aspiness

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The extrovert Aspie - the curly hair project
I’m an extrovert Aspie. You’re a what now? Yes, you read it correctly, I’m an extrovert Aspie. Now I can see you all frowning at your screens. Isn’t autism supposed to be all about being shy, and not talking to others and such? Indeed the common belief is that women with Asperger’s Syndrome tend to... Read more »

(this is still one of my favorite posts about being autistic, and was huge in helping me understand how it worked for me. I don’t have all of these – like, I’ve worked long and hard to learn social boundaries, but that doesn’t mean I’m not autistic, it’s BECAUSE I’m autistic.I don’t have #6, because I was lucky enough to have the same 30 kids in my class throughout elementary school so I got to develop close friendships with a small group of other people. When I still had active social anxiety, a lot of this was drowned out by that, but it has shone through since then.)

1. They are not shy and will smile at people, even at strangers.

This is something I do quite often. Even though I will not always understand how to make contact with someone, or what to say, I will smile at random people. But since I don’t have the social knowledge other people may have, I have been prone to smile at people at social situations where smiling was really not acceptable. The extrovert Aspie will still smile as she does crave the interaction, but doesn’t know when it’s not ok to smile at people.

2. They love talking but often miss social cues and tend to talk too much.

The extrovert Aspie might be regarded as the chatterbox, as someone who never shuts up. It’s very hard to get a word in edgeways, and they might not leave room for others to express their opinion or voice their feelings. The extrovert Aspie female may be experienced as tiresome company, because she can keep rattling endlessly about certain subjects that are of interest to her. It will be very hard to interrupt her, or even try and change the subject, as she will show clearly she’s not interested in it, and might even go look for other company when the subject is changed.

3. They have no social boundaries.

The female extrovert Aspie might not understand when it is ok to talk, or to interrupt, or to smile at people. I will give you an example out of my own life, when I was about 12 years old:

My great-grandmother had passed away, and tradition here in Belgium states you have to go offer condolences to sons and daughters who are standing in a separate room together with the coffin. Rather than offering condolences, I smiled and talked about the temperature in the church.

Not having social boundaries also means this Aspie might talk or act in a certain way, when others feel she should be more reserved. In the case of my example, I lacked social boundaries and social rules.

The female extrovert Aspie might feel it is ok to talk to anyone, invading others in their personal space. They come very close very fast, and this can be experienced as very threatening.

4. They will jump in immediately in any social situation regarding their special interest.

No matter where I am, if I hear anything regarding my special interests, I will jump into the conversation. This can be with total strangers, or with people I know. This can be experienced again as very threatening, or as a very strongly oncoming personality. Some people will refer to the extrovert Aspie as a ‘know it all’ or a meddler because they are always interfering others when talking.

5. They might be regarded as weird, eccentric, odd, or annoying.

Rather than the introvert female Aspie, the extrovert has a very outgoing personality. This means she might use clothing as a way to express herself, mixed with crazy hairstyles, and a lot of verbal communication at most times. This way she shows her quirky side, or her awkwardness a lot more than her introvert ASD friend.

Let me illustrate this with an example. I have a very eccentric way of dressing, and interfere a lot in people’s conversations. A fellow student told me, towards the end of the year, that at the very beginning her first impression of me was that I was weird, an attention seeker and awkward. It was only after she got to know me, she realised there was a lot more to me.

In classes where a lot of debate was going on (which I loved, debate = interaction) and I would state an opinion, a lot of time my fellow classmates would sigh, or even bluntly tell me to shut up.

6. They love people and crave interaction but lack real friendships.

As much as I need to be a hermit, I do love to talk to people. I’m a natural when it comes to being verbal, but I lack real friendships. The reason for this is that I mainly talk about my special interests, interfere when others are talking, come across as odd or annoying, and tend to cancel plans last minute due to an overwhelming amount of stress or anxiety. All of this makes the extrovert female Aspie a tough friend to have.

7. They talk more than listen and tend to interrupt when others are speaking.

Most Aspies have issues understanding when it is their turn to speak in a conversation, and what to talk about. The extrovert Aspie will interrupt as soon as a thought occurs in her mind, and she will not wait until it is her turn to speak. This may mean she will interrupt people mid sentence because she thinks of something, and then will endlessly talk about it. This makes it very hard for others in the conversation to voice their opinions or feelings.

8. In groups or at group assignments they tend to take the lead role.

Because the extrovert Aspie loves to interact, these things are a dream for her. By taking the lead she has control over the situation, and can manipulate the situation to match the scenario she has in her head.

She might also feel that by taking the lead role, she is the centre of attention and will be able to interact the most.

9. They are not afraid to speak in front of crowds, as they consider this a form of interaction.

Extrovert Aspies can usually speak in front of crowds, and what is more, love to do so. It ensures them of a form of interaction with others, without having to worry about what they may think of you. Speaking in public means you are discussing a certain topic, and as those often are related to the special interest of our extrovert Aspie, she will feel right at home talking about this subject. They can indeed be very passionate what they talk about!

3

Fit mum’s must look after themselves first, so they can care for those that love them.
Just because you are a parent doesn’t mean you come last, it means it’s so much more important to care for your mind and body so you can be an example to those around you. An example of happiness, energy, love and health.
In what ever capacity you are there or available to your children.

Possible Traits of Aspergers in Females

This by no means a comprehensive list, it is simply a reference point, not a diagnostic tool. If you identify with a majority of this list and wish to receive a diagnosis, consult a medical professional, preferably a specialist in autism spectrum disorders who has had experience diagnosing women.

  • Tends to analyze everything constantly
  • Often straightforward and practical in nature.
  • Often gets lost in own thoughts and zones out (may display a blank stare)
  • May appear naive or innocent (despite not being so)
  • Prone to honesty, has difficulty lying
  • May struggle to understand manipulation, disloyalty, vindictive behavior and retaliation.
  • May be gullible and easily taken advantage of, misled, or conned.
  • May have feelings of confusion and isolation in relation to others
  • Escapism frequently used to relax or avoid overwhelming situations.
  • Often holds fixations, obsessions, and extreme interest in specific topics.
  • Finds comfort in escaping through imagination, fantasy, and daydreaming.
  • Often has slower reaction times due to need for mental processing.
  • May have had imaginary friends as a child.
  • Frequently imitates (takes social cues from) people on television or in movies.
  • May obsessively collect, organize, count, categorize, or rearrange objects.
  • Often highly adapted to social imitation.
  • May find math and numbers easier to deal with due to logic and lack of objective answers.
  • May struggle to relax or rest due to many racing thoughts.
  • Often has comorbid conditions, such as OCD, anxiety, ADD or ADHD, depression, bipolar disorder, etc.
  • Often has sensory processing disorder (sight, sound, texture, smells, taste)
  • May have dyspraxia (Poor muscle tone, lack of coordination and depth perception)
  • May have dyslexia
  • May have an eating disorder or food obsessions
  • May have been misdiagnosed or diagnosed with other mental illness or possibly labeled a hypochondriac.
  • Tends to drop small objects
  • May frequently engage in “stimming” (self-stimulation) i.e., flicks fingernails, flaps hands, drums fingers, rubs hands/fingers, tucks hands under or between legs, clenches fists, twirls hair, taps foot/shakes leg, sways side to side, spins in circles, bouncing up and down, rocking, etc.
  • May use various noises to express herself rather than using words.
  • May have a tendency to over-share with friends and sometimes strangers
  • May have little impulse control when speaking
  • May accidently dominate conversation at times.
  • Often relates discussion back to self (sharing as a means of reaching out)
  • May be incorrectly seen as narcissistic
  • Often sounds eager or over-zealous at times.
  • May feels as if she is attempting to communicate “correctly.”
  • Often struggles with and is confused by the unwritten social rules of accurate eye contact, tone of voice, proximity of body, stance, and posture in conversation.
  • Eye contact often takes extreme focus, which may lead an individual’s eye contact to be darting and insufficient, or over-the-top staring/glaring.
  • May have difficulty regulating voice volume to different situations. Is frequently observed as being either too loud or too quiet.
  • Conversation, specifically small talk, can be exhausting.
  • May have trouble focusing on/engaging in conversation that is not centered on one’s primary interests.
  • May observe and question the actions and behaviors of self and others continually.
  • May have difficulty with back-and-forth conversation
  • Trained self in social interactions through readings and studying of other people.
  • Visualizes and practices how she will act around others and before entering various social situations.
  • Difficulty filtering out background noise when talking to others.
  • Has a continuous dialogue in mind that tells her what to say and how to act when in a social situations.
  • Sense of humor sometimes seems quirky, odd, or different from others.
  • As a child, it may have been hard to know when it was her turn to talk, may still be true as an adult.
  • Often finds the norms of conversation confusing.
  • Tend to say what they mean. Are often brutally honest, coming off as rude when they do not mean to be.
  • May feel misunderstood and tend to over-explain/ramble in an attempt to compensate for possible miscommunication.
  • Feels extreme relief when she doesn’t have to go anywhere, talk to anyone, answer calls, or leave the house.
  • Feelings of dread about upcoming events and appointments on the calendar.
  • Knowing she has to leave the house causes anxiety from the moment she wakes up.
  • The steps involved in leaving the house are overwhelming and exhausting to think about.
  • Must prepare herself mentally for outings, excursions, meetings, and appointments.
  • Question next steps and movements continually.
  • Often needs a large amount of down time or alone time.
  • May feel extremely self-conscious and uncomfortable in public locker rooms, bathrooms, or dressing rooms.
  • Tends to dislike being in crowded areas.
  • Difficulty sleeping due to sensitivity to environment
  • May be highly intuitive to others’ feelings, although may not appear to react to them ‘correctly’ in social situations
  • May take criticism and judgement very personally
  • May frequently adapt her viewpoints or actions based on others’ opinions
  • Dislikes words and events that hurt animals and people.
  • May have had a desire to collect or rescue animals, usually in childhood.
  • Often holds great compassion for suffering.
  • May try to help, offer unsolicited advice, or formalize plans of action.
  • Imitates others without realizing.
  • May exhibit codependent behaviors.
  • May frequently reject or question social norms.
  • Chameleon-like in social situations. Often switches preferences and behaviours based on environment and other people.
  • May outwardly appear to have little investment in hygiene, clothes, or appearance, often prefers fast and easy methods of style.
  • Clothing style is likely more focused on comfort and practicality, especially in the case of sensory issues.
  • May possess a youthful appearance and/or voice.
  • May have trouble recognizing what she looks like and/or has slight prosopagnosia (difficulty recognizing or remembering faces).
  • The emotions of oneself and others may seem confusing, illogical, and unpredictable.
  • Expects that by acting a certain way certain results can be achieved, but realizes in dealing with emotions, those results don’t always manifest.
  • Often speaks frankly and literally.
  • Certain kinds of humor, such as sarcasm and metaphors, may be difficult to understand.
  • Can be confused when others ostracize, shun, belittle, trick, and betray.
  • Often has trouble identifying feelings in others unless they are extreme.
  • Trouble with the emotions of hate and dislike.
  • May have feelings of pity for someone who has persecuted/hurt her.
  • Situations and conversations sometimes perceived as black or white.
  • The middle spectrum of outcomes, events, and emotions is sometimes overlooked or misunderstood. (All or nothing mentality).
  • May notices patterns frequently.
  • May be fascinated by words or song lyrics.
  • Tends to best remember/learn things in visual pictures (visual thinkers).
  • May have a remarkable memory for certain details, i.e., may find it surprisingly easy to remembers exact details about someone’s life.
  • Executive function is often a challenge
  • Learning to ride a bike or drive a car may be rather difficult.
  • Anything that requires a reasonable amount of steps, dexterity, or know-how can rouse a sense of panic.
  • The thought of repairing, fixing, or locating something can cause anxiety.
  • May have a hard time finding certain objects in the house, but remembers with exact clarity where other objects are.
  • May frequently second-guess oneself and ask a lot of questions before engaging a task or situation

This list was compiled from various personal accounts and symptom lists. It is subjective and does not include every identifiable trait. Nor is it entirely medically accurate. Please do your own research into AS before self-diagnosing. 

When reblogging, feel free to add additional traits you believe to be common in AS females that will be useful for others to know.

Friendly reminder that Autism Awareness/Acceptance Month is next month, and that you shouldn’t support Autism $peaks or Light It Up Blue. Autism $peaks is a hate group that doesn’t listen to Autistics, and wants to eliminate us. Listening to actual Autistics, and donating to The Autistic Self Advocacy Network (ASAN), is the best way to help and support Autistics. Thank you. :)

Autism Wallet Cards

So here is an important resource that everyone with autism should be aware of. I’ve been much more comfortable going out in public the last week knowing I have this in case anything happens.

These cards are made for free by the Disability Independence Group, and you can customize yours with your most likely reactions (I am most worried about going non-verbal in stressful situations, so I included that in my form, and they added I am prone to mutism).

Once again, these are FREE, and they can be a huge help in a situation you aren’t expecting.

I got this card after I went nonverbal in a very bad situation. I was yelled at and told I could talk, locked up, and put in an intensive unit with scary people that made things worse. I would not have expected this before, but it all could have gone much differently if I had this card to relay the necessary information. So for that reason, I’m spreading this and reminding you that if a situation like that is possible, you should get one. There’s no harm since it is free, and although I hope you never have to use it, it is always good to be prepared.

So yeah, check out http://www.justdigit.org/wallet-cards/ to get a free wallet card, and thank you to everyone there who is helping our safety.

Note: The card can also be made for intellectual abilities.

Things  you might relate  to If  you're an INFP

You set your self high standards
- You have been described as too kind hearted
- You ‘re a writer or artist
- You’ve been described as articulate
- You ‘re sensitive
- You love your alone time
- You tend to be reserved , shy or thoughtful
- You don’t give your self enough credit things go well
- You have cared for someone too deeply
- You dislike having to deal with hard facts and logic
- You don’t open up easily to others