Just once // SHAWN MENDES
“God, just once could you be here for me? Once. Thats all I’m asking,” I cry, my hands flying into the air.
“I’ve always been there for you,” He says, one hand running through his messy curls.
“May I remind you last month, dinner, Michelles- 7pm? Ring any bells?” I scowl.
“I was at the studio, you know how I get after a long day writing,” Shawn turns away like he’s going to walk off.
“I texted you 3 hours before!” the anger in me uncurled, blinding me to any other emotions. “Then the meeting with my parents! We barely see them and they wanted to meet up with us and where were you?”
He shoots me a regretful glance. “Getting drinks with the boys,” Shawn murmurs.
“Damn right you were,” I cry again, my arm flying out, knocking the wall, pain shooting up my wrist. “Shoot,” I whisper, rubbing the area to try and soothe it.
“Baby, are you o-” He begins to ask stepping towards me.
“Stop,” the word hangs in the air, silence engulfing us. I sigh. “Every award show, as many concerts as I can, I’m always there- cheering you on,” I look up at him. The sight of him made my stomach clench in a way that made me want to throw up. Pain from his mistake, was clear in his eyes.
“I know you are, I love that you are there for me,” He tries to say but I cut him off again.
“Then can you understand how much it meant to me, for you to be at university as I graduated? I looked for you!” my eyes began to water and I knew that soon I would become a fountain of tears.
“When I was waiting for my diploma and I couldn’t find you I just thought ‘Maybe Shawn’s just the late, the parking was pretty bad!’” Here came the tears. “Then it got later and it was time for my year to line up and I still couldn’t see you anywhere so I just blamed it on ticket issues, or you couldn’t find which hall we were in,” I finish in a sob, my arms wrapping around my waist trying to provide a sense of comfort from the isolation I was feeling. I meet Shawn’s eyes again and it does nothing to cease my crying.
“That wasn’t the worst part- the worst was walking across the stage and having to stare out into an audience, filled with strangers, and not being able to identify a single person who came to see you,”
I turn away, pressing my back against the wall, sliding down till I’m seated.
“Y/N” Shawn whispers, not knowing how to approach the situation. The distance hadn’t done anything good for our relationship. It made it worse. Provided a void I didn’t know how to fix.
“After the ceremony I walked out,” I hiccup, my voice raspy after my crying episode. “Everyone was taking pictures with their family or friends or at least someone. I waited again. Hoping that maybe you were just seriously late and you would at least show up to take a photo with me in my robes before I had to return them,” I stare across the room.
“I waited for at least an hour. You didn’t show. I returned the robes. Got in my car. Drove back home.” I shrug my shoulders as if it wasn’t that big of a deal. My teary, red eyes lock with his watery ones.
“You were here of course, watching TV, Should have guessed,” I say sarcastically, pulling myself from the ground and trying to appear stronger then what I felt inside.
“Baby I swear I completely forgot- I never meant to miss you graduate,” He pleads reaching out to grab one of my hands. I tug my hand out his grasp.
“But you did, you always do it. Whether its because of work, distracting you, making you forget or some other reason you always seem to forget me and that’s- that’s okay because I’ve realized I’ll always come second best to you and I always will,” I chuck my diploma on the kitchen bench, the paper making a soft slap against the cold marble.
I turn and begin to make my way upstairs, my eyes sore and dry.
“Y/n, please, baby no, I’ll do anything to make this up, make it up to you,” Shawn calls trailing me up the stairs. I turn around to face him.
“Just,” I cry, pausing to calm the anger that reappeared. “I need space right now,” I reach the top of the stairs and go to the cupboard pulling out an overnight bag and begin to quickly chuck clothes I may need.
“What are you doing? Stop! What is that supposed to mean?” Shawn calls tugging at the roots of his hair in a stressed manor.
“I’m leaving for a couple nights, I’ll stay at Sammy’s,” I say calmly.
“Like hell you are,” Shawn goes to my bag and pulls things out I previously put in.
“I’m leaving,” I state firmly holding his gaze. “You can’t stop me,”
“Will you come back?” He asks and for a fraction of a second he looks scared and vunrable. A fraction.
“Maybe,” I say, finishing up with my bag, I race to the front door, lugging my bag with me as Shawn chases after me.
Once I go to open the door I look back at him as he gives me a wavering look, begging me not to leave.
“Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll forget I was ever here in the first place,” with that remark I slam the door shut.