ask roxy

we-all-have-a-psychopath  asked:

"You are good but he's better... So much better!" (with Spencer or Luke)

You were in the middle of petting Roxy’s beautiful fur in the hallway just outside of the BAU offices before Luke took her home when said owner startled you.

‘Excuse me? But are you implying that your homicidal cat is better than my Roxy?!’ Luke asked, his voice raising towards the end.

‘Luke! You scared the crap out of me! What did we say about sneaking up on people?’ you stood up from your kneeling position on the floor and glared at the agent in front of you.

‘I wouldn’t have had to if you hadn’t insulted my dog by comparing her with your constantly angered furball,’ he said, stepping around you to stand between you and his beloved pet.

‘First of all, watch it! Second of all, what are you talking about? The “he” I was referring to was you! I swear to everything holy…,’ you trailed off, huffing under your breath as Luke remained there rooted to the spot, his eyes glued to your back, while Roxy tilted her head in confusion.

I decided to go with Luke cause I’m weak (ノ^ヮ^)ノ*:・゚✧

- Leave the first sentence of a fic in my ask box and I will write the next five

After the game, Dave asks Roxy to void him up some apple juice. 

“Just don’t think about pee while you do it,” John adds.

Roxy freezes; how do you not think about piss after someone says something like that. She thinks her hardest about apple juice, fearful that other thoughts will slip in. A bottle appears, full of yellow liquid. 

Roxy and Dave stare at it with trepidation. 

“Goddamn it John,” Dave says

anonymous asked:


* Licked out a creme egg in the break room once and got four marriage proposals and reported to HR for obscenity.

* Her flawless ponytail is insured for £17million like J-Lo’s arse.

* Once brutally killed nine attackers armed with only a roll of polo mints and a hair bobble. Her handler was so traumatised by the carnage that he had to go on sick leave for several months. It’s still not clear how she did it.

* Did a mathematics & statistics degree in her spare time for fun and hit Eggsy with a chair when he tried to mansplain what “fun” was.

* The last time she cried was a single tear she deliberately squeezed out while holding uncomfortable eye contact with an ex-boyfriend who said she was heartless. The tear was made of granite.

* Seduces the mother of any man who disrespects her.