askbox is always open though

I’m losing it guys

I’ve had all these pent up kristanna feels for months now that I’ve kept repressed because I was so busy with school, but I’ve got a free night tonight and all the feels are just pouring out of me so fast I actually cried a little cause I’m just so happy and i’m just fawning over this perfection of a ship and it feels like the very first day I started shipping them ;–;

I wasn’t going to say anything to be completely honest, but after talking with my precious friends and sleeping it off, I realized that there’s a lesson behind all this.

Yesterday was my brother’s birthday, and since it’s a custom, we - me, my brother, my mom and dad - went out for dinner. Everything went very smoothly and we ate a lot and had lots of fun, and then we started our way back home.

10 minutes away from home, some cops started to signal for my dad to pull over, which he did - very confusedly. The cops immediately pulled over behind us and got out of the car with their guns raised and pointed at us, and ordered for us to get out of the car with our hands raised and to stay on the back of the car.

Needless to say, my anxiety decided that ‘hey, this is a pretty good time to go mad’, so I already got out of the car shaking like a leaf. When I looked at them - pointing guns at us and having everyone that passed by watch - my heart felt like it was going to literally explode. I felt sick and I wanted to throw up.

Turns out they stopped us because someone stole a car with the same plate as my dad’s - which is virtually impossible, they simply gave out a half-assed excuse when they saw that everything was in order and that yes, the car belonged to my dad.

I didn’t realize the full implications until I sat back in the car, and then it hit me. There were guns pointed at me. They could’ve shot me. I could’ve died.

I almost threw up then and there.

But I sucked it up, and stayed silent the whole ride back home. My brother was also very scared, and my mom said that yes, it was very surprising, but if we did nothing wrong, then we’ve got nothing to fear.

And I do get where she’s coming from. It makes perfect sense, and there’s no logical reason for me to have been this frightened.

But I was. It took me a long time to calm down, and when I told the story to Kylie, Alice and Birdling, I almost cried.

And here is the point I wanted to get at: this isn’t about me overreacting or about the cops or my mom or my brother. This is about talking about your issues.

Talking about it and confessing to my friends that I felt like I was overreacting really calmed me down. They assured me that it was completely normal to feel terryfied, and that I had every right to be so. They calmed me down and I didn’t cry, and I actually felt much better than if I had kept it to myself.

My point with this whole story?

Talk.

Talk about your problems, it doesn’t matter to who it is.

Talk, because if you keep your problems bottled up, they’re going to explode sooner or later - and it’s going to be right in your face.

Talk and look for help, because our thoughts are poisonous and merciless, and sometimes they’re too strong for us. Sometimes, we need the help of someone else fighting them  - and that’s completely normal and acceptable.