Don't worry, Mum, I'm not dead, just in Milan, and it's all France's fault.
Which is the coldest city ever, like, ever. I’ve been travelling in Eastern/Northern Europe this whole time and Italy is the first place I have to bust out the long johns. Go figure. Poland was fine, but Italy, oh no, frozen cappucinos everywhere.
Anyway, we left Florence to go to Venice, with a short pit stop in Pisa to see the, you know, the tower thing, and I realized I ballsed up another hostel reservation. DAMN! Three in a row!!! Something is wrong with me…
We were also planning to take a night train from Venice to Paris, but when we went to book our beds the man told us it would cost us 150EUR because the French fucking train doesn’t accept our Eurail pass.
OH WELLLL QUEL GOD DAMN SURPRISE, FRANCE
WHY is is that the only time the French have EVER been easy to work with was when Hitler invaded in WWII>>>?????????????????????? Honestly they have been turbo-ornery every since, god damn beret totin’ sons of bitches.
Maybe if they stopped sitting around smoking and gloating about the invention of baguette and, oh, I don’t know, SENT SOME TRAINS TO ITALY, maybe they wouldn’t be so MISERABLE all the damn time.
AND DON’T THINK WE’VE FORGOTTEN ABOUT NAPOLEON, EITHER, FRANCE
so you just better smarten up