at least it didn't sting me

Signs as things they really said
  • Aries: Fuck, I ate so much beans you better open all windows or I'll win a Nobel Prize. Is there a Nobel Prize for the worst fart?
  • Taurus: When I met my wife first time, I had to think twice if I really want to show up with such potato, but, you know, I'm a potato too so I hadn't many options...
  • Gemini: Am I Scorpio rising? So I look like this? *pretends his hand is a scorpion's sting and starts to walk around with weird noises*
  • Cancer: I tought I'm so bad at math, but now I met you! Thank you!
  • Leo: I'M NOT SCREAMING, OKAY? WHY ARE YOU TREAT ME LIKE THAT, AT LEAST I'M PRETTIER THAN EVERY PERSON IN THIS ROOM!!!
  • Virgo: Kids, this room is a fucking mess. *starts to sing 'Blue Velvet'*
  • Libra: You can tell a lot of things about a person just by looking at their shoes. Yours are dirty, I hope it's a good sign.
  • Scorpio: I know that I act like a hoe, but I'm 100% sure I didn't kiss him THIS TIME.
  • Sagittarius: Bitch, I'm better than 'Dancing with the Stars'.
  • Capricorn: *drunk* Isn't this weird that now we have everything in our phones, even our friends? When we lost phones, we lost friends. That's fucked up.
  • Aquarius: *calls 1000 times in the middle of the night* Dude, you'd pick up the phone at least ONCE, it's important.
  • Pisces: I just woke up, I'm so tired.