asm*

A few weeks ago I sent in something about how there’s a new manager at my store and that she’s really nice. Well this whole time I thought she was a shift lead but she’s actually the new ASM! Which makes me even happier because our old ASM was two-faced to all the employees and there were several times where she got judgmental with me and really made me anxious, and that old ASM was also my direct supervisor so it always freaked me out when I had to talk to her. But now we have this new ASM who is amazing! Last week she ordered Jimmy John’s for her lunch and asked me if I wanted anything too, and just last night she bought some candy and then shared it with me. I love her so much!

“You don’t have places yet. Eva is washing out her eyes.”
“Why?”
“Peron accidentally maced her with throat spray and she can’t see anything.”

*Submitted by  magicshowsandmiracles

One time I was in a production of Into the Woods Jr. That was the first act, and the second was Winnie the Pooh jr. (I wasnt in that one). My mom was one of the ASMs and so of course was on headset. During WTP there was a scene where pooh was singing a duet with his stomach (played by the most adorable little girl i have ever seen) and Andres, another ASM, said “I wanna be Poohs stomach.” So my mom, being the sarcastic little shit she is (I had to get it from someone), says, and I quote, “Really? I wanna be his sphincter.”

*Submitted by  thisusernamekillsfascists

Back when I was in high school we did a production of The Little Mermaid. I was SM and my best friend was ASM so we would constantly be making jokes in between cues on headset; but at one point in the show she had to help move a certain rock onto the stage in between scenes. Thankfully we got this right every show except for the second night.

Keep in mind my best friend is about 5'4 100lbs and these rocks were made out of wood and foam insulation and about 5ft long. So my director, our 40 year old drama teacher, volunteers to help her out this night since he was watching from backstage. I didn’t know this as the SM and when I heard her getting back on headset I took that as our normal indication that the rocks are set, you can bring up the lights. After I called the cue, my friend is frantically whispering for me to stop, but it’s too late, the actors are walking on stage. Nothing looked wrong to me so I asked her what the problem was.

Long story short, my director spent the next 15 minutes curled behind a rock and scared the life out of our Scuttle.

Submitted by aquwaugaman

Fuck Lying Asshats

ASM at Midwestern based coffee chain again. This time I have an actual fuck customers submission. A little background first. So we have this lady who is a total piece of work. I despise her to the point that if I hear her order through drive I immediately cringe because I know I’m up for a hellride. She’s rude, inconsiderate, short tempered, and an overall bitch. I mean seriously she’s just awful. Anyway. She comes through our drive and orders her drink as a “large decaf northern lite caramel latte with an extra shot of decaf” and because it’s July I ask if she wants that hot or iced. She goes “No! BLENDED!” In the snottiest tone. So im like great start… how am I supposed to get blended from that?! But I digress. My coworker (who’s a shift supervisor) makes the drink, I take payment from demon lady, hand out drink and move on. About 10 mins later she’s back in our drive thru saying her drink is wrong. So I trouble shoot, have no idea what could’ve been done wrong, and I personally remake the drink. I make her drink a bit of it before she leaves and she says that it’s good. She tells me to my face that it’s fine. My shift ends, coworker becomes MOD and I went home. Came in the next day and saw a memo that demon lady was owed a free drink. She had come back later that night and said that the drink was made wrong and threw a hissy fit and got a refund and a future drink comped. Like, this lady got three drinks for free after lying directly to my face and harassing a low level manager. Not the first time she’s done this either. Wish I could out rightly ban her.

4

“Spidey, about before. You know I think you’re the best, right? And not just the superhero stuff. You’re a big brain, too. You should be over there with Reed and Tony, saving our butts.”
“Right, like I’m in their league.”
“Okay, so let them do their thing. You can go work on a fallback plan.”
“Johnny, look at the time. There’s no way I could… possibly… come up with… a fallback plan!” 

(ASM #648)

anonymous asked:

What's the best thing to see from an ASM who made a mistake? Whether it's a forgotten preset, a missed cue, or something that can't be fixed after it happened. In the show I'm doing now there's a series of things the crew has to do backstage that involves knocking stuff off a mantlepiece on stage and other technical magic, but I had a brain fart taking cues from my SM and half the things didn't happen during a performance. All I can really do is apologize and not do it again, but is that enough?

Dear Anonymous,

The best thing you can do is own the mistake, and then make sure it never happens again. It sounds like that’s already what you’ve done/are planning to do, so you’re on the right track!

Examine the issue and figure out WHY the mistake happened- did you do something in the wrong order? Was there a preset missed? Were you distracted by something else backstage and missed the cue? This also includes owning the mistake- don’t pawn off the fault to someone or something else. You’re the ASM, the backstage buck stops with you.

Once you know what caused the issue, make a plan to make sure it never happens again. Maybe that plan is posting a running order next to your station, or rewriting your run-sheet to be more clear, or actually physically checking every item off of the preset list, or being more assertive at policing distractions for the crew backstage. If you have a long period of downtime backstage, maybe you want to ask your SM to put a warning in the calling script a few pages before the big sequence of deck cues just as a reminder to you that things are coming up (this is a common thing, don’t feel like you’re shirking your duties as the ASM if you ask for a warning from the calling SM). I would recommend sharing whatever plan you make with the SM- this will do more to reassure them that you’ve fixed the problem than just saying “it won’t happen again.”

Hope that helps! ❤️B.

At the start of my second year, my university did a production of Tartuffe, in which the set was 13 doors in a semicircle from proscenium to proscenium. One of these doors had a magnetic handle that could be ‘ripped off’ as a sight gag, and worked great.

Well, one of out last nights, Tartuffe enters through that door, and as ‘he’ (our cross-cast lead) comes through, 'he’ gets a very confused look on his face, and pauses with one hand still behind the door, then closes it and returns to the scene as normal.

I’m in the booth at lighting, and over com, we all hear, from the ASM, this beautiful conversation:

ASM: [SM]…

SM: yes?

ASM: I have a doorknob in my hand.

We were all really confused for a moment, because there were the right number of door handles on stage. No, Tartuffe managed to rip the handle off of the offstage side of the door.  We just about died laughing. Luckily we fixed it easily before closing night, where our actors performed Tartuffe Abridged.

Submitted by loveoftech

2

Dr Warhol’s Periodic Table of Microbes


60.  Nd.  Nocardia

There were interesting choices for the Nd microbe; there is Nocardia with more than 100 species, Nocardioides with around 70 species, and Nocardiopsis with around 60 species.

Nocardiopsis was named because it looks (-opsis) like Nocardia, and Nocardioides was named because it resembles (-oides) Nocardia, so we just went to the foundation and chose the original, the great, one and only Nocardia, named after Edmond Nocard, a veterinarian who first isolated the organism way back in the 1880s.

If your interest is in medical microbiology, you should know that Nocardia causes nocardiosis, a pulmonary, systemic, or cutaneous infection more commonly seen in people with a weakened immune system, the causative agent being either Nocardia asteroides or Nocardia brasieliensis. Nocardia species are also found as normal flora in the oral cavity. The organisms can be regarded as opportunistic pathogens, and are generally not very virulent. Their virulence factors include catalase and superoxide dismutase (antioxidants that react with host defense chemicals that kill normal bacteria) and cord factor, which interferes with phagocytosis.

If your interest is in microbial ecology, you should know that Nocardia are found all over the world in soil, in fresh and salt water, and as saprophytic components in decaying vegetation and fecal deposits. They have even been found in giant Pacific oysters.

On a culture plate, Nocardia often have aerial hyphae, making them look like a fungus. Under a microscope they appear as branched or filamentous rods. They stain Gram positive, but acid-fast staining is considered a better technique, even though the organisms are only weakly acid-fast. The weak acid-fastness is because the cell wall has mycolic acids (fatty acids) that are shorter than those found in the prototype for all acid-fast bacteria, the Mycobacteria, but are still around 50 carbons long!

Nocardia cells are Gram positive, with a variable shape that depends on the phase of growth. They have been described as branched filaments, and also as fragmented irregularly shaped coccobacilli, with a typical length of about 1 to 5 microns.

Copyright 2016 Warhol.

Disaster performance

We were mid-way through a run of Great Expectations and in one performance, the following occurred:

ASM fell over the staging because of an unannounced black out, sprained wrist (turned out to be BROKEN but we only found out at the cast party when we shipped her off to A&e)
Director went to dinner and took the theatre keys with him so everything was locked
Smoke machine leaked under the stage into trap pit, nearly gassing actor
Light blew so Pip in darkness
Line fluffs
Falling props
Heel snapped off actors shoe onstage
Tablecloth fell off for no reason when no one was near it
SM poked a hole in the paper mache tree trunk during scene change
Wobbly leaning table - used gaffa tape to fix and a glass decanter to balance it out -20 seconds after the scene went up there was an alrighty crash, table had broken, shattered glass all over the stage - actress dressed as a maid DID NOTHING - just looked at it
Pips boots became flipflops
Audience so late coming back from interval they held the show up
Havisham put her foot through her dress mid-ghostly glide
Magwich cut his foot on trap door and was hopping away from me furiously when I tried to clean it out
No smoke onstage because it was all in wings
Bens braces pinged off and nearly smacked him in the teeth
First seven cues done on back up power because because Jason assumed everything was off but it was on so by turning it “on” he actually turned it off
Duty manager for FOH didn’t show up
Strip light in FOH kitchen fell down

Submitted by wad-wad