asinine text posts

explaining tim lincecum’s tragic freefall, fanfiction-style:

  • alien puberty
  • alien heat (“for two and a half years?” are you kidding, says ink, have you never been in fandom or are you just asking that to seem smart)
  • is some sort of higher being; mortal form slowly breaking down in preparation for his return
  • cursed by some sort of God Council from On High, because, against all edicts, he fell in love
  • cursed by the los angeles dodgers, who naturally have ties to dangerous criminals in the magical underworld
  • being slowly possessed by demons. he is their Chosen One, the one who will open their gateway to the mortal world. they will devour him slowly and painfully, with lots of excruciatingly described hallucinations, until there is nothing left, and then they will come for us. [booming announcer voice] only twenty-five men can stop them
  • they said they’d leave everything on the field for one another. now, when the stakes are at their highest, can they live up to that promise
  • … look okay i just have this mental image of gregor blanco or someone frantically scrambling for the shotgun in the back of bum’s pickup while tim lincecum writhes on the ground with black mist pouring out of his mouth
  • in the darkest timeline, buster posey never recovered from his ankle injury. tim lincecum made a desperate bargain to prevent that timeline from coming to pass, and has carried the burden alone ever since
  • soulbonding.
  • soulbonding to buster posey
  • soulbonding to hector sanchez
  • soulbonding to barry zi–okay, you know what, you get the point
  • in the end, all pitchers are like rose brides.

i like. pairings where the people involved clearly LIKE one another and are happy together and like. make one another happy?? i like to have pathos and conflict and a sense of sweep, of import in my ships but like. hmm. i remember a conversation on tumblr about elementary and how different and positive its portrayal of relationships was even though there's lots of interpersonal conflict in elementary, it’s all about relationships, and i think there is a palpable difference between someone writing a story about imperfect people navigating how to relate to one another and someone writing a story about people continually trying not to fuck up their own relationships, and that difference is palpable in the telling.

ao3 is not “fandom”

AO3 IS NOT “FANDOM”

AO3 IS NOT

FUCKING

“FANDOM”

ao3 is a limited cross-section of the past four or so years of fic production, skewed heavily toward so-called “western media fandom,” primarily reflecting its tastes, trends, and practices, not remotely representative of fandom as a whole

which is to say

before you start pontificating about that one godforsaken popular pairings survey perhaps you should consider that your bubble is not nearly as big as you think it is

LADYSTUCK EMERGENCY PINCH-HITS

please signal boost this? these are all due at midnight CST the 9th but i can give you part or all of the 10th if you are absolutely sure you will be able to finish

Pinch Hit #31 (Serkets in all incarnations, Meenah/Aranea or Meenah/Vriska, Scourgecest, Jane)

Pinch Hit #32 (Kanaya/various, including VrisKan and Maryamcest; Rose/Vriska)

Pinch Hit #33 (Rose & Roxy, alpha girls+Calliope, Scourge)

ETA2– ALL COVERED for the moment, thank you!

nocturnal-knight replied to your post “i demand fealty and tribute on this, the twenty-third anniversary of…”

! happy birthday, i pledge you my fealty, and also will probably buy a baseball as…something. that’s an appropriate tribute right?

wow

i mean, given that other gifts pledged to me have included someone’s amputated arm and a promise to swallow my hail,

probably

jade-ellsworth replied to your post “i demand fealty and tribute on this, the twenty-third anniversary of…”

:0 it’s my birthday also

happy birthday!! pay no attention to the ruffians in the notes to this post

i like how the red sox made a whole separate ring for david ortiz to commemorate the fact that he has THREE !!! RINGS !!!! and meanwhile the giants are just like, yeah, these are all our middling relievers with three rings, check em out. oh, this guy? he’s not even good anymore, we just hid him in the back of the bullpen and hoped no one would notice