friday. uni is kicking my entire ass. im sorry.

Characters: bucky x reader

Summary: you’re working yourself sick in the gym and bucky has to step in.

Warnings: self-loathing, disordered eating

Word count:  1,107 words

Also read here: AO3

Originally posted by metal-armed-jesus

You had been working on your attacking and on your defending and on yourself, day in and day out. You woke up an hour before everyone else and went to bed several hours after everyone else. You barely slept and you barely ate. Actually you almost never ate, not unless someone else was watching and you had to. You barely smiled and you barely laughed but you told yourself that it would all be worth it in the end. All you wanted was to make your team mates happy. All your wanted was to make your friends proud.

All you wanted was to be better.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

I need to break up with my boyfriend. He treats me so badly. He calls me dumb, ignores me all day and doesn't even ask how I'm doing. He doesn't give a fuck but he still says he loves me? I'm so confused and I hate I I just want it to end but I don't know how. How do I know I'll be okay and how do I have the strength to move on it's so hard I can't do it :/

you know something my dude? you were the one who carried yourself out of the worst of the heartbreaks and the darkest points in your life, you were the one who let yourself experience the highest peaks of joy you’ve ever known, who picks yourself up off the ground when everything feels heavy, who bathes yourself and feeds yourself and knows yourself more than anyone else

you’ll be okay because you always have been, you always were, and you never really needed anyone ever at all to make you feel good. your existence is proof

let him go. cut him off. letting him coexist in your energy for even another second is unfair to you and everything you do for yourself to keep yourself happy


I’m trying to catch smoke, wafting
through the grey. If you watch,
it’ll appear like I’m falling in slow motion.
Desperately trying to grab onto something,
anything. The earth in its entirety,
a tiny blue dot.


Every weekend has a new song playing
somewhere in the corner of my bedroom,
but every one of those songs
remind me of you: us sitting
under a willow in the winter,
you laughing yourself breathless
at something I said about gravity
on the moon, that your worries weigh
a sixth of what they do here.

‘Worries are massless,’ you said.
‘It doesn’t matter what they weigh,
it’ll always be heavier than what you can carry.’


Some days I burn at both ends,
and gosh, I’d give anything to watch you
glow. I’d wipe away the stars from the night sky,
I’d blow the fuse on every house between here
and the end of our beeline. I’ll let the moon
take a night off.




This is everything.

You, me, here where everything has meaning
but nothing really matters unless it’s about you,
or if it can’t make you stay. I’m excited
about nothing and everything and I’m exploding
with galaxies inside me when you say
you want to be here.

This is all that matters.
You in your faded blue t shirt,
talking about the universe.
(And I’m floating in space.)

—  Yes/A spaceman aground by aye rah

kinda-real-awkward  asked:

Hello and thank you for answering my last question! Here's another: Is there anything a criminal can do to leave ZERO evidence at a crime scene? Is it even possible to leave no evidence at a crime scene?

Hey @kinda-real-awkward

In the real realness of the world, it is very much possible to minimize the amount of evidence left at a crime scene. But it is pretty much impossible, as far as we know, to leave ZERO evidence behind. There are a few things to consider here, which may make this answer contradict itself, but bear with me. It will all make sense in the end.

Right now, wherever you are sitting, whenever you are doing literally anything, your body is shedding. Skin cells, hair cells, sweat, maybe you sneeze and send some boogers onto your keyboard. Every single second of every day you are leaving little bits of yourself EVERYWHERE. Some factors make you leave more or less of yourself. If you have eczema, for example, you will shed more skin cells than the average person. If you are like me and hate things on your hands, and are constantly rinsing stuff off your hands, you may leave less immediately after a wash, but more as constant soaping up makes your skin dry which leads to more shedding. Long story short here is that every one leaves some part of themselves behind, to varying degrees.  This is where Locard’s Exchange Principle comes into play. Every contact leaves a trace. This principles maintains that the perpetrator of a crime will leave something of themselves behind at a crime scene, and also pick up something FROM the crime scene and carry it home with them.

Knowing that there is another point I would like to make- everything, including you, is covered in various bacteria and other peoples’ cells. If you shake hands with some one you get a little of them, and they get a little of you, as well as a little microflora. Some of these bacteria and other microbiota have DNase and proteinase properties- meaning they are enzymes that denature DNA or protein on contact. Meaning while you are leaving little pieces of yourself behind, that microbiota is also breaking those little bits down.

Microbial forensics is an emerging field, and is gaining more sensitive techniques and traction in court every day. The aim of microbial forensics is to detect all those little pieces of you (read ‘a criminal’) and the environment around you, and use those to place you in a crime scene. Or to connect you to a victim or a get away vehicle.

So while your character can wipe fingerprints away, and tie back their hair and wear gloves and any number of things, it really is not feasible to remove every last trace of yourself from a crime scene. Some kits these days are sensitive enough it is really easy to contaminate your sample. Real life story from a prof: at a lab, the DNA sample being examined got contaminated with boar DNA and no one knew how it got there. Eventually it was figured that the lab tech was visiting the supervisor’s office, which coincidentally had a boar head in there for some reason or another, and the DNA was transferred over somehow.

On the flip side, if your character is very careful, the evidence they leave behind would not be enough to gain a conviction. Because of the CSI effect (we have a post here) juries are often times set on there having to be some kind of DNA evidence left at the scene, and that just isn’t the case every time. Sometimes the only physical evidence of a criminal is some fibres, or a finger print, and I kid you not, special glitter. Some cases are based around a series of circumstantial evidence that all adds up to pointing to this one person, while there is no physical evidence of that person having been to the crime scene.

So in short, it is impossible to leave ZERO evidence behind, but it is 100% possible to leave so little evidence behind that the police never ever put your character in jail.

Also on another note, if you have to leave behind physical evidence. It makes it harder to trace down individual characteristics if the item left behind is mass produced. Let’s say you accidentally left behind a shoe print. It is really easy to track down say a size 16 limited edition men’s boots based on unique soles, as opposes to a regular Chuck Converse. Basically mass production makes it hard to differentiate between individual items, and makes it statistically more likely for other people that are not the criminal to have to same item as the criminal.

My Idol: Part Eleven

My Idol
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

My Idol is a South Korean competitive reality dating game show. It currently airs on Wednesday nights on Jae-bummer’s blog. First broadcast in 2016, the show offers the opportunity for a lucky fan to go on seven blind dates with seven idols. The idol plans the date with the show throwing in specific missions to complete during the day. At the end of the initial dates, the show opens up an audience vote to decide what three idols will move on to the second date.

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 -
Part 10 - Part 11

Keep reading

Rules: Using only songs from one artist, answer these nine questions and tag 10 people.

Thanks for the tag from @loveinthemindpalace and @shawleyleres 😙 sorry it’s taken me forever to do lmao.

Artist: Sleeping at Last

What’s your gender?: Venus
Describe yourself: A Million Charming Words XD
How do you feel?: Learning Curve
If you could go anywhere?: Wilderness
Favorite mode of transportation?: Hurry XD
Your best friend?: Side by Side
Favorite time of day?: Night Must End (so dawn lmao)
If your life was a tv show?: Timelapse
Relationship status? Ghosts lmao
Your fear?: Capture

I tag @flutelle @johns-posh-boy @coloringthegreyscale @antisocial-otaku @bakerstreet-irregular @thepurplewombat @shag-me-senseless-watson @missartemisholmes @chrysanthemumsies @the-blue-carbuncle

Early Pregnancy Scare [Jack Maynard Wedding Series]

A/N, I know, I know, it’s been an age. I’m so sorry.

Waking up with a sudden jolt, you struggled to push the covers away from you as you rushed towards the bathroom for the sixth morning in a row. Whilst you threw up your stomach contents into the toilet bowl, you let a few tears brim in your eyes, letting out a few shaky sighs before flushing away the mess and going to clean yourself up. 

Jack woke up as soon as he felt your struggle to get away from the quilt but he just lay there, staring at the ceiling, praying that this would end soon. It was six days ago when you’d first woken up with a random bout of sickness at eight in the morning, none of you were worried at first, just put it down to a lack of sleep and the excitement of everything that was happening. But then it carried on happening, every morning and whilst Jack had insisted for the last three days that you should see a doctor about it, you refused, claiming that you didn’t need to see one, although, you knew that you actually did really. But you were scared.

“When does it end?” You groaned, slipping back into bed, snuggling your head against Jack’s warm chest. His hand found your hair as he ran his fingers through it, letting a sigh escape his lips as he looked down at you, the worry continue to make a place for itself in the pit of his stomach. You didn’t look ill apart from in the mornings, sure you’d been getting pretty tired lately and not eating that much but none of you had been particularly worried until the vomiting started going on for more than three days and now, he was panicked.

“Do you think that I should take you to see a doctor? I know you’re not a huge fan and I know we’ve talked about this for the last few days but this has been going on for a long time, Y/N.”

He looked to where his phone was on his bedside; contemplated calling a doctor - or - at the very least, his or your mum.

Just as he was about to grab it, you spoke up again. “Jack, what’s the date?”

“Uh, the 21st,” his voice was laced with tiredness and it made you feel slightly guilty that you had been waking him up every morning but that was soon replaced with panic when you finished counting dates in your head. Jack must have picked up on this too because he suddenly sat up, placing his hand on your shoulder, silently asking you what was wrong. 

“And the vomiting started six days ago, shit, shit, shit,”

“What is it?”

“Jack, please, please don’t completely freak out because if you do, there’s no way I’ll be able to stay calm but I think I might be pregnant.” 

“You think you’re pregnant?” 

“It makes sense. The vomiting, the loss of appetite, the over tiredness and I’m late on my period.” Admitting it to yourself just made you even more panicked about the whole thing, it’s not that you didn’t want children because you did but you didn’t feel ready yet. You wanted to be married first and properly settled before trying to have a child. 

Tears brimmed in the rims of your eyes as Jack’s lips pressed against your cheek, his hand resting on your knee. 

“Hey, don’t cry. We can work this out, it’s going to be okay,” Jack whispered, his arms gently wrapping around your body as you let tears roll down your cheeks. The reality of the situation nested itself into the pit of your stomach, you could be pregnant, you could have another human growing inside of you, the whole thing sounded crazy to you, this was huge and you had no idea if you were actually ready for such a huge commitment. “You stay here, I’ll go and make a doctor’s appointment for later. We’re going to be okay,” Jack whispered, not too sure himself but he pressed his lips to your forehead before grabbing his phone and leaving the room.


Jack Conor

Con, I’m freaking out. Help me. I need you. 

Jack, what’s wrong? What’s happened? Do you know how early it is?

You know how Y/N has been really sick these last few days?


Well, she thinks she might be pregnant. 


Yes Conor, I am freaking the fuck out. I can’t be a dad, I’m not ready, Con. What am I going to do? 

Jack, calm down.

How can I calm down? How can you say that? Con, this is absolutely huge. 

I know. It’s big and it’s scary for you but think about how big this must be and feel for Y/N. You need to calm down and look after your fiance, she’s going to need you now more than ever.

Have you got a doctor’s appointment? 

Yes, I’ve made one for one this afternoon.

Do you want me to come with you?

I don’t want to overwhelm Y/N, I’ll just keep you updated?

Okay bro and remember, just stay calm, she’s going to need you.

I know. Thank you. 


You let out a sigh that you weren’t even aware you were holding as your head leaned against the cold glass of the window, your leg bobbed up and down with nerves as Jack rounded the corner and the doctor’s came into view. Jack’s knuckles were white as he gripped onto the steering wheel, like he was scared that if he loosened it a little bit, something terrible would immediately happen. You knew that he was freaking out a lot, this was all so sudden and he was scared just as you were. The two of you hadn’t said much since this morning, only Jack’s light reassurances that everything would be okay.

“Y/N?” Jack asked as you reached for the door, you took a breath, stopping what you were doing before turning to face him. “No matter what happens in there know that we’re going to get through it. I love you so much and if we’re going to have a little Maynard running around then it’s going to be amazing.”

A smile tugged at the corners of your lips as you nodded, leaning over to press your lips against Jack’s. “I love you too.”

Your fingers interlocked with Jack’s as the two of you walked into the small GP waiting room. There were only a few other people in there and some free seats in the corner for the two of you to wait, trying not to let nerves get the better of either of you. Again, your leg seemed to jiggle up and down as you tried to control your breathing, your hand in Jack’s, resting on his knee as you nervously waited for your names to be called. 

“Y/N Y/L/N,” Jack looked at you, a reassuring look in his eyes as both of you nodded and stood up, following down the hall until you reached a consultant room. “Dr Jones is in there, go right in.” Jack muttered a thank you before you knocked on the wooden door just below the nameplate and walked in.

“Hello, Y/N, Jack. How are you doing lovelies?” Ever since you had lived in the area, Dr Jones had always been your GP. Seeing you through many bouts of the flu, stress and helping you come to terms with your anxiety, she had been there for you through it all, so, you pretty much trusted her with your life. “I got told that you sounded pretty panicked on the phone this morning Jack my dear, what’s happened?”

“Well, it started around a week ago.” You started, tightening your hold on Jack’s hand, like saying it all out loud would suddenly make everything so much more real. “I started to get way more tired then normal and tasks would just completely ware me out and I kind of lost my appetite and I just put it down to all of the excitement of getting engaged and all the stress that goes with it and my job but then I started vomiting every morning and then I worked out that I’m late.”

“I know this is an awkward question but are the two of you sexually active with one another?”

“Yes.” Jack answered, his cheeks turning a bright shade of red, resembling a tomato which made a light laugh pass through your lips.

“Well - and I’m guessing you’ve already worked this out but it does sound like you could well be pregnant. Have you done a pregnancy test yet?” 

“No, it all kind of came crashing down on us this morning and Jack wanted to come straight to the doctors.” 

“Bless,” she replied, smiling softly at your fiance. “Well, I can take a urine sample and then have a look at you to give you my opinion on the situation.” 

Nodding, you sent her a smile, squeezing Jack’s hand. 

“Okay, so, if you take this and head to the bathroom next door and sort yourself out and get things ready in here okay?” You nodded, taking the pot that she was holding before heading over to the door. “And, if you are pregnant, I know you two are going to be wonderful parents.”

“Thank you.” 

“I’ll send these off for you and I’ll call you when we have the results, it should either be tomorrow or Friday so not too long. Now, if you just want to lay down for me and I’ll have a little feel to see if I can feel anything that could resemble an early pregnancy.”

Jack stood at your side, his eyes never leaving yours as his hand squeezed yours tightly and you could see the nerves and excitement in his eyes. Part of you wanted to be pregnant, wanted to have another human, another Maynard running around your house but you also knew that you wanted to be married first. You knew there was parts of Jack that wanted you to be pregnant too, he’s always talked about having children with you and you knew that he was going to make an amazing father.

“Let’s go and sit back down and have a chat.” The tone of her voice made panic immediately settle in as you all went back over and sat down. Something was wrong with you, you knew it, you knew it wasn’t a baby, something was wrong. Jack’s face had completely paled and you were holding onto his hand as tightly as you possibly could.

“What is it?”

“Now - I can’t say for sure and, I recommend that after we get your results back, you take a test anyway but I don’t think you’re pregnant. I think that your body is under intense stress and pressure right now. You haven’t been eating properly I’d say for a couple months at least and your body isn’t coping with the amount of stress you’re putting yourself under, Y/N. You need to start properly looking after yourself else you could start to feel much worse than you do right now.”


“But, don’t be too hard on yourself here. You have a stressful job and I’m sure you’re starting to feel the stress of the wedding. But, you need to put yourself first for a while, you need to start eating and sleeping properly. If you don’t start looking after yourself, you could become dangerously ill, Y/N.”

“I understand,” you whispered, your voice going very quiet and small as you picked at your nails, too scared to look either your doctor or Jack in the face. Jack’s arm wrapped around your shoulders as his lips pressed to the side of your head. 

“You’re going to be okay, Y/N. But, I really need you to start eating properly and get into a proper sleeping routine before you damage yourself further as none of us want that. I think it would be best if I signed you off work for a week, okay?”


The room was completely dark as you just lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling. Tears were dried to your cheeks, thoughts running around your head, hands clasped around the corners of the quilt as you pulled it up further so it was resting just under your chin. You wished Jack was laying next to you but he was downstairs editing, in fact, he hadn’t really said much to you since the two of you returned from the hospital.

Y/N Jack

If you’re not too mad at me, can you please come upstairs and cuddle me? I can’t sleep without you next to me.

I’m not mad at you at all.

It feels like you are, you’ve hardly spoken to me.

I’m just worried about you.

So will you come up and cuddle me?

Of course, give me five minutes.

No more than two minutes later, you could hear Jack’s footsteps on the stairs, two mugs clinking against one another as he moved up each step. A streak of light soon flooded into the room as Jack appeared in the doorway, a soft smile tugged at his lips as steam appeared from the two mugs in his hand.

“I made tea.”

“Of course you did,” you joked, throwing him a wink as he placed the mugs down on his bedside table before crawling under the covers with you. Immediately, you budged over towards his warmth and let your head rest on his chest, letting his breathing completely calm you down. “I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about Y/N, you’re stressed, that’s understandable, I just wish it hadn’t gotten to this stage.” 

“Me too. I didn’t think it would get this bad.”

“I know, I know. But, we’re going to make it better okay? I’m going to look after you, I promise.”

“I love you so damn much Jack Maynard.”

“Not half as much as I love you Y/N.”

anonymous asked:

Hi, do you know anything about dealing with stress...? My parents constantly pressure me to get good grades and it's really stressing me out, especially since they threaten to take away my art supplies/computer. School is pretty difficult for me- ..It's literally almost time for me to sleep and i still have one more piece of homework to finish.

Aw that’s super annoying! My advice is that you can only do your best. I wrote a post about that

I would do your best at school, but also remember to give yourself breaks and don’t be so hard on yourself. Because at the end of the day, life is about more than just grades. Don’t let your grades slip too far because you do need graduate. But do your best that YOU can do, taht includes relaxing and giving yourself time to not be stressed

Also, maybe talk to your parents and say you already are doing your best to get good grades and you don’t need their threats and pressure to motivate you to do it - IN FACT, tell them that their pressure makes you feel more stressed and makes it harder to do work

good luck!! <3 I love you! You are more than grades

Things that can Destroy your Motivation

1. Not having goals. You can’t reach your goals if you don’t know what they are.

2. Choosing goals that don’t inspire you. You won’t be able to keep on going if the prize at the end doesn’t really matter to you.

3. Expecting immediate results. Anything worthwhile is a battle and a struggle. It takes times and effort to bring about a change.

4. Lack of support. We all need someone to believe in us and to be our cheerleader when we start to feel discouraged.

5. Not believing in yourself. As Henry Ford so wisely said: “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right.”

6. Feeling bored. Most success involves a lot of humdrum work, and repeatedly doing the same kind of stuff. But each day brings you closer to achieving what you want.

7. Inaction and laziness. You have to work the plan before the plan will work … and dreams are only dream till you turn your thoughts to actions. Also, it’s crucially important that you manage your time well, and you don’t get distracted or procrastinate.

8. Being around negative people. There are plenty of people who only see the flaws, and whose eyes are on the problems, and the absence of solutions. If you hang out with them, you will lose your zest and passion, and your positive outlook will soon be undermined.

9. Comparing yourself to others. We each are individuals, and we start from different places; we all face our challenges, and work at different rates. Remember “it’s your journey”. Be patient with yourself.

10. Encountering setbacks. No matter how great your plans, or your level of commitment, you’re bound to face some setbacks and encounter obstacles. That’s a normal part of growth – just keep going when life’s tough.

Making a difference in the world does not have to involve something overwhelming massive. You don’t need to find the cure for cancer or completely put an end to world hunger. Making a difference in the world comes from many small acts of kindness, each and every day. It comes from shedding light onto the lives of others’. YOU can make a difference. You can.

on a sincere note though, you guys do know that 22 is not old and 30 is not ancient, right? like yeah by 30 you will hopefully have matured but hearing some of you talk like life ends at 30 is a little worrying. one day, not as far away as it may seem, you will be 30 and you will still be a person with value, you will probably still have a lot of the same interests, you will still use the internet, and you will still be you. you have your whole life ahead of you

“When the world falls down around you and hope is lost, when you find yourself alone amid a lightless place, look to the distance - know that I am there, and that I watch over you, always”

That scene in FFXV reminded me of these two. RWBY Volume 4 ended and now can’t wait for Volume 5. The flowers are Forget-Me-Nots which seemed appropriate.

One more day before Valentines!

Why INFPs think of themselves as “frauds.”

When you’re an INFP, your biggest insecurity is that you have nothing to say.

You perceive most people as insightful, intelligent and interesting, while you are a dullard who can’t even string three words together. It’s not just that you’re shy — you feel like there’s something mentally WRONG with you.

I felt this way for decades, but I got over it by thinking about it this way. The reason everyone else’s stories are so fascinating is because YOU are the one processing them. YOU are connecting dots in your brain that make what you hear much more “involving” than the same story processed through a non-infp mind. In other words, you’re too imaginative for your own good.

Conversely, you have incredibly high standards for what constitutes a worthy conversation and what doesn’t. Comments about yourself, for example, seem egotistical and pointless. How you day is going? Who cares!!

So you LIMIT your options SEVERELY when communicating with another person, and tend to choose the words that end the conversation because you don’t want people to find out you’re an imposter.

Yeah, that’s the main thought that goes through your head, right? You’re stupid and incapable (handicapped, maybe?) and nobody has found out yet. But oddly enough, nobody seems to notice. Nobody has EVER told you that you are dumb. Weird, isn’t it?

That’s because you’re not dumb. You simply have impossibly high standards. You’re an INFP, remember.

Like I said, I struggled with this for decades. I was an “imposter” for decades, yet I STILL manage to be “successful,” despite judging myself as a “fraud” all those years ago.

That’s because I’m NOT a fraud, and neither are you. Once I realized this, I also realized that I DID have useful things to say. This post, hopefully, is one of them.

So don’t harsh on yourself, and please let me know if this helps. You see, I still appreciate verification that I’m not a fraud, even when I know it’s not true.

Have a great day, INFP.

It’s No Fucking Problem.

Your Pal,
Space Monkey

iconic moments from the early seasons of the 100

•"i was born in space"
•they introduced the hot bad boy character by having him do a flip off the drop ship
•"it’s an AUTOM OBI LE"
•when they took a tarp with them to carry Jasper who was injured but they ended up carrying their dinner in the tarp and they just made Wells carry Jasper hahaha
•also when they were playing peppy indie music and it was a Feel Good moment but then a spear struck Jasper through the heart and everyone started screaming
•"he tried to kill Jasper, too" “…..what”
•Murphy was trying to rally the crowd and was like “ALL IN FAVOR OF JUSTICE” and like 3 people raised their hands
•the entire Day Trip episode
•"you can’t just KILL PEOPLE to make yourself FEEL BETTER"
•they couldn’t communicate with the Ark and everyone was crying but Clarke and Finn just had angry sex
•they tied Atom to a tree and left him there as punishment
•Murphy peed on that guy
•Murphy spelled “die” wrong
•Jasper saw Murphy strangling a guy with a plastic bag and Murphy just tried to cover it by saying “he just….stopped breathing”
•honestly every goddamn line that came from John Murphy’s mouth
•Jaha hallucinated that baby that he found in a drawer
•"is that the Ark?“ "i hope they have shampoo”
•"i know who Oppenheimer is"
•Monty walked in on Finn and Raven fucking and he was wearing that lil hat
•"happy unity day here’s some unity juice"
•"storms coming…..“ and other such diva Bellamy moments
•14 year old Jasper doing straight shots of moonshine
•"herbs…..if you know what i mean”
•jasper woke up from near death and asked for some booze that kid sure does love alcohol
•everyone was like “Jasper’s had a bad week what with almost dying let’s let him fix the wristbands” and he fucked it up
•they all wanted to murder Jasper because he was keeping them up with his screaming
•just anything Jasper did was iconic bc he was always suffering (still is)
•someone was listed in the credits as “Boy Bullied By Murphy”
•bellamy was always like “no one leave camp” but when his little sister went missing he woke everyone up at like 3 am and was like “we’re all leaving this minute lets go party people”
•raven and finn were reunited and she was like i’m going to cut his greasy ass hair immediately
•bellamy and raven were always ready to fight each other they took every opportunity
•everyone wore bomber jackets
•finn’s trick to make girls like him was to create little sculptures for them and Raven got a pretty bird and Clarke got a two headed deer lmao
•any injury was cured by putting a hot blade on it problem solved
•murphy came back with a deadly disease and everyone was like “aw jeez guys he’s dying he won’t hurt anyone”
•and then he killed like 3 people
•murphy in general

lets talk about splitting over and over again until you can physically feel that crack in your very being
lets talk about getting so attached that even the slightest thought of them not being there is enough to send you into fits of hysteria
lets talk about going against all your morals just to get approval
lets talk about scrutinizing a conversation for days trying to pinpoint just where it all fell to peices
lets talk about the dread you feel when you think that you will end up alone
lets talk about the euphoria of being texted first
lets talk about the days when it is a struggle to convince yourself that you fucking exist
lets talk about loneliness you can feel in your bones
lets talk about sobbing until your throat becomes raw and your eyes sting
lets talk about going to outrageous lengths to attract even a moment of attention
lets talk about desperately wanting to feel something besides anger, jealousy, fear, sadness, anything
lets talk about the feeling that nothing will ever work
lets talk about recognizing that awful pattern of behavior every time and realize you cannot stop it
lets talk about being unsure if you can continue living like this
lets talk about the feeling in your chest as you wait desperately for a response you dont know will ever come
lets talk about the severe, ugly symptoms of bpd.

At the end of each day, you are a different person. You are stronger, wiser, and more knowledgable. We are constantly growing and evolving with each experience we encounter, and in the end, that shapes us into who we are.
Writing Is Hard

Summary: Dean finds the blog you use to read smutty fan fiction. And of course, he decides he can write a better story about himself. You help.

Warning: Smut, some dirty talk, mutual masturbation, all kinds of fan fiction clichés

Word Count: 4350

A/N: This is all written with love for fan fic. I’m teasing, not putting it down in any way. And thanks to @littlegreenplasticsoldier​ for being a great beta and being generally flawless. Hope you enjoy! XOXO

No. This isn’t happening.

This is one of those moments you’d had weird nightmares about, dreams that left you embarrassed and feeling all icky the next day until you finally convinced yourself that it wasn’t real. And just like those moments, this one will end any second now. You’ll wake up in some motel bed, Dean will be in the next room with Sam, asleep or showering or eating or anything but standing over your laptop with that look on his face.

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