as you can tell i am quite proud of these yes

AU where instead of going to Samwell, Jack starts a widely successful Publicly Broadcast show for children.

Jack learns that he is great with kids after coaching them for a little over two years. Moreover, kids are good with Jack. There is no pressure to be anything other than who he is.


It all starts with a local news program doing a fluff piece on Jack Zimmermann’s coaching ability. But then it turned into something completely different when Jack skated onto camera and started to introduce every single one of his kids and what was special about them. He was…really enchanting actually. He didn’t ever really talk down to them. Jack just treated them as a tiny friend. 

They ARE his tiny friends, but that’s not the point. 

The footage they got of “snack time” was really the best. Imagine a good 16 kids piled around this massive man teaching them the best way to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. 

 It should have been obvious that a local channel would contact him. It still surprises Jack. They want him to host a show? Why? Everyone always teased him about how impersonable he was during interviews. Is it because he’s Jack Zimmermann’s son? Or Alicia’s? 

Jack asks all of these questions to his mother and she just laughs. “You made a PB&J interesting to 16 kids just by being you”

Jack figures it wouldn’t hurt to give it a shot. 

Keep reading

THE QUEST FOR LOVE

Relationships has never been something I’m brave enough to write about, especially in public. The love between a man and a woman to me is very personal. Add religion into the equation and it just becomes very sacred to me. I do not wish to write too long, since I have classes tomorrow at 9am and it’s exactly 4.30am right now. However, I just need to let a few things off my chest because it has been bothering me for quite a while now. Also, due to my hectic schedule, this is the only time I have to write- though I swear to god I’m super sleepy right now

Before we jump into the topic, yes I am single. Have I ever been in a relationship? The answer is also yes. I know how it feels like to love and be loved the same way I know how it feels to be completely shattered. You see, different people have different definitions of love. I strongly believe that the people we fall in love with can sometimes reflect the kind of person we are. For instance, I really value religion, knowledge and ambition. Thus, if i were to marry someone, I look for someone with these exact characteristics. I want someone who has the same goals that I have. Someone who will not only fight with me to succeed in this world, but also in the hereafter. I need someone who works just as hard as I do, not someone who is always tired and only cares about sleep. No more time should be wasted with whiny and lazy ambitionless boys. If you’re serious to pursue a relationship, look for a man.

If there’s one thing a relationship has taught me, it is the importance of maturity when it comes to love. NEVER indulge in a relationship just because it’s a ‘nice’ feeling. If you want to be with someone might as well be with a person who will help bring the best out of you, spiritually, mentally and also emotionally. If the relationship you are in is leading you towards the haraam, leave. No buts. It is just the end of a toxic relationship, not the end of the world. 

By the way people, it is perfectly OKAY to be single. I have been single for over a year now, and wallahi I have never been this happy and I have been achieving so much. I always tell my friends that when you are single, you have 27 hours a day. What it essentially mean is that you’ll have more time for yourself. I know some people who can only seek comfort in the presence of their significant other. After one relationship ends they feel the need to jump into another. Chill people, chill. Take a breather. You don’t need another person to feel sufficient. Try to be comfortable and at peace with yourself with or without a relationship. You have the rest of your life to be spent with your significant other, so while you’re single, might as well really embrace/enjoy it.

Okay last point before I hit the sack, never settle. Ya Allah I can’t stress this enough. Being single is better than being with the wrong person. As they say, it’s better to wait long than marry wrong. If we dont know what we deserve, we will always settle for less. But to deserve more, we should first be more. Build your character before you choose to build a family. Study hard, learn new skills, take up a hobby, read more, travel. There’s so much that can be done when you’re single for your personal development. Take care of yourself. Your health, spirituality, intelligence, akhlak (good character) etc & inshaAllah you’ll get someone who’d do the same for you.

Jim Rohn once said, “The greatest gift you can give somebody is your own personal development. I used to say, ‘If you will take care of me, I will take care of you.’ Now I say, ‘I will take care of me for you, if you will take care of you for me”.

I know this entry is all over the place, but I’m half awake so do forgive me. I hope you find this post helpful. As for me, call me philophobic but I am personally afraid to be in a relationship again. But when the time comes, I hope the guy I end up with will be proud with the lady I have become. If you happen to read this, whoever you may be, please know that not a day passes that I don’t make do’a for you, and for us. Wherever you are in this world, I hope you are also striving to be your best self. May Allah make it easy for us to find our way to each other. See you when I see you!

Ending this cringey post with one of my favorite quotes from Rumi,

‘Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.’

Lots of love,

Aisyah

During Jack and Bitty’s 2nd summer together...

So Jack is in Georgia for a couple of days, right, and he comes back from a morning run to find both Bittle parents in the kitchen eating breakfast (Bitty slowly dragging is ass out of bed, he can hear the bathroom upstairs). 

Suzanne greets him with a smile, Coach with a nod, Jack sits down to eat. Usually, there’s a fair amount of chatter- even without Bitty- because Jack is comfortable with both parents, but now they’re eating in silence. Throwing furtive glances at Jack. At each other. At Jack again.

Jack’s stars feeling the tingle in his fingers that announces his anxiety. He counts the seconds until Bitty leaves the bathroom- no, that was the sound of the shower. Alright then.

Suzanne places her mug back on the table.

- Jack, sweetheart, we need to talk to you.

Coach takes a sip of coffee and sits back straight.

- …Alright? says Jack.

- We’ve seen the way you look at Junior, says Coach in a matter-of-fact voice.


(more under the cut)

Keep reading

4

YOI Future!Verse ABO AU, Visual Headcanon Web Charts #01

So I always wanted to make one of these. Turns out my headcanons for the most part are WAY too wordy for these things and uh, they’re a bit of a mess >.>;; BUT I hope nonetheless that they’re somewhat fun to read even if barely legible, it was fun to make ^ ^;

1. Super basic relationship chart of the core members of the lovely poly family in this AU.

2. “Adults Think,” the color of each adult indicates their feelings towards the person to whom the arrow is pointing.

3. “Kids Think,” the color of each OC kid indicates their feelings towards the person to whom the arrow is pointing.

There’s obviously a lot more to it than what could be crammed in the lil text boxes, but a gist and pretty much the first things that immediately popped into my mind regarding their interactions. 2 and 3 also mostly show their thoughts while the kids are younger, which will change a bit as they grow up, to be covered in a future post.

*Recommended you right click view image to see full size bc the text is tiny oops

Because the text is so illegible, text only versions of charts 2 and 3 beneath cut, all elaborated quite a bit because I’m so rambly oops:

~~

IF YOU ARE NEW TO THIS AU: It’s Yuuri-centric polyamory in an ABO setting, Yuuri’s married to four mates (Victor, Yurio, Phichit, Minami) and they have OC kids.

BASICS of this AU

INTRO to how ABO works in this AU

OTHER POSTS (comics + illustrations) in the Future!Verse ABO section of my YOI Masterpost.

~~

Please keep ship bashing out of the comments/tags. Don’t like, just skip <3 Thank you.

~~

PLEASE DO NOT REPOST, EDIT, OR OTHERWISE USE MY ART WITHOUT MY EXPLICIT PERMISSION. More detailed rules available on my Rules & FAQ Post.

~~

Keep reading

Dating Bruce Wayne Would Include

(Btw I am using the Batman v Superman Bruce Wayne, y’all)

  • Not being entirely sure as to how it all even happened
    • On the off-chance that you’re one of Gotham’s minimal elite, you probably met Bruce at a charity gala and, for some reason beyond your comprehension, he picked you out of the other well-dressed women
    • In the higher likelihood that you don’t come from an affluent family, there’s a multitude of possibilities as to where you met: Maybe you were at a gala working as part of the catering company and he accidentally spilled red wine on you. Maybe you worked as an intern or temp or had a desk job somewhere in the Wayne Enterprise building in Gotham. Or maybe he just saw some assholes giving you a rough time and he stepped in and then offered to walk you home.

Keep reading

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let’s shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can’t. I’ll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I’m excited. Here’s the graduate. We’re very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B’s. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That’s me! - Wave to us! We’ll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I’d make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I’m glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I’m not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don’t waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That’s why we don’t need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp… under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of… …9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it’s just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it’ll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as… Honey! - That girl was hot. - She’s my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we’re all cousins. - Right. You’re right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it’s done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you’ll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn’t know that. What’s the difference? You’ll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven’t had one day off in 27 million years. So you’ll just work us to death? We’ll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! “What’s the difference?” How can you say that? One job forever? That’s an insane choice to have to make. I’m relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We’re bees. We’re the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don’t know. But you know what I’m talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I’ve never seen them this close. They know what it’s like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don’t come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You’re monsters! You’re sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don’t know. Their day’s not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That’s more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It’s just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you’re wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren’t they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let’s have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I’d knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn’t it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We’re hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you’re not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We’re going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you’re interested in? - Well, there’s a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It’s a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn’t right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That’s a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son’s not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I’m not trying to be funny. You’re not funny! You’re going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You’re gonna be a stirrer? - No one’s listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I’m gonna get an ant tattoo! Let’s open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I’ll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody “dawg”! I’m so proud. - We’re starting work today! - Today’s the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal… - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them’s yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What’d you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What’s available? Restroom attendant’s open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you’re on. I’m sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey’s always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He’s dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That’s life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should… Barry? Barry! All right, we’ve got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine… What happened to you? Where are you? - I’m going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You’re gonna die! You’re crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone’s feeling brave, there’s a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn’t that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck’s restricted. It’s OK, Lou. We’re gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy’s in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That’s awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let’s move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I’m out! I can’t believe I’m out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It’s got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It’s a little bit of magic. That’s amazing. Why do we do that? That’s pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I’m picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don’t we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You’re reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don’t know, but I’m loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It’s a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama’s little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don’t think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you’re about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There’s a bee in the car! - Do something! - I’m driving! - Hi, bee. - He’s back here! He’s going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don’t move, he won’t sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow… the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan’t fly in rain. Oan’t fly in rain. Oan’t fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don’t need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This… Drapes! That is diabolical. It’s fantastic. It’s got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What’s number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don’t go for that… …kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn’t talk to them. They’re out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they’re flabbergasted, can’t believe what I say. There’s the sun. Maybe that’s a way out. I don’t remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don’t kill him! You know I’m allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I’m just saying all life has value. You don’t know what he’s capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I’m not scared of him. It’s an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It’s a bee law. You’re not supposed to talk to a human. I can’t believe I’m doing this. I’ve got to. Oh, I can’t do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can’t. How should I start it? “You like jazz?” No, that’s no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I’m sorry. - You’re talking. - Yes, I know. You’re talking! I’m so sorry. No, it’s OK. It’s fine. I know I’m dreaming. But I don’t recall going to bed. Well, I’m sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you’re a bee! I am. And I’m not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn’t for you… I had to thank you. It’s just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I’m talking with a bee. - Yeah. I’m talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I’m grateful. I’ll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. “Mama, Dada, honey.” You pick it up. - That’s very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn’t laugh, we’d cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway… Oan I… …get you something? - Like what? I don’t know. I mean… I don’t know. Ooffee? I don’t want to put you out. It’s no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It’s just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don’t be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn’t. - Have some. - No, I can’t. - Oome on! I’m trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don’t help. You look great! I don’t know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He’s making the tie in the cab as they’re flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, “Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?” Is that a bee joke? That’s the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don’t know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can’t do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look… There’s my hive right there. See it? You’re in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I’m right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It’s like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I’ll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it’s no trouble. Sorry I couldn’t finish it. If I did, I’d be up the rest of my life. Are you…? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then… I guess I’ll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again… for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but… Anyway… This can’t possibly work. He’s all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can’t believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don’t. - How’d you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I’m glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your “experience.” Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well… - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I’m not attracted to spiders. I know it’s the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can’t get by that face. So who is she? She’s… human. No, no. That’s a bee law. You wouldn’t break a bee law. - Her name’s Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She’s so nice. And she’s a florist! Oh, no! You’re dating a human florist! We’re not dating. You’re flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin’ stripey! And that’s not what they eat. That’s what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It’s bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up… Sit down! …really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We’re us. There’s us and there’s them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There’s no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He’s in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It’s been three days! Why aren’t you working? I’ve got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You’re barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father’s talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I’m talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I’ll catch up. Don’t be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We’re still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn’t respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don’t listen! I’m not listening to this. Sorry, I’ve gotta go. - Where are you going? - I’m meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can’t decide? Bye. I just hope she’s Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that’s every florist’s dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I’ve got one. How come you don’t fly everywhere? It’s exhausting. Why don’t you run everywhere? It’s faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That’s insane! You don’t have that? We have Hivo, but it’s a disease. It’s a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It’s usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It’s a bug. He’s not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic ‘N’ Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You’ve really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I’ll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don’t have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it’s hard to make it! There’s heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It’s organic. - It’s our-ganic! It’s just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don’t know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You’ve taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it’s on sale?! I’m getting to the bottom of this. I’m getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I’ll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You’re busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you’ll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who’s your supplier? I don’t understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You’re too late! It’s ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they’re on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You’re not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I’m going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I’m going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It’s your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I’m Oarl Kasell. But don’t kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they’re getting it. I mean, that honey’s ours. - Bees hang tight. - We’re all jammed in. It’s a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you’re out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don’t want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood’s about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I’d catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it’s pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee’s got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That’s the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. “They make the honey, and we make the money”? Oh, my! What’s going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn’t last too long. Do you know you’re in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That’s a man in women’s clothes! That’s a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There’s hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That’s a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That’s a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He’s been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn’t stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it’s true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That’s a killer. There’s only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive’s only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I’m Bob Bumble. - And I’m Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we’ll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we’re talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, “I’m a kid from the hive. I can’t do this”? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I’m from, we’d never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It’s a common name. Next week… He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots… Next week… Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They’re scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She’s 81. Honey, her backhand’s a joke! I’m not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I’m helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we’re really busy working. But it’s our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting… - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you’re three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that’s had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit’s a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I’m done with the humans, they won’t be able to say, “Honey, I’m home,” without paying a royalty! It’s an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It’s pretty big, isn’t it? I can’t believe how many humans don’t work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What’s the matter? - I don’t know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn’t the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you’re representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson… you’re representing all the bees of the world? I’m kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we’re ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man’s divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn’t some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there’s no trickery here. I’m just an ordinary bee. Honey’s pretty important to me. It’s important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we’re the little guys! I’m hoping that, after this is all over, you’ll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he’d dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don’t imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn’t hear you. - No. - No. Because you don’t free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They’re very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How’d you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that’s enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you’ve never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven’t. No, you haven’t. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I’m feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say… Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That’s not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you’re devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that’s ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn’t. But is this what it’s come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don’t have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn’t a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn’t someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You’re all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury’s on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I’m a florist. Right. Well, here’s to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn’t think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but… the battery. I didn’t want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There’s a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you’re quite a tennis player. I’m not much for the game myself. The ball’s a little grabby. That’s where I usually sit. Right… there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn’t really a special skill. You think I don’t see what you’re doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That’s just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I’m going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I’ve just about had it with your little mind games. - What’s that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that’s a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can’t seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I’m wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I’ve got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You’re bluffing. - Am I? Surf’s up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don’t even like honey! I don’t eat it! We need to talk! He’s just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I’ve met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you’re one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night… My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I’m sorry about all that. I know it’s got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn’t overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he’s considered one of the best lawyers… Yeah. Layton, you’ve gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it’s gonna be all over. Don’t worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don’t like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I’ll ask you what I think we’d all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We’re friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute… Are you her little… …bedbug? I’ve seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn’t your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but… - So those aren’t your real parents! - Oh, Barry… - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You’re an illegitimate bee, aren’t you, Benson? He’s denouncing bees! Don’t y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I’m going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don’t! It’s what he wants! Oh, I’m hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can’t treat them like equals! They’re striped savages! Stinging’s the only thing they know! It’s their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can’t feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I… I blew the whole case, didn’t I? It doesn’t matter. What matters is you’re alive. You could have died. I’d be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there’s a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can’t explain it. It was all… All adrenaline and then… and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I’m sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We’re just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don’t know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn’t sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don’t check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don’t smoke. Right. Bees don’t smoke. Bees don’t smoke! But some bees are smoking. That’s it! That’s our case! It is? It’s not over? Get dressed. I’ve gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you’ve done step correctly, you’re ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it’s interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don’t make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about… Your Honor, haven’t these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court’s valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I’m afraid I’m going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery’s motion. But you can’t! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It’s a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn’t hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, “Smoking or non?” Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He’s playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I’m OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won’t have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You’ll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery’s right? - What do you mean? We’ve been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we’ll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We’re all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He’ll have nauseous for a few hours, then he’ll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames… But it’s just a prance-about stage name! …unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan’t breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there’s gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We’ve never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We’re shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn’t believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What’s going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They’re home. They don’t know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn’t? It’s the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now… Now I can’t. I don’t understand why they’re not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They’re doing nothing. It’s amazing. Honey really changes people. You don’t have any idea what’s going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They’re all wilting. Doesn’t look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I’m gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn’t think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It’s notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That’s our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course… The human species? So if there’s no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn’t it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I’ll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry… sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They’ve moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It’s the last chance I’ll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I’m sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can’t do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That’s why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I’ve ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I’ve made it worse. Actually, it’s completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it’s greater than my previous ideas combined. I don’t want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they’ve got back here with what we’ve got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They’ve got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It’s real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I’m the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I’m getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let’s see what this baby’ll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic… …without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there’s no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It’s part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we’re lucky, we’ll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It’s got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we’ll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They’ll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I’d like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I’m in a real situation. - What’d you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don’t freak out! My entire species… What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I’m an attorney! - Who’s an attorney? Don’t move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One’s bald, one’s in a boat, they’re both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one’s flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What’s your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I’m a florist from New York. Where’s the pilot? He’s unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who’s that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It’s got giant wings, huge engines. I can’t fly a plane. - Why not? Isn’t John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We’re headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory… That’s Barry! …is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There’s a bee on that plane. I’m quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They’ve done enough damage. But isn’t he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn’t be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small… Haven’t we heard this a million times? “The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense.” - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We’re going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That’s why I want to get bees back to working together. That’s the bee way! We’re not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn’t so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we’re not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let’s get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I’d do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don’t have to yell. I’m not yelling! We’re in a lot of trouble. It’s very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It’s not a tone. I’m panicking! I can’t do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it’s my turn. How is the plane flying? I don’t know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let’s drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can’t see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It’s all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I’m feeling something. - What? - I don’t know. It’s strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We’re going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That’s it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I’m aiming at the flower! That’s a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This’s the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don’t be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we’re not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We’re the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we’re gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We’re bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You’ve earned this. Yeah! I’m a Pollen Jock! And it’s a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That’s our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now’s the time. I got a feeling we’ll be working late tonight! Here’s your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who’s next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don’t forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it’s all me. And I don’t see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I’m sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I’m late. He’s a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can’t get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You’re a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who’s next? All right, scramble, jocks! It’s time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let’s just stop for a second. Hold it. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, everyone.Can we stop here? I’m not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that
—  The Bee Movie
Best Laid Plans

Properly late this time.

(Also posted on AO3)


“Alright!” Teddy said loudly clapping his hands.

Victoire rolled her eyes, “We’re all right ‘ere, Teddy. You don’t need to shout.”

“This is the very important first meeting of the-” Teddy hesitated and bought time by climbing up to stand on the empty teacher’s desk in the classroom they were meeting in, “The Cupid Club!”

Peter groaned.

“That is an 'orrible name,” Victoire frowned.

Daisy and Saanvi giggled, leaning into one another.

“Whatever,” Teddy said dismissively, “We can work out a better name later. The important thing is, we’re all here for one united purpose!” He paused to gesture dramatically and the other students stared at him, Daisy and Saavi giggled.

Teddy sighed, “You could show a little more enthusiasm, you know!”

“Should we clap?” Peter asked.

“Get on with it, Ted,” Victoire prompted with an exasperated smile.

Teddy said, “Fine. So, we’ve all seen my cousin and godfather, the illustrious Professor Potter and Professor Malfoy, flirting-”

“Insults really don’t seem like flirting to me,” Victoire said. To try and quell Teddy’s puppy dog expression she added, “They do look good together.”

Saanvi sighed, “Have you seen how Professor Potter smiles when Professor Malfoy talks with him?”

“He just lights up!” Daisy said with a giggle, “It’s the sweetest thing.”

“But what about Professor Malfoy?” Victoire said, “ 'E is always sneering and smirking at 'arry.”

“He stares at his arse.”

Keep reading

“Supergirl and Lena coming out to the public with a photoshoot with James that they publish in a CatCo edition for pride month.” from @draconicdivinity


Snapper is utterly unfazed by Kara’s pitch.

A Pride Month edition of CatCo – something Cat Grant herself started years ago – this time featuring National City’s hottest new couple.

A Super and a Luthor.

Finally ready to acknowledge that they’re a couple. That they’re wildly in love.

Lena, secure enough to know that Kara – that Supergirl – hell, that her girlfriend, her girlfriend, will not let her down. Will not love her then leave her, in the public spotlight, no less.

Kara, trusting Lena’s ability to care for herself enough to know that she can handle herself if any threats come down on her for this.

Lena, ready to face her mother’s wrath. Again.

Kara, ready to respond at any and all moments to the call watch Winn had made for Lena – modeled on the one Clark had given James – so that Supergirl will never be the reason Lena is hurt.

“Better spruce up on your ability to write about yourself in the third person, Danvers,” he grumbles, but his almost invisible, wry grin weaves entire tales of the way he lost the bet he had with Cat Grant about when Supergirl and Lena Luthor would be ready to go public with their relationship.

With themselves.

Her hands are shaking the morning James meets them in the studio for their photoshoot, and Lena stills them with her own, with soft kisses to each knuckle.

“We don’t have to do this, Kara,” she tells her for perhaps the hundredth time. “It’s alright if you’re not ready, if – “

“No, no, that’s not it, Lena. I just… Sara isn’t a superhero on this Earth, so… so on this Earth, there really aren’t out queer superheroes. What if everyone starts thinking that I – I don’t know – that I’m the only way to be bi? All that representation, all on me…”

She sighs and she relishes the way Lena listens.

Listens with her full body, her full attention.

This woman who practically lives in her office; this woman who is constantly working, and loves it; this woman whose mind is constantly everywhere at once, who is always so busy that focus is a relative thing.

This woman is focusing, entirely, on her girlfriend, and it sends pleasant tingles down Kara’s spine. It almost makes her stop breathing.

The intensity of what it means to have Lena Luthor pay full attention to her. Her girlfriend, yes, but god, what a powerhouse of a woman.

Kara giggles suddenly, and Lena arches an eyebrow.

“You’re like a superhero, too, you know,” she tells Lena, who laughs open and loud because her girlfriend is utterly ridiculous.

Neither of them notice James clicking away, snapping impromptu photographs of them, incomplete makeup jobs be damned.

These will be better, anyway.

Kara with her hands in Lena’s, smiling earnestly, softly, watching her girlfriend laugh.

“No, I mean it! I was just thinking about… about how brilliant you are, and how many times you’ve saved us all, and how…  how proud I am that you even… noticed me, let alone date me.”

“Kara Danvers, I’ve told you before, and I will tell you every day until you understand why,” Lena bites her lip, the laughter gone from her face now. “You are my hero. Not this cape – although I do love your cape – “

They share a private laugh, and Kara blushes almost as red as the cape currently swept to her side for the photoshoot. “ – because I didn’t know you were bulletproof the first time I laid eyes on you. I didn’t have to. You’re special without all…”

She runs her fingers up and down Kara’s arms, up and down her superhero blue. “… without all this.”

The tears stinging Kara’s eyes blink away as she notices – finally – James snapping away.

“We’re not even through with makeup, James!” Kara pouts, and James just laughs.

“I won’t use any shots you both don’t approve of, you know that. But um, Kara, can I talk to you for a second?”

If James were any other ex of Kara’s, Lena might have bristled. But he is so much more than her ex; he’s her family. So when Kara squeezes Lena’s hands and gets up to follow James, Lena watches with a vague smile, because her heart is hammering with the thrill of finally being out together, the thrill of what Kara just told her, the anticipation of the reception of the piece, the relaxing evening Kara mentioned having planned for tonight.

“Listen, I wanted to – “

“Are you sure you’re okay doing this – “

They both stop and they both laugh and look in opposite directions.

James recovers first.

“I am so happy that you’re happy, Kara. And I’m glad Snapper assigned me to this. It’s a big deal, and it’s… honestly, Kara, it’s an honor. Look.” He shows her the feed from his camera, what he’s taken so far, and Kara gasps.

Lena, running her fingers tenderly down Kara’s suited-up arms.

Lena, hands mixed up with Kara’s, staring at her intently, so intently, that the picture alone makes Kara squirm with delight, with heat, with joyful humility.

Lena, tossing her head back and laughing, with Kara looking at her like she’s the most beautiful woman in the galaxy. And she would know.

“James, they’re beautiful,” she whispers, and he smiles.

“You’re beautiful together, Kara,” he tells her, and Lena’s the one who snaps a picture with her phone when she hugs him.

The rest of the afternoon is full of laughter, full of Kara trying to be intimidating and finally admitting that Alex pulls off the hands-on-hips thing much more confidently than Kara can.

Full of Lena stepping into classic Supergirl poses – eyes serious, arms crossed across her chest; chin tilted upwards, hands on her hips – with Kara, jaw dropped, eyes wide, next to her, a heady combination of amused and turned on.

“Told you you’re a superhero, you do the poses better than me!” Kara stammers when she finds words again, and Lena just laughs, just kisses her cheek, just whispers into her ear about Kara doing the important poses just fine, and the next series of photos is of a blushing, spluttering Supergirl and the human woman who can reduce the unflappable hero into a pile of mush.

When Kara tries to imitate the crisp, efficient, brilliant stance that Lena has at the studio desk, simulating her role as CEO of L Corp, James grins and sighs behind the camera, already anticipating the teasing about that desk that’s going to come from Alex and Maggie and Winn.

And probably some of the social media feeds, as well.

But all of that is inevitable. They’ve discussed it all, they’ve processed it all.

And they’re ready for it all. Together.

So when James still hasn’t quite found a cover photo yet, the one he takes when Kara pulls Lena close and gathers her into her arms – when they’re lost in each other’s eyes so deeply that it seems like they’ve forgotten they’re in a studio, that Kara’s feet might lift off the ground at any moment, and they do, slightly, they do – is what he knows will be the winner, what he knows will reach young queer kids and older queer adults, on the cover of a Pride Edition that is bound to need extra printing.

Because National City’s savior and her superhero girlfriend are redefining heroism as looking lovingly, openly, into someone else’s eyes, and that?

That’s something they’re all very ready for.

anonymous asked:

WTF was all that pure pastel pink promo shit weeks ago? I feel like I dreamt it. Now when I look at the album art and listen to the lyrics about different women and sex and I make no correlation to the pure soft vulnerable bare Harry on the cover. WTF is the hard candy lyrics? WTF is going on with 'I am not a womanizer' image. Oh yeah sex, drugs & rock'n'roll. That's what's going on. As a fan of rock music I am so proud of the album. As a fan of Harry, I am disappointed.

Hello, and thank you for your message.

I completely understand. In fact this morning I did a full rant about my thoughts on the matter via Twitter. You can read it here. Like high key, Twitter is where I have no filter and am like “THIS IS WHAT I’M THINKING!!” and Tumblr is where I’m an analytical hoe about things, so let’s analyse!

I listened to the breakfast show last night (as I am currently in LA) and then fell into a mini rage coma because I, too, was like, “What the actual fuck just happened?” Then I woke up to this:

And I was like, “Well this is probably the most damage control we’ve ever gotten or will get.”    

HOWEVER! The dichotomy from Harry rainbow-wearin Styles and this NO HOMO I HAVE HETERO SEX WITH ALL THE WOMEN Hersh makes me…uneasy. That’s the only word I can come up with. Let’s be honest, last week Harry looked about one tattoo and rainbow away from coming out. This might as well have been him at that hockey game:

And then today with this…

There’s just this constant push and pull between what Harry DOES and what he says in interviews. But I get it. I do. Harry Styles is a billion dollar commodity. Do you understand how much revenue he’s brought to Sony in the last month? He sold out a tour for music that no one had even heard in minutes. 

At one point in my vida loca I was offered a publishing deal with a company that everyone has heard of. They wanted to publish it through their non-fiction department and they wanted me to say that I had slept with a don or professor at my university. Which I hadn’t. This was during my final year at university, and whilst I’m sure my life would’ve had a much different trajectory I’m also sure that once people figured out who I am (as many have), I would probably be stripped of my hard-earned Oxbridge degree for lying and shaming my university. Which is why you’ve never read any kind of SCANDAL at Oxbridge. Just the normal undergrad sex and drinking stuff. I rank quite low on the list of outrageous alumni if you look at the last 900 years of students. 

Back to Haz. 

Whilst I never compromised my morals, I also didn’t sign any kind of deal with the devil when I was 16. We have absolutely no idea what the details of his employment are. And he is an employee. Harry is owned by someone. Whether you like it or not, the bottom line doesn’t stop at Harry, it stops at the people who are investing in him and relying on a substantial profit. 

Perhaps the rainbows and pink and very romantic vibes he’s got going on with just about any man in his vicinity thing were all put out there to test the waters. We know that they monitor the fandom, and maybe the analytics didn’t hit their “okay to be gay” criteria. I’m speaking bluntly in terms of business because I can guarantee you that Sony cares about exactly one thing: the money that they are making for themselves. 

Something else to consider when recovering from whiplash because of this complete 180 Harry’s done since last week, is that interview with that horrible woman who said, “Fans are convinced that ‘Sweet Creature’ is about your relationship with Louis Tomlinson. Is it?” After which Harry spent approximately 138 seconds saying “Uhhhhhhhh” before refusing to say “no”. He could’ve said no! He could’ve SHOUTED no, as he did at Grimmy when he said, “Here’s a song about Taylor Swift!” One thing we got from that interview is that Harry does indeed have the word “No” in his vocabulary. “No. This isn’t about Taylor Swift.” vs “Yes. I can understand why fans think this is about Louis because it is but I would lean towards them maybe being wrong.” That isn’t how you say no. And that didn’t go over anyone’s head. 

Honestly, I love this album. “Woman” is actually my favourite song from it at the moment. I can’t really listen to “Two Ghosts” because it sounds too much like “Revelry” by Kings of Leon and that song is forever associated with a very bad time for me so yeah. “Woman” just reminds me of Bennie and the Jets and 27 Dresses.    

I just wish it could’ve been left at, “ It’s much more powerful when not taken simply as what it is.” Because that’s so true. This album is so layered and brilliant and I think I’m mostly mad that they’ve reduced it to such a boring and blatant interpretation. We got the very opposite of what Harry’s been telling us when he all but said that these songs are about actual women that he literally slept with. 

So I guess my question is…what exactly is Jeffry helping with aside from bringing back a narrative that Harry seemed to have tried relentlessly to debunk?

I just can’t reconciliate the Harry that they’re pushing this week with the Harry that reacted this way to being called a womaniser in an interview:

Regardless of what you think or ship, I do think that it’s fair to feel like you’re being asked to accept two completely contrasting versions of Harry Styles right now. 

Daddy Issues

Pairing: JungKook & Reader

Genre: Smut, Fluff, Angst

Summary: A top student, marks always high. College was not a dream for her…Except she didn’t have enough money. Her parents never earned much so they literally took care of themselves. Her boss acting as a dick towards her she quited her job. Even though she had no idea what she let herself into this was her only option.

Other Chapters: 1 

Keep reading

The second he picks up Yuri’s call, he knows something is wrong. There’s something about the lack of anger in his voice, and how his breathing wavers whenever he doesn’t speak. Sure, he’s rarely in a good mood, but this feels different and Otabek doesn’t like it.

“Yura,” he begins, and Yuri immediately quiets down. Something’s definitely up. “You don’t sound well. Are you okay?”

Keep reading

After Hours - Lin-Manuel Miranda x Reader

Summary: Based on the prompt: “I have a key to the theatre, and sometimes I go there when I need to think. Apparently so do you.”

Words: 5,296 (ren and i are just…yeah)

Warnings: Swearing. 

A/N: From Ren (@alexanderhamllton- Guys, it happened!!! Here’s my first collab with Liv, which I’m so so excited about, we wrote the whole thing in one afternoon and I couldn’t be more proud of the result. I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I do <3

From Liv - I am still dizzy from how much I enjoyed writing this. I finally had the honour of collaborating with Ren (aka real human sunshine) and it was so much more than I could have ever hoped for. Honestly, it is amazing. Happy reading!

askbox | masterlist


There is something very beautiful about a theatre without an audience. It is filled to the brim with potential, all these seats just waiting to be filled, an empty stage that could become an entirely different universe. The lights are dimmed down, and from inside a deserted Richard Rodgers, it is as if the entire world has stopped spinning.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

tony and rhodey and nicknames!! I'm dying i love it so much! steve and bucky are pissed that they can never compete with tony and rhodey's 20+ year relationship. TONY HAS LITERALLY KNOWN RHODEY FOR 2/3RDS OF HIS LIFE I'M CRYING. but like, what if they celebrate their anniversaries?? maybe rhodey takes them out to a cheesy candlelit dinner with flowers and everything and tony loves it but the other two are PISSED AF (rhodey silently laughing his ass off when he spots them spying on their date)

Lmao at the idea of Tony getting all jittery in one of his nicer suits and Thor thinks 'finally these idiots have gotten the balls to ask Tony out’ and says, “Hot date, Tony?” Darcy will be super proud of his correct wording later.

And Tony nearly vibrates and he’s beaming and he says, “Yes! It’s our anniversary!”

‘These idiots have not gotten the balls to ask Tony out.’ “Oh. I wasn’t aware that you were seeing someone.”

Tony scoffs. “Yes you were, Thor, don’t fucking lie.”

Thor considers throwing Tony out the window even though he knows he never actually will because Midgardians are delicate and also apparently frown upon getting over their differences by brawling. It’s nice to dream.

And then Rhodey shows up wearing his dress uniform and looking very handsome and Thor is very confused because he was not aware Tony and Rhodey were romantically involved.

“I got you a gift,” Rhodey says, smug. “It’s a friendship bracelet.”

“EEE.”

“I also got your gift to me. I’m not sure that I’ll be able to eat a Whitman’s Sampler as big as my bed before everything goes stale but I’m sure as hell going to try.”

Tony doesn’t even care. It’s one of those new loom bracelets and it’s red and gold and it’s got a fucking WAR MACHINE CHARM ON IT AAAAHHHH.

Thor thought he was beginning to understand Midgardians but now he has literally no idea. Rhodey and Tony step into the elevator to go to their dinner.

Thor lets out quite possibly the unmanliest yelp when Steve and Bucky bolt out of the common kitchen, nearly foaming at the mouth. “JARVIS, where are they going?!” “I really couldn’t say–” “YES YOU COULD.” JARVIS sighs and tells them the address. They opt not to wait for the elevator to come up and just pound down the stairs.

“…JARVIS, my friend,” Thor sighs, sagging onto the couch. “I will never truly understand Midgardians.”

“You haven’t even seen the half of it,” JARVIS replies, definitely sounding amused.

“It’s our anniversary,” Tony tells the waitress delightedly.

“Oh how nice,” she says, smiling. “How long have you been together?”

Tony frowns. “Oh, god, thirty years? I was fourteen when we met. How old am I?”

“Jesus Christ,” Rhodey laughs, and then laughs again when he sees Bucky and Steve glowering at him from across the restaurant. “It’s our friendship anniversary,” he adds to the waitress, just to make sure she doesn’t bring out a dessert to share or anything. Tony doesn’t share his dessert. He’s proved that already.

Instead of giving them a weird look, like so many other waiters and waitresses before her, she beams at him. “That is so adorable. I wish I had a friend like that!”

“But seriously how old am I. What year is it.”

“He measures days weird,” Rhodey adds when he sees how horrified the waitress has become. “The iPhone seven just came out.”

“I’M FORTY-FIVE.”

“Oh my God.”

Rhodey feeds Tony from his fork just to watch Steve and Bucky squirm angrily in their seats. They’ve ordered food but the waiter is already rolling his eyes and bringing out boxes because they haven’t touched a bite. But he could do more to piss them off. “Hey, you wanna hold hands?”

“I always wanna hold hands,” Tony answers immediately, and holds his hand out to him, smiling when he takes it.

Steve starts to stand, furious, and Bucky tugs him back down into his seat.

Rhodey bites the inside of his cheek not to burst out laughing and give them away. “Hey, you wanna take a walk after dinner?”

“I’d rather just go home and cuddle and watch Sharknado so we can make fun of it.”

This shit just happens by itself, Rhodey thinks giddily when Bucky’s face goes red with rage, because he’d obviously heard ‘cuddle.’ God. This was comedy gold. “Okay but only if I get to be the big spoon.”

Tony snorts. “I think we both know that I was always going to be the little spoon.”

Steve has to keep Bucky from pulling a knife out and throwing it at Rhodey.

Rhodey doesn’t even care because this is the most beautiful thing ever and he’s only sorry that he wasn’t able to tape it for Pepper.

Dialogue Prompts

So, I really want to start writing on this blog, too. So I made a prompt list.
Not all prompts are mine, some are stolen from another blog. 

I will be writing for the following fandoms:

  • Harry Potter
  • Criminal Minds
  • Supernatural
  • Shadowhunters/ The moral instruments
  • The hunger games
  • Divergent
  • The maze runner
  • Grey’s anatomy

Okay, that isn’t too much. I’m still catching up on other shows. Once I’m finished, I’ll add them. You can ask for any character x reader, or character x character. If you want a platonic one-shot, you should note that. You can ask for as many prompts as you want. 

Dialogue prompts:

  1. “I have always loved cacti.” 
  2. “You didn’t just say that.” 
  3. “Whoa-dude. Look at that!”
  4. “Just because I died doesn’t mean I’m really dead.” 
  5. “Just because I drove into that river doesn’t mean I’m a bad driver.”
  6. “You walked into a knife?”
  7. “How did you manage this level of stupidity?” 
  8. “You locked me outside!” 
  9. “I’ve always been there for you. And I will continue to be.”
  10. “Do you trust me?”
    “Not even a little bit.” 
  11. “Uhh, is something wrong?”
    “What? Hehe! Of course not, why would you think that?” 
    “Because I can smell something burning and you’re hiding behind a door. Now, let me in.”
  12. “Here’s a newspaper filled with all the love I can’t feel.”
  13. “You know, people may like you more if you didn’t smell like a dead body.”
  14. “Aww, sweetie. Where are your parents?”
    “I’m older than you.” 
  15. “Don’t yell at me like I’m a child.”
    “Don’t throw the scissors!”
  16. “Here, take my jacket/blanket.”
    “I told you, I’m not cold.” *shivers*
  17. “Why are you still awake?”
  18. “Come over here and make me.” 
  19. “The salad here is really nice.” 
    “Do I look like a fucking rabbit?”
  20. “Please don’t leave me.”
    “I don’t want to.”
  21. “You can’t ride a bike?” 
    “Why are you whispering?”
  22. “We’re going downtown.”
    “There’s a strip club downtown.” 
  23. “You broke what?!” 
    “Don’t worry, I’m okay.”
  24. “Come Inside. I’m sorry.”
    “Not until an apology.”
    “I just said i’m freaking sorry.” 
  25. “Are you jealous?”
    “You are changing your outfit right now.”
  26. “Why did I marry you?” 
    “It took a whole lot of convincing.”
  27. “Luck? Nope. Skills.”
    “If it’s skills then do it again.”
  28. “You said forever!”
  29. “Seven fucking years and that’s all you have to say?” 
  30. “I love you, but I have to go.” 
  31. “I hate you so much.” 
  32. “You were and still are my everything.”
  33. “I can’t love you the way you want.” 
  34. “Hey jerk.”
    “…”
    “I mean… Babe?”
  35. “Admit it. That was the best kiss of your life.”
    “You always have to be the best at everything, don’t you?”
  36. “S/he just tripped and won’t stop laughing.”
  37. “Nice dancing you did there, how about you dance your way to my bedroom?” 
  38. “No, no. It’s okay. I’ll be your bridge. You can walk all over me.”
  39. “I’ve looked after coma patients more interesting than you.” 
  40. “Would you mind not setting my stuff on fire every time you get mad?”
  41. “This really didn’t go as planned.”
    “Is it the fact that everything is on fire that made you come to this conclusion?”
  42. “I can’t believe that worked.”
    “It was part of your plan.”
    “I know! My plans never work!”
  43. “You need to go! I’ll distract them!”
    “Do you think you can outrun them?”
    “If by outrun them you mean not getting caught… Probably not.” 
  44. “If you asked me to stay, I would’ve.”
  45. “You’re too good for this world.”
  46. “I can hardly stand myself.” 
  47. “Don’t come near me or I swear I’ll kill you.” 
  48. “Don’t you dare look him in the eye.” 
  49. “You may be an idiot, but you’re my idiot.”
  50. “I tried my best to not feel anything for you. Guess what? I failed.” 
  51. “Who did this to you?”
  52. “If you kill them, you better kill me too. Because if you don’t, I will kill you.”
  53. “Don’t underestimate what a person can do to protect those they care about.”
  54. “Do you ever follow directions?”
  55. “What happened?”
    “I got hit by a taxi. And it hurt.” 
  56. “She’s cute. But I’m pretty sure she can’t count to ten.”
  57. “I can fit a whole row of crackers in my mouth. Want to see?”
  58. “You said that if I went to bed early I’d feel better. You’re a fucking liar.” 
  59. “You’re late.” 
    “I’m glad you noticed.”
  60. “You made me cookies?”
  61. “You stole what?”
  62. “You aren’t pathetic.”
  63. “you looked at me different.”
  64. “I am not pregnant!”
  65. “You ever seen something as cool as this?”
  66. “I thought you were dead!”
  67. “I know you love me and all, but could you stop threatening the doctor?”
  68. “How. The fuck. Are you- so motherfucking tall?”
  69. “You? You know how to shoot a gun?”
  70. “You threw a tampon at him?”
  71. “You just kissed me.”
  72. “Hold up-just-just stop. just-what are you exactly doing? It’s two AM!”
  73. “I’m tired of being your secret.”
  74. “I didn’t realize I needed your permission.” 
  75. “You don’t need to protect me.”
  76. “Sorry I ruined your life. Maybe you shouldn’t have married me.”
  77. “If I would’ve known he was going to die, do you think I would’ve done it?”
  78. “I know you love me, but I’m tired of lying when I say it back.”
  79. “When I look at you, I see my world. And that scares the living crap out of me.”
  80. “Tell me what they did to you, please.”
  81. “I’ll go home. But it isn’t home when you’re not there.”
  82. “I’m pathetic because I go to you for everything but you’d pick someone over me any day.”
  83. “I wish I could hate you.”
  84. “I’ll let you down. I’ll always let you down. I’m not enough to keep you satisfied.”
  85. “I’m trying! Can’t you see? Isn’t that enough for you?”
  86. “I’m useless to you now.”
    “You’re a person. Not a toaster. You don’t have to have a use.”
  87. “i’m useless to you now.”
    “Oh please. You were always bloody useless. I love you anyways.”
  88. “I saw you roll skating, and I thought ‘that person is really cool’ and then you fell crashed and Jesus, are you okay?”
  89. “You had this big ass ice cream and you were so exited you dropped it and I don’t think I’ve ever seen a sadder person. Just please let me buy you a new one.”
  90. “We keep awkwardly running into each other and people have to ship us and I kind of like you. Hahaha, oh god, I need to stop blushing.”
  91. “This was a terrible idea.”
    “What are you talking about? There’s free nacho’s!”
  92. “Don’t do the thing!”
    “…”
    “You already did the thing, didn’t you?”
  93. “Paint me like one of your French girls.”
    “… I paint fruit.”
  94. “Let’s pretend that didn’t happen.”
    “Agreed.”
  95. “Did you seriously run face first into a light pole because you saw a pretty girl?”
    “I’m gay.”
  96. “How dare you talk to me, peasant. I am your queen.”
    “You are wearing a blanket over your shoulders.”
    “Silence! Now, fetch me some substances.”
    “Pizza bites or mini quiche?”
    “Pizza bites, obviously.”
  97. “Quit your whining! I bet it’s barely even a scratch.”
  98. “That-that’s your blood?! Why the hell didn’t you say anything?”
  99. “This is going to hurt but you have to stay quiet, okay?””
  100. “Don’t pass out, we’re almost there.”
  101. “That’s it. If you throw up one more time, we’re going to the hospital.”
  102. “You didn’t feel that? This is bad, you should’ve felt that.”
  103. “I’m scared to move you. Just wait here and I swear I’ll come back with help.”
  104. “That’s a lot nastier than it seemed at first glance.”
  105. “Please don’t die. Don’t die in my lap, I’m begging you.”
  106. “Stop being overdramatic-OH!”
  107. “Just how I want to spend the night. Removing glass from my best friends head and strapping it up.”
  108. “She has internal damage. Sh’s couching up blood.”
  109. “Would it be cliché if we matched clothes a little?”
  110. “Could you hold my hand?”
  111. “Shh, shh. I’m here now. Now give me your hands, we need to clean the blood off. Don’t cry. -I don’t blame you. Don’t worry, Ill always be there for you.”
  112. “If you want to leave then-”
    “I don’t want to leave! I want you, you idiot.”
  113. “Are you a thief? Because you stole my heart.”
    “I swear to god, if I didn’t love you.”
  114. “Oh my god! Go to sleep! It’s three AM!”
    “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”
  115. “There’s a surprise waiting for you back home.”
  116. “The first time I met her, she was hiding behind the sofa.”
  117. “But this is our thing. Eating cereal and bitching about people.”
  118. “Just don’t let go.”
  119. “Come on, just one date.”
    “No.”
    “Why not?”
    “Because I really like (character) and she asked me first.” 
  120. “Gosh! Why are you so cold! get off me, you icicle!”
  121. “Are you…. crying? You? Miss/mister ‘I don’t cry, I’m tough as hell”?”
    “Oh shut up, we all have our weaknesses.”
  122. “You did all this for me?” 
    “No, I did this for Jeffery from across the street. Yes I did all of this for you!”
  123. “Okay, so don’t freak out, but I got flour everywhere.” 
  124. “Well, this is a nice change of scenery.”
    “Y/n, we’re in a prison cell.”
    “I was being sarcastic.”
  125. “I thought you said you knew where we were going.”
    “Yeah, I lied.”
  126. “Shit, you’re freezing. Let’s get you warmed up, alright?”
  127. “Shut up.”
    “I didn’t say anything.”
    “I don’t care. Shut up.”
  128. “Where are we going?”
    “I have no idea. You coming?”
  129. “Did you just try to banish me?”
  130. “I swear to you, this is how I found him.”
  131. “No thanks. I don’t want to get arrested for the second time today.”
  132. “You handled that real professional.”
    “I know right? I’m so proud of myself.”
  133. “That was the worst night ever.”
    “Same time next week?”
    “Of course.”
  134. “I got to admit, you’re really sexy with that gun. Terrifying, but sexy.”
  135. “Just-just go away.”
    “I would! If we weren’t handcuffed together.! Oh, and whose fault was that again? Yours!”
  136. “And I thought we were going to have a last kiss.”
  137. “I don’t want you to leave.”
    “I don’t want to stay.”
  138. “When did you stop?”
    “Stop with what, darling?”
    “Loving me.”
  139. “Please don’t say you love me because I might not say it back.”
  140. “I wasn’t there for you when you needed me, and I’m sorry.”
    “No you’re not. You don’t care about anyone apart from yourself.”
  141. “Don’t hurt me, please.”
  142. “I love you so much. If anything happened to you, I don’t know what I’d do.”
  143. “You only like me for my body!”
  144. “You wanted to talk? Well, here I am!”
  145. “I tried. I tried so hard, why couldn’t you?”
  146. “I bled for you. From every pore of my body, I bled. What more do you want?”
  147. “Nobody can tell me what to do.”
    “Well, actually they can.”
    “Doesn’t mean I’ll listen to them.”
  148. “Knock knock, I’m here. What’s for dinner fucker?”
  149. “You’ve bitten off more than you can chew.”
    “I can chew a lot.”
  150. “You have blood on your hands!”
    “Oh really? Wow! Thank you so much for pointing that out! Really helpful to our current situation. Seriously, thank you so much for brining this to my attention!  I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
  151. “I love your perfume. What scent is that? The scent of death?”
  152. “I always carry a knife in my purse in case we’re eating cake.”
  153. “You guys got a plan, though. Right?”
    “Yeah. Run.”
  154. “Maybe he’s afraid of me because I know how to use a knife.”
    “Well, I mean that’s why I’m afraid of you, so…”
  155. “Is violence always your answer?”
  156. “Remember how I said I already took care of that? Well, I lied and need your help right now.”
  157. “Please, help me. Just this one time.”
  158. “Did you break that glass on purpose?”
    “It offended me.”
  159. “I can explain!”
    “Alright then. Tell me.”
    “… I lied, there’s literally no explanation for this.”
  160. “Fight like hell.”
  161. “Do you realize how let it is?”
  162. “Can you please come and get me?”
  163. “Is there a reason why you’re naked in my bed?”
  164. “This is the stupidest plan you’ve ever had. Of course I’m in!”
  165. “If we die, I am going to kill you.”
  166. “I love her.”
    “Her? As in a woman?”
    “No, as in a robot. Of course as in a woman you ding-bat!”
  167. “Are you drunk?”
    “No, you’re just blurry.”
  168. “I think we should run away now.”
    “Funny, I was just about to say that.”
  169. “I will not let you make me feel small. Back off.”
  170. “You’re great at dancing.”
    “I’m great at everything.”
  171. “You didn’t do the dishes, so I’m not doing you.”
  172. “Don’t give me that look.”
  173. “The way you flirt is just shameful.”
  174. “I love you, you asshole.”
  175. “What the hell kind of noise was that?”
    “I sneezed.”
    “That was not a sneeze.”
  176. “How is she?”
    “She’s fine. She has some ice cream. I wish I had ice cream.”
  177. “This is an apology pizza.Please take it or I’ll start crying right now.”
  178. “You’re stronger than you look.”
  179. “If you push me on the swings, I’ll buy you dinner. Don’t push to high, though. I don’t like heights.”
  180. “Wait, you’re gay?”
    “What gave it away? Constant flirting?”
  181. “You came back.”
  182. “Mom? I need help… I’ve made a mistake.”
  183. “So, this is haw it’s going to end. You’re staying with them?”
    “I have to.”
    “You don’t have to betray me. You don’t have to do anything.”
  184. “I’m trying to be less bitter, but your happiness isn’t rubbing off on me.”
  185. “Take of your shirt.”
  186. “You’re sweet.”
  187. “I’ve never felt this sensation before.”
    “Hugging?”
    “Being loved.”
  188. “Do you not realize how much I care about you?”
  189. “I know I’m allergic to peanuts, but I could’t day no when you walked into the office with freshly baked cookies and that damned smile on your face.”
  190. “I like it when you smile.”
  191. “This isn’t what I had in mind, but it’s better.”
  192. “Nothing is wrong. I just really like the smell of your lotion.”
  193. “You’re never this quiet. What’s wrong?”
  194. “How long has it been since you’ve slept?”
  195. “You make a good pillow.”
  196. “I had a nightmare about you and I wanted to make sure you’re alright.”
  197. “I hate you. I hate you so much for making me love you. Why did you make me love you if you never intended on loving me back?”
  198. “When you think of me, if you think of me, remember how much I loved you.”
  199. “I almost lost you.”
  200. “Please, just please make the pain stop.”
  201. “Stop telling me you’re okay.”
  202. “I don’t even know who I am without you.”
  203. “You make me feel like I’m not good enough.”
  204. “You know, it hurt when I realized you weren’t in love with me. But nothing can compare to the pain I felt when I saw you fall in love with her.”
  205. “You left without saying goodbye. I hate you for that.”
  206. “Don’t you dare die on me!”
  207. “What I wanted? I wanted you to fight for me. I wanted you to say that there’s no one else you could ever be with, and that you’d rather be alone than without me.”
  208. “You’re beautiful/handsome, and I’m not the only one who can see that.”
  209. “Twins?… We’re having twins?”
  210. “You are so tiny compared to me.”
  211. “Bring your pretty little butt over here.”
  212. “I want you body. I want your mouth. I want your laugh and your funny faces. I want your friendship and your inspirational thoughts. And I want you to come with me when I go.”
  213. “There’s a leaf in your hair.”
  214. “May I have this dance.”
  215. “This bath is too damn hot.”
    “This is why we can’t do cute stuff. You complain to much.”
  216. “One day you’ll learn.”
    “Learn what?”
    “That someone like me doesn’t get a happy ending. Those are reserved for people like you.”
  217. “That’s disgusting. You’re lucky you’re cute.”
  218. “If you don’t rest, you wont heal.”
  219. “ Why don’t they just kiss already?”
  220. “Is that a challenge?”
  221. “Here, let me see.”
  222. “How could anyone love me?” 
    “Don’t look at me. I married you for your cooking.”
  223. “So… Err, I noticed you’re kind of naked. Is that intentional, or…”
  224. “You forgot me.”
    “It was an accident.”
  225. “Drag your chair here, I can’t translate dead languages.”
  226. “Open this.”
    “Can you say please?”
  227. “Don’t say you love me unless you mean, it because I might so something crazy like believe it.”
  228. “Don’t you ever do that again.”
  229. “I was wrong. I thought I wanted him to look twice at me… Bit I don’t need him to look twice at me when you never stopped looking.”
  230. “I’m fine.”
    “You don’t look fine.”
    “Then stop looking.”
  231. “Things didn’t have to end like this.”
    “But we always knew they would, didn’t we?”
  232. “She’s dead! And it is your fault!”
  233. “Are you going to lecture me about how wonderful life is?”
  234. “They’d be better off without me.”
    “Do you really believe that?”
  235. “It’s okay to cry.”
  236. “I shouldn’t be in love with you.”
  237. “The axe is a bit unsetting, but honestly, you look great.” 
  238. “You asked me if I had any ideas. Not if I had any good ideas.”
  239. “Remove your hand or I’ll rip your arm off and beat you to death with it.”
  240. “So, I just realized… I’ve been shot.”
  241. “Delete it. Now.”
  242. “Could you guys do me a favor?”
    “Anything.”
    “Could at least one of you look like you are ever going to see me again?”
  243. “Don’t make me smack you in front of these people.”
  244. “I’m not a bitch. Okay, I’m lying, obviously.”
  245. “Can you get the gun out of my face, please?”
  246. “I don’t scare easily, you evil bitch.”
  247. “She’s been in there for hours and I haven’t heard a sound since.”
    “That’s because she left through the window.”
  248. “Don’t you have to be stupid somewhere else?” 
    “Not until four.”
  249. “Your existence gives me a headache. Go stand over there.”
  250. “We have five people trying to kill us right now, what are we supposed to do?”
    “Actually, it’s more like eight.”
    “Oh, sorry I wasn’t specific enough!”
  251. “You passed out for like an hour.”
  252. “This is my ‘I don’t care’ face.”
  253. A: “When I’m not here, do you braid each others hair and debate who the coolest Jonas brother is?”
    *B and C glance at each other*
    B: “No… But it’s totally Nick.”
    C: “Definitively Nick. But Kevin is the talented one.”
    B: “Yes, but Nick is the cute one.”
    C: “What about Joe?”
  254. “Do you know how to braid hair?”
  255. “Babe, I’m sorry.”
    “Suck my ass.”
  256. “What’s your favorite lipstick?”
    *Rambles about lipstick*”What’s yours?”
    “The one you’ll be adding to my lips.”
  257. “You could at least pretend to be interested in what I have to say.”
  258. “I always blame others for my mistakes. Just kidding, I don’t make mistakes.”
  259. “I may not be perfect, but at least I’m not you.”
  260. “Go to your room!”
    “First off, we share a room. Secondly, I am the older one. Bitch.”
  261. “I promised I’d safe you.”
    “I promised I’d kill you if you did.”
  262. “You did what?!”
  263. “I thought you were going to steal a boat?”
    “What do you mean, This is a boat.” 
    “No, no. This isn’t a boat, this is a motherfucking yacht!”
  264. “I wont die for you. I’d kill for you.”
  265. ^^^add your own! ;)


These are a lot! I hope you find one or maybe a few you’d like to request! 

One Double 0

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Words: 4,402

Summary: Bucky Barnes recieves a birthday gift no one else can top. 

Warning: none, really. a little bit of emotions everywhere, other than that some fluff. 

A/N: It’s Bucky’s 100th birthday! Can you guys believe it?. I have always wanted to write this one, and it fit perfectly for his birthday. Hope you guys enjoy, feedback is as always greatly appreciated! <3


 When you had first decided to become a nurse it had been because your mother was one and because her mother before her had been one and you had always adored the work they did. You had known since you could walk and talk that it was the profession you would want to pursue, and even after you graduated and began working as a nurse, you didn’t once regret the decision at all.

It wasn’t just that it made your family proud, after all, all their three children were highly educated, no it was the possibility of meeting and helping new people each and every day that made you love your job to the core.

Sure there would be rude and very hateful patients, but no job was perfect and neither would yours be just because you loved it.

For the past month, you had been working at a unit for elderly patients. It wasn’t a nursing home, but there were a few patients who was taken care of almost like they would at a nursing home, but this unit was a tad more luxurious than a normal one.

Keep reading

Stranger’s

Summary: You met Steve in one bar and two have a great night together.

Words: 2593

Pairing: Steve x Reader

Warnings: Drunk assholes, fuffly, and smut.

You never minded to do things alone, you actually enjoyed it a lot. Going to the movies or shopping was, even more, fun to you when you are alone because you were the one in control. But you are starting to thinking that coming to this bar alone wasn’t your best idea.

Since you arrived at the bar, this is the fourth guy who hit on you in one hour. The first guy insisted on paying for your drink and after you declined several times he went away, the second was nice when you said you weren’t interested he went away without questioning you. The third one was insistent  but after hearing about your fake boyfriend he let you enjoy your drink alone.

The fourth asshole, Mike didn’t leave you alone. You told him that you weren’t interested, that you could pay for your own drinks and that you had a boyfriend but no, he wasn’t having any of it.  “Come on baby, your boyfriend doesn’t have to know… I can show you a really good time.”

Keep reading

The Three Mistakes Of Wen Junhui (Minghao/The8 and Jun x Male Reader Threesome)

The Three Mistakes Of Wen Junhui (And One Really Great Decision)

Author: Finn

Word Count: 6.4k

Summary: Jun has no idea how he’s gotten himself into this mess (but he really, really likes it).

(A/N: This is officially the longest and filthiest thing I have ever written. I’d be ashamed of how shameless it is but I spent a really long time on it… I’m sorry for deviating so much from the original prompt but I had a lot of fun writing it, so… I hope you all enjoy it! ~Finn)

(Warnings: Daddy/Master kink, slut-shaming, blowjobs, spitroasting, Extreme Gay™, overstimulation, double penetration, Minghao is a little shit, awkwardness towards the end)

(Admin Note: my beautiful son has done it again. I cannot even begin to express how blown away I am by this and by all of his work - he’s gonna one-up me on my own blog if I’m not careful. (I’m gonna need to post some life ending smut soon to top this. cause this is pretty damn life ending). just. Finn. wow. gonna steal my Golden Dick award. damn. a Momma has never been more proud. -Tanisha<3)

The car is quiet. Jun stirs imperceptibly, becoming aware of the silence from his earphones and a low murmuring voice from somewhere just behind him – are those Chinese words?

Keep reading

The Real Housewives of Seoul

Suho:/having Tea with the girls/ So I have something that I need to tell you guys

Jin:/sips his tea/ What is it? Did you finally send that evil one away? You know…to be fixed and shit

Suho:/laughs/ Ooh no…Its about a certain someone in which we all don’t talk to anymore

N:/confused/ Who?

Key:/flips his hair/ Isn’t it obvious..it’s Kris..Yifan..the one that was bald but now has hair

Suho;/ gives him that go to hell look/ 

Key:/rolls his eyes/ What?

Jinyoung: Wait..are you talking about Heechul?

Suho:/nods/ Yes..i have gotten in touch with him and Invited him over to Join us

Jin:/gasps/ No no no

N; Are you crazy Suho?!

Key: YOU MADE UP WITH SATAN AFTER ALL THE SHIT HE PUT ME THROUGH

Suho:/in the confession booth/ Hell to the mother fucking yeah I did. Key’s bitching has been getting on my nerves a lot lately. So I figured why not bring out a bigger and better bitch…..Facts

Jinyoung;/looks over at Key with wide eyes/ Hey..maybe ..maybe he’s changed. Once we shunned him maybe he realized what a shitty person he actually was . 

Key; That..is…so..fucking…stupid

Jinyoung:/rolls his eyes/ Have you ever considered that maybe you guys could actually be friends if you would just learn how to set your egos aside

Key:/glares/ Looky here..I am not here for a damn therapy session..you always so damn wise and positive and I’m so sick of it

Jinyoung: Now you look here now bitch I have-

Suho:/stands up when he sees Heechul coming/ HEECHUL

Jin:/chokes on his tea/

N: /shoves a big ass cookie in his mouth/

Key:/ drops his glass/ THE FUCK

Heechul: Hello bitches~

Jinyoung:/nervously/ Hi Heechul…haven’t seen you in a while

Key: Damn Heechul..you look rough

Heechul:/flips his hair as he sits down beside Suho and Jin/ You are still the same I see

Key: But better 

Jin: Soo Heechul you look great..what have you been up to lately?

Heechul: Oh you know Variety Shows and  a couple modeling gigs

Key:/laughs as he eats a scone/

Heechul: I’m sorry..miss piggy is there something funny

Key:/chokes/ 

Jin:/laughs his signature laugh/

N; So how are the kids doing?

Heechul: All grown and up out of my nest…Finally. They’re all doing great. By the way I heard Ravi’s mixtape not bad

N:/proud mama/ Yes my baby works hard

Heechul: Oh Jin I’m really proud of you and the boys. Your hard work really paid off.

Jin:/smiles/ Ooh thanks..its been quite the journey but like anyone can reach their goals as long as they try and work hard

Heechul:/smiles as he nods/ And Jinyoung I see you and your acting skills.making me all proud and shit..you keep doing you boo boo

Jinyoung:/smiles shyly looking down/

Heechul: And Suho, You are such a strong person. Being a single and all..I can’t imagine what all you had to go through..but I am so proud of you for coming through so strong 

Key:/coughs/ He’s an alcoholic~ /cough/

Suho:/flips him off as he hugs Heechul/ It’s been rough but i’m doing just fine

Key:/points at them laughing while looking at the cameras/ Are y’all seeing this shit

Heechul:/pulls away and looks at Key/ I would ask what you’ve been up to..but apparently nothing really

Key: Hah..look here you pitbull… I don’t know know why you’re here all of a sudden but you’re not about to take me down. 

Heechul: Says the one who’s hair extensions fell out when he was getting down and dirty with his boo

N : Oooh no she didn’t

Key: Bitch I still looked sexy.. You the one who be taking out your extensions looking like splice

Heechul: Oh hell no bitch

Jinyoung: Not this shit again..CAN I GET SOME VODKA

Jin:/laughing his ass off/ SHE DID THAT

Key:/smiles at Jin/ Yass bitch I went there.. this hoe trying to bring a bitch down and I wasn’t having that with her bald headed as-

Heechul:/throws his tea at his face/

Suho:/gasps because damn/

Key:/wipes his face/ YOU WHORE /jumps over the table and tackles Heechul/

Jin:/screams because tf/

Jinyoung:/Downs the bottle of vodka/

Security:/ runs in to break up the fight/

Suho:/ in the confession booth laughing/ Karma’s a bitch