ask amy

anonymous asked:

I'm a questionable ISFJ with very high, very unhealthy Fe (I asked this question /post/125607151290) and now I don't know whether I'm ISFJ or ESFJ. I've been reading your answers stating the difference between the two and I'm still not sure. You reblogged a post about mental disorders, and this quote "Social anxiety can make extroverts think they are introverts, and cause Fe to be socially awkward." is making me question myself further. Do you have any advice on how I can figure this out?

Hey! I’m so sorry that I wasn’t able to help you out before and that you ended up more confused than you originally were.

Just a question, have you already looked at inferior functions? I know I talk about them a lot with E/I confusion so I’m sure you have but that’s a much easier way to figure out if you’re ISFJ or ESFJ. However, I’m sure you’ve already read through that so I’ll try to approach this from a different standpoint.

Warning: This is probably going to seem extremely scattered because I’m basically trying to recall everything I know about ESFJs and ISFJs and putting it into a very messy post.

ISFJs find it easier to take a step back and analyze a situation objectively, but it’s always through their Fe (Fe-Ti is not as harsh or oblivious to others as Ti-Fe). They can defend themselves with more confidence than ESFJs and usually enjoy things that stimulate their Ti. ESFJs find it easier to look at different/alternate possibilities without feeling out of their element. They’re much more comfortable envisioning what could happen and preparing for it. They can make decisions despite knowing the various different outcomes, which is something ISFJs may have a harder time with.

During stress, ESFJs might look for someone to blame (often irrationally). ISFJs start thinking about the worst case scenario and become convinced that it’ll happen. I read a really interesting post that said that during stress, ESFJs become TiNe where their Ne gives them ridiculous conclusions and their Ti kind of comes up with logical explanations for why they can’t come true. For ISFJs, however, their Ti almost fuels their Ne - Ti’s logical reasoning is crushed by or undermined by Ne’s endless possibilities. 

ESFJs, contrary to popular belief, are usually very blunt about their feelings and aren’t scared with confrontation. I have an ESFJ cousin and she’s always left me feeling very awed by her - how does she make everyone happy? She knows just what to do to get on everyone’s good side, she’s very good at making everyone feel included and engaging in conversation with what she knows will entertain you. They can be very mothering and pay attention to details, but can get hurt easily (from experience though, a direct talk and a sincere apology usually fixes that). They might have a hard time logically assessing situations, often only doing so when forced.

ISFJs are down to earth, practical, and value past memories/experiences that mean something to them. They like routine - why bother changing something that’s proven to work in the past? Why bother changing myself when I’ve been this way all this time? The value stories and tradition, especially ones that mean something to them. They’re usually (although not always) the ones who remember birthdays and anniversaries (although ESFJs might do this as well). I know an ISFJ (he was my boss at my previous job) and he was very sweet and disliked unnecessary change. He always said to me “the less I have to think, the better my job.” My Ti, of course, found that unimaginable. They are usually the ones that worry over things that may happen in the future that aren’t in their control.

Are you an ESFJ? They’re doers. Constantly busy and like to implement change and improve things. They like to feel accomplished. They won’t hide their emotions from you. They’re genuinely interested in other people and hearing about their experiences, etc. They’re extremely loyal and will go out of their way to defend what and who they believe is right

Are you an ISFJ? They improve steadily through repetition - they may not understand a concept right away like high Ne users tend to, but by the end of the class they’ll probably know more than you. They trust things that have worked before. They have Fe and Ne, which means they often see the best in people and will give you the benefit of the doubt. They trust their own past experience and don’t usually make the same mistake twice. It may take time for an ISFJ to warm up to you, but once they do, they’re unwaveringly loyal. Si-Fe is also a pair with the desire to act and do instead of just sit there and be sad, but probably to a lesser extent compared to ESFJs.

Unhealthy ISFJs tend to be easy to manipulate. They are paranoid and might think their own opinion is the most important. Unhealthy/Inferior Ne makes them worry constantly about everything and make them freak out over “new” or “unknown” things. They might find it hard to express emotions without being rude. They might get stuck in the past and be unwilling to give second chances. They cling to the past despite knowing how it’s hurting them.

Unhealthy ESFJs won’t be able to see the logical explanation of things. They might become emotional and unreasonable when confronted with logic. They might see themselves as the only “right” person in a world full of wrong people. They tend to have a hard time rationalizing. They may try to take control of your life for you: “I know what’s best for you, so let me make your decisions for you.”

If you’re still confused, just message me off anon or send me a fanmail and we can work through it. It’s much easier when you can tell me about yourself and I can ask you questions. Don’t be shy!! 

Help, Menopause Ruined My RV Vacation!

Ask Amy, 13 September 2014:

Dear Amy: When we were dating, my wife was the sweetest woman in the world. She didn’t make a move without asking me. We had a few kids. She stayed home and raised them while I worked. The kids grew up and went off on their own. The wife got a part-time job to keep herself busy. Then she got promoted. Now she works full time, goes to business lunches and dinners, meetings and training sessions. She comes home, cooks and cleans. She doesn’t ask me what I’d like for dinner but makes whatever she feels like. Our plan was for me to retire when I turned 62 (she’s 57), buy an RV and travel the country. Well, we bought the RV, but she can only go on weekend trips. Vacations are saved for when the kids come home. She traded in the car I bought her to tote the kids around for a sports car that I can barely fit in. Now she’s talking about getting a smaller house because she doesn’t have time to clean “a big empty house.” I keep telling her we will have grandkids one day and she will be glad we have all the space. She’s changed so much in 37 years that I don’t even recognize her, and I’m afraid one day I will wake up to a “for sale” sign in my front yard. How do I convince her she is just going through “the change” and in a few years she will be back to normal again? — Mystified Mike

Dear Mystified Mike,

Boy howdy, the ole’ ball and chain sure has pulled a fast one on you! Time was nice ladies like ole’ wifey knew their place. (Slightly behind you but never out of sight, holding a dishrag.)

But here you are today, seeing your wife bring in an income and cook and clean your home while you pine away for an RV you can’t use unless she’s in it–I mean, it’s not like it’s going to clean itself during a trip to Flagstaff, is it?

When you married your wife, she had a lifetime obligation to stay the same person she was on your wedding day. That’s what long-term partnership is about: wives graciously taking orders from their husbands for their entire lives, until they drop dead on the ironing board. You understand this, but your wife clearly doesn’t–and for that, you can definitely blame menopause, the only possible cause of your wife’s desire to be an independent human being with her own interests.

Nothing besides a totally natural hormonal change could possibly have compelled her to seek out new occupations and hobbies after the make-up of her life shifted away from the daily tasks involved in raising your children for you–certainly not the prospect of living under the thumb of a man who takes offense to the purchase of a sports car for the rest of her god-forsaken days.

What, are you supposed to cook dinner? Mop a floor? Have an open and honest discussion with your wife about household purchases and meal planning? No man should ever deign to engage in such offensive activities with his helpmeet. Nevertheless, you may have to gently suggest to her that she’s getting a little uppity these days, and has she talked to her doctor about her bizarre and offensive interest in acting like an autonomous human?

After all, your dinner is at stake.

anonymous asked:

Hey owo Your are is super cute! I saw your Frozen/Fairy Tail crossover art, and was wondering if you could draw Gray as Elsa, Natsu as Ana and Happy as Olaf :3c Have a nice day!

Oh my goodness, Anon-chan, I had a blast with your request! xD There were so many insults I had to choose from, but I think it turned out okay >//< haha I’d love for these two to face off against the Erza/Anna and Mirajane/Elsa I drew earlier! 

Anyways, hope you like it and have a wonderful day!

DeviantArt link: http://fav.me/d8shm6y

Being in love is super scary. Being in love is the worst. I mean, it’s the best – but it’s so hard and scary to open your heart to someone. It’s much easier to kind of float and not invest and not expose yourself and not open your heart. But when you tell someone you love them, or when you realize you’re in love, what it means is you’re giving yourself over a little bit. You’re being vulnerable. The point is: vulnerability is the key to happiness. Vulnerable people are powerful people. Opening your heart and sharing it means that you’re going to get so much love in your life, and it’s the way to true connection and real purpose and meaning in your life, in my opinion.
—  Amy Poehler
The Only Thing I Love More Than Accepting People For Who They Are Is Telling Them What To Wear When They're In My Presence

Ask Amy, 2 September 2014:

DEAR AMY: I’m very accepting of same-sex marriage, and my wife’s sister is married to another woman. But this woman is very masculine in appearance, and intentionally so–as she seems not at all bothered when waiters at restaurants address her as “sir.” She has short, straight hair, uses no makeup, walks and dresses like a man, and doesn’t even own a skirt. She is so “butch” that I’m uncomfortable being seen with her. Is it asking too much for a woman –any woman– to at least display some feminine traits when with friends or relatives in public? – Right … or Judgmental?

Dear Right … or Judgmental?,

Look, I know you–a super-accommodating champion of LGBTQ rights who doesn’t actively oppose gay marriage and so is therefore the pinnacle of human tolerance and an authority on the subject of being the most accepting dude of all time–don’t want to play the gender police, but if you don’t ensure that whatever you imagine people’s genitalia looks like directly correlates to whatever you imagine their gender identity to be, who will?

All you’re asking is for the ability to dictate to another adult human being that they wear clothes they don’t want to wear, and affect mannerisms they don’t want to affect, in order to ensure you don’t feel weird in front of the server at Olive Garden.

With that in mind, I want to get straight to the crux of the question in your signature: are you right to demand that other people adhere to socially mandated outward signifiers of gender identity in your presence?

ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY! Man God created delicate lady helpers to complement and serve Man People like you, the extremely important boss of everyone. The whole entire population of planet earth anxiously awaits your ruling on how they should act and dress in your presence, lest a pair of slacks singularly usher in the end of everything you have ever known or held dear. After all, what if someone thinks your sister-in-law is a man, and then they saw you hanging out with your sister-in-law, thinking she was a man that you were hanging out with????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

When people defy gender norms in public, as if they have any right to a self-determined gender presentation or the wardrobe of their choosing, those who suffer most are the dudes they’re related to by marriage, because logically, flowers rainbows ballet unicorns dresses TOOLS BRICKS TRUCKS PANTS, clearly.

Oh sure, butch-presenting women, femme-presenting men, trans, queer and other gender non-conforming folks are frequently sexually harassed, assaulted and/or shamed both by other members of the public and by the police, politicians and elected officials who have ostensibly been tasked with advocating for and protecting them, but the real victim here is yoooOoooOoooOOOoooUUUuuUUUUuuu, a man-man whose manly manitude is wholly predicated on the sartorial subjugation of other adult humans according to culturally, geographically and temporally variable gender norms that have shifted, and continue to shift, significantly over tens of thousands of years of human history.

Have your wife craft a bedazzled menu of approved “feminine” traits from which your sister-in-law can choose (you wouldn’t do this, naturally, because DIRTBIKES BUD LIGHT FOOTBALL BUKOWSKI), and inform her that you won’t be seen in public with her unless she starts playing pretty princess for you. The situation should quickly resolve itself.

Ask Amy : A complete playlist

A few weeks ago, I was watching the Ask Amy video series from the Smart Girls youtube channel, and in almost every single video, I felt like the wonderful magnificent Amy Poehler was talking right to me and her words just helped me even if I wasn’t feeling down. For those of you unfamiliar with it, the Ask Amy videos are just Queen Poehler sharing her words of wisdom, answering questions people send her.

And her words were so uplifting that I wanted to be able to carry them with me forever, even in wifi free zones. And so I decided to make myself an audio playlist of them. And now, whenever something got me down, I can have Amy talking to me and helping me. And because I love this so much, I decided to share it with you. So for all the smart girls and boys out there, everyone who is feeling confused by something, or down about another, I give you the Ask Amy playlist. Enjoy, and long live Poehler.

Click Here for download.

yukidragneel01 asked:

Could you please draw Jerza in School Uniforms. I hope it's not going to be to much trouble. Thank you, Btw your art's are Amazing!

Thanks for your request, Yuki-chan! I’ve always wanted to do a school au for Fairy Tail >w< I hope you like it and hope you have a fantastic weekend :)

DeviantArt link: http://fav.me/d96koxl

Sister excludes her gay brother from wedding

By Amy Dickinson

July 31, 2014

Dear Amy: My older sister is getting married. Her fiance and his family are a very Christian conservative family and mine is extremely liberal.

I am gay. I received an email from my sister saying that she did not think it was right for me to attend her wedding. They say they do not agree with my “lifestyle.” OK, it is her special day. I am fine with her choice.

When my mother learned I wasn’t invited, she was outraged and extremely offended.

I don’t know if it is so much just my not being invited or that my mother feels that our family traditions and beliefs are not as important as my sister’s fiance’s family traditions and beliefs.

My mother also is hurt that my sister would treat me like that. Now my family will not attend my sister’s wedding, and my sister and her new fiance say that it is all my fault.

What can I do to convince my family that they need to go to my sister’s wedding and also let my sister know that the real problem is that she is losing herself and that this (not my sexual orientation) is the real issue? 

— Gay Brother

Dear Gay Brother: I can completely understand your family’s choice to not attend this wedding out of solidarity to you, because denying your attendance seems to be a denial — not only of your family’s values, but of you.

Your sister and her almost in-laws are excluding you and now blaming you for the drama your exclusion is causing, and now your gayness is really getting in the way of everybody’s good time.

Your graciousness is commendable. E-mail your sister: “I realize this is your special day and understand completely that you feel strongly about me not being there. I completely accept your choice and have told other family members this. However, I feel like this choice doesn’t reflect the values we were raised with. I hope you don’t change your core values to suit your new family. I’ll never stop being your loving brother and wish you and your fiance all the best.”

Don’t bother talking your mother into attending. When you’re a parent, you’ll understand how she feels.

Who The Fuck Do My Coworkers Think They Are

Ask Amy, WaPo21 July 2015:

DEAR AMY: I work at a place where we have to foster relationships with people. We’re supposed to create a family atmosphere, be welcoming, and treat everyone like they are your friend. But this creates a problem.

I run into co-workers everywhere that “know” me from work. I do not know how to be politely rude when seeing them. For instance, when I am out shopping, people I work with will recognize me. I have to be polite and friendly at work, but I do not know how to be politely not interested when I am not at work.

It makes going out daunting and obnoxious because I spend so much time in conversations I am not interested in having. Today I ran into a guy that I know only from work and he asked me about how my vacation was and what I did. Then, I felt obligated to ask about kids and his vacation — but frankly I didn’t care.

How can I be distant outside of work? How do I decline conversations without being rude or telling everyone I’m in a hurry? – Just a Girl Doing her Job

Dear Just A Girl Doing Her Job,

What kind of a jackass asks someone how their vacation went? Who are these certified shit clowns you work with who just straight up acknowledge your presence on planet earth? Like, right in front of you?

To be honest, I don’t know how you tell these fart brains to do the kind of fucking off they need to do, which is to say, all the fucking off, because who the fuck do they think they are? Talking to you? In public? Outside of work? Who actually does shit like that?

My vote? Don’t bother trying to be nice to people who have the all-fired gall to treat you like a person they are aware of the existence of. These ignorant turd heels need to quit wasting your awesome time with their jibber-jabber. Tell them you don’t care about their measly wastes of lives outside of the friendly atmosphere you cultivate at work, and that you’ll thank them to keep their asinine bullshit to themselves when you’re not on the wonderful, welcoming clock. If you don’t do this, you run the serious risk of conveying to your walking snot stains of coworkers that you’re the kind of person they’d otherwise want to get to know.

Thank you so much for what you do!

Dear SmartGirls in charge,

I just wanted to tell you how incredibly much I love what you do and what it means to me. I first discovered your channel last year when I was home recovering a surgery and was browsing youtube.com in vain hope of finding some interesting videos to pass time. I am so happy that I found your channel. Watching all the wonderful videos you have posted was not only a brilliant way to pass time but it also made my recovery much more bearable and very enjoyable, as I was both entertained and challenged by your videos. What could have been a long and tiring recovery ended up being much more enjoyable thanks in large part to your videos  I have long since fully recovered from my surgery but I became a proud SmartGirl then and have continued following and loving your cause since then. I was also delighted to find your tumblr and FB page after my surgery and it never fails that I not only always read your posts but they also end up being my favourite posts on FB and tumblr every day. Just seeing them makes me grin and you always post incredibly interesting and challenging stuff. 

I have loved every single video you have posted and it is very hard for me to find a favourite one, I just love them all! Not only do your videos provide some incredible and extremely valuable insight into different cultures, hobbies and religion which I value greatly but I am impressed with the obvious care that goes into producing each and every one of them and how they present a wide range of girls/young women of all ethnicities and races and from all over the world. I am especially impressed with the fact that your videos, your FB and tumblr posts and your activism have an international perspective. It seems to me so often that initiatives like yours, while well crafted, focus only on North-America.Thank you therefore so much for having such a broad perspective and for the care you take in presenting both North-American and international news and articles so that girls and women from all over the world can be a part of your great cause. I also find myself applying the advice from the Ask Amy videos to my daily life and it has provided me with some great material for thought and challenged my perspective.I am a Nordic university undergraduate in my twenties so age-wise I am not exactly a “girl” but I gladly classify myself as a “Smartgirl oldie”.

I want to thank you for this wonderful project you have going on and tell you how much I have loved and enjoyed it and continue to do so. The work you do is important and has positively influenced the lives of many people, me included.

Please continue what you do and never stop.

With kind regards

Anna, a “SmartGirl oldie”

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THANK YOU SO MUCH ANNA! Meredith likes to say that “girls do not have expiration dates. As we get older, we get better” so you’ll always be a Smart Girl :)

This is from an Ask Amy on Crushes but we think it’s appropriate here too :) Thanks for sharing the love!!