asian babies are the cutest ever

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So today I was researching baby animals and DON’T YOU EVER LET YOUR PREDISPOSITIONS GUIDE YOU!

For, you see, I assumed baby cobras would be gross worm things, that pop out all icky, but look, they pop out as full grown badasses, ready to DESTROY YOU (with cute)
Like, they’re popping out of the egg all ready to STRIKE (a pose).

Of course, we’re not done talking about baby animals, because while looking up cobras, I discovered another very important fact that eluded me.
I LOVE elephants.  I really do.  I think baby elephants are just the CUTEST THING.

Oh shit.  But… baby asian elephants.

Baby Asian elephants are essentially Muppets, or old disgusting hermits, that somehow develop into a pretty awesome pachyderm. They threw off the cute curve.  They destroyed it.

Thankfully we still have baby African elephants to teach us that baby elephants are still cute.

This has been a kiki PSA.

*Tom* : Dude Chinese food is the best! All- Do you know, if I could’ve been anything in life, you know-
*Jordan* : If you could be anything in life, you would be a Chinese food?!
*Tom* : Oh, no, I would be a-um-I’d want to be-Ch-Chinese cuz why-
*Jordan* : Did you say I want to be able to Chinese?
*Tom* :I wouldn’t be able to Chinese, if someone asked you a question about what you would come back as, I would say.. Chinese. Chinese, f*** people, they’re cool af, SO GODDAMN SMART, their food is AMAAAAAAZING! And their babies are adorable! I wanna be Chinese too..
*Jordan * : Why would that-ahahaahahhah-specifically their babies? ahahah
*Tom* : Dude-I just swear to god, if you ever hear about being a gift, I guarantee it’s an Asian-erh like Asian-Yeah that’s right, Asian women
*Jordan* : *Squeezes forehead* Their gay..?
*Tom* : A Chinese Asian Baby. 
*Jordan* : Is that right..
*Tom* : OH MY GOD. Cutest f***ing thing IN THE WORLD. My mom was a child minder, or a- you know, like day care woman, like self employed one, just running a business, and she had an Asian baby, and OH MY GOD *screeches* *IT WAS SOOOO CUTE!* he just sits their with his big cheeks and he just smiled.. I WANT ONE! It’s like.. I’m gonna steal him!

Jordan Maron and Tom Cassell

Time: 23:00-24:10 

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