Get it together

Ace = Someone with lack of sexual Attraction

Aro = Someone with lack of Romantic Attraction

Aroace = NOT aros and aces, specifically refers to people with lack of sexual and romantic attraction - someone whose orientation is NOT split

A-Spec= Everyone on the aro and ace spectrum. 

We created this terminology for you to stop this and also, because it was getting confusing and troublesome. 

You know what always ticks me off a little:

when I read anti-ace discoursers going on about how THEY once thought they were asexual (the most recent example I saw was autochorissexual, but the gist is always the same.), but it was ACTUALLY internalized homophobia.  They just didn’t know, because they were kids.  And somehow this means asexual education is a bad thing.

And it’s like, okay.  Fine.  Glad you figured yourself out.

In the mean time, I am 33 fucking years old, and I spent almost my entire adult life believing I was damaged or broken because I had been given some really bad information about asexuality when I was a teenager.

If I’d had the vocabulary and knowledge then, I could have spared myself almost fifteen years of confusion and some really harmful decisions made during the process of figuring this shit out.

I’m sorry that your access to this information caused you to temporarily misidentify yourself and thus miss out on a few extra chances to get laid.

But as a thirty three year old adult, who is pretty damn sure of her orientation, thank you very much, I think you should go fuck yourself.

anonymous asked:

I'm so tired being AroAce. I'm tired of people asking when I'll get a boyfriend. I'm tired of people assuming that since I don't want to get married I must be sleeping around? I'm tired of shows and books and movies of every genre revolving around romance and sex. I'm just so tired of it all. And at the same time, I never want to go back to the broken mess I was before I figured out I was AroAce

I feel this on an emotional and spiritual level, anon. You’re definitely not at all alone in this. It’s incredibly frustrating and makes me want to pull my hair out. This conception that people have that not needing to settle down and procreate means you must be miserable and unfulfilled is so outdated. I mean, seriously. I would change my orientation for anything; I’m happy being ace, but Oh Sweet Jesus, do I wish people would stop with the erroneous misconceptions. (Sorry. My Texas is showing….)

~Mod Zora

Just a little...follow up on my last long post :)

So yes, people being assholes and ignorant on the internet is normal, I know, but I couldn’t ignore this one. So I decided to respond in kind to every piece of anti-asexual bullshit a particular bigot decided to spew. Be warned, this is a really long post, but I do hope you take the time to read it, especially if you’ve seen my previous post here. I’ll refrain from tagging this individual. I’m sure they’ll see this anyway:

So to this asshole individual (and any one that thinks like you), sweetie, take a fucking seat. We are going to have a nice long talk about why everything you said is complete horse shit, paragraph by paragraph.

“op I have to tell you that what youre saying is complete and utter bullshit. First off, the split attraction model is bullshit. Second off, yuri is g a y”

I’d like to direct you to this informative post on the split attraction model. You see, often times attraction is split into either sexual or romantic attraction. For some, this helps them being able to identify themselves. To quote the post I linked at the beginning of this paragraph, “If someone is ace and feels romantic attraction only to the same gender, they might identify as asexual homoromantic, but could also just as likely call themselves ‘asexual and gay/lesbian’ or ‘a lesbian/gay asexual’.“

For a personal example, I would consider myself a panromantic homosexual, because I’m romantically attracted to everyone but I only feel sexual attraction for females. I can branch off from this if I wanted to, so far as to say I could also consider myself demisexual, because my sexual attraction for a female only occurs when I have developed a strong emotional bond with her.

Your claim that the split attraction model is bullshit is incredibly ignorant, because you fail to realize that attraction is a very diverse and unique feeling that is experienced differently by everyone. Some people may find the split attraction model helpful, for it helps them understand themselves better and they find comfort in being able to identify those feelings. Others may not find the split attraction model of any use or help for them, and guess what? That’s okay, too. Because to again quote the post:

Your orientation is yours to define. What’s important here is that you use whatever makes you comfortable when talking about your own orientation. And remember that, like any orientation related term, it’s 100% okay if you don’t want to use it for yourself…The purpose of the split attraction model is to help us understand ourselves better, and then communicate that understanding to others. If you don’t find it helpful for you/ don’t feel like it applies to you, then it might just not be a useful way for you to express your orientation

If the reason you’re so against the split attraction model is because you’re struggling with your own identity and it wasn’t of help to you, I’m sorry for that and I hope you find a means to express yourself someday, but it’s not a reason to be a huge asshole about it and jump down the throats of others.

Yuri could totally be gay. He could totally be asexual. He could totally be both. He could pan, he could be demi, he could bi, he could be whatever someone head canons him to be. If you think he’s strictly gay, with only romantic and sexual attraction to men, then that’s awesome! But just because that’s YOUR head canon, that DOESN’T mean it’s someone else’s, and just because you feel one way about a character doesn’t give you a right to attack someone for having a different interpretation that allows them to connect to a character they love.

“hes fucking gay. Hes gay. He kissed another man. Don’t come at me with that ‘hes bi’ or ‘hes homoromantic ace uwu’ then yes there is a fucking issue and that is homophobic because you have made it so goddamn obvious you’re uncomfortable seeing 2 men love each other outside of your dumb shipping fantasies”

Sweetie I hope you’re still sitting down.

The only issue present here is your incessant need to be such a bigoted asshole. You apparently have this extremely black and white view of sexuality, as was made pretty obvious by your first statement above. Which makes you a painfully ignorant individual, to put lightly. The only one being “phobic” anything is YOU. And I’m sorry, but please explain to me how head-canoning characters as ace or bi or pan or what have you, makes that person uncomfortable seeing two men love each other? So are you saying that there’s only one way to love someone? Are you accusing asexuals of not loving their partners because they don’t feel sexual attraction for them? Because that’s what you are implying, and frankly it’s sickening. Is the only way for a man to love another man only possible if he feels sexual attraction? Are you seriously incapable of realizing there are thousands of healthy and beautiful ways to express love for someone other than bending them over a table? Do you not realize that a relationship can be supportive, healthy, loving, and emotionally fulfilling without sex being a factor?

“I couldn’t give any less of a shit about what dumb crap ace people wanna do but don’t try to force your identity onto a community who gets so little representation”

Sweetie pie, allow me to inform you that those who fall on the asexual spectrum are, in fact, members of the same community you are referring to. But you’re treating them like their some nasty species plaguing society, when in reality it’s people like you plaguing society with your hate. The entire LGBT, LGBTQIA, LGBT+ –whichever acronym you choose to use— gets so little representation. If there’s an LGBT character in a book or show, they’re usually killed off or made up of negative stereotypes (or both). In fact, asexuals find themselves even less represented, because there are people like yourself beating them down, invalidating them, and trying to make them inferior to the other members of the LGBT community, which they are NOT. No one is above the other. And head-canoning someone as ace isn’t forcing an identity on someone, bud.

“the lifeless plants who do shit like that to characters like viktor and yuri are fucking homophobic, because they’re erasing an existing identity and replacing it with one that is not lgbt”

You’re honestly giving me gray hair at this point. By “shit like that”, are you referring to the fact that people seek out and find connections and understanding in a character they love? That’s part of the reason authors and animators come up with their characters because they want their audience to be able to relate to their characters. They want their audience to be able to interpret the characters in their own way. For example, people can either interpret Hermione Granger black or white, JK Rowling doesn’t specify her race at all, thus deliberating leaving that open for interpretation for her readers.

Those liking ace Yuri aren’t forcing their thoughts down other peoples’ throats, they’re not erasing anyone’s head canons or replacing them, in fact, I guarantee to you they’d be more than happy to share their head canons with others who have different head canons, and then we can all celebrate each others’ head canons and talk about them and enjoy the characters together, because that’s what should be happening, not this bullshit you’re spewing.

Asexuality is just as equal a part of the LGBT community as all gays, lesbians, transgender, transsexual, queer, non-binary, gender fluid, agender, and so many many more. By denying one identity or orientation, you are denying all of them, and they are all equally deserving of love, representation, and the ability to enjoy their favorite characters in fucking peace.

“and another point! Saying he’s ‘homoromantic ace’ is also bullshit! Because first off, the split attraction model is garbage, and second off it also shows that you’re uncomfortable with sexual love between two men lmfao”

My dear, the only thing making anyone uncomfortable is the knowledge that such ignorant and hateful people like you exist. Also, in the future I would generally recommend you refrain from repeating the same things you said in previous paragraphs, because in your case it’s not providing any other emphasis other than proving you’re an asshole. Please re-read everything above for your answer for this paragraph ^^

“if you can’t accept romantic and sexual love between a m/m relationship and you wanna force a non lgbt identity onto it, then you’re homophobic and nasty as fuck”

Your attitude is nasty as fuck. Would you mind explaining how exactly head-canoning someone as ace is being unaccepting of a romantic and sexual relationship between men? Bro get the fuck out. I cannot express enough how high your level of ignorance is. Asexuality IS an LBGT identity, has always been, always will be, and again, the only one forcing anything on anyone is YOU with your spiteful, cruel, and utterly baffoonish stand on the subject.

Continuing on from an ace supporter’s reblog of “Why are you so against ace??? Are you saying if you love someone you’ll have to sex with them??? Is that what you’re trying to say??? Because that’s fucked up man”

“i………no? my point is that if youre going to support m/m you need to support m/m for what they are sexual love or not lmfao”

Diddykins, the case you’ve made so far for yourself is that you only support m/m relationships with a sexual love component to them. So you literally just contradicted and made a hypocrite of yourself. Though with bitter people like you, I suppose that’s to be expected.

“im not against asexuals lol do what you want but these people invading a community of the oppressed on the basis that someone who wasn’t educated questioned their identity a few times or their parents said ‘well you have to have sex” or something along those lines doesn’t translate into oppression, it translates on an ignorant minority”

People like you are the reason why I drink. On the contrary, you are quite the ace-phobic individual. And I’m appalled by your word choice of “invading”, as though asexuals are some kind of fucking pest. Let me explain something to you. It’s not a matter of someone just not understanding the identity (in which case, so long as said person isn’t an asshole about it, an asexual should explain and spread understanding). It’s not just a matter of parents saying “well you have to have sex”

It’s people who spend their whole lives wondering what’s wrong with them, feeling like there’s something broken, something damaged about them.

It’s people who lie awake at night, terrified they’ll be forever alone because the one they love wouldn’t understand.

It’s people who have their self-worth crushed because their parents or an important person in their life sneered at them when they came out, and told them they’ll “get over it”, or they “just haven’t met the right person yet”, or others who say shit like, “don’t worry baby, I can make you feel good”

It’s people who have their hearts torn apart because they came out to their partner and they were abandoned and made to feel like how they feel is an inconvenience, that there’s something wrong with them.

It’s people who look into a mirror and wonder if anyone could ever love them as they are.

And you know what? These aren’t thoughts that go through just the mind of asexuals. These are thoughts that go through the mind of every member of the LGBT community at some point in their life. Thoughts that could possibly have crossed YOUR mind at some point in time.

The only thing here translating as an ignorant minority is you, sweet pea.

“no one ever said u had to have sex. Not sure where you got that from”

Why, from you, honey bunch! You made it pretty clear you think the only way for a relationship between two men to work is if they’re both sexually attracted to one another :)

“my point is that asexual is not an lgbt identity (lgbt identities are //not// things besides hetero lol) because asexuals are not systematically or inherently oppressed”

Precious, you have a fundamental misunderstanding of the LGBT community. It exists for the purpose of support, love, and solidarity for those who don’t fall into the dominate group of being a cis-gender heterosexual. That includes asexuality, and any identity on the ace spectrum. Everyone within the LGBT community has experienced some level of being systematically and inherently oppressed, be it at micro or macro sociological levels.

“and no, yuri is not fucking ace. He is a gay ass man and yes it is homophobic to erase a given identity in favor of your own dumb headcanon”

Yeeeaahh, if you could stop invalidating an entire sexuality, that would be great, thanks. As I have stated previously, Yuri could be ace, he could be gay! He could be both! :D I don’t think it’s dumb you headcanon him as gay, and I don’t think it’s dumb that someone else headcanons him as ace. What’s dumb is your piss pants attitude.

“take your homophobia and your pass towards gay representation somewhere else and if it bothers you that theres ~gays~ in media instead of whiny aces then that’s your problem to deal with and not mine lol”

Take your narrow minded, ignorant, hateful ace-phobia and your bullshit claims against asexuals being invaders of the LGBT community somewhere else, or even better, learn from your ignorance and grow to become a better and more understanding person after all this.

You made it your problem when you not only invalidated the existence of millions of people, you invalidated a wonderful and beautiful woman whom I hold very close to my heart and love dearly. So fuck off to you and everyone like you.

kickstarter.com
Ignition Zero Volumes 1-3: The Complete Comic
All three volumes of the webcomic Ignition Zero! Queer college kids, asexual romance, spirits, faeries & facing our shadow selves.

The Ignition Zero Kickstarter is now live! Funding a print run for the final installment, Volume 3, and a re-print of Volumes 1 and 2! Click the link above!

Ignition Zero is a webcomic that ran from January 2011 to October 2016, and is still up and free to read at the original website! It’s about a group of friends who get caught between two warring spirits, and in the process are forced to face difficult truths about themselves and about one another. 

Pretty much every character is queer in some way, including two asexual-identifying main characters, but the story isn’t about that (besides a little romance). This is an urban fantasy adventure comic about friendship and our relationships to ourselves.

Ignition Zero was created in watercolor and ink, and so looks AMAZING in print! All three volumes contain exclusive bonus content unavailable anywhere else. You can get these volumes + bonus content as physical softcover books or as PDFs.

Other rewards include patches, commissions, and original comic pages! Check out the full campaign above for details.

Please reblog! <3 Gotta get the word out there! <3 Help support a nonbinary, queer creator (aka me) achieve their dreams! <3

IGNITION ZERO WEBSITE | PATREON | TWITTER | INSTAGRAM

Interview: Jen

Today we’re joined by Jen. Jen is a phenomenal painter who uses oil paints on canvas. She creates a wide variety of different images in various genres: science fiction, fantasy, and even some fanart. Her work demonstrates a keen imagination and a beautiful use of color and line. It’s very obvious that she loves painting and it shows in her work. My thanks to her for taking the time to participate in this interview.

WORK

Please, tell us about your art.

I am a traditional painter — oils on canvas. The bigger the better, but I’m running out of room to store them all. I paint a lot of landscapes, mostly science fiction or fantasy, sometimes abstract or modern stuff, some fan art (Elder Scrolls, Dragon Age, Mass Effect, and Witcher fandoms), and I dabble in bit of fanfiction as well.

What inspires you?

So many other artists! The natural world, video games, books, colors or textures I’ve seen. Smells. Dramatic scenes. Music. Lighting. Inspiration can come from the most mundane and sometimes the funniest most unlooked for places. Never take it for granted.

What got you interested in your field?  Have you always wanted to be an artist?

I was never the kid with the sketchbook when I was young. I started collecting Star Wars comics and art books when I was in high school. I remember looking through one of the art books and seeing Ralph McQuarrie’s matte paintings for the original trilogy and realizing that people did this for a living. So I started drawing on my own. I went to two semesters of state college and then pleaded (I was splitting the cost w/ family) to transfer to art school. I had to take a painting course as part of my major. It was challenging but I ended up loving it and although I dropped out before completing the degree, I have now been painting for over fifteen years and am starting to work towards making a career out of it.

Do you have any kind of special or unique signature, symbol, or feature you include in your work that you’d be willing to reveal?

Along with my signature, I add a thumbprint. I don’t know if that’s all that special.

What advice would you give young aspiring artists?

Besides the obvious one of: practice, practice, practice? I’d add that it’s important to have as much variety in your education as possible: Sculpture, digital, drafting, even dance. It all helps your brain learn to translate light, movement, color, and form and perspective from two dimensions into three and back again. Diversity is key. Lots of different media, lots of different subject matter. That and learn some solid financial and organizational habits. Boring, but it will help keep you in food and work.

ASEXUALITY

Where on the spectrum do you identify?

I am demi/ace/autochorisexual.

Have you encountered any kind of ace prejudice or ignorance in your field?  If so, how do you handle it?

Mostly, I don’t tell people. But even so I’ve encountered a bit when it’s come up as to why I’m single and not dating. Ignorance more than anything else. Many people have not heard of it. Those of an ‘old-fashioned’ mindset insist I’d be happier with a husband and children. As if I don’t know what I’m talking about. Some tend to think it’s a trend or an affect to gain some kind of reputation or attention like I’m putting on some kind of special snowflake act.

Then there is the preconception that artists are somehow more passionate than other people…so it follows that they should be more promiscuous, too, right?

I’ve also been told, mostly by men although I did hear it from at least one woman, that if I’m ‘not getting any’ that I’m somehow stifling my own artistic ability and creative process? Which is as ridiculous as it is manipulative crap and very annoying.

What’s the most common misconception about asexuality that you’ve encountered?

As I’ve sought to learn more, I’ve noticed a lot of folks struggling to understand what asexual is and getting it confused with being bisexual or pansexual. They just take all these terms that they don’t understand and lump them together.  The gender preference (or lack thereof) regarding any potential partner is an entirely different aspect of human sexuality. A person can be asexual and bi, asexual and pan, asexual and gay, asexual and straight, etc. Asexuality deals with the lack of sex drive and/or sexual attraction and/or interest in having sex.

What advice would you give to any asexual individuals out there who might be struggling with their orientation?

Take your time with it. You don’t have to meet anyone else’s expectations. Figuring yourself out is a lifelong process. You are allowed to learn and grow and change your mind as often as you need to about who/what you are. Society still places a lot of pressure on people to be in relationships. If a relationship makes you happier and healthier, then fine. If not, that’s fine too.

Finally, where can people find out more about your work?

I post on Tumblr. http://caffeinatedmusing.tumblr.com/
My portfolio is http://jenniferward.foliohd.com/  and I have some prints and such available on Society6 https://society6.com/jwardart_2016

Thank you, Jen, for participating in this interview and this project. It’s very much appreciated.

Pros and cons of being ace:

Pros:

“Would You Rather” is the easiest game in the world. Nine times out of ten these uncreative fucks are like “Would you rather have [sex act] or [food]” and everyone’s like “OoOoOoh, that’s so hard, haha, oh man I need to think about this!” and spend ten minutes debating while I’m sitting in the corner like “feed me”.

Cons:

“Would You Rather” is the MOST BORING GAME EVER like guys, guys, why are we doing this Cards Against Humanity is right there.

tradebabybluetomorrows  asked:

I'd just really like to thank you so so much for canon asexual representation. As an asexual person myself it means the entire damn world to me when I see asexuality in any media and especially when it's done so well!!

I’m very happy to hear that!! I know that no representation is ever perfect for every person who identifies that way, so I’m always pleased to hear that it is meaningful to people! 

anonymous asked:

Idk if you will but could you please stop calling it ace discourse? I'm sorry :( It just feels kinda disrespectful to me and other ace people. Non-aces don't get to say that we're not in the LGBT+ community, and I don't think many (if any) aces are pushing to be excluded. It's just really kinda horrible to have people arguing about YOUR sexuality. We're queer. That is all.

I certainly don’t mean any offense to anyone at all, but in my defense, I never called anything “ace discourse”. I believe that phrase was used by one of the anonymous asks, but maybe you’re referring to my tag “The Discourse”. That tag has nothing to do with asexuality - if you click on it, you’ll see stuff about Caleb and Damien as well. 

The tag itself is perhaps a bit snarkier than it should be, but it is just my way of reacting to Opinions™. Maybe it isn’t used in tumblr parlance as frequently as it used to be, but in my experience, calling something The Discourse is a way of sort of saying, “oh look, people have very strong opinions about this”. I’ve used it mostly in reference to people trying to convince me to a put a label on Caleb’s sexuality. 

I’m certainly not saying that you or any other ace people don’t belong in the LGBT+ community - someone’s identity and their relationships to different communities is up to that person, not me or anyone else. But I asked a genuine question of my followers about what they thought about asexuality and how it relates to the LGBT+ community, and got a lot of responses. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with posing a question and trying to educate myself more, which is why I’m grateful for messages like yours. 

I always want this blog and this podcast to be a safe community for people, but I think it’s important to allow for conflicting viewpoints as well. When I tried to find the answer to the question for myself online, I came up against the same kinds of clashing opinions. So I was curious what my followers - people who are tapped into the sexuality movement in a way the general internet is not - were thinking and experiencing. The opinions they expressed are not mine, but I felt an obligation to publish each response I got, rather than picking and choosing. Everyone deserves to have their voice heard on this blog, as long as they are expressing their opinions respectfully. 

All that said, I’m not trying to conduct a forum on sexuality on here or anything. And I’m certainly not trying to pass judgement on anyone’s sexuality. I love you all very much, so I want to make sure you know you’re being heard, but at the end of the day, this is is just a podcast blog. 

10

And it’s asexual awareness week again! Here is a comic I drew last year but never got around to posting. I did this shortly after realising I was ace and all the warm feelings it gave me. I know some people struggle a lot with accepting this part of themselves, but I was just so happy to finally find a place I belonged in, people that actually understood what I felt.

Asexuality and Aromanticism is really something that needs to be talked more about. If I had known that not feeling sexual or romantic attraction was ok, I could have been much happier in the relationships I was in, and potentially have saved one of them thanks to being able to talk about my feelings instead of not understanding them, or I would have allowed myself to say ‘no’ to sex instead of feeling like I had to because i didn’t have a good enough reason to say no to my partner. 

So many things could have turned out differently if I had just known I was ace when I was younger. And that’s why we need asexuality awareness week, and we need it to get bigger.

If you want to see a higher quality version, click on this link:  http://tesscas.deviantart.com/art/So-who-do-YOU-like-642437089