asked by my wife

“All the workers on my oil platform were laid off five months ago. I didn’t save the money when I had it. Now it’s been six months since I last worked. I even had to ask my mother-in-law for money last Saturday so I could buy milk for the kids. I have to do something. Maybe I can drive a taxi or something. If I don’t get a job soon, I think the family will break apart. My wife is always asking me what I’m going to do. It’s like she doesn’t even understand what’s happening in the economy right now. Even my four-year-old son feels that something is wrong. He’s started to ask me when I’m going back to work. I lie to him. I tell him I’m on medical leave. I don’t want him to feel this stress too.”

(Buenos Aires, Argentina)

Government Auditor from Hell.

Ok, so I am a practicing accountant. I can’t really identify the country for confidentiality purposes. I had a very dear client, who was in the latter stages of cancer. As his condition worsened, we were contacted by the government for an audit. I submitted what I could, but without his assistance, critical pieces of information would be missing. I called the auditor, and let her know the situation. Literally, without even thinking, she said, “Since you are avoiding me, I will just disallow everything and find against him”.

I immediately demanded her name and her government ID. “You are not intimidating me, she said as she gave me her info. I put my practice on hold, and asked my client’s wife if I could get into her husband’s office and search for the documents. With the help of my wife, his wife and his two daughters we got absolutely everything. I held off until the auditor made good her threat. Then I launched an appeal.

In that appeal, I presented all of the documents. My client although having passed, by that time, was in the clear, and there would be no government claims against his estate. I then ended the appeal with the following: Due to the auditor’s inhuman treatment of my client, and her despicable actions, I hereby demand her termination.

There was a shit-storm that followed. First her supervisor calls me, tells me that I can’t demand her termination. I tell him to f**k off. Then the shop steward tells me that she is union and they don’t get to fire his people. I tell him that she violated several of their stated parameters and she can be terminated for cause. Then I get the deputy head of taxation for our region. He takes time and listens and says that it is difficult but I should not expect that she loses her job. The final call is her; How dare I! She lost her job. She is an immigrant to our country and her husband will beat her for losing her job. How can I do this to her? What has she done that was so bad? I basically told her that in this country we treat our dying people with dignity. That her actions warranted losing her job, and I hope her pension and benefits. She told me she was a year from retirement and she lost her pension. Oh I’m sorry, guess that money would be better spent on a human.

A man walks into a bar and asks for six shots of vodka.

The bartender says, “Six shots? What’s wrong?”

“I found out my older brother is gay,” replied the man.

The next night, he walked into the bar again and asked for six shots of vodka. “What now?” asked the bartender.

“I found out my younger brother is gay,” replied the man.

The night after that, the man walked into the bar again and asked for six shots of vodka. “Geez, does ANYBODY in your family like women?” asked the bartender.

The man replied, “Yeah, my wife does.”

anonymous asked:

Do you think that before Flynn stole the mothership he tracked Lucy down at all? I'm sure he would have been curious about the mysterious professor who wrote his journal-from-the-future. So I can picture him finding her at her university and attending one of her lectures or something. What are your thoughts?

Oh, my god, Anon. My thoughts are I have had these EXACT THOUGHTS!

He DEFINITELY looked her up before the series starts! No doubt. None. Erase all doubt from your mind. We don’t know the degree of it. Maybe Flynn searched online for information about her. Maybe he read one of her books (a history book– not the sad, handwritten one). Maybe, yes, he even sat in the back of at least one lecture. We don’t know how far he went researching her (he’s an intelligence gathering special agent and this could actually be quite in depth– he has her tax returns), but we do know that Flynn looked Lucy up in the present day before setting his plan in motion.

And it all sounds like an interesting little possibility and fan theory, one more connection Flynn and Lucy have before even meeting face to face, but the logical part of our brain is still like, “Proof?”

How about the fact that, in the Pilot, he knew what she looked like? Yeah. Once you realize Flynn picked her out of a frantic crowd at night in front of an explosion, it hits you: “How did he know her face?” Lucy can write her entire life story in that journal. Flynn can know her mind as well as she knows herself. But unless Lucy included a photograph, he would not know her to see her. He’d pass her on the street. Conclusion: either through research or because he staked her out (attended one of her classes), Flynn was familiar with what Lucy looked like prior to meeting her in 1937.

Now, you can argue the above. You could say that one brief, mid-episode snippet is the real first time Flynn sees her. The part when he’s watching the three be arrested after he called in that tip on them.

BUT! he is very, very far away. And he’s not even the one looking through the binoculars when it happens. 

He certainly can’t make out her face. And would he really approach her later with his biggest identifier being that she had on a brown coat? Why would he WANT to leave it up to chance? Why would he risk not knowing what Lucy looks like before going into the past where he knows he’s going to run into her? I really don’t think he would.

Also (just mentioning) Flynn’s guy that Wyatt kills in the hangar knew who Lucy was, and I’m not sure what to make of it. Flynn did brief his men about her though. We know that. Because after realizing who she was (whether because Flynn passed around a picture of her or because he said she’d be the woman following them), the man said, “Flynn wants to talk to you.” So Flynn made certain his men knew who Lucy was and that, if found, she should be brought to him, presumably unharmed.

I really think it makes sense that Flynn looked her up beforehand. It makes more sense than him not doing it. Checking up on Lucy just fits Flynn’s character. Not only for curiosity’s sake, but because Flynn won’t be caught unaware again. After Rittenhouse and his family, Flynn researches, he double-checks. The man has become obsessively prepared. It’s like a compulsion he now has. He needs that sense of control so much he doesn’t even delegate unless he has to. He trusts no one. He does everything himself. He’s paranoid something will go wrong. So many episodes, he has to check the journal before allowing himself to act. Even in 1.12, he pulled it out and studied the drawing before approaching Emma’s cabin. He looks before he leaps, and you can’t tell me that doesn’t include investigating Lucy before thrusting them into the situation where they meet. He would want to know her first, familiarize himself a little better.

So yes, he looked her up before stealing the Mothership. Fight me.

2

@deanthomasfinnigan asked: fleur delacour or nymphadora tonks?

“and this is nymphadora —"
“don’t call me nymphadora, remus,” said the young witch with a shudder. “it’s tonks.”
“— nymphadora tonks, who prefers to be known by her surname only,” finished lupin.
so would you if your fool of a mother had called you ‘nymphadora,’ ” muttered tonks.

Funny Married Life Sentence Starters

Adjust pronouns/gender terms as needed!

“My wife asked me what I wanted for dinner and then told me I was wrong.”
“Before I got married I didn’t know there was a wrong way to put milk back in the fridge.”
“If I go outside and all our mugs are on the front lawn because you wanted to tell me it’s ‘muggy’ today, I’m leaving you.”
“I woke up in a full body cast and my wife immediately informed me that childbirth was still more painful.”
“Marriage is like coffee. First it’s hot, then it’s just right, then it makes you get off your ass and do things.”
“I went home early from work to surprise my wife. As soon as I walked in the door she asked me if I was fired.”
“Bad news: A kid is crying. Good news: it’s not one of ours!”
“I spend money on 'stupid stuff’? Let’s ask the dog if he thinks his jeans are stupid!”
“God has ten commandments for the whole world, but my wife has 152 just for our house.”