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LS to BB #1:

I think it’s interesting that Lemony Snicket is a student of rhetoric and has such an interest in it throughout his life. 

(Rhetoric is a word which here means the art of effective or persuasive speaking or writing, or language designed to have a persuasive or impressive effect on its audience, but often regarded as lacking in sincerity or meaningful content.)

There are some interesting implication for the Lemony/Beatrice relationship in this note, too. While this may document their first official meeting and the real start of the story, it seems that Lemony has been noticing Beatrice for a while, even if she hasn’t noticed him. From the very start he’s the observer, the intruder, into her world.

What she says: I’m fine
What she means: What time period does A Series of Unfortunate Events actually take place? There is mention of horse-drawn carriages, but also of motor cycles and automobiles, but the way the three Baudelaires dress is indicative of the nineteen hundred-something’s. Characters are dressed in both early twentieth century clothing as well as up to date clothing. There is mention of computers, fax, and phones but some things seem rather dated. What time in history is it??

ALL THE UNFORTUNATE DEVELOPMENTS SO FAR . . .

Hello Snicketards, I regret to inform you there is a conspicuous conspiracy surrounding Netflix’s new series based on the documents of Lemony Snicket. Is treachery afoot? YOU BE THE JUDGE as I break down the series of unfortunate twists and turns in this controversial calamity.

July 5th
- The trailer is posted by Eleanora Poe. The account was created one month prior. Eleanora Poe is the editor-in-cheif of The Daily Punctilio, which is the deceptive and faulty newspaper featured in the novels.

- The image of Eleanora on the aforementioned account is Laura Jean Libbey, a 19th and 20th century author who happened to write a book about a young heiress who is forced at gunpoint to marry so her husband can claim her inheritance.

July 6th
- Netlix claimes it is “not official” and “not from us”.

- Lemony Snicket owes Eleanora a gimlet. Netflix retweets this. The musician behind the music in the trailer retweets the trailer.

- After suspicion that Warner Music Group would not allow an unauthorized video to use the Dresden Dolls music - a link is found between the leader singer, Amanda Palmer and Daniel Handler. Handler’s band “The Gothic Archies” provided music for the audiobook of Coraline. Amanda Palmer is married to the author of Coraline.

- The trailer ends with the Netflix logo on a piece of parchment in a typewriter. A screenshot of this moment was found on multuple sites since at least June 2015. One was found on Reddit and another on AVClub.com.

- Jack Griffo (Nickelodeon’s “The Thundermans”) tweets that his friends created the video and it was done “for Netflix”.

July 7th

- The cinematographer’s Instagram post is found, with an image of Count Olaf’s silhouette on the screen of a camera. @JBrunoFilm claims it was made for Netflix’s series, declines to comment if he is involved with Netflix or the series itself. Claims the spot is “unofficial”. Fans pout.

- The website is found for the videos special effects. This team created effects for such high-profile projects as “American Horror Story” , “Through the Wormhole with Morgan Freeman”, “Hoovy” and several ride-films for SeaWorld. Likely, United Artists Coalition would be too high-profile a group to work on a YouTube fan video. Fans regain their faith.

- Eleanora Poe joins Twitter. To date, she has one tweet. She follows users such as Daniel Handler, Amanda Palmer, Warner Music Group, Netflix and JBrunoFilms; among others.

- Astute fans notice a phone number on Eleanora’s Twitter page. When dialed, a woman announces the caller has reached the Daily Punctilio and instructs them to leave a message. The number is registered in California. Fans cheer.

STAY TUNED FOR MORE UNNERVING UPDATES!!

7

“It was the simple fact that the Baudelaires and the Quagmires were different people, and a hair ribbon, a pair of glasses, and some shoes couldn’t turn them into one another any more than a woman disguised as a dragonfly can actually take wing and escape the disaster awaiting her.” ( The Austere Academy, pg. 171)

I think at this point in the story we all kinda cringed because knowing how unfortunate the series is already it was only time for the Quagmires’ lives to go downhill :’(

For everyone out there who’s never actually read ASOUE and have only seen the movie, here are thirteen things that might surprise you about the series:

1. Klaus is not the main character. There are three main characters, with Violet Baudelaire arguably being the leading protagonist. It might also interest you to know that Violet is just as intelligent and resourceful as her brother, that she never, ever gives up, and that she has never and will never spend a single second of her life as a damsel in distress. Sometimes Klaus does save the day, definitely. And sometimes Sunny saves the day, and sometimes–a lot of the time–Violet saves the day.

2. The world is not split into two groups of people–fire starters and fire stoppers, good and evil, volunteers and villains. The world is not black and white. VFD–everything in the entire ASOUE-verse, really–is much more complected than the movie portrays them to be. Also, the spyglasses are irrelevant.

3. Every character that you saw in the movie is a million times better in the books. And there are dozens characters you never got to meet who are even better. 

4. Count Olaf is not a joke. Count Olaf is a very scary, very real villain who abuses and attempts to murder children for revenge on their family. He’s a very complex character and he’s fucking terrifying.

5. Beatrice and Bertrand really did have no plan for their children. The Baudelaire will literally says that the children “should be raised in the most convenient way possible.” The Beatrice and Bertrand of the books wouldn’t have even written that letter. Beatrice and Bertrand loved their children very, very much, but they did not prepare for their eventual deaths despite being involved in a very dangerous line of work, and their children suffered for it. Nor were they innocent victims of that fire. They were victims, yes, but not quite innocent. And the letter never came.

6. Klaus is the most intelligent, sensitive, polite, kind-hearted boy in the world. He would not knock Captain Sham upside down to look at his peg leg. Klaus has manners. Also, he wears glasses. 

7. Violet climbs the fucking tower.

8. Lemony tells you that the story is about the Baudelaires. One could argue with that. The story is about one woman, but due to unfortunate circumstances the narrative had to be focused on her children instead.

9. Fernald was not an idiot. Fernald is a really cool character, and a fairly intelligent one at that.

10. Olaf didn’t start the Baudelaire fire. I mean, he might have, but there are other possible culprits too. Nobody solves the mystery of the Baudelaire fire. Practically no mysteries are solved, and the few that are put to rest are replaced by a hundred more. Sorry to break it to you, but that’s the way life works, and the books are nothing if not honest about the nature of life and people.

11. The Baudelaires don’t live in Boston, Massachusetts. I have no idea why the people in charge of this movie decided to fuck with the wonderfully ambiguous setting of the series. But they don’t live in Boston, or at least no more than they live anywhere else.

12. Justice Strauss doesn’t run off stage when she realizes that Olaf and Violet’s marriage is real and legally binding. She sticks around and helps Violet prove that it’s void. This matters because Justice Strauss is actually a really important character in the series.

13. There aren’t answers to every question. The letter does not come. Not everything happens for a reason. People are poisoned by mushrooms, and harpoon guns fall to the floor, and streams carry noble cartographers away. The world is cruel and unfair and you can be the most wonderful, most intelligent orphan who does everything right and still end up in worse and worse situations without ever knowing why. In the real world, your questions are not going to be answered. The ending is always going to be ambiguous. 

If you’ve only watched the ASOUE movie and never picked up the books, I really encourage you to give them a try! They’re well worth it and don’t even take that long to read. Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire are certainly people you’d want to spend thirteen books with, and I think you’ll be surprised at how much better, in literally every way, the books are than the movie version. They’re full of codes and secrets and literary allusions and Queen Debby and her boyfriend Tony and stiletto shoes that are made of actual stiletto knives, and they should be mandatory reading for anyone currently residing on this planet.

  • what she says:I'm fine
  • what she means:I just need to know if the ASOUE trailer is fake and pretending to be real or real and pretending to be fake; Daniel Handler didn't even confirm it was fake he just kind of stirred the pot; the clip is still up despite the fact it would violate a whole slew of copyrights if it were really fake; when will we next see a clip or a trailer, I'll take anything at this point, real or not, hell, I'll take half a second of footage at this point; who is going to play count olaf, is he going to do it right, is he going to be magnificent; how do I audition to play Violet; can Lana Del Rey be involved somehow; when the fuck is this thing going to air; when the fuck are we going to find out anything else about it; scientifically speaking Isadora Quagmire is trans; will this thing be diverse I need it to be diverse; where is Lemony Snicket; what is a Snicket, is it like a snitch and a cricket; can I call my child Lemony or would it be weird; all is not fucking quiet here; this whole agony is a goddamn chef's salad; BUT THE VIDEO WAS SO PERFECT AND SO BEAUTIFULLY MADE AND JUST EVERYTHING THAT AN ASOUE ADAPTATION NEEDS TO BE AND I REALLY JUST NEED IT TO BE REAL LIKE PLEASE I JUST NEED TO KNOW PLEASE IT'S TOO GOOD IT'S TOO IMPORTANT I NEED TO KNOW, EVERYTHING, IN VERY FINE DETAIL, PLEASE, JUST TELL ME I DID MY WAITING TWELVE YEARS OF IT IN AZKABAN OK I DESERVE TO KNOW OR I'M GOING TO EXPLODE
An Unfortunate Timeline

I made a timeline of things that have happened since the Unfortunate Teaser was posted on July 5th. Thank you to volunteer-fire-fighter for helping me put this together.

If anyone has anything to add I encourage you to do so.


July 5th, 2015:

  • Jack Griffo tweets about the trailer, crediting a friend.


July 6th, 2015:


July 7th, 2015:

  • DCA takes credit for visual effects.
  • jbrunofilm takes credit for cinematography on Instagram and posts several pictures related to the trailer [x] [x] [x] [x] [x]
  • Eleanora Poe posts the phone number for the Daily Punctilio:  (805) 399-0833.


July 8th, 2015:


July 10th, 2015:


July 11th, 2015:


July 12th, 2015:


July 13th, 2015:

July 14th, 2015:


July 15th, 2015:

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Dear reader, there are people in the world who know no misery and woe. And they take comfort in cheerful films about twittering birds and giggling elves. There are people who know that there’s always a mystery to be solved. And they take comfort in researching and writing down any important evidence. But this story is not about such people. This story is about the Baudelaires. And they are the sort of people who know that there’s always something. Something to invent, something to read, something to bite, and something to do, to make a sanctuary, no matter how small. And for this reason, I am happy to say, the Baudelaires were very fortunate indeed.