at least i know where i am on my own

Incubus Boyfriend

I got a very interesting request I just had to do. Plus I know you have been requesting an incubus! So enjoy this lovely priest incubus from his POV.

   I’ve been at this church for some time now and I’ve enjoyed it immensely. The congregation is small but the love in it is large and real. For the first time in a long time, I feel safe with where I am at. I feel comfortable in my own skin. Or well, I’m comfortable at least with the appearance I’ve put on. I’ve not worn my true appearance for some time, especially not in front of anyone. If they knew who I truly was I would be lost again. If I lost this church I feel I would never truly recover.

   The truth is I am no mortal man, I am a demon, an incubus. For longer than I care to admit I prayed upon the weak to fill myself, but it had never brought me any true happiness. In my weakest state, I discovered what truly made me happy. I was stopped by a blind priest who, despite knowing who and what I was, took me in and was kind to me. He showed me a love and a way that gave me the fulfillment I sought out. Sex and carnality were only a means to what my kind needed, but the priest taught me a new way.

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auguste was problematic 2k17

i’ve been seeing a lot of talk about how laurent wasn’t really a reliable narrator about auguste and his faults so i made this post about things that were wrong with auguste

  • had an irrational dislike of the word ‘pelvis’
  • his favourite food was strawberries but he became allergic as a teenager….. didn’t stop him from eating strawberries
    • ‘auguste, please don’t’ ‘the world can’t take this away from me’ *shoves a strawberry into his mouth* ‘that is so good…. please take me to the physician’
  • made muscles at himself in the mirror…. vere’s saviour everybody
  • so?? comfortable??? with his sexuality??? it got ridiculous
    • this is more for modern!auguste but please consider the following: laurent is reserved and damen is confident with himself but he’s also private about his sex life. and then there’s auguste. who is just so casually open about e v e r y t h i n g 
    • ‘damen, i hear you’re bisexual’ ‘yes’ ‘wow that’s great. i’m straight but let me tell you about the times i experimented with men -’
    • ‘hey laurent i need to use your phone’ ‘okay - wait no! don’t look at that!’ ‘why?’ ‘it’s my…. bank information. i’m doing online banking.’ ‘your boyfriend is sexting you, isn’t he? laurent that’s nothing to be ashamed of. i have been in countless relationships where we found pleasure in-’ ‘stOP’
  • his hair got frizzy when it was humid
  • could not sing at all
    • also couldn’t play an instrument
    • my guy had no musical talent whatsoever
  • flirted with EVERYBODY
  • sent his girlfriends love letters and would sit there for HOURS trying to get them right. he kept a thesaurus in his chambers. each one had at least three drafts…. he wrote really cheesey poetry…. what a loser
  • pretended to take notes during political meetings when he was actually doodling
  • his best friend was his baby brother
    • who am i kidding that’s adorable
    • fuck i don’t even know him but i miss him

feel free to add your own Auguste Flaws

trashfam  asked:

Hannigram + temporary amnesia? 🙃

Will woke to a blur of sun blotting out his vision. Sheer curtain panels fluttered across an open window. There was a strange tightness in his cheek, and an ache that spread from shoulder to chest. When he tried to move, he realized his leg was broken.

“Hello?” he said, absent, looking down at the splint holding his leg in a stiff line. The room was papered in a delicate floral pattern. He had never seen it before.

A man–strangely handsome, sharply dressed, elegant–entered through the open door. “You’re awake,” he said with a half-smile.

“Who are you? Where am I?”

The man cocked his head and frowned. “You don’t remember?”


“Do you at least know who you are?”

“Will Graham.”

“And what is the last thing you remember?”

Will closed his eyes and searched his well of memory. Dogs and wet grass. The sputter of his ancient coffee machine. Wolf Trap in all its quiet, unchanging brilliance.

“I went to sleep in my own bed. I was in Wolf Trap, Virginia.” It occurred to Will just then that he should panic, but his body wouldn’t allow it.

The man sat in an armchair near the window. “I see. And you have no idea who I am.”

“No. The look on your face says that I probably should.”

The man was quiet for some time and then, “You’ve been in an accident,” he said. “We were in an accident together.”

There were deep, angry gashes on the backs of the man’s hands. “What sort of accident?”

“The sort we shouldn’t have survived. You should eat, perhaps it will come back to you.”

Will leaned back against the headboard. He was very tired, though he’d perhaps been sleeping for days. “I don’t know that I’m hungry right now.”

“I’ll fix you something anyway,” the man said, walking toward the door, watching Will carefully from the corner of his eye.

“Wait,” Will said before the man disappeared. “What’s your name?”

“Hannibal,” he said. “Hannibal Lecter.”

The name rang clear and brilliant, though not of recognition. It was something planted deeper, etched in viscera and fettered deep beneath his bones. Will would have googled the name, but there was no technology around, not even a rotary telephone. Wherever they were, it was a place not meant to be found.

Hannibal served him vegetable broth. “If you can keep this down, I’ll make you something better,” he promised, watching Will sip from his trembling spoon.

“It’s good. Thank you.”

“Are we hiding from someone?” Will asked when the broth was almost gone.


“We did something terrible,” Will said, and it was not a question. “Do you want me to know?”

“I’d rather you remember on your own than I tell you.”

“Was it that bad?”

“Memories that are your own are different from the stories you’re told. What happened is too important to be the latter.”

“And what if I never remember?”

Silent, Hannibal turned and gazed out the open window.

“I remember sitting across from you in room with long windows,” Will said when three days had passed. “The curtains were striped red, and we drank wine the same color.”

“My office in Baltimore. We spent many evenings there.”

“I can’t tell if this is a happy memory.” Will searched Hannibal’s face for an answer, grasping at the shine of his eyes. “I think it’s probably more complicated than happy or sad.”

“I was happy,” Hannibal said. “Every moment we were together.”

On the seventh day, Will traced a finger over his abdominal scar and remembered, in fragments and gasps, that fateful night in Hannibal’s kitchen.

“Why did you kill that girl?”

“Her name was Abigail,” Hannibal said while examining Will’s fractured leg.

“She was someone that I loved.”


“Are you someone that I love?”

Hannibal’s fingers stilled against the curve of Will’s calf. “That is my greatest hope.”

Hannibal came back to Will in shards fitted together with gold. Kintsugi of the mind.

“I remember watching you through the glass,” he said when a month had passed. His leg was healing well.

“And do you remember how you felt?”

Beneath Will’s ribs, a dull ache began to bloom. “I wanted to touch you. Crawl in with you.”

“There is no glass between us now.”

Will reached for Hannibal’s hand, and he remembered.

anonymous asked:

Why is Sansa so associated with empathy in comparison to the other characters? I mean, she is empathetic and she deserves praise for it, but so do Bran, Cat (to an extent), Dany, Ned, Arya, Jon, Tyrion (to an extent), Arianne, Davos, Brienne, Quentyn, Asha... Maybe all the more sympathetic POVs are empathetic, now that I think about it, so why is this aspect so emphasized regarding Sansa specifically?

The degree of empathy she shows, the circumstances in which she shows it, and the actions her empathy and compassion lead her to in spite of the risks to herself.

Cut for length.

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Levi X reader

*flash back*

We ran through the crumbling, dirty streets of the underground. Trying to get away from the man chasing us, all because we stole a little food. His threats could be heard, echoing off the walls of old buildings and sketchy allies. None of these threats caused us to stop running though. We speed through intersections and dashed around corners as if we were in a chariot race, begging ourselves not to lose balance as we quickly flung around the sharp turns.
Eventually, we lost the man chasing us after ducking into a doorway of our building which only contained ourselves and two others. The four of us were of no relation, but this didn’t mean we were not a family. I leaned against the wall trying to catch my breath as I watched and heard the man continue on past our home. Once he was gone, I caught a fit of giggles. My short, black haired, grey eyed, stoic faced, “brother”, Levi, glared at me.
“Tch. Of course you would laugh,” He said.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I replied continuing to giggle.
“It means that this is not a laughing magtter.”
“What? Of course it is. We stole from his cart and got away because he was to old and slow.”
“(Y/n), this is serious. Everyone in the underground is battling to survive. We are at the bottom of this food chain, don’t you ever forget that.” Levi then stalked off to the stairs which he climbed to get to our living quarters.
“Such a party pooper,” I mumbled as I followed him up. How had I fallen for this man? Sure I considered him a brother, but not an actual brother. It wasn’t like we were blood related.
We reached the door and Levi gave the secret knock to let Farlan and Isabel know it was us. It was Isabel who ended up opening the door for us. Her brown hair was pulled up and her forest green eyes were as bright as ever.
“You’re back! What did you get us to eat?” She asked. She was the youngest out of all of us. I was the next youngest, then Farlan. This left Levi as the oldest out of us all.
“Well, Isabel, we have apples, oranges, and a fresh loaf of bread,” I exclaimed as the girl became excited.
“A fresh loaf of bread!? How did you guys get your hands on that?”
“We were sneaky and made sure no one was looking.”
“Nice, I’m sure Farlan will be excited to hear this.”
“Where is Farlan?” Levi asked.
“Here. I was just taking a nap. I hear we have a fresh loaf of bread,” Farlan said as he stretched his tired muscles.
“Yes we sure do!” I replied.
*end of flash back*
I ran through the packed streets as I remembered my happy, small, family from years ago. The memory brought up from the current situation I was in. Running from not a single man this time, but a group of men and women. This group was known as the survey corps. Now, usually, this group only goes outside of the walls to fight Titans, but since I was dumb enough to try to steal in front of them, they were now chasing me. Where had my skills gone? This did not matter though because I was going to escape. I always did.
I speed through ally ways and flung myself around corners as I tried to escape the group. Eventually, I was able to get away when I turned a corner and ran into an open doorway. I leaned against the wall and tried to catch my breath as I heard the group continue on their search. Once I thought I heard them all pass, I put my hood up and left the building, making my way back to the underground. That was until a figure landed in front of me. I looked up and gasped in shock as I looked at the man in front of me. He was the same ornery looking guy he was when I knew him, but something had changed. His eyes looked darker as if he had been through a lot in the past ten years. As quickly as he landed I sped off, he didn’t need me making a mess out of this better life of his.
Levi began chasing after me and after awhile I lost him, or thought I lost him. As soon as I turned a corner to regain my breath, he flew right in front of me. Levi had gotten better at using the 3dm gear.
“Stop. There is no chance of you fucking escaping,” he said in a monotone voice. Funny how some things didn’t change.
“Why should I stop running Levi, that’s all I have ever done. Steal something and run,” I replied as I took off my hood. For a second I could have sworn I saw a glimpse of surprise in those stoic eyes, but as soon as it had appeared it had vanished.
“(Y/n). Should have known it was you. You’re the only one out of group who would have been stupid enough to try to steal in front of a group of survey courps.”
“Ouch. Still as harsh and mean as ever. Makes me happy to know you stayed the same the ten years you’ve been gone.” Once again it seemed his eyes flashed emotion, this time hurt, but I was probably seeing things.
“You haven’t changed much either, have you?”
“Nope. Same old wacky girl who likes to take chances.”
“I see that.”
“So, how has the whole fam been the past ten years. You know after you left me behind and all,” I said, my glare focused of the short man.
“Well, where to start. Farlan and Isabel are dead, have been for awhile now. Otherwise the "fam” is still intact.“ The instant I heard those words leave his mouth, I could feel my heart break. That couldn’t be true, he was probably just trying to hurt me to get back at my other comments.
"That’s a lie Levi.”
“It’s not…no matter how much I wish it was.” This time I knew I wasn’t seeing things, Levi’s eyes watered a bit as his voice softened.
“No,” was all I could say before falling to my knees as tears fell from my face. Sure I was pissed that the three of them left me, but they were still my one and only family. I would have never wanted them to die.
I didn’t even realize Levi had come closer to me. This was a factor as to why I jumped when he put a hand on my shoulder. I looked up at him to see he was looking right back at me, his eyes watering but not a single tear shed. Soon the rest of the squad showed up, Levi now only standing behind me.
“Nice job, Levi. Now we can take her to the military police,” a tall man with blond hair and caterpillars for eyebrows said. My eyes widened as I thought of what was going to happen to me. I mean I knew, I was going to be most likely executed, but my mind didn’t want to just stop there. All of these terrible punishments passed through my mind until I heard Levi speak.
“No. She can be made into a new member of the survey legion. She has the speed, agility, and stealth that any new scout would need when facing Titans. Why waste this opportunity, we are low on recruits right now.” I glanced up in shock as I heard what could be my punishment.
“We do need more recruits and she does have some good qualities. If your willing to train and watch her, then I guess we don’t need to get the military police involved in this,” caterpillar eyebrows answered.
“I can take care of this brat with no problem,” Levi replied.
“Alright,” big eyebrows then looked down at me, “Welcome to the survey corps.” The man then walked off, followed by the other confused members of the group. All of them unsure of what had just happened.
“Get up brat,” Levi commanded me. I stood but swiftly turned to face him.
“What the hell was that!? Sentencing me to my own death?” I yelled.
“I didn’t sentence you to your fucking death brat. If anything I gave you the chance to live.”
“Really? The first instant we go outside of those walls I am going to be a Titans meal and you damn well know it.”
“Maybe you will, but at least I gave you an option to fucking live where as if you had gone to the damn military police you would have been executed because you stole a fucking loaf of bread in front of a big ass group of survey corps members.” Levi then stormed off, following the group he had come with. “Come on.” He said. I followed his command as I thought of what he had said. He wasn’t really wrong, if he hadn’t given me this chance I would have been killed. At least with this option I could possibly survive if I was lucky. It still gave me a chance.

*time skip*

A week had passed and I was already exhausted from all the training Levi was forcing me to do. Everyday single day I had to get up early to run. Then we would go back to eat breakfast. Next was training to fight which we did until lunch. After we ate we would go out to work with the 3dm gear which I found I was good at, considering I had used it a little bit in the underground, and then dinner. Then it was back out for more fighting. By the time we would end it would be dark and I would be too exhausted to even shower. Let’s just say it wasn’t a fun experience, I almost wished that I had been taken to the military police instead of here.
I woke up once more to get ready for the first activity of the day. Running. I dressed, brushed my teeth, put my hair up in a ponytail, put deodorant on and left to go outside to meet Levi in our usual spot, the front door of the survey corps headquarters. I walked out the door to see Levi leaning against the wall waiting for me like usual.
“Morning Levi,” I yawned.
“Morning brat,” was all he said before starting up our run. I groaned as I caught up to him.
“So how much longer do I have to keep doing this? It is literally killing me. I am getting to the point where I am too tired to even walk.”
“We will keep this up until I think you’re ready.”
“How close am I to being ready?”
“Not even.”
“Are you kidding me right now? I am able to keep up with you now when we run laps, I can fight almost as well as you now, and I can basically beat you at using the 3dm gear. I think I am pretty close to being ready.”
“Just because you are getting better does not mean you are ready. You need to be able to think ahead when ever you fight. A Titan is not going to give you a heads up when it is coming up to attack you or try to grab you. Same thing with the 3dm gear. You need to feel like you are a part of the machine so that way you can focus less on your movements and more on what you need to do to take a Titan down. You think you can kill a Titan with knowledge of how to fight and use our gear? Well your wrong because there is a lot more to it than just that.” I watched him as he spoke, realizing that he was right. If I had any chance of surviving I would have to do better than just train, I’d have to flow.
“Alright, I understand, but is there anyway I can take a day off or something just so I can refresh and reenergize?”
“Maybe one day, brat. Depends on how you do today I guess.”
“Deal.” It was quiet for the run after that, neither of us speaking. Once we finished I went to my room and changed into the uniforms we had to wear. I then went down to the food hall to get breakfast. The instant I walked through the door and into the hall, I rushed to the food and grabbed as much as I was aloud and walked to the table I had to sit at. That’s right, Levi’s table. It didn’t really bother me, but I wouldn’t have minded if I had some freedom.
I placed my food down and began scooping it in, my hunger bringing me past the point of trying to eat like a normal human. I had gotten used to being fed constantly, but with all the training I was doing it made me even hungrier. I was eating away when I heard the tch noise Levi always makes. I chewed, swallowed, and looked up at Levi.
“What?” I asked.
“Do you really have to eat like you’re a Titan?” He answered with his own question.
“Yes I do. First of all, I had never been given, a definite, three meals a day most of my life, and second, all of this training is making me even more hungry.”
“Doesn’t give you the right to eat like that though.”
“If you don’t like how I eat then move. If not then get used to it.” I then began scooping the food back into my mouth as Levi sat down beside me, giving up in his attempt to make me look normal. I soon finished my meal and left to start fighting. Soon lunch passed and it was time to practice with the 3dm gear, which was becoming my favorite part of the day.
We walked over to the tall trees that we would be using to train on. I smiled up as we finally reached the thick forest.
“Want to have a match levi?” I asked trying to make this more interesting.
“Why?” He replied.
“Make this entertaining. I mean it already is fun, but to make it just a bit more fun than usual.”
“I guess.”
“Yes!” I jumped up and down. The feeling of being a kid again passed through my head as I did this. Levi glaring at me for being silly as I danced, laughed, or jumped at anything that excited me. To bad the past was the past. “Alright ready short stuff?”
“What did you call me brat.”
“Oh, you heard me,” I said as I shot the 3dm gear wires into a tree causing me to speed through the air. I continued shooting the wires and flinging though the air as I tried to find the first wooden Titan I would take down. An opening appeared through the trees, a Titan dummy standing in the middle of it. I sped to it. Right before I could cut into its wooden neck, Levi flung in front of me and took it out.
“Damn it,” I cursed as I continued on.
By the end of it Levi won, no shocker there really.
“Damn it Levi. I thought I had you,” I said as I landed beside him in front of the forest which we had entered.
“Told you you weren’t ready yet.” Was all he said before walking back to the headquarters.
“I’m getting there though.”
“Sure.” As we walked I began thinking of how we used to be when our family lived together in the underground. Levi the leader with Farlan as his second in command. Me and Isabel were just there because they were willing to take us in. I remembered how in love I had been with Levi, my feelings hidden for good reasons. The memories passed through my thoughts and I couldn’t help but laugh.
“(Y/n), are you okay?” Levi asked seeming bothered by my outburst.
“I’m remembering the time when we first got the 3dm gear and tried it out. How Isabel was so excited to try it, and how when she did she flew into the cardboard boxes in the alley.” I looked at Levi to see a slight smirk on his usual stoic face. This caused my heart to race as I thought of how I caused that rare smirk to appear. Seems like those feelings had never left.
“I remember that. I also remember how when you tried it out you didn’t have any better fucking luck. You ran into the wall. I remember how scared I was when I saw you just laying on the ground, silent for once in your life. Then when I ran to your side to check on you you began laughing uncontrollably.”
“Wait, go back for a second. You were worried about me? That’s a first,” I chuckled.
“Believe me. I may not seem like I have emotions, but I do, and that moment terrified me. I though we might have lost you.”
“Wow Levi, I didn’t know your were that worried about me that day.”
“I worried a lot about you. You were the one to always do stupid shit that would either get you in trouble or injured and it seems this never changed.”
“Well, I’m glad I could cause the heartless man to worry. And you’re damn straight I didn’t change. Then you would have never found me stealing.”
“I do have a heart you shit. I just don’t express it.”
“This is noted,” I said. The rest of the way to headquarters was quite and so was the rest of the day. When I got in my room I took a quick shower and then went straight to bed. The pillows and blankets soft underneath me, dragging me into a deep slumber.
*time skip*

I woke to the sun shining on my face, which caused me to start getting ready for the day. I began to think over the past month as I began getting ready. Things between Levi and I had changed. We were close again just like we had many years ago. Also with in this past month my feelings for the sour faced man had strengthened no matter how much I tried to avoid it.
“Perfect,” I spoke to myself in the mirror. “Fall in love with your childhood crush who could possibly die right I front of you. Just perfect.” I finished my morning routine and went to open my door to see Levi standing in front of it. This was new.
“Levi, why are you at my door?” I asked.
“I needed to tell you that there will be no training today.”
“So, I finally get a free day. This is a first. What’s the special occasion short fry.” Now, usually, anyone who made fun of Levi would be severely punished, but not me. At least not anymore, he gave up trying after a week when he realized it wasn’t going to stop. So, instead he took a deep breath before replying.
“Tomorrow we go outside the wall to try to take back some of our territory.” This answer instantly shot down my excitement. The only reason for this day off was so we could prepare for tomorrow.
“Oh. I see. So…what do I need to do?”
“All you’ll do today is prepare your horse and outfit for tomorrow. Otherwise you are free.”
“What do you do.”
“Same thing, but I will also help Erwin make plans for tomorrow.”
“Sounds fun,” I said trying to lighten the gloomy atmosphere.
“Relax (y/n). Spend time with the others, enjoy today. You deserve this.” I lost it when I heard him say this.
“I deserve this? I’m only getting this day off because I might not make it back tomorrow. What is this? Is it supposed to be a "make your possible last day of life the best you can.” “
"You’re right,” that’s all he said before turning around and walking away. I wanted to chase after him, what reason, I don’t know. All I knew was that I wanted to spend this possible last day with him, but that was never going to happen.
I shut my door, went to my bed, and plopped down on it. Thoughts of what could happen tomorrow flowing through my head. A Titan picking me up and eating me flashed through my thoughts as I began to shake in fear. I knew this day was coming, I just thought I would have been mentally prepared, but I wasn’t.
When I regained my composure I walked out of my room and to the mess hall for breakfast. I grabbed my food and went to the table I had been sitting at for the past month. As I walked towards it I began focusing in on every face I passed. Engraving each one into my mind so that way if I survived I would know that those who didn’t would never be forgotten. At least not by me.
I arrived at my table and sat. Petra, Eld, Gunther, and Oluo only watched as I quietly sat. Nothing was said for awhile, they weren’t sure what to say and I just stared at my food trying to process what was going to happen. Finally the silence ended when Petra decided to speak.
“So, (y/n), you ready for tomorrow?” I looked up at her slowly, all emotion wiped from my face and voice.
“Don’t worry, that’s what all new recruits say the day before their first mission.” She smiled at me as if that would change how I would felt.
“That’s understandable considering that they just might not make it back.” My comment caused her smile to dim a bit before lighting back up.
“This is true, but let me tell you a secret. If you dwell on this fact, you will not only sadden yourself, but also get yourself killed. You must accept your possible fate and live like you normally would, otherwise this life can become a lot harder for you. Will you do this for me?” I didn’t answer for a while as I thought about it. Maybe she was right. I mean it must work for her, she’s always chipper.
“Sure, I’ll try my best,” I answered, a small smile adjourning my face.
“Good.” This was when Levi joined the table with his morning tea. He sat beside me.
“You feeling less defensive now?” He asked.
“Yes. I was just in shock, that’s all.”
“Kinda figured.” I began to finally eat, my food now cold but still good. I was half way through my meal when Levi began explaining everything to us.
“(L/n), you will be joining my squad.”
“Are you serious!? I’m not that good, I’ll get you guys killed.”
“You will not. You’ll be perfectly fine.”
“We have your back (y/n),” Petra added.
“Thank you,” I replied. Levi then began explaining further what tomorrow would be like. When he finished he left leaving the rest of us at the table. Eventually we all left to prepare for the next day. I got my horse and outfit ready like I was told, and then spent the rest of the day with my squad.
*time skip*
I rushed around the room getting ready for the mission. I grabbed what I needed and rushed to the hall to get breakfast. After we ate I was stopped by Levi.
“Listen to me. Don’t you fucking get killed out there you understand me?”
“I understand Levi.” I replied
“Good, now go catch up with the others brat.” I left like I was told and followed everyone to the stables to get our horses so we could begin our journey to the exit of the wall. The ride there seemed like ages, time slowly passing. The whole time I tried to hide my shaking, but failed. Petra, the only one to notice, would smile at me trying to comfort me. I’d smile back and then go back to shaking. I looked at Levi to see him staring at me. I blushed and looked away. ‘Why did I not tell him how I felt. If this is my last day I would have at least liked to have told him how I actually felt even if he didn’t feel the same.’ I thought. 'At least I could have passed knowing I had finally told him.’
I continued to think until we arrived at the exit we planned of leaving through. Once we got there my mind went blank. This was it, we were about to leave the wall. This was the last time I would see most of my comrades alive, considering many of them would not be returning. I looked around and saw anything from blank faces to faces that were similar to mine, pure and utter fear. This moment felt longer than the entire ride here, fear taking its course. It was silent until Erwin’s voice broke it with a loud onward.
The horses began to race through the gate on command. Soon we were outside of the wall and in Titan territory. It wasn’t till we got close to our target that I saw my first Titan. It was huge! It stood on its legs as it tried to run towards a group at our right. The group instantly went on attack mode as the Titan approached closer. It didn’t take long before it was taken out. The Titans continued coming until we reached the forest. Levi had explained that we would have to go in there to get to our destination. He had also said that we would all have to watch carefully because the Titans could appear Anywhere in the woods. This did little to calm me down, but I remembered what Petra had told me the day before. This calmed me little, but it was better than how I originally was going to enter the forest.
Everything was fine until we heard a scream in the back of the woods where everyone else was. This seemed to be a signal for other Titans to attack in the forest because a few minuets later a Titan jumped in front of our squad. I screamed a little as it had popped out of no where, but this didn’t scare anyone else in the squad.
“Eld and Gunther take it out,” Levi ordered. There was no hesitation from them as they shot off of their horses and into the air. “Brat, keep the horses from running away,” Levi ordered me as he handed me the straps from Eld’s and Gunther’s horses. I took them and made sure not to let go.
It wasn’t long until the Titan was killed and a new one took its place. After each kill another would come. It got to the point where we all had to get off our horses to try and help fight the Titans. I was doing well, killing Titan after Titan, until a Titan no one saw grabbed me. I screamed in pure terror as I looked into the crazy eyes of the Titan that had captured me. Hot tears were streaming down my face as I realized this was it, that I was going to die. My life flashed before my eyes as I was slowly raised to the Titans gigantic mouth. I closed my eyes so I no longer had to watch my own death. I pictured Levi as I awaited my death, regretting the fact that he would never know how I felt. At least he would be with me in my final thoughts.
I took one last breath in as I felt the Titans lungs exhale as air blew across me. Right before the Titan could kill me though, it was taken out. I had no clue who it was because the instant it fell I blacked out.
*time skip*
Everything was black, not any light to be seen. At first I thought I was dead, considering there was nothing but black surrounding me, but then I felt my heart beat against my chest, signaling that I was, indeed, alive. I tried opening my eyes, but they wouldn’t budge from their closed state. I internally groaned. I wanted to wake up and figure out how the heck I had survived. At the moment, I could only remember being grabbed by the Titan and screaming, but that was it. Everything after that was blank.
My eyes stayed impossible to open until a few minuets later when I felt the imaginary heavy weights lift off of them. My eyes flew open as light clouded into them. This caused me to have to blink crazily until my eyes adjusted to the light once more. Once I could see, I looked around. I was in an infirmary room laying on a white bed, my body covered in its white blankets. The rest of the room shared the same bland color of the bed I was in making everything seem brighter than it should be. I then saw a man in a chair beside my bed. It took me a few minuets to figure out that it was no other than Levi sleeping in the chair. He seemed to look normal except for the red puffy eyes he had. Had he been crying? That seemed impossible to me considering the man never seemed to show emotion at all.
I couldn’t help but stare at him as he slept, trying to figure out if I was just seeing things or if his puffy eyes were indeed real. A half hour passed before he finally stirred from his sleep. My assumption was proven true when I saw his eyes open to reveal blood shot eyes. It took a few minuets for the short man to figured out I was awake. When he did he instantly rushed to my side.
“You fucking idiot! You almost got fucking killed you dumb shit! I told you not to get killed and look what you fucking did you almost got fucking killed!” Levi was screaming at me in a fury I had only seen a few times in the month I had been here at the survey corps headquarters. I cowered back a bit, trying to escape the fuming man by sinking into the bed.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t see that Titan coming. If I had I would have killed it,” I whispered.
“You’re sorry!? I almost lost you, damn it. I almost lost you just like the others,” he quieted down as he finished.
“Levi, what do you mean by others?”
“Farlan and Isabel.”
“What, they were in the survey corps too?”
“Is that why you left and never came back?” I quietly looked down as I asked.
“Yes, but we had no choice.”
“You didn’t have a choice Levi? Of course you did,” I said bitterly. I was still touchy around the whole being left behind bit, and the fact that he said there was no choice let it resurface. Levi never explained what truly happened and I deserved to know considering I almost died. “You had a choice to join. You know how long I waited for you three to come home. Months. I waited months. I worried for months. I was scared you had gotten caught. I asked around the underground if anyone had heard anything, seen anything. There was nothing. It was if you fell off the face of the earth. Eventually I gave up, I realized you three left me behind. I thought I had done something wrong, I thought it was my fault you left. You were the only family I had and you left, just like my parents. If I am wrong in my understanding of this then please do explain because I really would like to be out of the dark now.”
“We didn’t have a choice ( y/n). What happened to you, happened to us. We were being chased by the survey corps. I thought we had escaped, but that was when Erwin landed in front of us along with the others, trapping us. They kicked us to the ground. Erwin explained that I had two options, let Farlan, Isabel, and me be put in prison or join the survey corps. I couldn’t let them go to prison so I said we’d join. I hated how I felt, being trapped with each option being terrible. And don’t you think I didn’t feel bad about never being able to fucking tell you what was going to happen. I begged them to let me go back to tell you but the basterds wouldn’t let me. I carried that guilt for years! Then on one of our missions outside of the wall I split from my group to kill a Titan. I told Farlan and Isabel to stay with the group, they still listened to me even though I wasn’t their leader anymore,” he chuckled humorlessly. “So, I was off killing a Titan while the rest of my group was continuing on the path they were to go. See even then I was considered one of the best Titan killers and this caused my ego to sky rocket making me belive I could do anything. Let’s just say I learned my lesson that day.” Levi stopped talking. He lowered his head so he was looking at his legs. I knew where this was going, but I needed to know for sure.
“Levi, what happened?”
“I killed that Titan,” he said. That’s when I saw a single tear fall into his lap. He couldn’t be crying right? “But after I did I heard screams behind me. I figured it was another group and began heading over in that direction to help them. When I got there, I found a massacre. Limbs were lying everywhere. Blood was covering everything.” He paused and took a shaken breath. I had never seen Levi like this, I had never seen him show emotion in general, but this was strange. “I watched as the Titans were still munching on people. I then heard a scream that sounded like Farlan’s but I thought I was hearing things. It wasn’t till I heard my name being screamed that I turned in that direction to see a Titan with Farlan in its disgusting hands. I rushed over, but I was to late. I watched the fucking thing kill Farlan. The fucking bastered ate everything but his head.” Levis voice cracked as he said this. I watched as more tears split from his eyes and onto his lap. The site broke my heart and I began crying as well as I thought of what my two “siblings” had gone through. What horror they had faced. How they knew they were going to die. I hugged Levi as we cried together. A few minuets passed before Levi calmed down and pulled away from me to continue the story.
“That Titan, I killed it, but not instantly. No, I slowly killed it. I cut the damn monster to shreds and it wasn’t until I knew it was suffering that I finally ended its life. After that I fell to my knees and cried until Erwin came to get me. The only I had family was killed by them and it was all my fault. Had I not been so fucking cocky, had I just stayed with them, they would be here alive and well. But no I didn’t. They are dead because of me. Because I let us get caught by the survey corps, because I decided joining them was a better decision, because I left them. I was all of your leaders and I failed you all.” Levi looked up at me as tears continued to fall from his eyes. “And to make it all better, I almost let you die that same fucking way as they did. I almost got you killed too, the last family I had and I almost got you killed. You would think I would learn the first fucking time, but no I had to do it again.”
“Levi it wasn’t your fault. There is nothing you could have done to save Farlan and Isabel. It was their choice to listen as much as it was your choice to tell them to stay, and you never failed us. We all knew you did what you did because you knew what was best for us. You gave us all a family made of four kids who thought they would always be alone. That is more than enough to prove how you didn’t fail us. They might have died, but that was out of your hands and you did your best to stop that. That was all you could do,” I said as I watched Levi look back down at his legs. I picked his head up in my hands and made him look at me. “And there is no way in hell that you failed me. You saved me did you not, I am assuming you killed the Titan that had me, am I right?” Levi shook is head yes. “So you didn’t fail me Levi. I am still hear breathing air because you saved me. Don’t you ever dare to forget that. Do you understand me?”
“Good,” I smiled. “Now may I tell you something?”
“Yes, what is it?” Levi asked as he wiped his tears from his face.
“I have wanted to tell you this before we went on the mission in case I didn’t make it, but I couldn’t get up the courage. I think this close encounter with death has helped me decide to tell you now.” I paused before going on. “Levi, I have felt this feeling for you since we were kids. When you left I forgot about this feeling and it wasn’t until I found you again that I realized what it was. Levi, I love you, and I know you might not fe-” my sentence was interrupted by a pair of rough lips agains mine. My eyes widened in shock at the realization of what was happening, but then closed as I relaxed into it. The kiss started off as soft and unsure, but quickly changed to passionate and loving the instant Levi realized I was kissing him back. We broke apart from each other to catch our breaths.
“So does this mean that short stuff loves me too?” I chuckled.
“Yes you dumb shit,” he answered.
“Good, I was hoping you would.” I then kissed him once more. We broke apart once more, this time Levi began talking.
“Just so you know, training is not going to become easier for you.”
“ I figure as not, but a girl could dream right?”

“Jesus,” he says when he sees them. “Are you actually a teenage girl?”

Nursey shrugs. “Try one.” He throws a sparkly blue Gelly Roll pen at Dex’s head.

Dex plucks it out of the air, then looks at it like it’s a dead spider.

He uncaps the pen and writes a few notes in his notebook. “Whoa,” he says.

Nursey grins at him. “Smooth, right?”

“Sara used to have these. In, like, forty thousand different colors.”

“Because they are the best,” Nursey says. “I swear, these could write underwater. These could write on ice. These could write in Outer Space.”

“Okay, I get it. You really like your pens.”

Keep reading


“Who are you again?”

“Do I know you?”

“I’m sorry. I don’t know you.”

“I think you’ve mistaken me for someone else.”

“I can’t remember.”

“I’m ___, remember?”

“Stop playing games with me.”

“This isn’t funny anymore.”

“Please tell me you’re joking.”

“I don’t know you.”

“I still can’t remember.”

“At least give me a hint!”

“Tell me what you remember.”

“Who am I?”

“Please tell me you at least know your own name.”

“Will I ever remember?”

“I think I know you.”

“Wait. I live here?”

“I don’t even know if you’re telling the truth.”

“How can I trust you if I can’t even remember whether I should trust you?”

“Please just trust me.”

“We’ll get through this.”

“Where am I?”

“You lost me at ____. Is that my name?”

“I just woke up. Give me a break.”

“I’m sure it’ll come to me in a minute.”

“I’m assuming that’s my name since everyone keeps yelling it at me.”

“It’ll come to you when you’re ready.”

“These things take time.”

There Is No Escape - Part 1

Summary: You are rescued from the waters around Neverland by Captain Hook and his crew with no memory has to what happened to you. But when you return to the island you soon find out.

Captain Hook/Peter Pan x Reader

Warning: None

Words: 1345

Your body is cold… very cold. You don’t know how you ended up in a vast ocean of water, or how long you had been in it, all you know is that you couldn’t swim any more. There had been no sign of land when you had first found yourself in the water and after swimming for however long you had been there was still nothing around you. Nothing but deep, dark, water. Every muscle in your body is aching beyond belief from the constant shaking as the cold temperature begins to affect you down to your very core.

This is it. This is how you were going to die. It’s a depressing thought but it is the only one that seems to be so very clear in your exhausted mind.

As your eyes begin to lose the fight to stay open and your face sinks beneath the gentle waves of the ocean you feel something wrapping itself around your wet hair, gripping it tight, before pulling you up and out of the water you’d been convinced was going to be your grave.

“Got her Cap’n!”

The deep, harsh, voice that now fills your ears is unrecognisable but you simply don’t care. All that matters now is that you are going to live another day. The hand that had pulled you out of the water now places you onto a hard surface and it is only now, as your eyes slowly fought to open a little, that you can make out several figures standing over you. Your vision isn’t as sharp as it would usually be though so there are no details on them that you can pick out….aside from one.

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Howl’s Moving Castle Sentence Meme
  • “I feel terrible, like there’s a weight on my chest.”
  • “A heart’s a heavy burden.”
  • “Lets run! Don’t fight them!”
  • “Sorry, I’ve had enough of running away. Now I’ve got something I want to protect. It’s you.”
  • “You, you sabotaged me! Look! Look at what you’ve done to my hair! Look!”
  • “What a pretty color.”
  • “It’s hideous! You completely ruined my magic potions in the bathroom!”
  • “I just organized things. Nothing’s ruined.”
  • “Wrong! Wrong! I specifically ordered you not to get carried away!”
  • “Now I’m repulsive.”
  • “I can’t live like this.”
  • “Come on, it’s not that bad.”
  • “You should look at it now, its shade is even better.”
  • “I give up. I see not point in living if I can’t be beautiful.”
  • ”I’ve never been beautiful a single day in my life!”
  • “So you are going away.”
  • “Please, I know I can be of help to you, even though I’m not pretty and all I’m good at is cleaning.”
  • “You’re beautiful!”
  • “Well, the nice thing about being old is you’ve got nothing much to lose.”
  • “They say that the best blaze burns brightest, when circumstances are at their worst.”
  • “Yeah, but no-one really believes that. Come on, let’s be honest.”
  • “Wow,  your hair looks just like starlight. It’s beautiful.”
  • “All right, let’s get cooking.”
  • “I don’t cook! I’m a scary and powerful fire demon!”
  • “There you are sweetheart, sorry I’m late. I was looking everywhere for you.”
  • “Hey, hey! We’re busy here!”
  • “To me, it looked like the two of you were just leaving.”
  • “I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t torment my friend.”
  • “This war is terrible, they bomb from the southern coast to the northern border. It’s all in flames now.”

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Kimi ni Todoke Chapter 119 Translation (w/ Images)


I wanted to share Chapter 119 and provide a translation for those who are curious about the latest developments in Kimi ni Todoke. Under each image I’ve written what’s being said on that page - hopefully it’s easy to follow. 

I’d like to apologize in advance for two things. First is the terrible picture quality. They’re not actual scans, just pictures taken with a cell phone, and to make matters worse, you’ve got my colorful blanket as the background…lol. So I’m sorry for the lackluster presentation, but hopefully this tides you over until we get scans / the actual volume is released. Second, if you’ve read my translations before, you’ll know I’m not fluent in Japanese (or pretending to be) - I took a few courses at my university but am largely self-taught. I’d like to think I’m getting a little better, but these are not anywhere near professional translator quality. There are probably several mistakes. I’ve tried to make the dialogue sound natural, but I’m limited by my own level of comprehension. If you don’t understand / read Japanese and want to know what’s happening, I hope this at least gives you the gist of what’s going on - basically, I’m giving you what I gleaned from the chapter (right or wrong)! I’ve also included a few “notes” on certain pages where I thought some explanation might be beneficial. Thank you for your patience! :) 

This chapter should be the last one in Volume 29, which will be released on July 25th. Kimi ni Todoke is currently on a one month hiatus, so we won’t see Chapter 120 until July (August Issue). There is an author’s note in this chapter that I didn’t translate, but in it Shiina-sensei says there’s still a bit of the story left. I’m guessing we’ll get about 4 more chapters (maybe 5) so that the series ends with 30 volumes. 

Finally, if you enjoy Kimi ni Todoke, I would strongly encourage you to purchase Bessatsu Margaret, if you’re able to. I started buying them this year (to collect the final chapters of Kimi ni Todoke), and they’re amazing (and massive!!). So much fun, and the images are bigger than what’s published in the manga volumes so you can see finer details! 

Well, now that I’ve scared you away from actually reading this thing, put on your best clothes and grab a box of tissues, because you’re going to Kitahoro High School’s graduation ceremony! 

*sniffle sniffle*

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I’ll Be Good - Part 2

Masterlist  -  Series Masterlist  -  Part 1  -  Part 3

Ok, first things first: I am not exaggerating when I say I would have never posted any of this if not for my friend @marvelatmytrash​ (and if you don’t think that url is top notch, well i’m sorry, you’re wrong). So you can all thank her for being an absolute peach and striking up a conversation with a quiet lil reader and then encouraging me to post my own shit. Go read Aftershocks. Talk to her. She’s incredible. i’m kinda pissed I’ve only known her for like a week.

Summary: Series – You’re an old colleague of Natasha’s who finds herself face to face with the Winter Solder on the wrong end of an Avengers’ op. Chapter - The team now tries to get their bearings back at the compound while you try to make the most your captivity.

Warnings: Swearing (as per usual), mildest of sexual references, captivity (I know that’s not the word I’m looking for but I can’t think of the right word. But I can promise you no one is taking a leisurely trip to the zoo, you’re not a giraffe.)

Word Count: 1838

Author’s Note: My little heart can’t thank you guys enough for how receptive you’ve been. Here is part 2. I edit this one literally every time I look at it. I’m not 100% sold on it, but I like part 3, so I’m getting this one out of the way. After that we’re all in trouble because I haven’t even started part 4. That said, I would LOVE to know what you do and don’t like about this one! I am so happy to chat, answer asks, whatever. Please be careful with my brittle non-writer heart though, if you want to share constructive criticism. Please.

Bucky’s POV

“Let me talk to her! Steve, I can bring her to our side on this. She’ll listen to me. She’s been out on her own too long but she’ll listen to me. She’ll trust me.” Natasha called after him, almost running behind his long deliberate strides.

“That’s just it, Nat, you don’t know where her loyalties are anymore! She’s been against us for at least what, 4 years?” Steve huffed out throwing his arms out to his sides, incredulous. “She shot you less than 24 hours ago!”

“Oh please it’s nothing. And you know that’s not fair, people with our skills… we don’t have many options… Just let me talk to her. She could have just as easily put that bullet in my brain. She spared me, Steve. She can help us, but you have to let ME talk to her.” She was pleading. Begging. Bucky had never seen Natasha beg for anything. What is it with this woman? Was Nat afraid of what this sniper might reveal about Nat’s own past or was Nat trying to protect the her? Why was she fighting so hard? Curiosity getting the better of him, Bucky followed.

“That’s not the point. We can’t trust her. And more importantly, I can’t trust your judgment when it comes to her.”

“Just because you don’t know everything doesn’t mean you can’t trust me.” Natasha countered, challenging him. They’d been through a lot, Steve and Natasha. She’d stood by him when he found Bucky all those years ago. She’d attacked a goddamn king for him, for Bucky. Would he really dare to tell her she couldn’t talk to her friend? Bucky saw the resolution flash across his face. Goddamnit he’s so stubborn.

“I’ll go,” Bucky said quiet but firm, turning before they could protest. Ending the discussion before it turned bitter.

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Serving Sizes Are a Myth

Gen/Family Bonding
2242 Words
Stephanie Brown, Bruce Wayne 
AO3 Link
CEC Universe

Serving Sizes Are a Myth

The study is quiet when Stephanie Brown notices Damian Wayne standing in the doorway, looking in at her on the couch and Bruce leaning back in his office chair. Damian’s expression is hard to read, maybe boredom, and he observes them for a minute before speaking.

“I was instructed to inform you that it is dinner time,” Damian says.

“Ugh,” Stephanie says, slumping against the arm of the couch. “Hard pass, but thanks.”

“Tell Alfred we’re skipping dinner,” Bruce says.

There’s a flash of surprise on Damian’s face and then he asks, “Shall I tell him you are ill?”

“I already ate,” Stephanie says, sighing. “And now I’m sick.”

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- howzit kids!!!!
- the future is weird and spooky huh??? ? no matter how cool i am with where i am, i still find time to sorta worry about it
- at the minute i’m v happy studying, and my plans for heading back to australia in june are just: return to my casual job, walk my dogs, make comics, do nanowrimo, go to some cons. and right now??? i feel very strongly that that will be enough, at least for this year
- but then also i know my own restless ass and i know that maybe it won’t be
- i really hope it will be
- walked around viborg’s south lake today, it was pretty and cold and it’s odd how the world can feel both enormous and tiny some days
- i’m one of the youngest people that i’ve met here, which is a sort of sobering thought. gotta remember there’s no hurry. life’s really long, ya know?
- i’m learning to love what a work in progress everything we do in class is: there’s no finished product, just the act of making. it’s a really good way to be
- my art is improving in a way i didn’t think i’d notice in three weeks, which is pretty great. i want to dedicate this year to making stuff i like, and that maybe other people will too. i really love drawing it makes me happy happy happy 
- i hope you’re all good, if you can, slow down for a minute today


Word count: 3659

Warning: smut

Kai accidentally feeds on you

Kai has never hurt you in times when you and him were together. He was always sweet and kind and always tried to make you laugh and make sure that you were safe and ok and that nothing was missing from your life. If there was something, he always made sure you get exactly what you wanted. Your relationship with Kai had everything. Even the small fights that someone you and Kai had always managed to overcome and go back to being normal. Well, as much as it was possible, because he was, after all, a heretic and you were just a human. Sometimes, you hated being a human because you had never been able to do everything Kai did and it sometimes pissed you off, but Kai assured you how silly you were and that you were absolutely perfect. He has drank your blood before, but only a little bit, to keep him satisfied. Your blood was something special to Kai and he had always made sure that you were ok with him drinking your blood before he sank his sharp fangs into your sensitive human flesh.

One night, he was out for hours and when he came back, he couldn’t even look at you in the eyes. He was mad about something but as it looked, he had no intentions in telling you what that was about. That wasn’t the first time and since you shared everything with him, Kai ignoring you like that made you feel some kind of way, sad and angry at the same time. He plopped himself on the couch and ran his fingers through his hair, roughly before picking up a glass of the table and threw it across the room, watching it shatter against the wall, hundreds of pieces splattered across the wooden floor. You winced a bit because of the loud noise, a touch of fear running through your body. He has never looked that mad and you didn’t know what to do. The only thing you did know was that you couldn’t just leave him like that. You swallowed hard and slowly approached him, taking the seat next to him on the couch slowly. You hesitated at first but after a few moments you had placed your hand on his back and rubbed it slightly, a sign of reassuring which Kai had understood. He sighed deeply and moved to a different seat, away from you, your eyebrows furrowing at his actions.

 'Is everything alright?’ You asked him, your voice gentle and shaky, your eyes focused on him and his face expression as he finally turned his head and locked his eyes with yours. He showed you a small smiled and rolled his eyes after, his fingers playing with the ring on his hand.

 'No.’ He said abruptly and took his coat off, anger radiating out of his body and around the room.

 'Will you tell me what happened?’ You asked and the only thing that came out of his body was a quiet snort. He started tapping his leg with his hand, his eyes looking in one direction as if there was a dot on the wall that was way more interesting than the conversation you two were having. ‘Did I say something wrong?’ A voice that came out of your body was barely audible, your heartbeat increasing by the second and you knew have heard it. He always does.

 'Why do you always how to know what happened?’ He spit it out, your eyes going wide for a second as if someone had squeezed your heart for a split second and then let it go, but the feeling of disappointment was still there.

 'Because I’m your girlfriend and I care about you and I want to know why you’re mad and most importantly why are you mad at me when I haven’t done anything wrong! I just want to know what happened that you are like this.’ You trailed off and Kai rolled his eyes at you again and stood up, going to the kithen, pouring himself some water and too a sip while ignoring to look at you at all. ‘So, you’re not going to say anything? At all?’ You asked him again, waiting for his reply but all he did was walk by you and back into the living room.

 'I can’t believe you. I might as well leave right now so you can be on your own because that’s what you want the most, right?’ You raised your voice, Kai finally facing you as he stepped a bit closer, your bodies only a few inches away.

 'Why do you always have to make everything so difficult? Would you mind if I kept some of the things to myself? You don’t have to always know anything.’ He said abruptly, catching you by surprise. He has never acted like that and you never thought you would have to see that side of him.

 'Where is all of this coming from, Kai? Did I do something wrong? If I did please tell me so I know how to-’

 'No. It’s not about you.’ He took a few steps closer to you but then as if he was scared of you or the words that would come out of your body. 'It is about you. You don’t care about what happens to me or where I end up.’ He trailed off, you brows furrowing at his comment. You did care about him. More than anything. He meant to you more than anyone that has entered your life and you couldn’t imagine your life without Kai. Where Kai wanted to go, you were ready to follow him, even if you had to go to the other side of the world to be with him.

 'Why are you talking about?’ You asked him. 

'You know exactly what I’m talking about. You always know what’s up but pretend like you don’t.’ He snapped at you and sighed in frustration, leaning against the fireplace and kept staring at the burnt wood in it, black as the night. 'You would never leave Mystic Falls with me, would you?’ He asked you suddenly, breath hitching in your throat as you weren’t expecting that to come out of Kai. 

'Why would you ever leave Mystic Fa-' 

'Just answer the damn question. Would you leave Mystic Falls with me?’ He asked you again, his eyes looking at you as your heart instantly started beating faster than it was a few seconds ago. As much as you trusted and loved Kai, you were scared to answer him, so instead you were silent and kept staring at the floor. After a few moments you only heard Kai’s chuckle and knew he figured out the answer by himself. You had finally managed to look at him, trying to read his face expression, but only emotions that Kai had were pain and anger in his body. His eyes were almost black and his fists clenched and not even a second later, he ran towards the wall and punched it as hard as he could, creating a giant hole on the wall, making you jump a little bit at the loud sound echoing through the room. You looked closely and saw how wounded his knuckles were but they quickly healed, leaving Kai’s hand normal as if nothing had happened. 

'Deep down I knew the answer. I knew that you were too weak to leave this precious town of yours, where nothing good has happened in the last couple of months. Don’t forget how scared I am every time you leave without me at night. I am scared that I will lose you and if I do… I could never forgive myself for not being there to protect you.’ He trailed off, tears gathering in his eyes but he quickly blinked them away, not wanting to show any weakness. More accuratelly, he didn’t want to show how weak you had always made him. You were his weakness and whenever he was around you he didn’t feel like the most powerful heretic out there. He felt like an ordinary human being without any magical powers.

 'I won’t forget it and I know how scared you are, but you don’t have to protect me all the time. I can take care of mys-’

 'Don’t say that you can take care of yourself. Just don’t.’ He cut you off, his eyes avoiding your gaze.

 'Well thanks for making me feel weak.’ You muttered.

'I’m- you know I didn’t mean it like that.’

'Well it sure sounded like that. You know I love you, so stop acting like I don’t care about you, ok? You’re driving me insanse with that and all I want to do is fight you because I don’t know what to do anymore to prove you that I cared about you.’ You raised your voice a little bit, your fingers tucking a small lock of hair behind your ear. You let out a deep sigh, letting out all the air that you had been holding in for a while, feeling relieved when you uttered those words to Kai.

'Then leave Mystic Falls with me. Please. We can be together somewhere else. Somewhere where we could start a new life without being afraid of getting hurt or where I can finally feel relieved that you’re safe and far from all this madness.’ He trailed off and took a few big steps towards you until his hands were cupping your face, his blue eyes deeply staring into your orbs, his lips slightly parted as his hot breath tickled the skin on your face.

'I can’t.’ You stuttered and felt his hands leaving your face. He shook his head no and walked away from you. He leaned against the table, his hands grabbing tightly onto it, so tightly that he almost broke it. 'All of my friends are here. This is where my life is, Kai. I can’t just drop everything and go. You know that.’

'I thought your life is wherever I am. At least that’s what you were saying to me before, but I guess that changed. And you’re talking about friends, your friends have caused only problems to me and nothing else. Did you forget how Damon almost killed me? Or how Bonnie left me in 1903 Prison World? I don’t understand it. Family and friends are so overrated.’ He trailed off, only anger noticeable on his face.

'How would you know anything about family or friends? You murdered your own family without any regrets and continued with your life like nothing ever happened! Don’t even dare to say anything about my friends and family!’ You shouted at him and after that, silence filled out the room. Not even a fly could be heard. Only your heartbeat that increased it’s speed, feeling like it would jump out of your body. Kai’s eyes turned black and purple veins were obvious under his eyes. You swallowed hard at the sight of that, you hands shaking and before, you could do something, his hands were pinning you tightly against the nearest wall as his fangs pierced your sensitive skin on your neck, making you scream out loud. You tried to push him away but he was way to strong for you and as it looked, he had no intentions of stopping. Blood was dropping down on your shirt as you felt your legs getting a bit weaker, your blood leaving your body.

'Kai-’ you stuttered as your hands tugged on his shirt and at that moment as if something had snapped in Kai’s body, as if something was telling him to stop. He pulled out his fangs, your body dropping down on your knees. Your blood was dripping from his mouth, your hand covering two small holes on your neck. Tears started rolling down your cheeks, fear taking over your body. Your boyfriend, the love of your life, the only person you fully trusted and who always made sure you were safe had attacked you. His girlfriend, his weakness and the only person who he believed in. You couldn’t recognize him anymore. That wasn’t him, but even though you knew he would regret it, you couldn’t even find yourself to look at him.

'I’m so sorry! I-’ He knelt down beside you, his voice shaking and breaking at almost every word that came out of his mouth. 'I don’t know what happened.’ He muttered and bit his wrist, the blood reaching the surface and appeared on top of his skin, bringing it closer to your mouth but you pushed his hand away from you.

'Don’t touch me!!’ You yelled at him, his body jerking a little bit at the sound of your loud voice echoing through the room.

'Please forgive me. I don’t know what happened. I- Please, please forgive me.’ He begged you, his eyes locked on your hand pressed against your neck, blood dripping down onto your shirt.

'No! Leave me alone, Kai!’ You got up and ran to your room, slamming the doors behind you. You ran into the bathroom and opened the tap, water instantly running in the sink. You washed your hands and your neck, placing a bandage on your neck, suppressing the blood from coming out. You winced at the feeling of your fingertips brushing against your wound. It only hit you then what had happened and you couldn’t help but let the tears out to roll down your cheeks. You felt broken and you felt like you couldn’t trust Kai anymore. You wanted to be alone, but of course Kai wouldn’t give up just like that. A knock echoed through your room and you knew exactly who it was.

'Please, can you let me in? Please.’ His voice was muffled through the doors, your heart skipping a beat.

'Go away!’ You shouted.


You walked slowly towards the doors and hesitated at first, but you did open the door as you faced Kai. He had an apologetic look on his face and you could see how his eyes were puffy and a bit red, making you realize that he might have been crying. His eyes fell down to where your wound was, noticing the bandage on your neck and two small blood spots.

'I can’t tell you how sorry I am.’ He muttered, his fingers tracing over the bandage, making you wince a little bit. 'Please, let me see it.’

'No.’ You ordered.

'I want to help you. Please let me help you.’ He said gently and snaked his arms around your waist slowly, pulling your body closer to his.

'You hurt me.’

'I know and I can’t tell you how sorry I am. I can’t even think properly knowing I have hurt you in that way.’

'I can’t just forgive you for hurting me like that. I’m-’

'I know that you’re scared, but it’s me. You know you can trust me.’ He muttered, his fingers gently brushing through your hair and tucking a small lock of hair behind your ear, his thumb brushing against your cheek,

'I can’t- I-’

'Please.’ He removed the bandage on your neck, your wound exposed to his eyes. He traced his fingers around it, avoiding small wounds, your eyes closing for a few moments. He planted a gentle kiss on your neck, only for another one to follow the previous one. He was showering you with kisses and you couldn’t help but wrap your arms around his neck and pull him in for a deep and passionate kiss, your fingers finding their way to his hair, tugging on it slightly.

'I need you, Kai.’ You whispered, surprising yourself because of your words. You should have been mad at him but somehow you couldn’t manage to keep your hands off him. He was still Kai that you loved and cared about and deep down you knew that he would do anything to change what he did to you. He hands slid down your body and placed under your butt, lifting you up and carrying you to a king sized bed, gently placing you down. He got on top of you, your hands tugging at his shirt and swiftly taking it off, throwing it across the room. You trailed your fingers over his back, feeling his strong and broad shoulders, his hips jolting forward and hitting your crotch slightly, a quiet moan leaving your mouth. He pushed his hand into your jeans, his fingers finding your clit as he started rub it in small circles, your body arching at his touch. You propped yourself onto your elbows and reached out your hand, making contact with his clothed manhood, your hand rubbing him through his jeans, his lips parting slightly. He pulled his hand out of your jeans as you showed him a look of frustration. He quickly unbuttoned his jeans and took them off along with his underwear, standing completely naked in front of you. You bit your lip as your eyes went directly to his lenght that was already hard. You felt yourself getting wet and you couldn’t hold it anymore. You quickly took your jeans off and your underwear, throwing them down on the floor. You got up and grabbed him by his arm, pulling him down on the bed on top of you, your arm gently grabbing his manhood as you started rubbing him slowly, your thumb making small circles on his tip, making Kai let out a muffled moan. He trailed his fingers through your folds, gathering your arousal as you felt him slip the inside you and curl them around your walls, your walls intstinctively clenching around him.

'You’re so wet, fuck!’ Kai groaned out, your actions and his matching perfectly as you were bringing yourselves closer to your first orgams, your eyes locked with one anothers the entire time. You threw your head back in pleasure, but you never stopped pumping him in a faster pace. He placed his thumb on your clit, rubbing in in small figure eights as you felt yours clenching around his fingers more and more each second.

'Shit, Kai.’ A loud moan escaped your mouth, your first orgasm tearing through your body, your whole body shaking and not long after that, Kai’s warm liquid spurted over your stomach, your touch sending him over the edge as well. He quickly pulled his fingers out of you and ripped your shirt and your bra in half, leaving you completely naked in front of him. Your heart was beating fast as you couldn’t wait anymore to have him inside you, to feel full again and to forget about everything that happened.

'Kai, I need you, please.’

'As you wish.’ He muttered and in one quick move he was inside you, filling you up completely, his tip brushing against your spot as he entered you. You screamed out in pleasure as you felt him slowly pulling back and then going back in. The feeling of him streching you out and filling you up so perfectly has always made your heart skip a beat and made your legs feel like jello.

'Go faster.’ You moaned out and grabbed onto his shoulders, his lenght perfectly hitting your spot. You arched your back and at the same time clenched your walls around him, a loud moan escaping his mouth.

'Fuck!’ You chuckled because you knew how that affected him everytime you did. You grabbed onto the bed sheets and threw your head back, Kai’s hips relentlessly slamming into you, having no intentions of stopping or even slowing down. He leaned down and placed his head in the crook of your neck, his lips finding the spot where his fangs sank into your skin not long ago, planting a soft kiss on it. 'I’m sorry. Please don’t hate me.’ He cried out and you could have sworn that you heard pain in his voice. You intertwined your fingers with his hair, tugging on it gently, holding his head against your chest while his hips kept thrusting into you.

'Shhh, it’s ok, Kai. I will never h - hate you. I love you too fucking much!’ You stuttered, Kai suddenly lifting his head up to lock his eyes with yours, a small smile appearing on his face. He chuckled and kissed you deeply, his teeth tugging on your bottom lip gently when he was pulling away, his lips pressed against your ear. The only thing that could be hear was the sound of his hips meeting yours and his heavy breathing against your ear.

'I love you.’ He said abruptly, his fingers sliding between your bodies as he started rubbing your clit fast, getting your closer to your second orgasm that night. You moaned loudly and threw your head back, Kai noticing how you were holding back for some reason.

'Let it go, baby. Just let it go.’ He moaned and right at his words you clenched around him, your climax tearing through your body, making your whole body shake.

'Fuck!’ Kai groaned out, your orgasm triggering his as he came inside you in short spurts, riding out yours and his orgasm until you were completely done.

He pulled out and collapsed on top you, his eyes strongly focused on you. He brushed his fingers against your cheek, moving the hair out of your face and planted a gentle kiss on your lips.

'Please don’t hate me.’ He whispered, his arms wrapping around you as if he was afraid of losing you.

'I will never hate you.’ You muttered, Kai letting out a bit chuckle as you noticed how his mood had suddenly changed. You forgot about everything and figure that it didn’t matter where you were. The only thing that was important is that you were with Kai and that was all you needed in your life, even if that meant having to move out of Mystic Falls. You were ready.

( @psingh97 thank youuuuuu 😁)
Signs As Shit I’ve Heard At School

[source 1] [source 2] [source 3]

Aries: “I was hoping to get a dab out of that”

Taurus: “Is this actual footage of George Washington?”

Gemini: “Where are Danish people from? Danishland?”

Cancer: “I spelled my own name wrong”

Leo: “Fine, I’ll look up vaginas”

Virgo: ”At least we have memes to dull the pain of existence”

Libra: “Does A.D. stand for ‘after dinosaurs’?”

Scorpio: “I hate you, that’s why you’re my friend”

Sagittarius: “That sounds like an 80 year old having an orgasm“

Capricorn: “My back hurts from carrying this team”

Aquarius: “My word count on this paper isn’t very high but I certainly am“

Pisces: “I know how to fraction!”

Day Sixty-Nine

-An old man approached me to ask if the cafe was open. By “approached”, I mean to say that he walked towards me in the normal way any person would, by walking around behind the counter, into my register space with me, and engaging in vertical spooning while questioning me about the availability of popcorn.

-Two elderly people came through my lane, stocking up on cases upon cases of water, presumably for the oncoming apocalypse. They asked me to place the large cases of water in bags. I warned them that it would tear through. They asked me to do it anyway. I complied. As soon as they picked it up, the water tore straight through the bag. For their sake, I hope this lapse in judgment does not reflect their bunker.

-With the cafe closed without any signs, my shift became a study in seeing how long a person could stand alone, shouting into the abyss, waiting to see if someone would ever call out in return. I am sure there is a metaphor about God here, but I am too entertained watching a four year-old shout, “Hello?” over and over to make the connection.

-A man came through my lane with a sweatshirt that read “Pigeon Forge.” This turned out to be the name of his hometown. I hope to visit someday. I would like to know where the pigeons are made.

-A Five Nights At Freddy’s doll was left on the candy rack across from my lane. I am unsure whether it was moved by a series of guests or by its own motor capabilities, but I watched it slowly progress from laying facedown to standing facing me. Had this not been the week leading up to Christmas, and had I therefore had at least thirty seconds to myself across the duration of my shift, I would have likely been afraid for my life. As it was, I embraced the concept of a demonic presence breaking the monotony.

-Yesterday, I found my passion in life: driving motorized shopping carts. Today, I crashed one into the automatic door, knocking it off its rails. I feel that this is all too representative of my life as a whole.

-The register has been adding on some special promotions, resulting in additional discounts after I complete the transaction. I gave up on trying to understand it and submitted to the machine, allowing the computer to tell me what to do without questioning its reasoning. I am now realizing that this is most likely the exact way that the robots are going to begin their takeover. I look forward to seeing how this goes.

-A guest grew angry with me when her card was not processing in the chip reader. After half a dozen attempts, I asked her if I could take a look and try for myself. Furious, she handed me her card, which I immediately handed back to her, and informed her that her card did not have a chip in it. I endeavor to solve all problems in life with this ease.

anonymous asked:

Hello! Can I please request from the "I never meant to hurt you prompts? Can I have a bad boy S. Coups with 18 and 22? Thank you~

ofc lovely i hope you enjoy!!! thank you for requesting!!!

18. it was meant to be nothing more than a harmless joke
22. I will give you one flower for every single tear that  you shed

You sighed and lazily swung your backpack over your shoulders and made (more like trudged) your way home. You tried to empty your thoughts but all your brain did was replay the biggest mistake you made.

“You… you what?” You couldn’t believe your ears.

His friends grouped around him and heartily chuckled. Of course, the culprit was in the middle of them all. “Yeah, it was just a bet. It was meant to be nothing more than a harmless joke. You were great at playing along though!”

You thickly swallowed the lump forming in your throat. “Yeah… right… playing along…” You looked away and turned around. “I’m glad it was just a joke to you.” Seungcheol immediately ceased his laughter as he watched your back grow smaller with every passing second. It was just a joke… right?

You shook your head and heaved a heavy sigh. You lost count of how many times you’ve done that in the past week. The more you thought about it, the more tears welled up in your eyes. 

As you rounded near your house, you quickly wiped away your tears. “It’s ok, Y/N. He was a jerk, and it didn’t mean anything. God, why am I getting so worked up about this…”

“It did mean something. To me, at least.”

You stopped in the middle of your tracks. You looked at an all-too-familiar face who you tried to get out of your head all week. And he was standing right on your front porch.

“Why… why are you here? And how do you know where I live?” He sheepishly smiled. “Well, I’ll give your friend credit for informing me about that second part…”

“The first part still stands.” You crossed your arms. “Are you only gonna block my way to my own house, or do you actually have a reason to be here?”

He cautiously stepped down and approached you. “I do… I know I said it was a bet. It’s true; this all started because my friends dared me to.” You scoffed and looked to the side. “Don’t have to tell me twice, Cheol.”

“What started was a bet, but what I didn’t expect to come out of it were real, genuine feelings.” Your head snapped back. “What?”

He shrunk back, his figure appearing smaller in contrast to the tough black leather jacket and piercings decorating his ears. You noticed hints of reds, pinks, and whites behind his back. He followed your gaze and shyly revealed a large bouquet of roses, lilies, daffodils, and more.

“Cheol, why…” You blinked back fresh tears. This wasn’t supposed to happen; you were meant to stay upset about him, not swooning over his apology. “I will give you one flower for every single tear that you shed. It killed me to think that I was the reason why you were crying and moping around this whole week.”

“How do you know that?”

“Creds to your friend for that, too.”

“Well, don’t go to her anymore.”

“And why is that?”

You tugged on his collar. “Because you’re mine.”

oMGLSJGS I HOPE THIS WAS OK ANON AAA!!! That ending kinda suCKS but I tried!!! Send me more “I never meant to hurt you”!

Hi guys! So I thought I would share some of the really important lessons I’ve learned over the past year and a half while I’ve been in college, as well as some of the regrets I still have when it comes to how my college search process went down. Although I did title this post “The College Advice I Wish I Had,” I’m mainly focusing on how I decided where I was going to college and what process was involved in that. I do want to place a disclaimer out though; everything that I’m telling you guys comes down to my own opinion and my own experience. I can’t guarantee that this will apply to everyone or that everyone will agree with what I have to say, but these are just some of the things I wish I had known before going into the college process.

1. Number isn’t Everything

One of the biggest things I wish I hadn’t done in my college search experience was focus as much as I did on college rankings and prestige. Don’t get me wrong, of course it’s a great to be able to have high goals and shoot for institutions with lots of resources and opportunities to succeed. But just the amount of emphasis that not only myself but others around me put on college rankings is just ridiculous. Like right now, I go to a top 10 university (although that’s somewhat debatable based on what year you look at haha but for all intents and purposes it’s a top 10), but I honestly think I would be just as successful/happy, if not even more, at a university ranked lower than mine. At the end of the day, college rankings and the prestige of the university will only really take you so far, and a higher ranked school does not mean that you will be more satisfied in the long run. There are so many more things that are more important to consider when making decision on what school to apply to/ go to, so I implore you, please reflect more on what you want from your college experience in a more holistic way.

2. You Probably Think You Got Your Whole Life Figure Out, but Trust Me You Don’t

Part of the reason why I even chose to go the university I go to now is because I thought this was the best place for me to develop in the career I thought (at the time) I wanted to go into. The problem with this is that this university is pretty much only known for this one field and now that I’m not really pursuing that, I kind of limited the resources and opportunities I could have had access to had I gone somewhere else. Although I don’t want to completely tell what to do, I strongly discourage you from choosing a place over what you think you want to do as a 17 year old senior in high school. Odds are that your interests will change as you discover more about yourself and your passions. Of course, if you are really excited about a specific program at one place, I’m not saying don’t go there, but factor in the flexibility you will have. Does this place have other programs that are as well backed as the one you are currently interested in? Or is just known for doing well in a niche field? Take it from my personal experience, you don’t want to go somewhere and end up kicking yourself for changing your mind later on.

3. The Environment is Equally As Important

For some reason, I used to think that as long as the academics were worth it, then the environment of the school was just secondary. I. WAS. SO. WRONG. The environment of the school, by that I mean the way that students interact with each other and with faculty/administration, can set the tone for how you feel on campus. Please do some research about which schools you’re interested in. Look at general reviews about what the campus environment is like. Better yet, go visit the school yourself and try to get as much information intuitively about what you pick up about the school. Ask around; see if there is anyone you know who goes there or has a friend who goes there and interview them about what their experience has been like so far. I can’t tell you how important is to pick a school where you feel like you would fit in and thrive with students that can understand you. At the school I go to now, unfortunately, I feel the opposite. I miss a sense of camaraderie and community that I feel at other campuses and I so wish that I had considered this more at the many schools I was considering at the time.

4. Fear Can Be Crippling, but Don’t Let it Be.

I think the biggest regret I have about my college decision process is that I let fear get the best of me when weighing all my options. In fact, there was this one school that I ended up convincing myself to write off mainly because I didn’t think I was good enough or strong enough to handle it. Now that I’m a sophomore in college and I can see how the college process has been like, I now know that I undermined myself way too much in that. I had let the fear of failure get the best of me and a result, boxed myself into a corner in terms of what opportunities I could take. Instead, I urge you guys to trust in the process. Although something might seem like a far-fetched idea or that you’ll never make it, I bet that everything will end up working itself out in the end. I know that at least for myself, I’m my own worst critic. But please don’t get in your own way and allow yourself to be the best version of you that you can.

This probably sounds like a whole rant about how much I hate where I am right now (and to be honest it kind of is haha), but really it’s just a way for me to reflect on what I’ve learned over the past months and hopefully a testament so that you don’t make the same mistakes that I did. Maybe you can parse out where I’m attending university based on the few clues I have left lingering around in this post, and if you do figure it out and are considering coming here, please don’t let this post scare you haha! I just wanted to encourage you guys to really think about the reasons why you’re applying to/attending one school over another. I really wish someone sat me down before I decided where I was going and told me these things, so if it helps even one person than I’d be more than satisfied. And to leave off on a somewhat happier note, I believe everything that happens to us, even the things that seem like an awful mistake, are things we can learn from and grow as people. 

P.S. If you have any more questions or want me to elaborate on anything, feel free to shoot me an ask or a message!

anonymous asked:


83. “It’s always been you.”

It’s two minutes past midnight and all Trixie can see are the scars that Katya’s left on his hands.

The hotel lit by the shitty lamp on the bedside table, but honestly the room is more lit up by the screen off his Macbook.  Trixie is god knows where in the middle of no where, he always is, and it’s the moments when it’s two minutes past midnight that he feels the most lonely.  It doesn’t matter what city or state or country or continent - that two minutes on a Monday morning are the worst.  His insides start to gum up, soggy and wet like tar and he can’t breathe but he forces himself to, anyway.

It’s seven minutes past midnight and now he swears he can see blood from between his fingers but he knows it’s just the lighting and the way he misses Katya.

It’s the seven minutes past when he starts hating drag and travelling and his life, but his computer background is a selfie of him and Katya and he knows without drag he never would have met her.  His heart aches in a really ugly way, that way that he knows he shouldn’t want her and he’ll never have her because they’re friends and they can’t be anything else or it’ll ruin everything.  We all remember Shalaska, don’t we?

He closes his eyes and lets his head fall back against the head rest a little too hard, hoping that maybe one day he’ll hit it hard enough to knock some sense into his head.

It’s 12:12 when he reaches for the autoharp that’s sitting near the edge of the bed, adjusts it and starts to play - the opening chords to “I Know You All over Again.”  He wrote it for Katya but tells people he wrote it for David, because Trixie and Katya can never be.

He gets about halfway through the song and ¾ of the way to crying his eyes out when his computer starts to chime, the Facetime ringtone.  He doesn’t set the harp down before turning to it, and when he sees that it’s Katya he gets stupidly happy and wants to die for a moment before allowing the call to connect.  Shitty Kentucky WiFi.

“Y'all wanted a twist?!” comes that raspy smoker drawl from the cracky video on the screen.  Trixie can’t do anything but grin.  She looks…  fucking good.  Radiant even, full drag because it’s still early in California, barely 9pm and she hasn’t gone on stage yet.  She’s got a cigarette between her red-painted fingers and a smile on her lips.  She’s alone in her dressing room, thank God.

“Bitch, that’s my line, what the fuck are you doing?”

“UM, it’s Ganja’s line, if I am not mistaken.  Mother - I’m stealing catchphrases again!  I’m so glad I was able to Contact you.”

Trixie’s scream-laugh explodes out of him before he can catch himself, and he covers his mouth to hide his teeth, a nervous habit he’s done since he was a kid.

“Ugh, you’re a cunt!  God, I fucking miss you.  You’re awful.  Shouldn’t you be performing?  Why are you calling me?  Also, who schedules a fucking drag show on a Monday?”

Katya just grins and takes a drag of the cigarette before responding.  "The people who are paying me money to be here, yes gawd!  Also, it’s not even 9:30 yet, and the show doesn’t start until 10, so who else am I gonna call?  Who else do my loins ache for?“

Trixie can’t help it - he’s glaring at Katya before he can stop himself, and Katya just grins again, reaching for the lighter to light the cig again.

"I miss you,” says Katya through a cloud of smoke.


Katya screams.  She’s so hyper tonight, too much energy, and Trixie wishes he were there beside her to bask in it.  Fuck.  She radiates a glow that he can’t feel through this shitty screen.

It’s then that Katya notices the harp.

“Oh, oh!  Please, mama, play me something?  Please?  I promise I won’t bring up Contact for the rest of this phone call!  Just a little something?  You know how watching you play instruments makes this corn beef pussy-hole so soggy.”

“You know what, after you saying that to me, I honestly never want to talk to you ever again.  I would like a refund for every moment I have ever had to spend with you.”

Katya is dying, cracking up and doing that awful smoker hiss-laugh that she does, but Trixie’s a fucking sucker and he’s in love so here he is, strumming the fucking strings like a god damn ham.  He’d never say no to her.

“What the fuck do you want me to play?”

“Um…  play me a love song, mama.  Play me somethin’ that means somethin’.”

Oh, god.  Oh, god.  She would.  She fucking would.  He tries his damndest not to react with his face, sighs a little and looks down at the strings.  What the fuck does he play?

There’s one country singer he hasn’t gotten a chance to work with, yet.  Maybe it’ll happen someday, but until then Trixie plays the opening chords to her song and avoids looking at the camera.  Katya is not in the least bit distracted by what’s going on behind her in the dressing room.  She only has eyes for Trixie.

“It sounds beautiful, Brian.”

His fingers only jump a little, but then he’s singing.

“Why don’t you do me a favor?  Just a small payment in kind, for some affection coming from my direction.  I’ll try not be a waste of time.”

The verse trickles into the chorus so slowly you almost don’t know it’s happening.  He can’t look up at Katya, not right now.

“Just pretend that you love me.  Look at me longer than you do.  Let me be the reason you’re not sleeping at night and be by my side when I’m dreamin’ of you.”

He can’t sing any more of this song than is absolutely necessary, so he plays a few chords that mesh while he tries to get his composure back together.  He can’t let on that he’s thirty seconds away from being a crying, babbling mess in this fuckin’ hotel room.

“I hope you’ll realize one day - before my fickle ways carry on.  But until then you could save me, baby, and act like you love me for fun.”  Katya’s breath hitches.  He keeps going.  "Just…  pretend that you love me.  Look at me longer than you do.  Let me be reason you’re not sleeping at night and be by my side when I’m dreamin’ of you.“

The last chords die down, especially in the dry space of the room, but there’s something that’s keeping him from looking up and meeting Katya’s eye through the camera lens.  He feels like she can see right through him, like she knows too much, especially with those beautiful fucking eyes, the way she looks like she knows you’re darkest secret, and if she did, god…  she’d probably end their friendship right there.  He knows Katya wants to fuck him, he knows it, god damn…  but he can’t do that.  He’s never been that kind of person and Katya’s never been in a real relationship.  They’re fucking polar opposites, they can’t do this, it’ll never work, so why does his heart ache like this?


Her voice cracks at the end, wretched betrayal of her encapsulated feelings.

“Um…  ya, I’m uh…  I’m not doing too well.  Tonight, is…  Wow.  Um.”

“That was beautiful, Bri.”

Ya, you are.  But he doesn’t say that, he just takes the harp off his shoulder and lays it beside him on the bed.  Katya is smiling, he can see it when he finally looks up at her.  Her eyes are glistening, or at least they look like they are in the shitty lighting.

“Thanks.  Um…”

“Trixie, you know I love you.  No matter what.  No matter what you have to say or what you have to do.  I love you, and that ain’t no joke, mama.  I would do anything for you.  So if you’re feeling bad, tell me.  If there’s something wrong, tell me.  Maybe I can help?  Or, if anything, at least help you carry the load.  You don’t have to carry whatever it is you’re dealing with by yourself.  Is this about David?”

“God, I wish it were.  That would make everything so much easier.  I love you, too.  But, I can’t…  I need to sort this out on my own.  Thank you.”

Katya looks skeptical.  "Okay.“  She nods a little bit, lights her cigarette again.  "You know where I am if you need me.  Hell, I’ll change my flight tomorrow and meet you if you want.”

It sounds like Katya wants that more than he does, though the idea of seeing her face makes his heart skip in the best way.  He’d love that, but he can’t ask her to do that.

“No, no.  Don’t do that.  I’m okay, I promise.”

“Okay, Tracy.  I have to go.  Will you text me?”

“Of course.”

“I love you.”

Trixie grins at her, though it doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

“I love you, too.”

Katya ends the call with a smile and Trixie sighs.

“It’s always been you.  It’s always fucking been you.”