asinine text posts

what if: a site that is just lists and lists and links to scripts for for every single social interaction that you should be able to perform but can’t actually

asking for extensions! scheduling appointments! making small talk–okay maybe not that last one, if you use a script for small talk you will probably end up sounding like a douchebag

explaining tim lincecum’s tragic freefall, fanfiction-style:

  • alien puberty
  • alien heat (“for two and a half years?” are you kidding, says ink, have you never been in fandom or are you just asking that to seem smart)
  • is some sort of higher being; mortal form slowly breaking down in preparation for his return
  • cursed by some sort of God Council from On High, because, against all edicts, he fell in love
  • cursed by the los angeles dodgers, who naturally have ties to dangerous criminals in the magical underworld
  • being slowly possessed by demons. he is their Chosen One, the one who will open their gateway to the mortal world. they will devour him slowly and painfully, with lots of excruciatingly described hallucinations, until there is nothing left, and then they will come for us. [booming announcer voice] only twenty-five men can stop them
  • they said they’d leave everything on the field for one another. now, when the stakes are at their highest, can they live up to that promise
  • … look okay i just have this mental image of gregor blanco or someone frantically scrambling for the shotgun in the back of bum’s pickup while tim lincecum writhes on the ground with black mist pouring out of his mouth
  • in the darkest timeline, buster posey never recovered from his ankle injury. tim lincecum made a desperate bargain to prevent that timeline from coming to pass, and has carried the burden alone ever since
  • soulbonding.
  • soulbonding to buster posey
  • soulbonding to hector sanchez
  • soulbonding to barry zi–okay, you know what, you get the point
  • in the end, all pitchers are like rose brides.

i like. pairings where the people involved clearly LIKE one another and are happy together and like. make one another happy?? i like to have pathos and conflict and a sense of sweep, of import in my ships but like. hmm. i remember a conversation on tumblr about elementary and how different and positive its portrayal of relationships was even though there's lots of interpersonal conflict in elementary, it’s all about relationships, and i think there is a palpable difference between someone writing a story about imperfect people navigating how to relate to one another and someone writing a story about people continually trying not to fuck up their own relationships, and that difference is palpable in the telling.

LADYSTUCK EMERGENCY PINCH-HITS

please signal boost this? these are all due at midnight CST the 9th but i can give you part or all of the 10th if you are absolutely sure you will be able to finish

Pinch Hit #31 (Serkets in all incarnations, Meenah/Aranea or Meenah/Vriska, Scourgecest, Jane)

Pinch Hit #32 (Kanaya/various, including VrisKan and Maryamcest; Rose/Vriska)

Pinch Hit #33 (Rose & Roxy, alpha girls+Calliope, Scourge)

ETA2– ALL COVERED for the moment, thank you!

a decade later still thinking about the part of half-blood prince where luna lovegood says, very simply and matter-of-factly, “i liked the da. it was like having friends.”

because i can’t do anything except point incoherently and say–that. that is what it’s like.

(you know. when you don’t have any friends, you know. you never stop being painfully aware that all the fleeting pleasant interactions and shared activities that are so meaningful to you (because they’re all you have, they’re the closest you’ve ever gotten) are not even close to as important to the people you’re having them with.)