anonymous asked:

I don't want to be disrespectful I just don't have a lot of experience with ace people... But do you think you're going to be ace forever or do you think you're ace until you find the right person? Don't hate me idk :(

Oh man, I’ve gotten this question so many times now… I understand that you’re not trying to be disrespectful, but I mean, google is a thing… heck, here’s a link to AVEN (the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network) if you want to learn more.

Look, asexuality is not a fad, it’s not a phase - it’s part of your identity, part of your sense of self. It’s just as valid as any other sexuality - pan, gay, bi, etc. 

Speaking of bisexuality, this is something that bisexual people get hounded on a lot for too. Part of bi erasure is a culture that asks (from both the straight and the lgbt community) “are you eventually gonna settle down and pick a side?” There is no “side” to pick, being bi is being bi. Period.

In this instance, those who are ace and those who are bi face the same problem. Ace people are not secretly straight, or secretly gay - we’re ace. Asking if an ace person will someday “meet the right person to give them a sense of sexual attraction” is a nonsensical question, and frankly it only helps to undermine the validity of asexuality. I mean, you wouldn’t go up to a lesbian and say “hey, do you think you’ll ever meet the right guy to turn you straight?” This type of question represents a fundamental misunderstanding of how sexuality and attraction work. 

Now I also understand that sexuality is fluid - it can change over time. But even so, you must respect the sexuality that a person identifies with at the moment. The fact that it’s fluid does not give you a pass to ask if someone will “meet the right person” - it’s still a rude question.

Thanks for asking anon!! (And no, I don’t hate you. I’m just tired of answering that question)

Happy Moment

I work at a High School. I am the school’s Library Aid and Paraprofessional. During passing time the kids cut through the library and I tend to hear a lot of different conversations.

Well, during passing this girl was talking to her friends about her younger sister. Her younger sister identifies as Asexual. 

I cannot tell you how happy this makes me feel. We are talking High Schoolers, the girl passing could have been a Sophomore or a Junior, which puts her around 15 or 16 years old. And her YOUNGER sister identifies Ace. Her YOUNGER SISTER GUYS! So she is under 16 years old! I can only wish I knew about Asexuality and the Ace Spectrum at their age. 

Guys we are growing. We are doing good. We are getting the word out there. Younger kids are identifying as ACE! I could cry. This is so amazing. Kids out there have resources I never had. Kids can identify as ace because they know it exists. Kids don’t have to worry about what’s wrong with them. Kids can realize that they are not broken. Kids can realize that they are ace.

This makes me so happy. This makes me so proud. I love you guys! I love this community! Keep spreading that Ace Awareness! Keep fighting for representation and education! Let’s keep growing!

Stay Amazing. Stay Awesome. Stay Graceful!

this actually happened today

sister: idk i just don’t really find people sexy and i don’t think i need sex in a relationship or ever

me: so you’re asexual?


long story short my sister discovered her sexuality and came out in one day.

I’ve noticed that a lot of people seem afraid to ask honest questions about asexuality for fear of being offensive, so I just want to say this here:

  • Questions asked from a place of honestly trying to educate yourself are not offensive.
  • If you ever have questions about asexuality, feel free to ask.
  • No one expects you to automatically know all about asexuality. We’re 1% of the population.
  • Seriously feel free to ask and I’ll do my best to answer as openly as I can.
My teacher said asexuality is a disease.

I’m asexual. Yesterday, while having sexual education class, my teacher said that the only sexual orientations were heterosexuality, homosexuality and bisexuality. So I asked her why nobody talked about asexuality in sexual education classes. This is what she said:
“That’s because asexuality isn’t a sexual orientation. Asexuality is a disease. Asexual people were born wrong, because everybody feels sexual attraction.”
And then, the bell rang and she leaved the classroom.
Guess who cried for about… 15 minutes? Yeah, me.
All my classmates saw me, and one of them (a girl who I thought that was my friend, and she already knew about my asexuality) asked to me: “So you have that disease??”.
I’m tired. I’m so fucking tired. It is horrible being told that “it is a phase” or that “you haven’t met the right person yet” or, even worse, “it’s a disease”.

To all the asexuals out there, stay strong.


I’d really like to see a productive discourse discussion, where neither party villainizes the other just for respectfully holding a certain position, where each party treats the other with dignity, and where both parties really listen to one another and consider the views of the other, but also aren’t afraid to say “I think you’re incorect.” Don’t be afraid of being respectfully proven wrong, but be grateful for the opportunity to have your err’s exposed, because you’re genuinely seeking truth. Don’t be afraid to call other people out when they’re wrong either, but do it respectfully. Name calling, insults, and swearing at people is not productive. Listening to them is.

“Don’t raise your voice, improve your argument.” If you feel like you’re “loosing” a discourse discussion, maybe it’s because you’re not completely correct, and the person you’re talking to has made a good point. Maybe it’s for another reason, but consider that as a possibility. If you have to resort to childish, hurtful personal attacks in order to come on top, you’re just showing me that you know you’ve been proven wrong, and there’s nothing left you can do.

I wrote this message with both sides of ace discourse on my mind, specifically. Not just discoursers, and not just aces, but both. But I think this is just a good life principal for everyone: Encourage dialogue between a diverse selection of thoughts and beliefs, rather than shutting down dissenters. Put truth above your desire to be right, be open to the idea that you might be wrong, but also don’t be afraid to say “I think you’re not correct.” Treat each other with respect, and don’t resort to meaningless personal attacks. Your goal is to find truth, not to win an argument.

Tips for coming out as asexual, Queenie edition

So apparently people are under the impression that I am some kind of coming out guru.  I’m not.  But it’s nice of you to think I am, I guess!  But, anyway, I keep getting asks about tips for coming out, so I figured I’d drop them here, just in case people want to take advantage of my not-guru-ish powers.

Standard disclaimer: I am not a coming out guru.  I am actually pretty awkward at it a lot of the time.  These are problems/responses I’ve specifically run into when coming out, and ways I’ve come up with to make the process smoother. These are tips specifically for people who are coming out as asexual, but I think some of them could probably be adapted to coming out in general.

Also, I’ve written a bit about coming out before here and here.

Anyway, tips for coming out as asexual, Queenie edition!  (This is huge, because I am incapable of writing anything concise.)

Don’t submit your orientation for approval.

This is mostly a question of how you come out.  Don’t apologize.  Don’t say you might maybe be kind of asexual-ish.  (If you are unsure, that’s totally okay!  Personally, I wouldn’t recommend coming out as questioning to people who are unlikely to respect that.  However, if you’re portraying yourself as questioning because it seems like a safer bet than saying, “I’m asexual and I know it in my BONES,” take a second to figure out why you feel that way.  Are you wanting to phrase it that way because it seems less aggressive?  Are you afraid that people will take it badly?)

Generally straight forward works best.  "Just so you know, I’m asexual.“  Hey, that wasn’t too bad!  If you don’t make a big deal out of it–and don’t give any impression that you’re looking for approval–people will be less likely to give you trouble for it.  If you say, "Gosh, I dunno, I might maybe be asexual, but I’m not really sure.  I’m sorry,” people will tend to start whipping out the “maybe you’re just confused” cards.

If you’re nervous, do a practice run.

I did this all the time when I was first coming out to people.  It sounds pretty silly, but sometimes it helps to just sit down and tell your teddy bear (or tea mug or pillow or other convenient object), “Hey, just so you know, I’m asexual.”  When you’re faced with an actual human being, saying that simple sentence can seem as difficult as reciting a Shakespearean sonnet while wrestling a crocodile, but if you remember that it’s just a single sentence that you’ve said before (and not died from saying!), that makes it a little bit easier.

Better yet, if you have a friend you trust (who you’re already out to) and you’re planning on doing Asexuality 101 when you come out to people, practice with your friend!  Get them to throw the most weird, awful questions at you possible, and if you can answer them with grace and poise (or at least without faceplanting everywhere), you’ll almost certainly do okay when you’re actually coming out.

Keep reading


A friend and I are in the process of founding a charity to prevent the bullying of LGBTQ+ children in schools, which will then lead on to a campaign to persuade the UK government to make LGBTQ+ education a compulsory part of the national curriculum. 

99% of secondary school students hear the word ‘gay’ used as an insult frequently at school, and 55% of LGBTQ+ students are bullied in school because of their sexuality. Furthermore, 26% (that’s 1 in 4) of these students attempt suicide as a result. 


To help with a series of assemblies in UK schools, we would like to produce an honest video about what it is like to be a LGBTQ+ student, and the effects of bullying. If anyone would be willing to send a video, story or even just a brief comment about their experience as an LGBTQ+ individual, we would truly appreciate it. We are up against a wealth of disapproving parents and teachers, and we need to prove to them how important this issue is. Our email address is:

Please reblog/share and spread the message - let’s change the lives of young LGBTQ+ people!

general PSA

1) I am aware that serophobia is a problem within the ace community. i am trying to educate asexual people and decrease the instances of it. 

2) I am also aware that the ace community is not inherently serophobic/homophobic. 

3) I am unbelieveably aware of the fact that exclusionists are using our (ace people’s) shortcomings as a way to avoid talking about the fact that they apparently see nothing wrong with using ronald fucking reagan as a device to mock inclusionists and ace people in general. i have yet to see a single exclusionist own up to the fact that people on their side are making a goddamn meme out of the aids crisis. 

good fukcing night. 

me: it’s wrong (and creepy and lw disgusting) to make any assumptions about a literal kid’s (and I mean as young as 8/9/10/11/12) level of sexual attraction and encouraging a kid as young as eight (especially if you yourself are an adult) to identify as asexual even though they a) are a fucking child and you shouldn’t concern yourself with how sexually attracted to people a child is

and b) telling them they’re ace if they don’t experience attraction inherently implies all other kids DO experience sexual attraction which is, again, gross

and c) given the amount of actual unchecked serophobia and sex-shaming in the community and the fact that everyone (within the ace community) has conflicting ideas on what asexuality actually is (“ace people can have sex/do have sex!” vs. [ace people don’t have to worry about stds jokes]/“cake instead of sex”/etc) I don’t immediately trust what kind of asexuality education y'all would want to give to kids



This video has made it rounds around the Asexual Community, but I thought that it should be posted here for anyone who hasn’t seen it!

If you haven’t seen all the parts to it, check out Part 2: Relationships and Part 3: Are Ace and Aro People LGBT?

‘A-SEXY’ - Short film by BBC filmmaker India Greenhalgh

“In some ways, asexuality is the forgotten sexual orientation and most people aren’t even sure what it means… In this film, I find out what it’s all about from two young, asexual people.”
Check out this amazing short film India Greenhalgh has made for BBC RAW!