ask roxy

After the game, Dave asks Roxy to void him up some apple juice. 

“Just don’t think about pee while you do it,” John adds.

Roxy freezes; how do you not think about piss after someone says something like that. She thinks her hardest about apple juice, fearful that other thoughts will slip in. A bottle appears, full of yellow liquid. 

Roxy and Dave stare at it with trepidation. 

“Goddamn it John,” Dave says

Homestuck Smash Bros Headcanons

•Karkat would play dark sonic every single time because he’s black, spiky, and looks cool. He has no other reason. Karkat is not even good at this game, he loses first nearly every single time and it is entirely because he goes into the speedy ball and rolls off the stage immediately. He complains loudly every time this happens but refuses to play any other character.
•Dave aggressively mains as Zero Suit Samus, at first to be ironic because haha it’s a chick that looks like a Barbie, but he very quickly realizes that she’s a badass character and her whip is sick as fuck. He also targets Karkat almost exclusively just to hear him complain, Dave would be pretty good if he actually took it seriously though.
•Rose and Kanaya both play as Zelda, but Rose only plays as her usual form and Kanaya only plays as Sheik. Rose likes Zelda for her magical abilities, whereas Kanaya admires her for her impeccable fashion sense. It goes without saying that Rose makes her purple and Kanaya switches her to green.
•Jade plays as Olimar for no other reason than “he’s so cute!! And look at his little radish friends!!” But she completely demolishes in like, every single round. Everyone is tired of it. Olimar has no attacks how is she winning.
•John plays as (blue) Kirby because he loves dropping down on ppl as a brick or smashing them with that big ass hammer, mostly he goofs around with Dave to make a bunch of wackass stages that make it impossible to win in any conclusive way, including The Box™, a stage completely boxed in making it impossible to fly off once you get enough damage. They play for hours in one round, their damage is 999%, every hit sends them ricocheting from wall to wall endlessly.
•Additionally, when Jane plays she will fight John for the right to play blue Kirby because 1) he’s blue fuck you john and 2) his smash ball power is literally throwing all the other characters into a cooking pot if you think Jane will not bring it hard as hell you can eat my ass.
•Roxy plays as jigglypuff and makes it to the end of battles because she sustains literally zero damage. She spends all the time avoiding the fight by floating around in the air and singing her enemies to sleep if they get too close. Once it gets down to her and one other person tho she starts hitting buttons randomly and yelling and sitting on them while they’re playing just to do anything to keep them from winning.
•Callie doesn’t play very much, but when she does it as Toon Link because he’s small and green just like her!! And he looks like one of her drawings how cute!! Mostly though she’s perfectly content to just watch Roxy play and egg her on once she starts screeching.
•Dirk switches between Marth, bc of the swordplay, and Lucario, bc he’s a huge fucking furry. Both characters are actually really good and any game that has him, Dave, and Jade in it lasts literally forever because they’re all so good. Dirk gets v quiet while playing because he’s in The Zone.
•Jake is OK, but he’s far from on par w/ the others just because he’s not used to video games that have controllers as opposed to VR and obviously he would prefer good ol’ fashioned fisticuffs!! But when he does play it’s with Pit because of the annoying ass “hyahh!!” the character makes every time he attacks, “it shows he’s got real gumption!”
•Terezi plays as bright red yoshi and just keeps eating ppl. Just, swallowing them and putting them in eggs. She doesn’t do any fighting she just eats ppl and turns them into eggs, cackling the entire time and high-fiving Dave every time she lays another egg.
•SOLLUX IS NOT ALLOWED TO PLAY. every time they’re talking about smash and sollux walks in it goes DEAD SILENT. “Hey whatcha guys talking about” and whatever the first excuse is everyone is forced to go with it, Dave of course takes full advantage of this, “oh actually-” and if he finished the sentence before Karkat fucking tackles him then everyone is gonna have a bad time. But it’s because they all know Sollux will completely grasp the game within five seconds of just watching one round, crush everyone immediately and people actually enjoy when the rounds actually last longer than half a minute.

strilondes wearing my clothes because lmao i have the most ironically hilarious tshirts