anonymous asked:

Asalamualaykum, menurut kamu di kondisi yang bagaimana seorang wanita boleh tidak melanjutkan proses taaruf nis? Beberapa tawaran yang masuk belum ada satupun yang membuatku untuk memutuskan buat lanjut.

Wa'alaikumsalam warahmatullah. Di kondisi dimana kamu tidak merasa ridha terhadap agama pada dirinya..

anonymous asked:

asalamualaykum can you please give me a list of questions to ask a potential spouse, as many as possible. Idk what to ask him and I'm meeting up with him for the first time with my wali soon.jazakallah khair

Walaykumasalam warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu

These may be too comprehensive for a first meeting but it may help give you a good idea on what kinds of things matter and you should know beforehand.

Deen related:
What is your aqeedah
Who do you take your deen from?
What books pertaining to the deen do you study or wish to study?
How often do you go to the masjid?
What efforts have you made for your relationship with the Qur'an: in memorization, recitation and understanding?
What is your stance on unity with all sects in Islam under the umbrella of being “Just Muslim”?
How important is it for you to seek ‘Ilm
What is your stance on: milaad, annasheed/music, intermingling, watching tv, photography, etc.
Do you wish to or plan on making hijra to Muslim lands?
What do you think of your wife working outside the home?
Do you wish to be polygamous if you are able?
Do you earn in a halal manner and what measures do you take to ensure of this?
Do you interact with the opposite gender, shake hands with them, mingle with them at work, have them on your social media etc.?

Character & Family related:
How is your relationship with your parents, especially your mother?
How big of an influence has race/culture played in your upbringing and current lifestyle?
How often would you visit your parents if you live separately after marriage?
What are your parents expectations of your wife (living together, taking care of them, cultural expectations and other things of that nature)?
Do you have a tendency of showing your anger or using profanity?
How disciplined are you in your daily routine, schedule and personality?
What are your views on zuhd, wealth, having nice things etc.?
How do you give and take naseeha?
How do you deal with someone when they’ve upset you (ignore them, confront them, yell at them, step away from them temporarily, etc.)?
Are you light-hearted and humorous?
What are you known for among your friends?
Who do you spend most of your leisure time with? Also, how do you spend it?
What is your stance on women studying or attaining ‘Ilm after marriage?
What do you feel are your obligations to your wife and her obligations to you?

Personal questions:
What are your expectations from a wife?
What characteristics do you seek in a woman?
How many children would you ideally want?
How time consuming is your career/work?
What is your career/educational background, how much do you earn?
What is your current living situation and how will it change after marriage?
What kind of a wedding do you want?
Do you travel often?
What are some ways in which you would contribute on a regular basis to your home, apart from earning?
How would you want your children raised and what contributions would you be making towards that upbringing (apart from picking a suitable mother)?
Describe your humour.
Do you have any major deficiencies or concerns that you know of which you should disclose (inability to have children, mental illnesses, physical disabilities, diseases, etc.)?
Do you have a history of certain physical or mental illnesses in your family?
How self-sufficient are you (earning, cooking, cleaning, taking care of yourself without relying on your mother, spouse or another woman)?
How generously do you spend on others?
Who is your favourite/most beloved Sahabah and why?
Who is your favourite/most beloved scholar and why?

You can obviously questions based on your preferences. For example, “are you an animal lover? Can we keep cats if we get married?” Lol
But I would advise you to refrain from asking questions that would:
1) Questions which may reveal his sins from the past because we Muslims we must conceal each other’s sins.
2) Personal history unless he wishes to disclose it himself for example being engaged previously or questions of that nature. Unless he was married before, they don’t concern you.
3) Questions which will have him estimate how he will potentially behave in a marriage. The answers to these are often estimates and real life situations reveal different sides of individuals. Only ask about his current and past tendencies, behaviours and personality traits
4) Hearsay inquiries. Questions based on rumors you may have heard about the individual because that’s just rude.

In Sha Allah this helps. May Allah grant you success in finding a righteous and loving spouse ameen. ♡