long awaited demisexuality post

“Demisexuals are slut shaming.” “Everyone’s like that.” “They’re-”





I didn’t even wanna make a post about this because it is so fucking stupid I didn’t want to dignify it with a response, but here we are. 

Definition: So, demisexuality is a type of grey asexual. Specifically the type who experiences sexual attraction under very specific circumstances. Said circumstances being forging an intimate emotional connection with someone. And even then there’s no guarantee. Demisexuals experience literally no sexual attraction outside these circumstances. 

“But everyone’s like that.”

1. Factually incorrect. Most people feel sexual attraction right away. Most choose to wait a while but actions and orientation are different things. In fact plenty of couples start dating BECAUSE they want sex but don’t want to seem “shallow.” Our culture is pretty heavy on the sex shaming if you haven’t noticed. 

2. Even if that were true it’s still good to have names for things. Why do you hate language so much?

3. Demisexuals shouldn’t have to lie by omission about who they are. Stop trying to shut them up.

“They’re slut shaming!”


2. Some demis do engage in casual sex. Orientation and actions are different.

3. Demisexuals still shouldn’t have to lie by omission to avoid outlandish accusations like these. 

“They just wanna be special.”

1. Shut the fuck up. As previously explained, demisexuals are a subsection of asexuals. You know, the A in LGBTQIAP. The A that used to stand for allies but nowadays is officially recognized as standing for asexual, aromantic and agender.  

2. They can’t control how their brain works. They chose their orientation as much as you chose yours. Read: not at all. 

“That’s the normal female sexuality.”

1. You are literally slut shaming right now. 

2. You are a filthy slut shamer and should be ashamed. 

3. Fuck off with your slut shaming bullshit. 

4. I can’t even believe how misogynistic you are.

5. Male demis exist.

Everyone deserves respect. Everyone deserves to be out about who they are risk free. Demisexuals are valid and great and can be proud of who they are.  

ace people belong in the lgbtq community

yes, even “cishet” ace/aro people. 

the argument that “oh we don’t have enough resources to accommodate people who aren’t ~really~ gay” is a gross exclusionary tactic. since when do we kick people out for not being queer enough? 

“oh, ace/aro people don’t face homophobic discrimination, no one has ever been kicked out of their house or assaulted in the streets for it” guess what? neither have I. my (immediate) family is accepting, I’ve never been assaulted or bullied or even perceived as gay in public. do I have to have my gay license revoked???? by setting a standard of “you have to do/experience XYZ in order to be queer”, you open the door to all sorts of gatekeeping. it’s the same attitude that says bi people married to the opposite gender have “straight privelege." 

ace/aro people fall outside of a heteronormative standard, therefore becoming Other. we can’t abandon them. we are all victims of a system that stigmatizes people who don’t follow the whole find-a-mate-of-the-opposite-gender script.

Aces are amazing and I love you.

Ace-spec folks, whether you be demisexual, lithsexual, cupiosexual, wtfsexual, greysexual, or anything else, are amazing and I love you.

Aros are amazing and I love you.

Aro-spec folks, whehter  you be demiromantic, lithromantic, cupioromantic, wtfromantic, greyromantic, or anything else, are amazing and I love you.

Hey, guys. So there's someone in our side who really shouldn't be speaking for us.

Jet/pack-/jenn/y is very… Um. Kinda just wow. They use the R slur frequently and are all around rather…phobic. Rose tried asking them to stop using the R slur and they refused.

I’d block them. I don’t want this person fighting for me.

Shoutout to a-spec people who aren’t out even to people who would be supportive to them and feel disconnected from their communities and unable to participate. You are just as important as people who are out and proud with their identities, and just as wonderful, and just as a-spec. You matter.

In honor of aspec awareness week, here’s a shout out to all the aspec pluralians! 

Just because you’re attracted to more than one gender, doesn’t mean that you can’t be on the ace or aro spectrums. 

You aren’t “fulfilling stereotypes” if you’re bi/pan/poly/pluralian and aro-spec; you aren’t “faking it” if you’re mspec/pluralian and ace-spec. None of these things are mutually exclusive, and you should take pride in every part of your identity!

You are wonderful and valid, 100% a part of the MOGAI community, and deserving of love and support no matter what your orientation encompasses!