“My name is Lemony Snicket and it is my duty to tell you their tale. No one knows the precise cause of the Baudelaire fire, but just like that, the Baudelaire children became the Baudelaire orphans." -A Series of Unfortunate Events (2004)
Of course, as you and I both know, it is never a good idea to attempt to make important decisions at 3 AM, just as it is never a good idea to leave electrical appliances near water and it is never a good idea to try to drive a delivery truck with a blindfold over your eyes and both hands tied behind your back.
A fake Lemony Snicket quote I wrote the other night when I couldn’t sleep. So sue me.
The movie you are about to see is extremely unpleasant. If you wish to see a film about a happy little elf, I’m sure there is still plenty of seating in theatre number two. However, if you like stories about clever and reasonably attractive orphans, suspicious fires, carnivorous leeches, Italian food and secret organizations, then stay, as I retrace each and every one of the Baudelaire children’s woeful steps. My name is Lemony Snicket, and it is my sad duty to document this tale.
“At times the world may seem an unfriendly and sinister place, but believe that there is much more good in it than bad. All you have to do is look hard enough. and what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events may in fact be the first steps of a journey.”