asexual partner

Seeing as ‘Riverdale’ Jughead Jones is creating too much disagreement I decided to leave this here, hoping it would help you understand better what Asexuality really is and maybe lessen up this disappointment

Learn what it means to be asexual.

Asexuality is a sexual orientation that means a person feels no sexual attraction to people of any gender. However, a person who identifies as asexual can still choose to have sex, can still love, can still be involved with a romantic partner or get married, and can still engage in normal relationships.

Asexuality doesn’t describe what a person chooses to do, but rather how a person feels. Asexual people have emotional needs, feel attraction to others, and can even feel arousal: they just don’t feel sexual attraction.

  • Many asexual people still identify as lesbian, gay, straight, bisexual, or pansexual (attracted to people of any gender or sexual orientation) as well.
  • Asexuality is not the same as having a low libido, which can be caused by medical or health issues, nor is it the same as repressing one’s sexual desires.

Understand the asexuality umbrella.

As with any sexual orientation, the label asexual is a generalization that doesn’t explain or represent everyone who identifies that way. All humans are unique and individual, and sexual orientation exists on a spectrum of needs, desires, interests, and attractions. Think of asexuality as an umbrella term that describes people who identify as asexual, gray-asexual, and demisexual.

  • Gray-asexual means that a person experiences sexual attraction, but either not very often or only to a minimal extent.
  • Demisexual describes a person who only feels sexual attraction to people with whom a close emotional bond has been formed.

Differentiate asexuality from abstinence and celibacy.

Abstinence is the deliberate choice to refrain from sexual activity, while celibacy is the deliberate choice to refrain from sexual activity and marriage (or marriage-like relationships). These choices may be made for religious, philosophical, moral, or other reasons. Asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction, but not necessarily a lack of sexual appetite (libido). This means asexual people can be:

  • Abstinent or celibate.
  • Sexually active through masturbation.
  • Sexually active with partners.

Learn what asexuality isn’t. Asexuality is a sexual orientation that’s distinct from heterosexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality, pansexuality, and other orientations. However, asexuality also has nothing to do with biological sex, gender identity, or gender expression. And being asexual doesn’t mean you are aromantic, which means a person feels no romantic attraction to others.

Dating an Asexual Person

Recognize that there are different types of relationships.

Just as there are friendships, mother-daughter relationships, father-son relationships, and innumerable other types of platonic (non-sensual) relationships, so too are there many types of romantic relationships aside from just sexual romantic relationships. Dating an asexual person may open your eyes to new types of relationships, which could include:

  • Romantic non-sexual relationships, which often involve physical affection, cuddling, and commitment.
  • Aromantic non-sexual relationships, which involve a deep commitment to one another. While these relationships can include physical affection, there is no sexual or romantic element.

Communicate openly.

Regardless of the circumstances, dating is always about getting to know someone better, and dating someone who identifies as asexual is no different. The key to any relationship is free and open communication. It’s important to discuss personal boundaries early in any relationship, so that partners know what is acceptable, what’s unacceptable, and what is and isn’t expected of each other. If you are unsure of something, it’s always best to just ask!

  • It’s important not to be offended if someone you’re dating comes out to you as asexual. It’s not an excuse and it’s not an attempt to get out of the relationship. That person is just trying to be honest and open.

Understand that an asexual person can be intimate.

Asexual people often partake in romantic partnerships or relationships, but whether a person is open to physical or sexual intimacy depends on the individual. But dating doesn’t necessarily require physical or sexual interaction, and two people can develop a strong emotional or romantic relationship with or without a sexual element: intimacy is much more than just physical touching or sexual activity.

  • An asexual partner may or may not be open to sexual activity, so it’s important to communicate so that everyone involved is on the same page. Feeling sexual pleasure is different from feeling sexual attraction, and some asexual people can enjoy sex.
  • Conversely, some asexual people are not interested in sex at all, and will not be open to exploring a sexual relationship.

And to finish this, some myths:

Asexual people can’t fall in love.

Many asexuals can feel the full range of romantic emotions, from a slight crush to true love.  It’s just devoid of a sexual component.  Asexuals are not limited to platonic love, either.  When an ace feels love, it can be every bit as complex and deep as the romantic love that anyone else feels.

There is a concept of romantic (or affectional) orientation, which describes who a person is romantically attracted to.  Romantic orientation is separate from sexual orientation, although in many people, their romantic and sexual orientations do happen to coincide.  Common romantic orientations include heteroromantic (romantic attraction toward the opposite gender), homoromantic (romantic attraction toward the same gender), bi/panromantic (romantic attraction toward both/all genders), and aromantic (romantic attraction toward no gender).

Asexual people don’t/can’t have sex.

Most asexual people can have sex, and some of them do. Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction, not a lack of sexual ability.  Asexuals are physically and physiologically indistinguishable from other people, in other words, in most cases, the equipment is all there and in working order.  If an asexual person is incapable of having sex, it is usually due to some other condition, and not necessarily related to their asexuality.


So, I guess everyone has their own conclusions now as if Jughead can or can’t be in a relationship, can or can’t fall in love, can or can’t have sex. It’s pretty clear to all of us that this is different from the comics so as all the characters Jughead most likely won’t be exactly alike, that doesn’t mean Jughead is or is not asexual or won’t be in a near future.

I finished, hope it helped you.

HEY SHALADIN ANTIS

GUESS WHAT FUCKERS! IM SLEEP DEPRIVED AND HAVE BEEN LISTENING TO THE SAME TO SONGS FOR OVER 12 HOURS IN A ROW AND IVE REACHED THE LEVEL WHERE I TAKE ON GOD IN A DENNY’S PARKING LOT SO I DECIDED TO COME FOR YOUR ASSES BECAUSE YALL ARE PROBLEMATIC AS FUCK! I SHIP SHALADIN!! THATS RIGHT BITCHEST I SAID THE CURSED 3 WORDS! SHKLANCE?! ITS MY OT3!! SHANCE!!! FUCKING LOVE IT! SHEITH??? FUCKING ADORABLE! SHUNK?! FUCKING BEST BLOOFY BOIS!!! AND YOU KNOW WHAT ANTIS?! I EVEN SHIP SHIRO X KEITH X LANCE X HUNK IN AN OT4 FUCK YOU!!! AND WHEN IM IN A GOOD MOOD I WILL EVEN LET PIDGE BE THEIR ASEXUAL CUDDLE PARTNER!!! YALL THINK ITS OKAY TO TELL PEOPLE TO OFF THEMSELVES BECAUSE OF THEIR SHIPS?! N O FUCK YOU! STOP GOING AFTER THE YOUNGER FANS WHO MIGHT JUST BE GETTING INTO SHOWS LIKE THIS AND COME FOR ME BITCHES!! ASK BOX IS OPEN FEEL FREE TO SEND ALL OF YOUR HATE MY WAY!!! OTHER VOLTRON FANS THAT DONT HAVE STICKS UP THEIR ASSES AND A GOD COMPLEX YOU SHIP WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT! YOU ARENT A BAD PERSON FOR LIKING TWO FICTIONAL CHARACTERS TOGETHER! ANTIS ARE JUST BULLIES WHO IM ABOUT TO FUCKING WRECK! F I G H T M E Y O U H O E S!!!!

List of phrases to use instead of 'going out' and 'dating for QPPs:

- seeing each other
- in a relationship
- together
- a ‘thing’
- affectio (latin for affection)
- acquaintanceship

I can’t think of anything more off the top of my head but feel free to add! Also if you use the terms ‘dating’ and ‘going out’ that is still perfectly fine. That could be what it is for you or it could just be convenient~

anonymous asked:

hey, i don't know if you write smut, but in honor of the leaked scene, could you write a established!bughead drabble, where he climbs her window and is all flirty? (doesn't have to be smut tho, just a hot make out).. i love your writing btw

(Okay, a little disclaimer. First of all, this is not full on smut, it’s just a hot, slightly smutty make out. Second of all, I didn’t make it full on smut, not because I didn’t want to (believe me Cole tempts me to sin and sin badly) but because I didn’t feel that Bughead’s first time would be like that and I didn’t want to write a random smut without first writing about Jughead not being sure about his sexuality and him and Betty generally testing the waters and all of the other normal things teenagers go through. I intend to write something like that because, asexual Jughead or not, Betty and Jughead are two teens that have a natural naivety and a mutual respect to one another so I believe that, as we saw in the kiss too, they would be timid and taking their time with exploring what they are comfortable with and testing their limits. So I left that for another one-shot. As for the part that Jughead might be asexual. I respect that and I’m not trying to erase anything of his (possible) character here. For what I have read and heard from other ace people and friends, yes, he can still be asexual. Asexuality is a sexual orientation, sexual behavior does not change that. Like every other sexuality it has subcategories; the “I dislike sex”, the “I find it ok, but I do not engage in it often”, the “I’m asexual but my partner makes me feel good” etc.  In my mind, as I became older and kept reading the comics and understanding more about sexuality and educating myself on the topic, Jughead fell to the third category for me. That he was being somebody with maybe a lower level of sexual interest but with sexual drive nontheless. So that’s what I have in my mind while watching Riverdale and writing this one-shot and the possible others that will revolve around this topic in the future.

Sorry that was so long, I just wanted to set some things straight and by all means I’m not trying to offend anybody. Everybody ships what they want to ship and that’s perfectly ok! Ship wars are just tiring and pointless so everybody stay calm and respect everyone’s opinions. And if Jughead does end up being asexual with no need to engage in any sexual activities then sure, everyone should be again perfectly ok and not bitch and moan that he won’t get to have steamy scenes or anything. He is still going to be the most amazing guy in Rivedale either way! 

End of my huge rant!! Hope you enjoy guys!! <3)


 Is your mom finally asleep?

I think so yeah. Why?

I’m coming up ;)

Betty locked her phone and shot up from her bed, abandoning her worn-out copy of Wuthering Heights pages first on the mattress and kicking her covers, a nervous excitement pouring down on her belly as she heard the familiar crack of careful footsteps on wood. She gave herself a quick once over on her vanity mirror, checking that her messy bun was intact and straightening her plain white t-shirt, before kicking off her bunny printed fuzzy socks of her feet and throwing them under her bed in a hurry. It wasn’t the fact that he wouldn’t appreciate them, he would and he would probably offer her that chuckle of his that set free a million butterflies inside her chest, but her toe nails were painted a lovely baby pink and it was a shame not to show them off, even though his focus would be on other places, more important ones. She felt her cheeks heating at that and she quickly grabbed her strawberry lip balm from her nightstand, applying some on her already soft lips with her ring finger, knowing that this taste mixed with her own always drove him crazy.

Since that day that Jughead had climbed up her window so for her to complain to him about her parents and her family situation, it seemed that this became a thing for them. At first, he was just sneaking up because they needed a quiet place to discuss investigation plans and theories, the office hours of Blue & Gold proving not to be enough. Now, two months after, the raven haired boy used that ladder almost every night to see his beautiful girlfriend, cuddle with her and watch movies and most importantly kiss her like she was the heavenly droplets of water on his always thirsty lips.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Do you have any acd fic recs?

Hoooo boyyyy do I ever. In no particular order:

The Incident In The Room With The Red Curtain, 9k, teen. Friends to lovers. “Holmes investigates the mysterious disappearance of Francis Colleton, a case that requires some of Watson’s specialist knowledge.” Absolutely one of my favorite fics of all time. They are so gentle with each other.

The Adventure of the Doctor’s Heart, 12k, E. Friends to lovers. “Holmes has observed much of Watson’s habits and tastes over time, which is why it surprises him when his friend objects strangely to a folk song sung at the conclusion of a case. Disturbed by the Doctor’s unexpected display of emotion, Holmes becomes determined to lift his spirits by any means necessary, with mixed results.” This was one of the first Doyle-style fics I read. Holmes’ quiet adoration of John is so good.

Grit, 5k, M. Friends to lovers. “Watson, still bruised and damaged from the Afghan War, decides to hide his inversion so Holmes will remain his friend and flatmate. He thinks the trade-off won’t be difficult, but in a moment of weakness he goes to an underground club with an erstwhile lover. What he discovers there is more than he’d bargained for.” Funny and sad and sweet, with a beautiful ending.

A Man Of Great Character And Better Humor, 2k, gen. Established relationship. Retirement. “When a bit of bad news threatens to crush Watson’s spirit, Holmes knows just the solution.” Absolutely the loveliest little sketch of two old men in love.

Five Times Sherlock Holmes Lied, 5k, gen. Friends to lovers. TAB verse. “Something in Wilde’s persecution has touched a nerve in Sherlock – snapped that tenuous thread of hope holding him upright – and it feels as if he has taken to bleeding internally.” This one’s hard, but gorgeous.

The Ill-Tempered Patient, 1k, gen. Pre-slash. “Holmes has a cold and is being disagreeable, but Watson is used to indulging his moods.” A funny glimpse into their affection for each other.

Mon Couer, 1k, teen. Established relationship. “Holmes tries out a new endearment in the midst of pillow talk.” Holmes gets insecure, and Watson comforts him. The two of them trying to figure out how to be sweet with each other–and flustering themselves–is too lovely.

A Taste of Honey, 3k, teen. Pre-slash. Sickfic. “A failure to observe leads to a successful deduction.” Watson becomes deathly ill while Holmes is away, and Holmes is forced to confront how badly he needs him.

The Incident With The Bicycle, 2k, gen. Established relationship. “We know Holmes can ride a bicycle, but when exactly did he learn?” A bit of a wobble in the early days of their love. I adore Watson’s kindness in this.

Wintry Morning, Victoria Station, 1k, teen. Established relationship. “Watson had come to see me off at the station, that chilly morning in November when a quiet yet momentous shift took place in that strange thing that existed between us.” Watson and Holmes find words for something deeper than anyone around them could imagine.

The Tempest, 3k, teen. Friends to lovers. “Now that Holmes had come back from the dead, things could return to how they were before.” Aftermath of Reichenbach–Watson is so brave.

As Yes To If, 3k, gen. Friends to lovers. Granada. “Leave for your own sake if you must, but on no account shall you leave for mine. I can imagine no sadder outcome of the insight you have gained tonight.” Watson lets slip more of his heart than he realizes, after they nearly lose their lives.

Winter In London, 45k, NR. Friends to lovers. CW: rape. “The last stages of a case go dangerously wrong. Afterwards, Watson tries to live with the memory of a terrible bargain in secrecy.” This is heartbreaking, and deep, and beautiful. Be careful of the content; but if you can manage it, it’s worth it.

I May Be Speaking To Closed Doors, 2k, teen. Established relationship. “Watson makes a Valentine, and then isn’t sure what to do with it.” Poor Watson, a romantic in a relationship with the world’s most unromantic man–so it seems.

Invasion, 2k, gen. Established relationship. Watson can’t bear mice. Holmes thinks it’s rather silly, but humors him, until he understands. This starts off a bit cracky and then ends so sweetly.

Tea From Terai, 700w, gen. Established relationship. “Sherlock Holmes gets a letter from Terai, and remembers that he does know someone in Terai. Or, knew.” Watson learns a little something about his love’s past.

What Is Right, And What Is Easy, 600w, NR. Established relationship. “There’s a reason that Article 28 (which criminalized homosexuality) was called the Blackmailer’s Charter.” This cuts deep for how brief it is.

The Red Notebook, 10k, teen. Post-Reichenbach. I hesitated to include this because it’s a bit too much heartbreak for me–I can’t believe that they would ever willingly give each other up, after love. But this story’s Mycroft is so good, his relationship with Watson so bittersweet, I had to. And it ends joyously, as it must.

Masked Ball, 30k, teen. Friends to lovers. “Six months after Holmes’ return from the dead, the delicate equilibrium in Baker Street is disturbed when a stranger walks out of the London fog with a case–for Watson. Holmes is wary, Watson is fascinated. But who is the man calling himself Álvaro de León? And what does he really want?” I love, love, love this story. I love Alvaro, I love the way Holmes deduces Watson’s bisexuality, I love the mystery and the sweep and the humor of it. It’s wonderful.

Text Omitted, 1k, teen. Established relationship. CW: child abuse. “Watson learns something disconcerting about Holmes’ past.” This makes me cry, and smile: the courage with which they love each other.

The Bee Grove, 14k, teen. Friends to lovers. CW: suicide. “Watson travels to Kent to attend the funeral of an estranged friend from his past who committed suicide. Certain things transpire to make Watson wonder if his inappropriate love for Holmes could possibly be requited.” Beautiful.

Idée Fixe, 1k, teen. Friends to lovers. Granada. “He does not know what to begin with it. It is too grave a thing to be treated as a mere distraction, too tenacious to be dissolved in tobacco smoke. What does one begin with an idée fixe? With a mind bent towards one single thing.” This is almost infuriating in its restraint, but fascinating, too.

The Thieves’ Den, 6k, teen. “The discovery of a large cache of stolen goods ends badly.” Words cannot express how I love this fic–particularly the meddling Mycroft, and the protectiveness of both of them, in spite of each other.

Since I First Saw Your Face, 70k, M. Developing relationship. “During the Great Hiatus, Holmes, studying in Tibet, reflects on his first meeting with Dr John Watson.” The only WIP I’ll rec, or read, because the wealth of historical detail and depth of their intimacy is such that I’d be immensely thankful to have read this even if it never ended. The author can be found on tumblr at @artemisastarte.

When You Know Something’s Wrong, 1k, M. Established relationship. Sickfic. “Holmes gets it wrong.” This is just 1k of lovely Watson gently forcing his medical attention on a truculent Holmes.

Pilgrims Of A Sort, 12k, teen. Friends to lovers to retirement. Absolute classic. “A pair of young travelers turn up at the Sussex cottage of an aging Holmes and Watson, searching for proof that love like theirs can last a lifetime. Watson tells them the story of himself and Holmes–which also happens to be the story of Mary Morstan, and her own unconventional love affair.” Featuring a fantastic old married Holmes and Watson and TWO pairs of happy lesbians.

A Matter of Integrity, 3k, gen. Established relationship. “It is a curious thing when a celebrity whom you’ve never truly met is widely considered your most prominent suitor. Irene Norton sets out in search of some answers, and discovers that sometimes the truth is a delicate matter.” Irene is wonderful, Holmes is careful, and this is good.

Cameo, 8k, teen. Friends to lovers. “Holmes and Watson become embroiled in a case Scotland Yard refuses to acknowledge. A soulmate AU.” One wouldn’t think a magical AU in Victorian times could be very delicately done, or mesmerizing. One would be wrong.

Chimera, 800w, gen. Pre-slash. Post-Reichenbach. “My dear Watson, It is with reluctance that I begin this letter to you, for there can be no doubt regarding its fate. It will follow into oblivion all the other letters I have written to you over the past two years, the only difference between them their means of demise.” Poor Holmes.

Something To Retire To, 9k, teen. Friends to partners. Asexual Holmes, miscommunication, jealousy. “Watson contemplates the future while he and Holmes investigate the three Garridebs.” This fic will break your heart into a hundred pieces and put it together again.

Hallowed Be Thy Name, 40k, E. Established relationship. “A word must be said upon the subject of witticisms first, within the context of the manuscripts which have begun littering our rooms.  My friend the Doctor’s sense of humour exists in direct correlation to his state of physical well-being, and the more active a man he becomes–a felicity for which I am grateful as much to his ferocious tenacity as to any higher power–the more wry grow the invariably poetical descriptors applied to my person.” Holmes’ past, Watson’s love, and an epic poem of a story. This fic changed me.


Of course, look up each author’s full body of work if you want more. Mistyzeo is on tumblr at @mistyzeo and posts recs frequently. I write Doyle-style here. @granada-brett-crumbs has another magnificently expansive canon fic rec here. @knightfury1895 and @jeremyholmes post canon-style ficlets on tumblr. Basically, there’s a wealth of wonderful fic out there!

“they’re nonbinary/genderfluid they can’t have a orientation identity”

pansexuality/panromantic: attraction regardless of sex, gender, or appearance

demipansexual/romantic: attraction only after having known that person for awhile and are comfortable and fond of their presence

bisexual: attraction to more than one gender

queer: umbrella term for someone who is not heterosexual

demisexual/romantic: attraction only after you are used to and fond of their presence (appearance can have a role in this)

andro: attraction to masculinity, not necessarily men, but attraction to masculinity in general.

gyro: attraction to femininity, not necessarily women, but attraction to femininity in general.

a relationship that is not romantic but involves a close emotional connection (platonic) beyond what most people consider friendship. The commitment level in a queerplatonic relationship is often considered to be similar to that of a romantic relationship.

Polyamory: is typically the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships where individuals may have more than one partner, with the knowledge and consent of all partners

asexual: a person that feels no sexual attraction to anybody, or very rarely

(can still have libido, may be sex repulsed, may never feel anything sexual, it depends)

An aromantic is a person who experiences little or no romantic attraction to others.

akoiromantic: someone who experiences romantic attraction, but doesn’t wish to act upon it or for it to be reciprocated

(this is a flexible term, akoiromantics can be in extremely casual relationships that aren’t labeled as romantic, and not feel trapped in that relationship)

Dear Night Valeans,

This is a PSA because I think it would be so terrible for WTNV fans to miss out on this amazing YA book, Radio Silence by Alice Oseman. It’s a book about a girl who got involved in her favourite fictional podcast and the author made no secret that the main inspiration for it is based on Welcome to Night Vale (the MC even has a WTNV poster in her room!). The author even had a paragraph in her acknowledgement page dedicated to Welcome to Night Vale.

Now, you may think that this sounds like a rip off of the podcast, especially if you read the description of the podcast in the book. But the best thing about the book is that it’s definitely captures the spirit of WTNV while telling its own unique story that most people can relate to: being true to who you are, realizing that what people want for you may not be the best thing for you, and finding your own people who can accept you for who you really are.

Furthermore, the book and characters are incredible diverse and when I say diverse, I mean really diverse:

1) MC is a bisexual mixed-race British/Ethiopian girl, and she uses the actual word “bisexual” to describe herself instead of the more ambiguous “I just like whoever I like.” Trust me, so many books would rather have their characters say that rather than to use the actual word. Also, the author did not use any love triangle to as a plot device to prove her bisexuality. She says she’s bisexual, so that should be enough.

2) There are two other gay characters and their sexuality was accepted without judgment, although there are discussions on why it’s not easy to come out to everyone.

3) Two of the characters (including the MC) are mixed POC and they have a discussion on how they regret not being in touch with their heritage due to being born in UK. Also another character is Indian and she’s more in tune with her cultural heritage.

4) All the main characters are NOT straight. Seriously, when was the last time you’ve read a good, well-written non-heteronormative book? Other than Francesca Lia Block’s brilliant Love in the Time of Global Warming of course. 

5) The main character is Frances and Aled. A boy and a girl. THEY DID NOT FALL IN LOVE (this is not a spoiler, there is zero will-they-won’t-they plot). In fact, after we finished the Meet Cute scene there is a special chapter in page 85 where Frances gives the reader a heads up that they WON’T fall in love with each other just because she’s a girl who met a boy. Also Aled declared that he’s platonically in love with Frances and Frances thanks him for saying the boy-girl equivalent of No Homo. THEY’RE SO CUTE GUYS.

6) The best and rarest thing: there is a genuine and honest discussion on asexuality. I repeat, there is a genuine and honest discussion on asexuality. Seriously, what other book does that, especially YA book?? There is a discussion on asexuality, demisexuality and also the burden of not knowing that your partner is asexual which will put strain in your relationship and this is why visibility and awareness is important people. It blows my mind that Oseman even went there and she deals with asexuality with kindness and sensitivity that the issue deserves.

You would think that all of this makes the book preachy and try-hard but it’s not, these facts are just part of the characters and not shoved in the readers’ faces and incorporated to show that the world and the people in it is so diverse and does not fall within the trappings of society’s binary expectations. 

I always wondered if I should find other podcasts to listen to other than Welcome to Night Vale, but the fact is there is nothing quite like Night Vale, with its truly diverse, female-friendly characters and incredibly clever plots. Similarly, I have never read anything quite like Radio Silence, and I hope to see more of this kind of writing and I’m forever thankful for WTNV for inspiring a generation of new voices that will not not be limited by the trapping of heteronormative, cliched storytelling.

Someone asked “What about a totally aroace Newt? /H”

Totally aroace Newt who wants a partner but never mentions it because people would take it the wrong way. He wants someone to travel with him, to explore the wonders of the world with him, to passionately protect magical creatures and their habitats with him, and to drink tea with him while looking up at the stars each night.

- Ravenclaw Mod

My problem with this

Them: You have to tell your partner if you’re Ace.

Me: Why? So they won’t sexually assault, harrass, and/or pressure me?

Them: not what I meant.

Me: Why? Because I need to know if they’ll be respectful of my identity or if they’ll try to bully me and call me a snowflake?

Them: no, but-

Me: because I don’t want them to attempt to pressure me to go through therapy or medical care that I don’t actually need,

Them: no but-

Me: Why? Because I should know early on if they’ll attach my asexuality to some bigoted opionion they have against another one of my intersections?

Them: no-

Me: Oh, I see. It’s because I don’t want them to argue that I CAN’T be ace because of bigoted beliefs they have about my other intersections?

Them: Well-

Me: Or is it because I need to know early on if they’re the type of person that would use my orientation as an excuse to cheat on me?

Them: No.

Me: Then why?

Them: Because what if they want to have sex to you? It’s not fair to them.

Me: Oh, I see. You weren’t actually thinking about me at all, just this hypothetical non-asexual partner. Tell me, shouldn’t we instead advocate that everyone detail whether or not they can have a relationship that doesn’t involve sex instead of placing all the responsibility on ace people, specifically sex-averse ace people?

Them: i mean, I guess that’s fine. But I think ace people should start the ball rolling by IDing themselves as such early on. Like, people may not feel comfortable giving out that many details about themselves at the beginning of a relationship, and they definitely don’t want it out there for everyone to know.

Me: *leans really close* neither do ace people.

6

Happy trans day of visibility! I’m Ezra. I’m agender/nonbinary, and I prefer they/them pronouns but I’ll accept any. In these pictures, I’m the one with the short dark hair. The beautiful blonde accompanying me is, as of yesterday, my fiancée, Bianca( officialtrowabarton ). I am Arab, and Bianca is Latina. 

Bianca has been my strength throughout my transition. Every step of the way, she supported me. When I was questioning, she let me- when I changed my name, and then again, she supported me. She reminded me that even though I don’t identify as a “girl” or a “boy” strictly speaking, that my trans identity is valid. Even though I wear eyeliner and lipstick and don’t shave? Bianca says I’m beautiful and that I should express myself in the way that makes me most comfortable.

Bianca identifies as aromantic bisexual, while I’m pan- oriented, but a gray asexual. By making this visible, I want people to see that there is more out there than conventional love. What Bianca and I have is a strong, deeply emotionally important bond. We love each other, but without the associations usually made about love dealing with romance or sex. “Platonic” is a word that seems to just fall short. Bianca and I are drift compatible. We are our fury, our patience, our conversation. We work in a way that no one else needs to understand. 

Aromantics and asexuals can engage in meaningful, important relationships. There is love without romance. There is love without sex. Bianca and I are in an open engagement, soon to be an open marriage, because this is the life that makes us happy and works for us. There is nothing wrong with “less conventional” love- and it’s out there, waiting for all of us who are told our orientations are too “complicated”. I love Bianca for all her complications. 

Thank you.