•Karkat would play dark sonic every single time because he’s black, spiky, and looks cool. He has no other reason. Karkat is not even good at this game, he loses first nearly every single time and it is entirely because he goes into the speedy ball and rolls off the stage immediately. He complains loudly every time this happens but refuses to play any other character.
•Dave aggressively mains as Zero Suit Samus, at first to be ironic because haha it’s a chick that looks like a Barbie, but he very quickly realizes that she’s a badass character and her whip is sick as fuck. He also targets Karkat almost exclusively just to hear him complain, Dave would be pretty good if he actually took it seriously though.
•Rose and Kanaya both play as Zelda, but Rose only plays as her usual form and Kanaya only plays as Sheik. Rose likes Zelda for her magical abilities, whereas Kanaya admires her for her impeccable fashion sense. It goes without saying that Rose makes her purple and Kanaya switches her to green.
•Jade plays as Olimar for no other reason than “he’s so cute!! And look at his little radish friends!!” But she completely demolishes in like, every single round. Everyone is tired of it. Olimar has no attacks how is she winning.
•John plays as (blue) Kirby because he loves dropping down on ppl as a brick or smashing them with that big ass hammer, mostly he goofs around with Dave to make a bunch of wackass stages that make it impossible to win in any conclusive way, including The Box™, a stage completely boxed in making it impossible to fly off once you get enough damage. They play for hours in one round, their damage is 999%, every hit sends them ricocheting from wall to wall endlessly.
•Additionally, when Jane plays she will fight John for the right to play blue Kirby because 1) he’s blue fuck you john and 2) his smash ball power is literally throwing all the other characters into a cooking pot if you think Jane will not bring it hard as hell you can eat my ass.
•Roxy plays as jigglypuff and makes it to the end of battles because she sustains literally zero damage. She spends all the time avoiding the fight by floating around in the air and singing her enemies to sleep if they get too close. Once it gets down to her and one other person tho she starts hitting buttons randomly and yelling and sitting on them while they’re playing just to do anything to keep them from winning.
•Callie doesn’t play very much, but when she does it as Toon Link because he’s small and green just like her!! And he looks like one of her drawings how cute!! Mostly though she’s perfectly content to just watch Roxy play and egg her on once she starts screeching.
•Dirk switches between Marth, bc of the swordplay, and Lucario, bc he’s a huge fucking furry. Both characters are actually really good and any game that has him, Dave, and Jade in it lasts literally forever because they’re all so good. Dirk gets v quiet while playing because he’s in The Zone.
•Jake is OK, but he’s far from on par w/ the others just because he’s not used to video games that have controllers as opposed to VR and obviously he would prefer good ol’ fashioned fisticuffs!! But when he does play it’s with Pit because of the annoying ass “hyahh!!” the character makes every time he attacks, “it shows he’s got real gumption!”
•Terezi plays as bright red yoshi and just keeps eating ppl. Just, swallowing them and putting them in eggs. She doesn’t do any fighting she just eats ppl and turns them into eggs, cackling the entire time and high-fiving Dave every time she lays another egg.
•SOLLUX IS NOT ALLOWED TO PLAY. every time they’re talking about smash and sollux walks in it goes DEAD SILENT. “Hey whatcha guys talking about” and whatever the first excuse is everyone is forced to go with it, Dave of course takes full advantage of this, “oh actually-” and if he finished the sentence before Karkat fucking tackles him then everyone is gonna have a bad time. But it’s because they all know Sollux will completely grasp the game within five seconds of just watching one round, crush everyone immediately and people actually enjoy when the rounds actually last longer than half a minute.
ok so obviously this is a shitty doodle thing but Essentially karkat dave terezi vriska and rose are the paladins and feferi kanaya eridan aradia and gamzee are the alternians/alteans, condy is zarkon, and a bunch more!! equius is the side character who was at the garrison who came along but isnt a paladin and feferis the princess of alternia, rose roxy and dirk were the kerberos crew and rose was the one who escaped and made it back to earth
the ships are gonna be davekat vrisrezi and rosemary + maybe a few others (vrisrezi and davekat are NOT meant to mimic/mirror sh*ith/pl*nce bc ew)
theres still a bunch of stuff thatll need fixing/tweaking but the first chapter is in progress so ;0 !!
bonus: equius + his lion (nepeta) and a quick crappy screenshot redraw (i didnt feel like eyedropping colors so theyre different lol)
You probably weren’t expecting an essay length answer to this question. So like let there be no doubt at all from this point onwards this is exactly the kind of content you can legitimately expect from this blog. This is who I am. I’m sorry.
Also, you’re welcome.
Yes, Dirk is a furry. And his relationship to furries shows us a lot about his parallels and similarities to one Rose Lalonde. Who is also a furry.
if dave and karkat were to get married how do you think that shit would go down
disgustingly emotional. the others have blackmail material for decades. john is in the front row making cute but snarky comments just loud enough to be overheard and then dramatically protesting when jade elbows him repeatedly. he only stops when jane grabs his ear and just. doesnt let go. oh but ofc shes still smiling, watching the ceremony. jake is in back recording the whole thing on his phone. dirk is the dj. just kidding roxy shoves him out of his chair and takes over immediately. kanaya is lowkey relieved she wont be the only troll to give in to the mysterious allure of human marriage after all. terezi and rose are snapping pictures and comparing/debating their usefuless wrt embarrassing the grooms later (terezis are all fuckin useless because she keeps licking the lens. its not her fault this shitty human technology cant capture her artistic merit) and callie is in the background wielding a familiar weapon, waiting for her chance to strike
Ok, you've talked about how dirk would feel about jade/john and how much he would love them (i wouldn't mind hearing more about that too tbh) But! how do you think he would feel about rose/dave (like, wow, are those really my kids? the hero dave strider is my son? everything good about them must have come from roxy no doubt) so, yeah, headcanons about dirk interacting with others, please?
You nailed a good part of it. I think Dirk and Dave are pretty well-charted by the canon, but basically I think Dirk would be inclined to look for Roxy in both Dave and Rose, which would be easy with Dave because he takes after Roxy hard anyway. So there’d be a lot of hangouts and the degree to which Dirk can satisfy Dave’s need for emotional openness probably relies on how much Dirk’s issues with the Alphas are sorted out, because Dirk uh…really really hates himself. Especially by canon endgame. Which brings us to Karkat.
I feel it somewhere in my heart that Karkat catches wind of the Alphas’ emotional turmoils through Dirk and immediately sets about fixing all of it because nu uh, fuck no, fuck that shit Karkat has dealt with ENOUGH romantic turmoil and he’s not having any of this bullshit teen drama in his ultimate reward. As a result Dirk immediately would die for Karkat on command even if he wasn’t already inclined to do so for Karkat being The One Dave Loves anyway. This is cool because Dirk and Karkat have a fucking lot in common!
There’s the being subjugated by the Condesce, the intense self-loathing and being convinced they destroyed relationships by the sheer nature of their beings, the intense and vicious arguments with versions of themselves…there’s a lot to bond over. It’s cute. I want more of that. All of this has the added bonus of making Dave basically the happiest fucker alive in the multiverse on top of Karkat and Dirk just being…really good influences on each other. Karkat can help Dirk out with relationships! Having the approval of physically hypercompetent Dirk could do a lot to reduce whatever angst about his own battle skill Karkat has left! There’s so much there ;_: I love them.
Where things get a lot MORE interesting is with Rose, almost entirely because seeing Roxy in her is…
going to be a lot harder.
On top of that, Rose is curious and inquisitive, like Dirk is. And she’s particularly interested in Dirk’s oddities. Traits she could really question and dig into:
Rose hasn’t really lost her interest in psychotherapy, I think–but Dave has definitely chilled out a lot and stopped trying so hard after he started dating Karkat. Like Terezi, Rose enjoys the hell out of a dude trying to be cool who has something to hide. Which makes Dirk “perfectly stoic, taciturn to the max about everything” Strider pretty much the perfect fucking target.
So early on there’s definitely a lot of Rose teasing Dirk and doing her psychoanalysis thing at him, which could make for some absolutely stunning dialogue. Probably a lot of calling him “Dad” or “Father”, too, god I love Rose Lalonde. And Dirk like, he sees himself in Rose a lot and that might make him more defensive and critical of her than most…but I think it’s more likely that what he sees of Roxy in her and what he knows from Rose’s history (she was effectively the closest thing he had to a Mother figure, too–it’s just not a legacy he chose to lay claim to) would force him to reckon with the fact that someone can have a lot of Dirk-like traits and still be fundamentally…you know. Good.
I think over the long haul Dirk and Dave would end up feeling like twin brothers to each other, balancing out the weird dad-son feels into something wholly unique. Same goes for Dirk and Rose, but Dirk would uniquely value Rose’s insight and he’d probably be likeliest to go to Rose for advice or counsel out of anybody…especially if they ever get to know each other well enough to figure out they share a proclivity for self-loathing and assuming outsize responsibility without relying on their friends.
Jake can make Dirk FEEL good about himself, but Rose could probably put into words exactly why he is objectively good, and Dirk would appreciate that. Rose, meanwhile, would appreciate someone who can keep her grounded in herself and her own strengths and flaws when she gets too wrapped in her own head to talk to people…even if I also think Dirk doing so would piss her off.
They’d be good for each other basically. And Dirk would get ripped on hard enough to actually break his stoic facade, which I think is a marvel we all wish to see.