‘’…Please, sir, I beg of you, simply walk out of the door, head down the corridor toward the east staircase, walk up one flight of stairs, head down a corridor, and knock on the door of the office directly above yours, and untie my Silence Knot.’’
it’s always tempting for me to mentally summarize a lot of atwq as “baby noir protagonist lemony gets repeatedly suckered by baby femme fatale ellington,” but honestly the best part about their dynamic is how ruthlessly suspicious he gets by, like, book 3. does he want to believe the best of her? sure! is he going to tell her his plans? absolutely not! is he going to use their relationship to maneuver her into elaborate setups meant to test her honesty? OH DEFINITELY!!
Off the cuff rough skeleton of how I would adapt the full ASOUE series to a film franchise:
First movie: TBB through TWW.
I actually liked the way the movie had the kids taken away from Count Olaf for a stupid reason and sent back at the end, since The Marvelous Marriage is a strong climax. Probably worth removing the “this man is Count Olaf!” reveals at the end of TRR and TWW? IDK
Second movie: TAA through TVV, skip TMM
I like TMM and prefer it to TWW but I think it works way better for the Baudelaires to have at least one more actual home home before Mr Poe starts resorting to institutions and it’s not necessary to keep both of them
Deal with the Duncan and Isadora subplot and drop heavy VFD hints, possibly beef up Jacques’ role a little (like he hides a message for the Baudelaires in the cell or add a scene where the Baudelaires sneak to the prison and talk to him through a window or something, not make him a fucking deuteragonist, Netflix)
Maybe do THH here, too?
Third movie: THH through TGG, skip TCC
Keep THH over TCC because it’s scarier, has a more cinematic Baudelaire moral ambiguity subplot because it’s more externalized and movies can’t really do internal monologues, Klaus and Sunny having to rescue Violet for the first time (because fuck the original movie ending), etc etc. Sunny can get kidnapped at a different part of the story. Skipping THH and keeping TCC could also work, maybe.
If cut TCC, possibly make a composite character with elements of Madame
Lulu (e.g. give the white-faced ladies a more complex redemption arc
with elements of Madame Lulu’s behavior)
Heavily break up the books and extensively rewrite, mainly to smooth over transitions so it’s a more coherent plot instead of moving between three different setpieces. e.g., plot elements of TSS and TGG could happen without needing to shuttle all the characters to the mountains and then get them in the water for the rest of the movie. Quigley’s role probably needs more rewrites than Fiona’s. Hate to say it, but could see him on the cutting room floor if there’s not a good way to get more thematic relevance out of him. Sorry bud.
Not sure about Carmelita, but my instinct is to keep her - she can take screentime cuts and de-emphasis while still communicating the “point” of her character.
Finale movie. TPP, some plot elements or character arcs from TSS and TGG moved here, maybe The End?
Possibly move Fiona’s betrayal to this movie? Split TGG between the third and fourth ones?
This is the single biggest issue because I have no idea how to possibly adapt The End for film. I struggle to see how The End could possibly work when contained in the same storytelling unit as any of the preceding books. It really needs to be its own thing, but it really, really would not work as its own full movie. That would leave people walking out of the theater going “…wtf?” in a bad way
Anyway take all this hot air with a big ol grain of salt because I know nothing about scriptwriting. What I feel most confident about saying is that after the kids stop being placed with guardians, I think a movie franchise would desperately need to break away from the “moving from location to location” pattern - that works great for books, works great for the TV show, do not think it would work at all for a movie.
In the TBB how does Count Olaf slapping Klaus/Nick go down?
okay so. this was a hard one to put into a bulletpoint description so. i just wrote a fucking excerpt for this under the cut. this was fun as an angst writer, hope the first draft isn’t shit, I did zero editing.
note: follows the show format of the scene way more than the book because it’s more dramatic that way and also i said so
So, here’s a confession I’m a little ashamed of but thought would make someone laugh
When I watched the trailer for Season 3 the first time, I misheard this part:
I heard him say “It’s blonde” instead of “It’s blood”
Now, at first glance that doesn’t seem so bad and just kinda sounds random, right?
Well, when I first saw the scene I also didn’t notice the giant bloodstain on his white suit. So my dumb ass misinterpreted things completely and thought the horror on Jerome’s and Babs’ faces was shock at Olaf being fully clothed in a sauna.
So, when (I thought) he said “It’s blonde” in reply to Babs eyeing him up and down in a situation where a person would normally be naked…
I definitely misinterpreted what he was talking about and I’m so glad I was corrected