Riffing off the “piece was never an option” joke, here’s a former Microbiology student’s take on it. Contaminated vegetables, mutant bacteria and all.

(Mods: please ignore my earlier submission, I AM SO SORRY. I am a major moron and only just figured out how this submission shindig works! LOVE THE BLOG BTW, IT’S MY DAILY DOSE OF HAPPY WHEN I GET HOME FROM WORK)