astrology message

Astrology couples in a nutshell

The nothing is good besides the sex couple:

Libra  x Scorpio, Virgo x Aries, Taurus x Sagittarius, Cancer x Aquarius, Pisces x Leo, Gemini x Capricorn

The unequal effort distribution couple:

Gemini x Taurus, Aries x Capricorn, Aquarius x Scorpio, Pisces x Libra, Sagittarius x Virgo, Cancer x Leo

The most awkward relationship: 

Taurus x Sagittarius, Virgo x Libra, Pisces x Aries, Aquarius x Capricorn, Scorpio x Gemini, Cancer x Leo

The they only like eachother when they aren’t sober couploe:

Leo x Scorpio, Aries x Capricorn, Pisces x Taurus, Sagittarius x Cancer, Aquarius x Virgo, Libra x Gemini

The everybody thinks they should be together but they are like “nah”:

Pisces x Scorpio, Cancer x Virgo, Capricorn x Taurus, Sagittarius x Leo, Aries x Aquarius, Gemini x Libra

Will accomplish all things with each other couple:

Libra x Sagittarius, Capricorn x Pisces, Aries x Gemini, Taurus x Cancer, Virgo x Scorpio, Aquarius x Leo

Mindblowing sex every time:

Aquarius x Gemini, Virgo x Scorpio, Aries x Sagittarius, Libra x Cancer, Pisces x Taurus, Capricorn x Leo

The I will literally do anything you ask me couple:

Scorpio x Cancer, Leo x Libra, Virgo x Scorpio, Pisces x Gemini, Sagittarius x Aquarius, Aries x Taurus, Capricorn x Virgo

The signs as out of context quotes from my teachers/professors
  • ARIES: I said you could chew gum, but not if you're going to chew it like a cow. SPIT IT OUT.
  • TAURUS: I'm losing faith in you, George.
  • GEMINI: *sings* Bitching and moaning, bitching and moaning.
  • CANCER: I'm supposed to go out and PROCURE cookies?? WHAT??
  • LEO: OH! OH, OH. BEIGE.
  • VIRGO: Here's a very common quick and dirty way to ask a multiple choice question.
  • LIBRA: I don't care about 98% of things.
  • SCORPIO: This meme from the interwebs.
  • SAGITTARIUS: I would use all sorts of swear words in front of my students. Especially the f word! Love that one!
  • CAPRICORN: I should stop drinking before noon.
  • AQUARIUS: Oh dear god, that man is always shirtless!
  • PISCES: This is why I need aspirin after this group.

ARIES, the world can feel like one giant scratched record, but it’s your responsibility to keep the music going.

TAURUS, you are my best friend and my second heartbeat. our time together is golden.

GEMINI,  fight your battles without bruising your knuckles.

CANCER,  a winter skyline pressed into spring, the weather isn’t as good as you are but i’m glad you’re here.

LEO, come home come home come home already. my knees are violet from begging, my neck empty from missing you.

VIRGO, I hope cities taste like what you dreamed them to be.

LIBRA, your secret playlists are what I think about when I stare at my ceiling fan. everything feels like your eyes. 

SCORPIO, you are eden fruit and glory personified.

SAGITTARIUS, not every fairytale has a good ending, but the crown fits better than my tongue. 

CAPRICORN, you feel like a far-away star who’s orbit I find myself crash landing into with each exhale. I am so fatefully lucky to know you.

AQUARIUS, march is all falling petals and thighs too lonely. this is all temporary though, even you and me and this god. 

PISCES,  your love is  immortal, it is a first religion. pray for me.

—  MARCH MESSAGES TO THE SIGNS, x.v
youtube

EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT VENUS RETROGRADE + TOMORROW’S NEW MOON !! ✨

hi hello, I’m terrified to post this but also hella excited at the same time! this is my first youtube video and this channel is by far the most challenging thing I’ve dived into. still, I can already tell this is going to be fun af! already learning so much about myself. 

The signs as how they text
  • Aries: ALL CAPSLOCK!! THEY LIKE TO TYPE REALLY FAST SO MOST OF
  • THEIR TEXTS ARE INCOHERENT BUT THATS JUST BECAUSE THEYRE HELLA EXCITED TO TELL YOU WHAT THEYRE THINKING
  • Taurus: will seem very disinterested and detached but actually doesnt mind talking for a little longer
  • Gemini: LOTS OF EMOJIS
  • Cancer: Very sweet but also straight to the point. Will only message you when they need to ask something but they secretly feel like theyre annoying you.
  • Leo: Sucks at replying to texts. Reply time can range from a month to a year.
  • Virgo: EITHER THEYRE ALL IN CAPSLOCK or all in normal text there is no in between
  • Libra: Initiates conversation but does not follow through. Likes to ignore messages that they dont want to answer.
  • Scorpio: Will only message when they think its necessary but will not hesitate to reply if you initiate conversation.
  • Sagittarius: Will leave the convo when they're not interested in the topic anymore but will also lowkey be pissed if you do the same to them.
  • Capricorn: Will want to talk to you but will never be caught dead texting first.Hella fun to talk to if text first tho.
  • Aquarius: LONG AF MESSAGES FOR DAYS ON END.
  • Pisces: Messages you between 12 am to 3am because they like to be all deep and philosophical with you.
THE SIGNS WHEN SINGLE ON VALENTINE’S DAY

Aries: They start off the day with loads of “Happy Valentine’s Day, babe” messages from various unimportant people which feels pretty good at first, but as the day goes on they start to feel empty because they don’t have anyone that they truly care about.

Taurus: They don’t really mind the fact that they’re single on Valentine’s day because it’s just another day in the year. UNLESS they just got out of a relationship… if that’s the case then they’ll probably end up wallowing all day and listening to sad songs.

Gemini: There are two types of single gems on Valentine’s Day. Type one won’t even acknowledge that it’s Valentine’s Day and will just go on with their life as usual. While type two is just devastated that they are single and will probably text a few of their exes to try and have some fun later.

Cancer: Probably will lock themselves inside all day to avoid the cute couples and Valentine’s Day decorations. Also, is most likely to cry if they see either of those things. 

Leo: Are these guys ever really single on Valentine’s Day? Secret admirers and/or best friends are always around to give them small gifts, chocolates, or cards… They enjoy every second of Valentine’s Day- single or taken.

Virgo: Chill AF, they don’t waste time with sadness or hoping for a significant other to fall out the sky. They probably have plans to hang out with close friends or family later in the day because Valentine’s Day isn’t about being in love it’s about being around people you LOVE, right?

Libra: “Alright everyone, Happy Valentine’s Day, I may be single this year, but that’s no reason for me to be bitter over everyone else’s happiness. I’ve decided that I don’t need false validation to be happy today, I’m going to wait for my soulmate to appear. I need to love myself before someone else can love me. Good luck to all the couples out there xx” - Libra’s Facebook status. However, after they finish post this they proceed to cry themselves to sleep because of singleness.

Scorpio:  VALENTINE’S DAY WAS INVENTED BY THE GREETING CARD COMPANIES. EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO CELEBRATES VALENTINE’S DAY IS STUPID AND IS BEING FOOLED BY CAPITALISM! … someone please rise from the ashes and date me. - Scorpio’s mind for the full duration of Valentine’s Day

Sagittarius: A part of them is super chill about being single because relationships are too stressful, but hearing everyone else’s romantic plans on Valentine’s Day can depress them a bit. They’ll get over it after a while though and go to the movies with another hopelessly single friend.

Capricorn: They will try their hardest to come across as not caring about the fact that they are single, but on the inside they’re evaluating all the relationships they had over the past year. What went wrong? Why did it go wrong?  Nothing is my fault right? RIGHT…

Aquarius: The Valentine’s Day party-pooper along with Scorpio. However, they’ll go out of their way to let people know how stupid Valentine’s Day is. You see that angry couple walking down the street? Yep, they just got a lecture from our dear friend, Aquarius, about how stupid they are and how meaningless Valentine’s Day is.

Pisces: They’re crying all day, not just because they are single, but also because they have to wait one more day for all the Valentine’s candy to be on sale.

Signs as book genres they’d write in.


Aries: action / crime / humour

Taurus: self help book / mythology / romance

Gemini: poetry / fable / journalism

Cancer: fairy tale / fiction / realistic fiction / non fiction

Leo: tall tale / humour / western / classic fiction

Virgo: folklore / fantasy / horror / thriller

Libra: romance / self help / meta fiction /

Scorpio: fan fiction / mystery / thriller / horror

Sagittarius: non fiction / literature (non)fiction / realistic fiction

Capricorn: mythopoeia / picture book / non fiction / short story

Aquarius: short story / humour / self help / non fiction

Pisces: fantasy / mystery / fan fiction / fairy tale / magical realism

10

Shitty Horoscopes is the brainchild of Toronto-based Amrit Brar, also known as ‘Musterni.’ Unfolding on Tumblr since 2015 and culminating in the recent release of a Kickstarter-funded 13-chapter book, the project turns the shortcomings and darker sides of each zodiac sign into brief but poignant poems, accompanied by delightfully creepy drawings of decorated skeletal remains. Brutally honest, yet instantly relatable, Brar’s astrological messages read like a wine-induced 3AM conversation with your best friend, which is probably why her Tumblr fans just keep demanding more and more.

“But then I met you and it felt like everything was going to be okay”

Aries x Saggitarius
Taurus x Leo
Gemini x Aquarius
Cancer x Virgo
Libra x Pisces
Scorpio x Capricorn

Join our witchy discord coven!

So I’m apart of this super chill coven (via discord) called The Witch’s Circle and we’re looking for new members!

We are an untraditional coven and aren’t strict or serious. There are no requirements as far as witch type goes and we love to talk about life, mental health, books, movies, and just general stuff in addition to witchy things.

Right now we are 49 members strong so we’re a large coven, but we’re all pretty dedicated…

We’re from different timezones and vary in age. Our coven is really great resource, a total safe space, everybody is welcoming and we’re like a weird ass family…

Our server is made specifically for witches! We’re currently looking for new members, so like this post, follow me and message me or @wiccapink for the link! No rebloging required!

*** IMPORTANT UPDATE ***

I’m so happy that so many of you are showing interested in our coven, but due to the fact that I have been harassed by MANY of the people asking for requests, I’m nervous to even begin to go through my inbox.

I’m going to ask you all to be sensitive of this and please be patient. I don’t want to deal with all of this negative energy. Thanks for your time lovies

The Signs as Songs on Blurryface
  • <p> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b>Aries:</b> Fairly Local<p/><b>Taurus:</b> Ride<p/><b>Gemini:</b> Stressed Out<p/><b>Cancer:</b> Hometown<p/><b>Leo:</b> Doubt<p/><b>Virgo:</b> Message Man<p/><b>Libra:</b> Tear in My Heart<p/><b>Scorpio:</b> Heavydirtysoul<p/><b>Sagittarius:</b> Not Today<p/><b>Capricorn:</b> We Don't Believe What's on TV<p/><b>Aquarius:</b> Polarize<p/><b>Pisces:</b> Goner<p/></p><p/></p><p/></p><p/></p><p/></p>
The Signs as Witches

I know its christmas time but I’m feeling really spooky today 

The Traditional Witch:  Virgo, Scorpio, Capricorn

“The witches who take the journey of traditional witchcraft, are interested in the old ways (pre-Christian), and are followers of history and the arts, building a foundation for their craft. Usually the craft is passed down generation after generation within family units. These witches are less inclined to participate in the worship of Goddess or Gods, preferring to work predominantly with the Spirit world and will often call on their ancestors or land spirits for strength”

Originally posted by debbie-sketch

The Eclectic Witch:  Aries, Leo, Sagittarius, Aquarius

“An individual approach that picks and chooses from many different traditions and creates a personalized form of witchcraft that meets their individual needs and abilities. They do not follow a particular religion or tradition, but study and learn from many different systems and use what works best for them.”

Originally posted by evanpalmercomics

The Kitchen Witch: Taurus, Cancer, Scorpio

“This Witch carries practical sides of the Wiccan / Pagan religion, magic, gemstones, the elements and the earth. A Kitchen Witch is usually recognized as practicing Celtic Wicca: Goes by the elements, the Ancient Ones and nature. They are usually healers, respected highly and once they are past their 40’s tend to take on a “Wise Woman” role as they have an abundance of knowledge and are admired for it.”

Originally posted by debbie-sketch

The Hedge Witch: Gemini, Libra, Pisces

“Green witches usually practice a traditional form of witchcraft in which the earth, trees, herbs, plants and flowers are consulted for their medicinal and magical value. They will grow their own herbs or Wildcraft them, and are very good at making herbal remedies. Belief in deities depends on the individual witch, though many Green witches acknowledge and earth mother or series of nature spirits as their deity”

Originally posted by debbie-sketch

Thanks for the gifs @debbie-sketch and @evanpalmercomics! Hope you guys enjoy

if i missed anyone put them in the hashtag! Or just reblog their name