the-fluffy-raven asked:

while they belong in the LGBTQ+ community, cis aro/ace or cis heteroromantic ace people shouldn't use the label ''queer'' because it's a slur, a slur that wasn't directed at them in the first place, how can you reclaim a slur that was never directed at you? i know we lack of an umbrella term for LGBTQ+, but "queer" does not do the job for that (i'm not a native english speaker so i used to think like you before I learned about the history of the word "queer")

Queer, as person who speaks english, means something that is an abnormality from the normative, something that drives against it or is its opposite. Queer has been used in sentences to mean something unusual, such as “Isn’t that queer Harold, that Mike should name his cat dog,” and in the more focused sense “You’re queer!” or “I’m queer” one used in a way that is targeted and intended as an insult, the other used as a self reclamation.

Aromatics and Asexuals are routinely ignored, delegitamized, stigmatized, and told they are broken, selfish, black-hearted (or, I’ve even heard ‘unloveable’ or incapable of love,”) by not only their family, their friends–nay, but now ever their community, a community they were sure they could gain support from. Being sexual is a stereotype that us queer people have routinely gotten from outside our various communities, speaking as a pansexual trans man who used to identify as asexual due to abuse, but who has now found that identity not fitting any longer. 

The term queer is forever evolving, that’s what language does. Stealing from Saussure–language is not stagnant, it is arbitrary, and it is forever evolving. Queer has been used against people like me, though I get called a faggot more often than not, or a twink–this is true. Queer has been used by our community and I’ve met people who have resigned themselves to never wish to be labeled under that word, (which I believe is their choice), and those who gladly rally under it. I won’t agree that any one member of the community is required to almost pass a test of authenticity, a test of “who has faced more harm and torture?” to use a word. I’ve had too much of that as an abuse survivor questioning if my place on the hierarchy of abuse was high enough for me to even claim the right to say I was abused.

I have no right, and neither do you, to keep under lock and key a title that someone who def as you just stated, belongs in a part of our community.

This is not about letting cis heterosexuals who are non-aromantic and non-asexual use the word. I’m not about to let some fucking kinksters steal it or what not. What you and others are rallying, though, is to ban people who you have just stated are members of our vast and varied community, from using a word that is NOW used against them. I’m not talking about outsiders stealing and appropriating it. I’m talking about valid members of our community who have been hurt and abused from the likes of those that don’t understand them or wish to understand them. They deserve to use a word, should they choose, because there should not be a standard of “queer enough” within our LGBTQIAA+ community, because no one has that god damn high a seat to judge. 

I understand certain words being reserved for certain members. I am a firm believer that as a trans man I cannot and should not reclaim the t slur that assaults my sisters, nor can I claim any slurs that affect a part of the community that I do not inhibit, etc. But the word Queer has become, to those who choose and wish to reclaim it as it should be forced on no one, an almost universal and umbrella term to grab at within our community, and only within our community. I’m not saying that a man who has no claims to the LGBTQIAA+ community can call himself queer because he paints his nails or if a woman with no claims to the LGBTQIAA+ community says she’d “go gay” for a female celebrity is at any way queer–those are people, should they choose to take the label, are appropriators. 

However, variations of queer have been used against asexuals and aromantics regardless, such as “cold hearted unlovable,” “spinsters,” words that to me and you may not have a bite, but have now morphed into a form of queerness that brands these people unnormative, outsiders, defective in the ideal of being romantic and sexual, of having sex or of enjoying it, of creating romantic attatchments that more than likely lead in marriage. They are marred as broken and defective and challengers of the norm–which is what I am too, a trans man pansexual who has been called broken, selfish, confused, and immorally wrong deserving of conversion therapy from my own family. That happens to these people too, and now we’re going to add to it? To the fire that is right under their feet? I don’t fucking think so. Also, don’t assume I know nothing of the history of queerness–it’s one of my hobbies since I run a Queer Pagans blog that often delves into this sort of thing.

Think what ya’ will but know that I don’t appreciate you taking a word that has now evolved to encompass, if they willing, all members of our community. Words evolve, people get meaner and harsher to those that are against the grain because of their gender and sexuality, and I’m not going to start to be one of those people that makes it harder for them. 

Good Day. 

Recruiting Perth (WA) aces!!!

So I’m currently doing media as a year 12 subject and our current production requirement is to make a documentary.

What I want to do is make a documentary on asexuality and since my target audience (the WACE markers) won’t know what it is, I’ll be making it from an educational perspective while including different perspectives (strangers, aces and professionals preferably).

This is where you guys come in! I want to do a number of interviews with other aces and what better place to recruit than tumblr?

Who: Anyone on the asexual spectrum who lives in Perth WA and is willing to be interviewed for my documentary
What: I reckon we make a day of it. We can all meet up and do the filming then go out for lunch perhaps :)
When: I’d preferably want to do it on the 1st of August but if you can’t make that date tell me and I can find another one
Where: Since everyone probably lives everywhere I think it’s only fair to do it in the city (also it makes for a nice landscape)

This is not making any official plans but I want to try and signal boost this as much as possible so the few of us who live in Perth will see this post!

If you’re interested please note me showing your interest and I will tag you in any future posts about this meet up. Also if you can’t do the 1st of August we can chat about dates that work for you and go from there.

PLEASE SIGNAL BOOST IF YOU SEE THIS! Thanks :)

anonymous asked:

Do you have like a "coming out" story ? How did you do it? Or did you not have a specific time when you came out you just sorta went with the flow?

Not really. I told my parents and step parents, but the terminology of “asexual” was lost on them and I periodically have to explain that it’s a real thing, primarily due to a generational gap. Generally people I don’t know very well are not told, and if they ask I just say I don’t date because it’s an obnoxious thing to be pestered about rather continuously. I guess being what is considered an “invisible” sexuality just results in disbelief no matter how many times (in real life or on the Internet) I define it.

Hell, honestly, it would be easier if people just didn’t ask or assume but that’s not likely to ever happen.

maybe it’s just me, but i am really uncomfortable when i see bi/pansexuality and asexuality grouped together as ‘ignored/invisible allies of lgbtqia community’ considering how much of the bisexual community seem to really fucking hate ace people and consider us a little more than str8 people with no libido. 

I’ve already written my piece on how I feel the Doctors fit into the asexual spectrum; here is where I feel the Doctors would fit into the asexual community. Mostly because these are all people we’ve seen.

One: “In my day we didn’t have a word for what we weren’t doing, and we didn’t need one because we didn’t talk about it, because it was no one’s business. Harumf.”

Two: Is welcomed to prides because he has a boyfriend. Is paraded around as a fine example of a lasting homosexual relationship. He keeps politely correcting them “Homoromantic asexual, actually.” but no one pays him any attention.

Three: Just because he’s ace doesn’t mean that he won’t flirt with anything that moves, just that flirting is all he’s interested in.

Four: Not a part of the community, because he is not interested in sex and even less interested in talking about not being interested in sex.

Five: Gets really offended and squeaky when people say things like “I’ve got nothing against asexuals, but they shouldn’t be allowed to adopt. How could an asexual raise a normal child when they don’t understand how much they’ll want sex when they grow up!” 

“Well, obviously, you do have something against asexuals! And there are a lot of things I don’t understand about teenage boys, but the fact they think about sex sometimes is not one of them!”

Six: In a committed romantic relationship with an allosexual. Everyone points to them and says “see, it works!” Gets really annoyed by invasive questions about “well if you love her, you must be having sex with her to keep her happy, right?” Someone hassled him about wearing a rainbow coat if he was “just an ally”, given as his partner is female. 

Seven: Shows up at pride marches. No one is sure if he’s there as an asexual, a homosexual, a bisexual, transexual, or just an ally to his bisexual daughter-figure. Someone assumed he was just an ally and tried to chase him off once. That person hasn’t been seen since. Someone else said that both he and Ace had to leave because asexuals and bisexuals have no place in Pride if they aren’t currently in homosexual relationships. That person has been spotted once since, in Texas, silently sitting in a cafe with a dead stare. No one knows why.

Eight: Asexuality rolls off of him in vast, violet and grey waves. He seems to have chosen to march in the general pride just because he liked the rainbow flags.

War: Didn’t know there was pride for asexuals and missed it.

Nine: While he doesn’t really feel any sexual attraction, he doesn’t want to label himself as asexual, much less “single-target heteroromantic asexual.”

Ten: Like six, in a relationship with an allosexual. Unlike six, he’s much more open about his personal life and sometimes tells people more than they really need to know. However, the idea that anyone other than the person he’s in a relationship with would have sexual desire for him baffles him.

Eleven: Tries to fit into the hetronormative world by telling lots of dirty jokes, getting a girlfriend, and saying “underpants” a lot but doesn’t really 

Twelve: People keep telling him dirty jokes and he keeps not gettings them. Sometimes, he has a pretty good idea why the other person in laughing, but by staring at them blankly and asking “Why is that funny?” he can get a better response.

anonymous asked:

Hey. I got a weird question and i don't really know how to ask... You don't have to answer of course. I'm just curious. I don't know anybody who is asexual and I just wanna ask how does is works. I know definition of asexuality but I don't know what does it mean and how doeas it looks in practice.

It’s not a weird question don’t worry!

Being asexual means not being sexually attracted to people. 

I can only answer from my own experience. I’ve never seen a person and thought ‘omg I wanna have sex with them’. When I see someone hot, I can tell they’re hot and appreciate that aesthetically. But that doesn’t mean I want their naughty parts anywhere near mine.

When I was younger I tried to persuade myself that that aesthetic appreciation WAS in fact sexual desire. But it’s not. 

Now there’s a thing called autochorissexuality, which is a branch of asexuality, and it means “A disconnection between oneself and a sexual target/object of arousal; may involve sexual fantasies, or arousal in response to erotica or pornography, but lacking any desire to be a participant in the sexual activities therein” That’s what I am. I enjoy reading smut (and enjoy enjoying myself reading smut) and I really like when my OTP does the do. But I DO NOT want that for myself. 

So in practice, I don’t have sex and don’t want it.

I hope that clarifies things for you. :)

I am an 18 year old female, and I think I’m a hetero-romantic grey-ace, but I’m not sure. This is what’s been on my mind:

At age 4 I distinctly remember asking my grandma if there was a way of having a baby without sex, and she told me with a chuckle that most people want it the other way around, and I didn’t understand that concept.

At age 9 I had a crush on 2 different boys in my class, but instead of fantasising about kissing either of them, I thought about being a boy kissing this girl from school. I didn’t think that was weird.

At age 11, after I moved schools, I liked another boy, and I became curious about sex, but at the same time as thinking about him that way, I was disgusted by it. Then one day I realised, “this is not what I want, we are just kids. We’re just kids!” And I never wanted sex with that boy again.

Then when I went to high school, I don’t remember anything traumatic happening but I was terrified of anything to do with sex, e.g. dick'n'balls graffitied onto the back of bathroom doors; anyone mentioning breasts; nudity, especially my own (even while bathing with nobody there and the lights off); and I became a proud prude, clothing wise - low necklines made me physically uncomfortable.

At age 13-14, I found myself struggling with a persistent invasive thought that told me I liked this woman who was probably twice my age. This brought up the once-innocent, now-confusing memory from when I was 9. But that same awesome grandma I mentioned before helped me come to the conclusion that I wasn’t bisexual because I didn’t like her in a sexual way.

I continued to have crushes on guys who were too old for me. Sometimes I got hormonal and secretly thought about having sex with them, but it still disgusted me simultaneously, and usually I didn’t want to. I also NEVER EVER wanted to do it in real life. I continually promised myself that I would never have sex, because the thought of it made me feel violated and repulsed.

At age 16 I had an 18 year old boyfriend. It didn’t work out (cos I was basically still in love with someone else who didn’t feel the same way). We kissed and I felt really uncomfortable and I didn’t feel anything positive. He broke up with me after 7 weeks because the relationship was “missing something. like excitement maybe”. No regrets, but I’m glad it’s over.

But because he was the only person I’ve ever kissed, I don’t know what it’s like to kiss a person I like/love that way. And I want to find out. However, nobody I have liked that way has ever liked me back that way. With past unreciprocated crushes I’ve felt sure that it would be different [from my experience with boyfriend] if I were to kiss them [unrequited crush], but now I’m considering asexuality, I’m not sure if it’d be any different with someone I have strong romantic feelings for.

Now I’ve also been worrying that I might not be asexual after all, or that my sexuality may change over time, so say when I’m 25 I might want to have sex and I might actually act on it. And the thought of that sickens me. It’s like when I was younger I never admitted to crying or making mistakes, but now, being mature, I do; but even then, the voice in my head telling me that I shouldn’t admit those things is still there, locked in a cage. My mind controls my body, and it is my older mind that locked my past values in that cage. I’m worried that that will happen with my asexuality. I don’t want to have sex, and I don’t want to WANT it, if you understand what I mean!

My sister is demisexual, and she was the one who told me I might be ace, so I thought she was the only one who understood and was on my side about it, but now even she is telling me that I’m just inexperienced and I might change my mind. I really don’t want her and literally everyone else I've told, to be right.

So I’m reaching out to tumblr in the hope that ANYONE ELSE?? feels this way? or understands where I’m coming from? without telling me I’m just straight and I’m gonna do it one day?

Admin, if you have any advice, add it on the end please? (I don’t know if you can do that with these types of post; I’m still new to tumblr.) Also if you can, please tag it #apvpcpmp so I can track the post when I log back in? Thank you :)

Admin: Hi! I will write you a proper response later this weekend :) I’m busy over the next few days but I promise to reply. I will tag it for you when I do - Ninny

anonymous asked:

Do other aces find that they're mostly interested in long term relationships? I've always thought about crushes in the long term idea, but the other day I was talking with a cutie at work and I thought i wouldn't mind lowkey dating them. Most short term kind of dating is usually pretty sexual though and as im sex repulsed its a no go so I wondered if anyone else came across that, where they met someone who they wouldnt mind spending time with, but dismiss the crush because its not long term?

I think you’re right in that a lot of short term dating is more sexual. A casual partner is usually someone to hang out with and have sex with, which wouldn’t appeal to a lot of aces. While there are plenty of allos who dislike casual dating as well, I would venture to agree that the dislike is prevalent among aces. But maybe this person would make a good friend? And maybe something will come out of that friendship?