asexuality

It’s Asexual Awareness Week

So, as an asexual person myself, I’ve decided to give some reminders for all you lovely ace people.

  • You are valid
  • You are real
  • You are a part of the LGBT community
  • You can have a fulfilling relationship without sex
  • If you feel like you aren’t fulfilling your partner because you don’t have sex, you are wrong, your partner would not be with you if they didn’t feel fulfilled
  • Although, if your partner claims they aren’t fulfilled because you aren’t having sex with them, dump their ass and find someone who respects you
  • You can be ace no matter your age, gender, race, etc.
  • IT’S OKAY TO BE ACE AND LIKE SEX
  • IT’S OKAY TO BE ACE AND LIKE SEX
  • IT’S OKAY TO BE ACE AND LIKE SEX
  • You do not have to be aromantic to be ace (I’m a biromantic ace myself)
  • However, aro-ace people are just as valid
  • You are not obligated to explain the nuances of your asexuality to anyone unless you’re planning to have sex with them
  • TW - SEXUAL ASSAULT
  • Having been assaulted is not always why you’re asexual, but sometimes, having been assaulted is why you’re asexual. Both are valid. (change made here because what I wrote earlier wasn’t phrased well)
  • TW OVER
  • You are not “broken”
  • You are not a “prude”
  • Demisexuals, Greysexuals, Cupiosexuals, and anyone else on the ace spectrum are also valid
  • But, most of all

You are loved

Happy Asexual Awareness Week!

It’s Asexual Awareness Week and here’s a list of what exactly makes a person asexual-

-Asexuals don’t experience sexual attraction. Suppose, sex equals to cake in a cake shop. Some people might see the cake, and wish to eat it. Those are people who experience sexual attraction. Some may look at the cake, may even like, hate or don’t care about it, but they don’t wish to eat it. Those are asexual people. Not everyone wants to eat the cake you know? (Also, forgive me for using that age-old example :) )

-Libido is not same as sexual attraction. People might experience strong feelings for cake, but that doesn’t mean they are any less asexual. Libido is the body’s response, not the sexuality of a person.

-Some people do eat cake occasionally. Some people only eat the cake after they have spent some time knowing more about how the cake is. Those who eat cake occasionally are gray-asexuals or graysexuals. The latter ones are demisexuals. They exist on asexual spectrum, which includes many types of asexual sub-orientations. In short, asexuality is an umbrella term.

-Sexual attraction is not same as romantic, sensual, platonic or aesthetic attraction. Sexual attraction means you want to get laid, which is different from romantic attraction where you just want to do romantic stuff with that person(hugs,cuddles,dates,etc.), aesthetic attraction where you appreciate the looks of the person, sensual attraction where you want to touch the person(in a non-sexual way) or platonic attraction where you are extremely fond of a person (in a non-romantic way).

-Some asexuals experience romantic attraction. Hence romantic asexuals may call themselves biromatic asexuals, homoromantic asexuals, heteromantic asexuals or panromantic asexuals depending on which gender they are attracted to. They may even call themselves demiromantic aces, akoiromantic aces, grayromantic aces, etc. depending on how they experience the romantic attraction.

-Some aces don’t experience romantic attraction at all. Such aces are called aromantic aces. Not all asexuals are aromantic and not all aromantics are asexuals. And no, aromantic people aren’t heartless and cold-hearted, they can still experience other types of attraction I mentioned above. They can still get into a romantic relationship or queer-platonic relationship.

- Some people like cake. Some people hate cake. Some people have no opinion about cake. This is called one’s attitude regarding sex. Asexuals who like cake are sex-positive, asexuals who hate cake are sex-negative and asexuals who have no opinion about it are sex-neutral. Remember, having an opinion about cake and eating the cake is different.

Some don'ts-

-When someone comes out to you as an asexual, you don’t say “It’s just a phase” or “How do you when you haven’t tried it?” Sexual people know which gender they want to get laid WITHOUT trying sex. Don’t treat that person as a child or dumb person. Respect their courage to come out and the trust they have on you.

-Just because demisexuals and graysexuals experience sexual attraction, that doesn’t mean they are any less asexual. That’s all I am going to say.

-If someone asexual or sexual person decides that their sexuality has changed, don’t judge them. Sexuality is a fluid thing. I have come across many people who thought they were straight at first, but now they are bisexual or stuff. You have no right to bash the person for changing their sexuality.

-Regarding heteromantic aces, don’t just assume that they are basically ‘straight’ anyway, and are trying to be a 'speshul snowflake’. They are still asexuals and you have to respect that.

-Acephobia exists. And you don’t need to be a part of it.

Lastly, you have no right to degrade and judge a person’s sexual preferences. No one has power to repress what anyone wishes to do behind their bedroom door. So learn to respect one’s sexuality and appreciate them as a person, whether they are straight or LGBTQ+ Happy Asexual Awareness Week again! 🎉🎉🎉🎊🎊🎊

PS- My list may not be perfect. So don’t come and attack me. Point out my mistakes politely.

Edit1- I forgot to mention about the concept of sex aversion and sex repulsion. Some aces can be sex-averse which means they don’t mind if others have sex, but they hate to have sex themselves. Sex repulsion is hating the concept of sex in general. Sex repulsion can be or can be not caused by trauma. There are instances of sexual people being repulsed by sex. The concepts of repulsion or aversion can also be applied to other things like- nudity-averse or nudity-repulsed, touch-averse or touch-repulsed and more. I hope this post helps!

Asexual Awareness Week Audience Participation

It’s Asexual Awareness Week and I want to try an experiment. 

Ever since June, this blog has been posting pictures of aces spotted at Pride events, in order to show that we exist and we belong.  Now I want to show where we exist, namely, that we’re everywhere.

Here’s what I want to do:  I’m going to start with some blank maps and I want to fill them in.  But I don’t just want to color in the states or countries when someone says “I’m in Nebraska!” or “I’m in Lichtenstein!” or wherever.  I want pictures of visible aceness in all of these places.  Ace flags at famous monuments, demi t-shirts on the street, gray-ace chalk markings at Pride, that sort of thing.

I’m going to need your help for this.

Here’s what I need you to do.

  1. Grab an ace, gray-ace, or demi flag or acey clothing of some kind.  (It’s okay if the flag is printed or hand drawn!)
  2. Go outside.  If you can go to a famous landmark or nice view of some sort, that would be great, but you don’t have to.  A local park would be fine, even the sidewalk in front of your house would be okay in a pinch.  (If you already have a good picture, you can just send that in.  If you don’t have or can’t take a picture, an artist’s rendition of what it would be like to take an ace flag to someplace awesome in your local area will be suitable.)
  3. Take a picture of the aceness wherever you are.  You don’t have to be in the picture if you don’t want to, but some visible ace symbol has to be.
  4. Submit the picture to acespotting, putting your state/province/country in the caption.  You can do that here:  https://acespotting.tumblr.com/submit  And make sure you give me your location, since that’s the point of this experiment!  Province/Territory in Canada, State/District/Commonwealth/Territory in US, and Country anywhere else.  (If you’re logged in, your username will be associated with the picture, so if you don’t want that, you can either log out or use an “Incognito” or “Private” browser window to submit anonymously.)

I’m also going to need your help to track down aces in obscure places and convince them to participate.  California will be easy.  Nunavut will be hard.

I’m hoping that we can completely fill the Canada/USA/Mexico map by the end of Ace Week.  I’d also like to get at least half of Europe filled in.  And as amazing as it would be to get every single country on the world map represented, I think I’d be happy to get something on every continent.  (Who knows someone in Antarctica?)  And if your place isn’t really on the map (Like, say, Puerto Rico…), send something in anyway and I’ll get it added.

Enough talking.  Let’s get these maps filled in!

Welp, since it is officially Ace Awareness week I figured I’d share my story. Bear in mind, I’m mostly closeted in real life, so I don’t have a coming out story, but I can tell you what it was like realizing I was ace. Perhaps one of you can relate.

At first, I “thought” it was completely normal. I mean, a five year old kid shouldn’t normally show interest in dating, right? At least, that’s what my parents told me. I was completely fine playing by myself while my peers played house. They always had to have a husband or wife, but I never wanted any of that.

At least, I thought it was normal, until my sister came home from kindergarten talking about how she was in love with one of her peers. My parents still tried to accept that I wasn’t interested in anyone, but at this point I was 10, and they constantly asked me if I had crushes on people. I did not, and at this point, it started to alienate me from my friends, who were all talking about people they found attractive. But I was fine having no friends. I didn’t need people like that in my life.

When I got into middle school and things started to develop, I remember my peers talking about how hot people were and how much they would have sex with them. I found it gross, honestly. Never had I looked at a boy and thought of doing the do with them. My friends started to wonder if I was a lesbian, but I never felt that way towards girls either.

It became a mission. They started showing me things to try and stimulate my sexuality. Spoiler alert; nothing worked. 

Their last straw was getting me a boyfriend. Now, don’t get me wrong. I absolutely did love my ex of three years. I saw myself spending a healthy amount of time with him when we grew up, but there were things he wanted that I just… didn’t. Aside from someone else trying to “fix” me that ultimately ended our relationship, people thought I was in denial or just too innocent. They couldn’t accept that I felt nothing but platonic love for people. It eventually split us up, which was fine. We wanted different things in a relationship.

However, it made me wonder if there was something wrong with me. What 17 year old was that much of a late bloomer?

It wasn’t until I joined Tumblr in 2013 that I learned what Asexuality was. I was 22. Twenty two years old, and I thought I lived in a world where there was something wrong with me. I was just in denial. I was pretending to be special. Everyone wants to have sex with people, right? Right?

Apparently I wasn’t alone.

That’s why ace awareness week means so much to me. If I can make one less ace person feel like there’s nothing wrong with them, I’m going to do it <3

I t ‘ s T h e S t a r t O f A s e x u a l i t y V i s i b i l i t y W e e k ( O c t 2 1 n d t o 2 7 t h ) S o F r i e n d l y R e m i n d e r T h a t E x c l u s i o n i s t s C a n t E n j o y H a l l o w e e n A n y m o r e A n d I t I s A n A s e x u a l A n d I n c l u s i o n i s t O n l y H o l i d a y

H a p p y S p o o k t o b e r ! 🎃🎃