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the Douglas Adams Silmarillion

In a hole in the fabric of the universe there lived a god.

Now, this was not one of those minor gods of bedtime stories or petty wars for heaven; this was the One God, all-loving and all-knowing, who created the world – only he hadn’t created the world just yet, which is why he was sitting in a hole in the fabric of the universe.

This God is known by many names - or, at least, he will be, once there are entities other than Him in the world, which at the moment there are not. The Elves will call Him Eru Ilúvatar and He is really looking forward to it. 

It might be wise to back up a little. Well, Time has yet to be invented, so technically we cannot ‘back up’ at all, but there are some things that ought to be said before we proceed with the primary narrative here, which is how Eru Ilúvatar got around to making the Elves that would call him that name, and then to the long string of catastrophes that would get some Elves in the habit of cursing it. 

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I need a Numenor AU in which Ar-Pharazon dies, whether because of an accident or an “accident”, and Tar-Miriel finally becomes Queen for real.

Which is good for the Faithful, but everything can still go horribly wrong Sauron is already there and a Respected Advisor with enough followers to start a civil war if she attempts to arrest or exile him.

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qu33n0f3agl3s  asked:

Hello my awesome friend! First of all I'm here to say that your art is beautiful and seeing your works makes me very happy. And second, it has been days that a weird thought keeps buzzing in my head... thanks to your cute comics I came to the conclusion that Sauron loves to uh, mess around with magic... so, what if one of his experiments backfires and he ends up changed into a baby? Just an excuse to see more of your super cute comics XD

I WAS DRINKING WHEN I GOT YOUR ASK AND YOU BEST THANK ERU I AM STILL ALIVE FOR THIS. Bless your heart and mind for the glorious idea :‘D  Bonus Papa Aule because you just know this is a thing he would do.

Why be sad about Bilbo and Thorin maybe not meeting in the afterlife when you could believe this perfectly feasible headcanon instead!

So–in canon–Yavanna was all worried about the dwarves (who btw were created by her husband, Aule/Mahal) destroying all the green of the earth which was the thing she had dominion over, yeah? So as a bit of insurance, Enu created for her the Ents. 

Well I think that she would be equally as worried about the dwarves rebuilding the earth after Dagor Darorath (‘war of all wars’, basically the Ragnarok of Tolkien’s world) so she asks a favor of Eru. She asks for someone to regrow the earth, to make sure that the dwarves do not forget it in their spark of industry. Eru agrees but tells her he wishes her to grow them from the Houses of Men so they may be in tune with the Music of Ainur and not outside of it as the dwarves are. 

So from the three Father’s of Men, Yavanna takes a lock of hair and buries it deep under the earth in her pastures where she knows her little ones will come to rest after their mortal lives have ended and they await the end of days. 

And she cares for them tenderly and worries over them when she finds they are rather tiny things. Once Eru has come and gifted them life and spirit as only he can do, she unearths their feet from the soil and finds they’ve grown large like roots with little tufts of hair likely left over from the locks she planted. She teaches her children to care for the earth they came from, to love it as they love themselves. 

They’re a gentle folk, as she had hoped, satisfied with simplicity and food (of which they require more than any creature she has ever seen) and good, tilled earth. And when they leave her for the lands to the East, their mourning is so great that they cannot even speak of her even to one another and as the generations go by they forget where they came from all together but not what they were taught. 

As all mortals must though, hobbits do pass on. When they do, they come home to Yavanna and her pastures. And Yavanna…Yavanna is the wife of Aule, creator of the dwarves. So Bilbo finds himself spending his afterlife surrounded by, yes, his mother and father, Frodo and Sam, Merry and Pippin. But there is also his dwarven family. Ori, Nori and Dori. Oin and Gloin. Balin and Dwalin. Bofur, Bifur and Bombur. Fili and Kili. And of course…Thorin Oakenshield who looks just as lovely and regal as he did one fine evening in a hole in the ground where there lived a hobbit. 

And together they rest, and together they toil, and together they fall back into slumber once the work is done and are taken up in in Eru’s arms to the places Men dwell, the places not even the Valar can know…


merinia wanted Shy!Thranduil for a change, so I hope you enjoy my dear!

Thranduil couldn’t be more annoyed with himself. Honestly he was the Elvenking and he was behaving like an elfling with his first crush.

He could charm mortals and elves alike into his bed with no trouble.

It was somewhat harder when you were more interested in charming your way into someone’s heart instead.

The problem was that apparently Thranduil completely lost the ability to string sentences together whenever it came to a certain Dragonslayer. He got flustered for Valar sake, he was the Elvenking it simply wouldn’t do for him to get flustered over anything. He was regal, stoic, notoriously icy, elegant and arrogant king.

Until the Bowman paid him a compliment when he became a bashful, stammering, blushing mess.    

It was ridiculous. He was apparently ridiculous.

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