astrologists

why the signs are late for school

Aries: *is never late and NEVER misses a day

Taurus: too busy crying bc school is gross

Gemini: slept in till noon without realizing

Cancer: woke up hours early, and got distracted doing random shit

Leo: forgot to set their alarm clock the night before

Virgo: MAKEUP IS A PROCESS ok??

Libra: lol what is school ?

Scorpio: was having a existential crisis

Sagittarius: honestly just doesn’t give a shit

Capricorn: last minute cramming for a test that very morning

Aquarius: was too busy showering and self-grooming to notice the time..

Pisces: took their time walking to the bus, and ended up missing it

23 Things You Didn’t Know About Astrology

Z O D I A C G U I D E  / /  I G

1. You have more than one sign.

2. Your moon sign is the sign that speaks to your emotions.

3. Your rising, or ascendant, sign represents identity, the first impression you make on others, and your outer personality.

4. Your sun sign is what motivates you from the heart and deep within.

5. Generally speaking, the compatibility of signs with one another is influenced by the elements of nature: fire, earth, air, and water.

6. Born in between signs? You might be a cusp.

7. The degrees of a sign don’t mean what you think it does.

8. Signs don’t influence your physical appearance - but they can describe it.

9. Mercury retrograde can actually be good!

10. Mercury retrograde does not actually mean the planets move back.

11. Mercury is not the only planet to have retrograde periods.

12. No, mercury retrograde is not going to ruin your life.

13. During the Reagan Administration, there was a White House astrologist.

14. If you really want an accurate reading of your birth chart, you should know your birthplace and time of birth.

15. Catholic popes used to believe in astrology.

16. According to Marchesella, everyone has some degree of all 12 signs, all the planets, and all the 12 houses of the horoscope in operation.

17. Shakespeare is known to have created some of his characters around their astrological signs.

18. British Intelligence Agency MI5 hired astrologist Louis de Wohl during WWII as a mouthpiece for wartime propaganda.

19. In Japan, people treat blood types like horoscopes and believe that personality types are tied to blood type.

20. Gerolamo Cardano, an Italian mathematician whose research lead to the invention of the combination lock, was imprisoned in 1570 for casting the horoscope of Jesus Christ.

21. The most common astrological sign in the U.S. is Scorpio (9.6 percent of U.S. population), and the least common sign is Aquarius (6.3 percent).

22. Benjamin Franklin was an astrology enthusiast.

23. Some people believe there are 12 people on a jury because of the 12 astrological houses.

Planet Profiles

THE SUN

General meaning:
The Sun composes the basics of one’s identity; it is the foundation of one’s personality, the ego, the sense of self, the backdrop to the rest of one’s natal chart. Its positions describe the base assets of a person.

Domicile: Leo
Detriment: Aquarius
Exaltation: Aries
Fall: Libra
House: Fifth
Glyph:
Energy: Masculine
Type: Luminary


THE MOON

General meaning:
The Moon embodies one’s emotional realm. It constitutes one’s instincts, habits and behaviors formed from childhood, immediate reactions – its positions illustrate our needs and core tendencies.

Domicile: Cancer
Detriment: Capricorn
Exaltation: Taurus
Fall: Scorpio
House: Fourth
Glyph:
Energy: Feminine
Type: Luminary


MERCURY

General meaning:
Mercury is all about thought and communication. One will find that they operate much like their Mercury sign – mental processes and lingual expression have everything to do with this planet.

Domicile: Gemini & Virgo
Detriment: Sagittarius & Pisces
Exaltation: Scorpio
Fall: Taurus
House: Third & Sixth
Glyph:
Energy: Masculine
Type: Personal Planet


VENUS

General meaning:
Venus is the planet of love & beauty. One’s view of art and romance may be attributed to this planet, as can their needs and desires in a relationship. The love language of a person has to do with their Venus positions.

Domicile: Libra & Taurus
Detriment: Aries & Scorpio
Exaltation: Pisces
Fall: Virgo
House: Second & Seventh
Glyph:
Energy: Feminine
Type: Personal Planet


MARS

General meaning:
Mars constitutes the drive of a person, be it sexual or ambitious. It has to do with strong emotions, passion, aspiration, intention, determination, sex, primal urges, and self-control.

Domicile: Aries
Detriment: Libra
Exaltation: Capricorn
Fall: Cancer
House: First
Glyph:
Energy: Masculine
Type: Personal Planet


JUPITER

General meaning:
Jupiter’s positions in a chart indicate the way one treats other people and one’s attitude toward knowledge. Generosity, education, journeys, mentors, and travel are all associated with this planet.

Domicile: Sagittarius
Detriment: Gemini
Exaltation: Cancer
Fall: Capricorn
House: Ninth
Glyph:
Energy: Masculine
Type: Social Planet


SATURN

General meaning:
Saturn influences the roles one feels obligated to adhere to. It causes trouble and strife, but spurs on growth and the learning of lessons. Inhibitions, fears, self-control, work ethic, maturity, and responsibility are associated with Saturn.

Domicile: Capricorn
Detriment: Cancer
Exaltation: Libra
Fall: Aries
House: Tenth
Glyph:
Energy: Masculine
Type: Social Planet


URANUS

General meaning:
Uranus has everything to do with the way a generation views progression, technology, and revolution. It influences the trends, developments, and changes a particular era makes (or fails to make).

Domicile: Aquarius
Detriment: Leo
Exaltation: Scorpio
Fall: Taurus
House: Eleventh
Glyph:
Energy: Masculine
Type: Generational Planet


NEPTUNE

General meaning:
Neptune is about fantasy and reality, truth and deception, confusion and clarity. It influences a generation’s worldview and sense of actuality. Dreams, uncertainty, ignorance, mysteries, and perplexity are associated with Neptune.

Domicile: Pisces
Detriment: Virgo
Exaltation: Cancer
Fall: Capricorn
House: Twelfth
Glyph:
Energy: Feminine
Type: Generational Planet


PLUTO

General meaning:
Pluto is about power, transformation, and discovery. It influences the destruction an era will face and the rebirth that will come from it. The way a generation uses or reacts to dominion is heavily colored by Pluto.

Domicile: Scorpio
Detriment: Taurus
Exaltation: Pisces
Fall: Virgo
House: Eighth
Glyph:
Energy: Masculine
Type: Generational Planet

SIGN EVALUATION!!!

Aries:  arrogant, genius, charismatic, energetic, sex drives sky rocket, energetic, love themselves, talkative, LOUD

Taurus: emotionless, ignorant, loyal, BLUNT ASF, super silly, hardworking, fun person overall, quiet at first, introverts

Gemini:  indecisive, somewhat creative, smart, NOSYYY, talkative, unpredictable, fake by accident

Cancer: moody, SOOO SENSITIVE, caring, petty, finesse king/qUEEn, loving, super judgmental, always lookin’ cute

External image


Leo: AGGRESSIVE!!! confident, independent, conceited, loyal, holds grudges forever, inTEnSe, cocky, always sleepy, risk taker

External image


Virgo: emotionless as HELL, over protective, selfish, perfectionists, LOYAL, goOFy, always STRESSED, worries too damn MUCH


Libra:
sOOo kind, peaceful, calm, intelligence is boosting, fun friend, rLLy judgmental, headass, loves to collect sHIT, chill, outgoing


Scorpio:
intense, perfect best friend, rather super confrontational or super introverted, cute, stubbORN, stuck up, passionate, low key depressed

Sagittarius: FUNNIEST SIGN, anger issues, never srs, so clumsy, party ANiMal, speaks their mind too much, honest af, big time hoe, LITTT


Capricorn : strong, loyal, judgmental  super materialistic, scary side, smart mouth, sassy, controlling, HILARIOUS, SO FUCKING LOUD


Aquarius: independent, natural leader, shares opinions 24/7, smart, hottest sign, low key sensitive, high key conceited, ALWAYS STARVING!!! high key mean

Pisces: caring, impatient as FUCK, SOOOO EMOTIONAL, cries a lot, kinda stubborn tbh, sweet as hell, clingy, deserves the world, D.R.A.M.A.T.I.C.

?? BTS Birth Times Confirmed?? Astrologists Worldwide Rejoice

👀👀 so i f i n a l l y got around to looking at those rumored birth times for the boys and their charts look veryyy accurate 👀👀

would you guys wanna see a series of me breaking down every aspect of their houses and exposing their every detail? it’ll probably be hecka long but v interesting. and of course with a HUGE disclaimer as these aren’t confirmed 

let me know 👌👌👌👌

Empty Houses
  • 1st: "I am Invisible," Introverted. The type that hides from the spotlight or behind others. Doesn't really give off any kind of vibe (which can be both positive and negative).
  • 2nd: "I am Minimal," material items aren't a concern of those with an empty 2nd House. They aren't possessive. Generally hold experiences above gifts. (Really hard to buy gifts for because they'd rather do something than get something).
  • 3rd House: "I am Neutral," these people aren't swayed toward any side of things. Tend to be of average intellect for the sign that lands here. No specific pride or feelings that aid with intellect unless something interacts with Mercury.
  • 4th House: "Without Nurture," the family life didn't play a huge role in this persons personality, whether it be the normalcy of their family unit, lack of parental action, ect. (How that is depends on the sign the house is in).
  • 5th House: "I Enjoy," these people are less passionate about things and rather enjoy life as a whole. They're love life heavily depends on their Venus. These people may find little enjoyment in life, so they're generally thrill seekers and risk takers. They aim to feel... in any way possible.
  • 6th House: "I am Healthy," these people have no specific health difficulties or proficiencies. They generally don't find people as a whole interesting and may show little care for areas that you'd be considered a "People Doctor" for, which includes Psychology and other Doctorly practices.
  • 7th House: "I am Alone," These people are totally independent and will not change for anyone. They may fear loneliness, but they refuse to change to increase their chances. They are capable of Love, but they will not be forced to do anything. Traditional affairs are far and few between in love, and they may be considered unlucky. Marriage is unlikely, or at least unlikely to work out, due to personal choices, or legality issues. This does not, however, mean they will not find a life long romantic/sexual partner.
  • 8th House: "I am Disinterest," Very few people with this placement end up in Astrology or anything occult, with general skepticism and disbelief. (This goes double if the 12th is empty as well). These people are somewhat unaware of the possibility of death, and when it's brought to their attention they may get somewhat upset. These people do not have a central point of common change, and may undergo almost complete personality changes at times.
  • 9th House: "I am Surface," These people are exactly how they appear. They hide nothing. Some people would say they have disinterest in things like politics, philosophy, and spiritual journeys, however I would say that they are simply unwilling to present or discuss information without being told to. The Aunt that tells everyone to stop talking about politics at dinner? Empty 9th House.
  • 10th House: "I am Above," These people find social classes and the divide between types of people irrelevant, and care not of the social repercussions of their actions. They don't care about honor. Possible anarchists.
  • 11th House: "I am Individual," These people have secular social groups, and their goals, ambitions, and interests tend to benefit themselves, or are random acts of kindness with little dictation. These people tend to steer clear of large groups, but not avidly avoid.
  • 12th House: "I am Forward," These people have little imaginative dictation. What happens in their mind stays in their mind. Skeptics. Average memory. Fact based. Little to No enemies. Keeper of Secrets. Truth Speakers. May also steer clear of large social groups. May have a tendency to isolate themselves.
  • *Please keep in mind there is little information on these, and it really does differ from sign to sign in each house. This is a general statement, and if seen as incorrect feel free to message and discuss this with me, as I am to become a better astrologist and if I'm spreading some sort of misinformation, I strive to fix my mistakes. Thank you.
THINGS THE SIGNS ARE PROBABLY DOING (GIF VERSION

Aries: Doing the nasty-nasty stuff.

Taurus: Getting high off weed to the point of insanity.

Gemini: Posing as another identity.

Cancer: Crying over some dumb shit.

Leo: Being glamorous AF.

Virgo: Hibernating.

Libra: Finding out that half of the letters in the word ‘mirror’ are R’s.

Scorpio: Being a heartbreaker.

Sagittarius: Clubbing all night.

Capricorn: Not taking their meds and doing whatever tf they want.

Aquarius:  Checking themselves out.

Pisces: Going to the pet store to be swarmed by puppies.

i think that the media portrays a very mocking and sort of fanciful conception from astrology that is really really far off what’s really going on
there is still a place for horoscopes in the daily newspaper but it’s wasteful reading. you could literally sit a pack of monkeys in front of a computer and get them to type up daily horoscopes for you. i don’t know if they are there because its legitimately still seen as vague and light form of entertainment, or i dont know if the way mass media conveys astrology as foolish and illegitimate on purpose. morning tv shows ‘astrologers’ or maybe ‘astrologists :p’ who emulate the stereotypical old ‘clairvoyant’ who speaks with that soft weird voice and really reinforces the notion that astrology is very vague practice, involving angel cards and amethyst stones. in truth the astrologer would be there with her books and chart notes in hand. i wonder if and why they try to conceptualise an image. it still fascinates me that after hundreds of years the daily newspaper still has a section reserved for the zodiac. even after the church tried to burn and banish astrological teachers and teachings it lived on through secretly handed down through astrological families so it could be reserved. and then uranus was found and it blew the whole thing apart for a while, and then scientists debunked astrology but they debunked the theory that astrology involved constellations and the sun passing through stars and that they had since moved but tropical astrologers never claimed that either. our ancestors taught us the way.  

our consciousness is in harmony with the heavens and our children and future generations inherit these cosmic memories. it can never be truly banished because it’s a part of who we have always been, ever since the beginning we have looked at the stars above and seen our reflection. even people who dont contemplate astrology know their sun sign or express interest or dismay. for some reason we have made it of cultural importance. by carl jung; ““We can also find in the unconscious qualities that are not individually acquired but are inherited, . In this deeper stratum we…find…archetypes… “
is it an agenda to maintain the fanciful image of astrology where it’s conveyed that followers believe constellations and planetary bodies have hook line sinkers down to earth and control the earth like puppet masters and it’s basic fortune telling? i dont know where im going with this ive been awake a few days, but the elite has always utilised astrology. for many years only the king had access to an astrologer and natal chart, the common people were unworthy. in their eyes we are still unworthy and getting relegated to fortune cookie extracts unless willing to go against the grain and not feel senseless for taking it up as a course of study. maybe i wish that more people understood that astrology involves a lot of books, a lot of reading, writing, learning, and memorising. it’s why it’s such a delight, i feel its the closest thing we have to god’s handwriting 

3

Astrology + Astronomy 

Today astrology refers to the observation of human behavior in relation to the stars and planets. But for most of European history, it also included the science we now call astronomy. Astrology was in turn closely tied to alchemy, a millennia-old blend of science and spirituality that sought to unlock the secrets of creation. 

In antiquity, seven planets were known—the sun, the moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, and Saturn. The physical world, meanwhile, was composed of four elements, while the heavens included the “fifth element,” quintessentia. In the alchemical-astrological worldview, the seven planets were tied to the seven known metals—gold, silver, quicksilver (mercury), copper, iron, tin, and lead. In astrology, each sign is also tied to one of the four elements.  

We asked 21st-century astrologist Rose Theodora to explain how each of the signs maps to the planets, metals, and elements:  

Aries is ruled by the planet Mars and is associated with the metal iron and the element fire. Mars represents one’s instinctive physical response and determines a person’s energy level. 

Taurus is ruled by the planet Venus and is associated with the metal copper and the element earth. Venus describes one’s aesthetic preferences. 

Gemini is ruled by the planet Mercury and is associated with the metal mercury and the element air. Mercury denotes a person’s mental fluidity and communication skills. 

Cancer is ruled by the planet of the Moon and is associated with the metal silver and the element water. The Moon determines our emotional and habitual nature. 

Leo is ruled by the planet of the Sun and is associated with the metal gold and the element fire. The Sun signifies our life path and identity. 

Virgo is ruled by the planet Mercury and is associated with the metal mercury and the element earth. Mercury denotes a person’s mental fluidity and communication skills.  

Libra is ruled by the planet Venus and is associated with the metal copper and the element air. Venus describes one’s aesthetic preferences.   

Scorpio is ruled by the planet Mars and is associated with the metal iron and the element water. Mars represents one’s instinctive physical response and determines a person’s energy level. 

Sagittarius is ruled by the planet Jupiter and is associated with the metal tin and the element fire. Jupiter is associated with one’s innate gifts, intelligence, and luck. 

Capricorn is ruled by the planet Saturn and is associated with the metal lead and the element earth. Saturn is associated with a person’s karmic life path, on which they must work methodically to overcome obstacles. 

Aquarius is ruled by the planet Saturn and is associated with the metal lead and the element air. Saturn is associated with a person’s karmic life path, on which they must work methodically to overcome obstacles. 

Pisces is ruled by the planet Jupiter and is associated with the metal tin and the element water. Jupiter is associated with one’s innate gifts, intelligence, and luck. 

“In our quest for innate oneness,” Rose tells us, “we are similar to the alchemist. It is through the astrologer’s lens that we can learn how to uniquely express each element within our own divine nature.”  

Do you identify with your sign—and its planet, metal, and element?

Calculating Celestial Movement, Peter Hille. Engraving in Leonhard Thurneisser zum Thurn, Der Planeten Circkel und Lauff (Berlin, 1575), fol. 3. The Getty Research Institute, 92-F166

The Microcosm and the Macrocosm, Matthäus Merian the Elder. Engraving in Musaeum Hermeticum, pl. 4. The Getty Research Institute, 1380-912

THE SIGNS AS LUSH BATH BOMBS

Aries: 

Taurus: 

Gemini: 

Cancer: 

Leo: 

Virgo: 

Libra: 

Scorpio: 

Sagittarius: 

Capricorn: 

Aquarius: 

Pisces:

The Magical. Pisces is a dreamer, and Scorpio is a sorcerer. As a couple, both know what it feels like to be overwhelmed by emotion. They may have deep conversations, but they’re also the couple that has fluffy moments together. One of the best matches as Pisces will soar through their dreams while Scorpio keeps them grounded.

Ask The Astrologist
  • Aries: What's your biggest passion?
  • Taurus: What's your favorite feature (about yourself obviously).
  • Gemini: What policy/morale do you have that you forego the most often? Why?
  • Cancer: What form of media makes you cry?
  • Leo: What are you a leader of?
  • Virgo: What's your aesthetic?
  • Libra: What do you look for in a partner? (Facial Feature and Personality wise).
  • Scorpio: Are you a virgin? If not: Weirdest sex story?
  • Sagittarius: Best adventure you went on?
  • Capricorn: Dream Job/Life?
  • Aquarius: List conspiracy theories you believe in.
  • Pisces: Best dream you've had?
  • -
  • Conjunction: What's something you will never have an opinion on / rather stay out of?
  • Opposition: Something you will ALWAYS argue about with people.
  • Square: Do you ever do things just to get into fights? Like play Devils Advocate?
  • Semi-Square: Are you salty, petty, or savage?
  • Trine: What do you love about the world?
  • Sextile: What do you aim for in 2017?
  • Semi-Sextile: Have you ever done something to get your way, and not have to face karmic debt?
  • -
  • Sun: How's your ego? Are you prideful or insecure?
  • Moon: How empathetic are you?
  • Mercury: Favorite thing to talk about?
  • Venus: Best relationship / Ideal relationship?
  • Mars: Most passionate moment?
  • Jupiter: Luckiest moment?
  • Saturn: How do you feel about commitment?
  • Uranus: Time you got caught doing something you shouldn't?
  • Neptune: Day-dreamer? Vivid dreams? Idealist, or realist?
  • Pluto: How interested in the occult are you?
  • -
  • Chiron: What event in your life hurt you, but you learned from?
  • Pallus: How do you feel about the opposite sex as a whole?
  • Ceres: How do you feel about your parents?
  • Eros: Ideal Partner?
  • Vesta: With whom do you feel the most secure/comfortable with?
  • Juno: How do you feel about marriage, and who is your ideal marital partner?
  • -
  • Rising: Describe how you feel you come off.
  • Midheaven: Your most "honorable" trait?
  • Second House: What do you usually spend your money on?
  • Third House: How do you prefer to communicate? By calling, texting, or in person?
  • Fourth House: Dream home?
  • Fifth House: What is your "type" when it comes to dating?
  • Sixth House: Whats your daily routine?
  • Seventh House: Would you marry for money?
  • Eighth House: Freebie! Ask any question you'd like - I'll answer if comfortable.
  • Ninth House: What religion/philosophy do you follow?
  • Eleventh House: How big is your squad?
  • Twelfth House: What is, in your opinion, the worst way to die.
the signs as ridiculous beatles stories

aries: john pissing in jayne mansfield’s cocktail for revenge after she groped george
taurus: george getting bored when they met elvis and smoking pot with elvis’s roadie
gemini: john firing the beatles official astrologist for telling him he should break up with yoko
cancer: paul getting put in prison for 9 days after ignoring being warned about cannabis laws in japan and straight up bringing half a pound of weed into japan
leo: john refusing to let the beatles voice the vultures in the jungle book and being all like “there’s no way the beatles are singing for micky fucking mouse!”
virgo: paul getting high for the first time and thinking he’d figured out the meaning of life and writing it down and then finding out the next day that he’d just written “there are seven levels”
libra: paul and pete best getting kicked out of hamburg for lighting a condom on fire
scorpio: paul trying to one up mick jagger at mick’s birthday party and slipping the deejay hey jude/revolution and mick getting super pissed
sagittarius: paul dressing in all black and sitting in a corner with a guitar speaking fake french to pick up girls and the song michelle being inspired by that
capricorn:george losing his virginity to a call girl in hamburg and pete best, john, and paul waiting around and clapping for him when he was done
aquarius: the boys dropping acid and john and george following paul in john’s rolls royce down the streets of london shouting “it is pointless to resist! it is pointless to resist!” at 3 AM through the loudspeakers
pisces: john getting nervous and dropping acid before meeting brigitte bardot

SHANCE AU: The God and Gladiator 

Back again, this time with a Shance au.

-Basically, Lance is a god of water and beauty (I’m mixing a lot of my mythology knowledge into this au)

-Shiro was a a traveling astrologist and merchant until he was caught in a battle that got him captured as a slave for an enemy empire. He was then used as a gladiator and released as the Champion when he lost his arm in his final battle

-He now kind of wanders as the weird wise guy who is in his twenties and only has one arm

-Lance is one day messing around and loses his magic urn, dropping it to Earth by mistake

-Lance ends up going down to Earth to find it, and comes across Shiro in the streets and observes this amputee telling all kinds of glorious gladiator battles to children giving him bread in exchange

-Enthralled, Lance asks Shiro to help him find his urn in exchange for a new arm

-Shiro doesn’t really believe in magic, but travels with Lance anyway bc he’s nice like that

-Lance ends up creating a magic arm from a star and gifting it to Shiro, who is incredibly stunned and promises to even give his life to Lance in the mission to find the urn

-They come across beasts and stuff, like giant serpents, minotaurs, and even a tribe of cyclopses 

-Lance ends up getting a minotaur horn as a new enchanted healing tool

-Cute hotspring date where Lance asks about each of Shiro’s scars and soothes him during a nightmare later that evening

-Lance learning of human customs, Shiro finding Lance’s curiosity adorable

-They fall in love somewhere along the way

-Shiro is almost killed, Lance uses the horn to heal him and they fight about the use of it when Lance says something along the lines of “I’m immortal and you are not, I can sit still for centuries and never age but you die in under a century. You promised to give me your life, right? So use it to live the mortal experience for me!”

-Shiro is touched and they continue on to where their adventure takes them to meet Pidge, a forest nymph, who found Lance’s urn and is willing to give it back bc “The urn was flooding everything.” (It’s a magic urn belonging to a water god,, what were u expecting??)

-Lance ends up getting sick before he departs from Shiro, who is confused bc why is a god getting sick????

-Lance ends up leaving ill, and Shiro is lonely and worried but like it’s not like he can tie a god down

-Eventually, a year after Lance’s leave, Shiro is greeted by a dream telling him to go to the flower field where Lance left

-Shiro finds a human Lance there, who is shivering and complaining about the cold

-”What are you doing here? And where’s your urn? Did you lose it again?” 

-”I forgot my favorite human here– and Keith was getting really irritating when he complained about the underworld. Mind if i stay with you for the human experience?”

-”I’d bring down the very heavens singlehandedly if you ask it of me, Lance.”

-(Keith is like, the son of Hades or smth,, idk)

-Happy endings all the way, they grow old together, and when they die Lance is a god again and Shiro is made into an immortal with Allura’s permission

-(Allura is my equivalent to Zeus)

2

i’ve been trying to post a drawing every day so…here’s some lineless practice with allura holding… molten steel? a star? you decide.