an; hi i literally havent written in forever. i used to have a blog where I wrote some dope shit but I deleted it. :( dumbass move, i know. but if you remember a blog called highoffcalum, that was me! this is kinda sad and more of like a poem ish type thing? its kinda personal i guess but i hope you like it!!
You let the water run down your back and over your face, cleaning off all the dirt and grime from your day off your body. It was around 10:30 at night and your mind was wandering into its own world.
You thought about Luke. You thought about how his eyes shined against all the black he wore, how is blonde hair fell perfectly around his face, and his smile, how it lit up your day.
You thought about how he had a secret love for country music, the way his crude humor made you giggle until you felt sick. You thought about how he furrowed his eyebrows when he was concentrating, and how you sometimes caught him looking at you when you were looking away.
I can’t have him.
You scrubbed your body with soap and washed your face, standing under the faucet head has your tears blended with the falling water.
You thought about how much you wanted him. You thought about how it would feel for him to hold you at night, to hug you when you woke up, and how it would feel for him to kiss you during the day.
You thought about how he didn’t want you. You thought about how everything was in your head. You thought about how no one would love you like you wanted them too. You just thought.
You turned off the water with your wrinkly fingertips, the cold contrasting against your hot skin. You thought about everything you’d heard about him, you thought about how he liked a girl that was 100 times better than you in every aspect.
I’m not what he’s looking for.
You stood in the shower for a little while longer. All that you could hear was the leftover droplets from the shower head hitting the tile. You thought about how he said things about you that broke your heart.
“I don’t date chicks like her.”
You felt the cold air hit you all at once, your shivers forcing you out of the space. You wrapped a blue towel around your body, and inhaled as your mind slowly recuperated. It was 11:30 PM, and you were being brought back to reality.
“No! I want to do it…” Your voice trails off as Luke’s hand hesitates putting the star on top of the tree. He looks between your small stature and the top of the very large tree the two of you picked out. You puff your lip out slightly as you wait for the sarcastic comment. He rolls his eyes.
You smile shyly as he pulls over a chair from the dining table. You step on top of it feeling sufficiently taller. Luke makes his way beside you to make sure you don’t fall.
You hold out the star to him and he grabs a corner. Together, you place it on the tree. It was so cheesy you couldn’t help but smile. Stepping off the chair, Luke wraps an arm around your shoulder. The two of you look at the messily decorated tree- it was perfect.
“This is our first Christmas together Luke.”
Luke smiles at you. Leaning down to kiss your cheek, he murmurs,