So, Its the first day of Asexual awareness Week, at least for me, yayyyyyy. So, feel free from today to October 28th to ask me, or my ask blog, @ask-a-vantas, anything concerning asexuality, as I am ace, and for that week, karkat will be asexual, and i will hopefully have kankri, who i hc as asexual.
Tindwyl is asexual. Don’t try to deny it. She’s not, I think, particularly sex-averse, but quite sex-neutral. After her experiences in the Lord Ruler’s breeding programs, she’s tired of sex and wants nothing more to do with it–but she entered the program voluntarily because her hesitance to sleeping with someone and carrying their child was no match for her desire to keep feruchemy alive.
And that’s the thing. For Tindwyl, sex is just an act. Reproduction. Rebellion. So long as consent is given, sex is not necessarily a bad thing, though she doesn’t understand why for some people the only purpose of sex is pleasure.
She knows one thing. Sex is not love.
And that is where the disconnect happens. Tindwyl studies history and biographies. She is well aware that, for many people, sex and love are intertwined–that sometimes sex is even considered more important or more desirable than romantic love.
But not for Tindwyl. For her, sex and love are entirely separate. They may coincide or they may not. Neither is a prerequisite for the other, nor a necessary result. She suffered the breeding program–and was proud to do so–and is quite happy to restrict any and all future relationships to pure romance.
I’ve seen a few people posting headcanons/fics for Asexual Awareness Week, so I thought maybe I’d share this drabbled ace-spec Kaidan headcanon I’ve had sitting around for a while.
“Hey, LT, put your tongue back in your mouth before you trip on it.”
Kaidan tore his eyes away from the stage, a guilty flush coming to his cheeks. Williams was right; he’d been staring. Only not for the reasons she seemed to think.
Asari had always made Kaidan uncomfortable.
Not in a xenophobic, humans first, Terra Firma kind of way. He got along fine with asari as individuals. Liara was one of the best members of Shepard’s squad, actually. She was young and maybe naive at times, but he thought the galaxy could use a little more hope and optimism sometimes. And Liara wasn’t the only asari he’d had positive interactions with. He generally liked asari as people. It was asari as a concept that posed a problem for him.
Kaidan had known his whole life that he was supposed to view asari a certain way. He’d learned it from every pulp space adventure written since making contact with the Council races. From every holo or billboard with a smiling, scantily clad asari. From every salacious story and pin-up in every locker room or barracks. There was a clear message that ran through it all: Human men - unless they were one hundred percent definite, never interested in a single woman, gay - were universally attracted to asari. Asari were a color-shifted manifestation of every sexy green-skinned alien fantasy that filled pre-contact sci fi. Even the xenophobes thought they were hot, and hated them all the more for it.
Kaidan was pretty certain he was interested in women. Some women, anyway. Maybe a handful over the years. So he didn’t have that excuse to fall back on. But he still didn’t respond to asari. Not the way he was supposed to.
So he stared. When he was in places like Chora’s Den, places where asari were presenting themselves as deliberately sexual entertainment, he studied them, trying to understand.
Objectively, he supposed he could see it. They were beautifully exotic, female but not quite human, the lure of the unknown. Universal biotic metabolisms helped them keep lithe, trim figures over the course of a thousand year lifespan. He could see the traits that might make asari appealing, but it never went beyond an intellectual analysis.
He admired some of the dancers, the confidence and beauty in the way they moved. From time to time, he’d find one of them who seemed to be dancing for herself, eyes closed and moving to the music like she didn’t care who could see. Those were the ones he watched the longest, appreciating that unself-conscious freedom. And maybe envying it, just a little.
That wasn’t what Ash meant when she chided him for staring, though. It wasn’t what Shepard would assume either, for that matter. But Kaidan had learned a long time ago that it was easier to let others think what everyone else would be thinking than to try to explain that he wasn’t.
So he accepted Ash’s ribbing, flushed with the embarrassment of having been caught, and stopped watching an asari with subtly asymmetric facial markings dance like she’d found her own private parallel universe where no one else mattered.
As asexuality awareness week approaches here are some fun things to maybe remember when making people aware of asexuality.
Romantic orientations aren't just an asexual thing.
Having mixed orientations, or being varioriented, is a possibility for people of all orientations. (ex. aromantic bisexual, heteroromantic asexual, homoromantic pansexual)
Variations in arousability, sex drive or libido, interest in sex, sexual desire, amounts of sex had, etc aren’t just an asexual thing. These variations exist in people of all sexual orientations and are independent of sexual orientation. (though they may overlap or tie closely in with sexual orientation)
Sex repulsion or aversion isn’t just an asexual thing. And it’s fine for anyone of any sexual orientation to be sex repulsed, sex averse, or to just not like or want or have sex.
Same with sex indifference.
Sex repulsion or aversion, sex indifference, and liking sex can exist on a sliding scale and can differ from day to day or from activity to activity.
Sex positivity, sex neutrality, and sex negativity are social movements and are not analogous to liking sex, sex indifference, or sex repulsion/aversion.
Sexual attraction does not equal a willingness to have sex. A person can be willing to have sex without experiencing sexual attraction and unwilling to have sex while experiencing sexual attraction.
Grey-asexuals and demisexuals are not asexuals who sometimes want sex or who are sometimes willing to have sex. (though there may be graces and demis who wish to define themselves this way, which is fine) They are their own orientations with their own definitions that are about varying degrees of sexual attraction.
The “asexual spectrum” describes the grouping together of orientations with no, low, infrequent, unsure, or circumstantial sexual attraction, not variations of anything else. (like, for example, low libido to high libido in asexuals)
Aromantic is a romantic orientation where a person does not experience romantic attraction to any gender. It is not people who don’t love, who don’t want relationships, who don’t partake in romance, etc.
Variations of romantic drive, tolerance for romantically coded activities, interest in romance, etc happen to people of all orientations.
Being romance repulsed is a thing and people of any orientation can experience it.
Romantic attraction does not equal a willingness to partake in romantic relationships or romantic activities.
Many “traditionally romantic” activities can be done non-romantically. (kissing, hand holding, cuddling, etc)
People of all orientations can be touch averse. (blanket statements like ‘romantic asexuals like to cuddle’ aren’t universally true)
When in doubt, vague it up. Something like 'it varies from person to person’ will cover almost anything.
Ace outfit day 8: Today is a dress day. There are purple and grey birds on the scarf but they don’t come out very purple in the photo. Today’s total: 1 point Running total: 16 points
Also it is asexual awareness week now (did I get that right maybe it is tomorrow, it is currently Sunday here) but anyway why not make an outfit, award yourself points for it if you like (my rules here or make up your own) and then give yourself a prize for your points (because points mean prizes yes, probably cake or ice cream)
And maybe your outfit will give you an excuse to make somebody aware, like that we have a flag because we are so legit and also maybe they would like to learn more some time. And then you can be like “wow, look, so many resources for you” and show them some resources they can look at and then awareness happens.
I don’t tend to like the idea of labels. I see them as
restrictive, like boxes (to use the cliché) that you’re expected to fit into;
especially in current society, a lot of adjectives have become prescriptive rather
than descriptive (Judith Butler???). There is, however, a reason that they
exist. Without them, we cannot easily nor quickly convey to people aspects of
our identity. Being that our identity doesn’t rely upon physical appearance,
nor has any physical world relation, identity is often a hard thing to
understand let alone explain to others. Adjectives are a currency of
identification. Thousands of years of
miscommunication, frustration and face-value assumptions of identity, have
combined to produce copious multifarious adjectives to allow us to easily
communicate the hidden parts of ourselves, that which exists only within us.
So yes, that is one of the reasons labels are important,
interpersonal communication. But I think that whilst they have become
dangerous, restrictive, limiting and effacing, they are still extremely
important for another reason. Language brings possibilities into reality, it
gives meaning to things which you only knew inside yourself before. It takes
that and it makes it something conceivable, something explainable, sometimes
even normal. Because how are we to tell what is normal without words to
describe it and adjectives with which to evaluate that concept. Normal is a
word that I shall explain too, in the way I have chosen to use it here.
Terms that describe different modes/aspects of sexuality, of
romantic or aesthetic or sexual attraction, they are so important. They can
give a voice to reactions, attractions, that you never knew existed in anyone
but yourself. They make differentiations and mark boundaries, allowing you to
see aspects of yourself acting in a way that is different to the average
heterosexual, or even at this point in time homosexual, relationship, yet still
normal for a lot of people. And that is why labels are extremely important to
this day and age; we are told only of an average, of a normal, of expected
things, and so forget that we are people and that our normal is normal too.
These prefixes we use: demi-, hetero-, homo-, a-, cupio-, recipro-, aego- etc.,
these acronyms: LGBTQ+, MOGAI, etc. They give a voice to our identities, allow
the different parts of us to be said, shouted, sung and proudly stand as equal,
and normal. And that’s why they’re important, because we are important, because
who we are is important, and without these words existing, it is quite possible
we would never think our orientation possible. For example, I discovered that I
am (prob) lithromantic, I didn’t know that that’s a thing I could be until I found
that word, and it solidified my experiences, joined them, matched them up and
presented me with part of my identity that I had hitherto been concerned about
as a series of anomalies that didn’t make any sense. But it is part of me, and
I am important, so it is too, and the label which gave me a way to link what I
had felt became important too. So don’t begrudge people the labels they use,
even if, like me, you begrudge the whole idea of labels in the first place.
Stop cluttering up my dash with asexual things, no one cares.
It’s asexual awareness week, idk maybe it’s important to bring awareness to the fact that there are people who define themselves somewhere under the asexual umbrella or spectrum or whatever. Maybe there are people out there who are struggling and are asexual but they don’t know that it exists or they don’t understand; maybe someone out there is feeling broken because they just don’t feel sexually attracted when the world is telling them that they should be sexually attracted. It is very very important to reblog things about asexuality because we need people to understand. It isn’t just relevant to asexual people either, it’s relevant to everyone (if only to stop you asking if asexuals are like plants…) and tbh we really need to raise the awareness because awareness = more understanding = happier people.
I drew another picture
It is asexuality awareness this whole week so please Be Aware! And maybe beware, in case an asexual near you might be dying all your cakes purple (or something like that)
You can maybe meet one who wears a black ring like mine, except usually on a right hand (middle finger) instead of round a neck!
what would you guys want to see from us for asexual awareness week? i’m already thinking a selfie day, an art/headcanon day, maybe a story day? i don’t know for sure, obviously, but if you have ideas feel free to let us know!