as though no one else exists

4

I did it again. Sigh. Can’t stop drawing him. ;u;

I’ve got a pretty cool AU/ Theory for Anti that goes along with this piece! Very proud of both, haha. Basically (and very shortly told); In my AU Jack is hallucinating himself being controlled by something and uses the ‘Anti’ persona as an excuse, to kind of blame someone for what bad stuff his mind is coming up with. Murder and all. At some point, I imagined what his head/ his dreams would look like in that scenario and - tada! This is what happened. :D

Obviously the theory is just a little plot idea I had. I know Jack is not actually a lunatic who goes on murder sprees, oml. I was just like; what if he really doesn’t want to believe that he could potentially become a murderer? Or maybe doesn’t want to believe that he already is one? And THEN blames a non existent character for the bad stuff he does? Craziness, haha! Gotta love them psycho-thrillers, amirite?

The theory isn’t meant to offend Jack or anyone else in any way! I hope you like it, though. I might draw some more stuff about it in the future. C:

Thanks to @therealjacksepticeye and @pixlpit for sTILL MOTIVATING AND INSPIRING ME SO MUCH URGH! I can’t wait for the amazing stuff those two will come up with in the following months! :D

Now I will go and get me a salad. A nice salad and some ice coffee. Nom.

Note; please don’t repost/ reupload my art! C:

Also, I suggest y’all go listen to ‘MISSIO’! Amazing musicians, way too underrated! I listened to them a lot while drawing this and bOI it is good!

I am the one before the one.

It’s a role I’ve learned to accept.

I am the one who will overload your senses, I am far too much of everything, but you will try to encompass all that I am. I will be the one who teaches you exactly what you want from “the one.” With me you will see things as though the lights were turned too high on the dimmer so that you could only see me and the music too loud that you couldn’t quite hear anybody else. With the next girl you end up with she will shine just brightly enough that you will be able to see everything you couldn’t see with me and the volume of her music will not leave you deaf when the song ends.
I will help you grow by pushing you to the extent of your limit, I will call you out when you’re wrong, I will ask you to do a little better than last time, and I will love you with a love you didn’t even know could exist.
It will feel as though one hand I’ve given you to hold holds all the love in the world and the other holds the words my tongue lashes out with no filter. But with those hands you will learn both the love you deserve and how to finally not hold back how you truly feel. These hands will teach you to speak freely without fear of condemnation and condescending judgements. They will teach you to love and touch everything that you find beautiful as you pull your hands through her hair or frolic through a patch of flowers and pull the petals to your face to smell their fragrance.
You see after me, you’ll learn not only how to love yourself, but love her. She will tell you that she’s never experienced a love quite like yours and you’ll never tell the secret that you learned it from me.

You see, I am the one before the one.

But like that scar you got from scraping your knee on the climb up your favorite mountain, you won’t forget me.
When pieces of her emanate me, I will be present in the breath you hold in just a second too long at the memory of me, the sharp feeling on your tongue as you bite down as my name starts to slip through your mouth, the butterflies in your stomach as you remember the way my eyes lit up at your presence. Her smooth edges that represent who she is will often remind you of my jagged edges, the ones that cut you but you still loved to climb. And for all those moments you’re reminded of me, you’ll touch your knee and realize you hadn’t climbed your favorite mountain to your favorite view in a while. You’ll wonder if instead of the common smooth edged rock you’d found on the ground, the one you could buy for five dollars at your local farmers market, you could’ve had a fine cut diamond with jagged edges.
And as you look into her eyes and see your reflection you’ll wonder if the pressure of my love could’ve made you a diamond as well.

—  I am the one before the one

August 24, 2017

To the boy with the green eyes,

Remember the last time we saw each other? 
In your little blue car….
We poured our hearts out to one another. 
We cried on each other’s shoulders.
I confessed my love to you. 
You confessed your love to me. 
But you didn’t confess that this was going to be the last night I saw you. 
Two hundred and twenty-one days later, I still remember this night clearly. 

You stopped by to pick up your (very) late Christmas present. 
You knew how bad I had been, and asked what was wrong. 
We walked to your little blue car, put the windows down on that cold chilly moonlit night, and talked. 
I told you everything that was happening to me: 
My ex-boyfriend and his new guy. 
A friend that I thought I could trust. 
And a lover that broke my heart. 
I also told you I was in a very dark place. 
Do you remember what I said to you?
I’m too ashamed to confess what I did to myself. 
Please don’t make me say it. 
I don’t want to see you cry again. 
Your beautiful emerald looking eyes don’t deserve to have tears in them. 
They need to keep sparkling and smiling. 

After we cried together, I confessed my love to you. 
I didn’t expect you to say anything. 
I didn’t expect you to feel the same way. 
I just wanted you to listen. 
I remember looking into those dazzling green eyes, holding your hand, and telling you: 
“I know this sounds cheesy. And I know that it may not seem true. But this is the truth. I promise. I love you. I love you so much. And I want to let you know that I will always love you. No matter what. I don’t care if you’re with someone new. I don’t care if I’m with someone new. I don’t even care if I haven’t talked to you in months, or even years. I will always love you.”
You didn’t say anything. 
You just looked at me with those watery green eyes.
You nodded and a tear fell down your cheek. 

Then, I asked you what you wanted from me. 
You said:
“I honestly don’t know. I don’t know what I want. I never know what the right choice is. I never know what the right thing to do is. I always hurt you. I don’t want to keep hurting you. We had a lot of fun. And that’s all I wanted at first. And that’s what happened. I liked you. I really did. A lot. Then things changed. I wanted to hang out with you every day and be with you every day. And we did that. I wanted to be closer to you. And we did that too. Then stuff happened, and I got scared. I don’t know. I was scared to be happy. I didn’t want to be in a relationship. I wasn’t prepared at all for how I felt about you. I didn’t know how to take it to the next level. I didn’t know how to be your boyfriend.” 

These words still bring tears to my eyes.  
It’s as if we are star-crossed; forever living different paths in our lives that don’t have any connection in the end, denying us of any chance of living a life together. 
But how can that be when we are existing at the same time?
You’re alive. 
I’m alive. 
And I have never felt more alive with anyone else than when I’m with you. 
Just the way you look at me with those alluring eyes is what convinces me that you are in love with me too. 
So why aren’t you with me now? 
Why are you with someone else? 
Is it because she can give you a family?
Is it because you want to believe she’s the one for you?
Not just you though, for your whole family. 
She’s someone they will accept. 
Nobody would accept me into your family. 
I think we both know that for sure. 

Two hundred and twenty-one days have passed since that night happened. 
I’ve gone through many stages of:
Hating you. 
Worrying about you. 
Wondering if you’re dead.
Wondering if you’re alive. 
Pretending you’re dead. 
Wishing for your presence. 
All while still loving you. 
It’s torture. 

I don’t know if I should give up. 
But a part of me feels that I will never find anybody like you. 
Nobody’s going to look at me the way you did. 
Nobody’s going to touch me the way you did. 
Nobody’s going to care about me the way you did. 
And nobody’s going to understand me the way you do.
Every time I talk to someone new, I compare them to you. 
I know that’s wrong, but it’s true and I can’t help it. 
That’s when I start to believe that they’re not good enough for me. 
Because I need to find somebody that’s so good that they make me forget about you…
I know that’s not fair and I think that’s what keeps me from letting people in. 
I put this steel cage around my heart when you left me, and you’re the only one with the key to open it. 
I just wish you would talk to me. 
I wish you would tell me to move on, but your silence speaks louder than words. 
It drives me crazy; leads me to believe that I did something wrong, but I didn’t. 
Maybe it’s your way of keeping me in the sidelines when things get bad with you and her. 
I don’t see how that’s fair, but I love you so much that I don’t care. 
I’ll take any excuse you give me to come back, so long as I get to see your face again. 

I’m sorry. 
I’m sorry for getting close to you. 
I’m sorry for burdening you with my problems. 
I’m sorry for loving you. 
I’m sorry for all of this. 
Maybe things would’ve been simpler if we just didn’t meet. 
But as people say, “Two souls don’t just meet by simple coincidence.”
I start to wonder why you came into my life. 
Or was it I that came into yours?
I wonder if you’ll ever come back to me, even as a friend. 
I miss you. 
I miss you so dearly. 
Please stay alive while I exist. 
Whether it’s a year or ten, I will wait for you. 
Because I love you, and I want to believe that we are meant to be together. 
I want to wake up every morning to those lovely green eyes of yours. 

I wanted to tell you that I forgive you.
I forgive you for pretending that I don’t exist.
I forgive you for leaving me with no explanation.
I forgive you for choosing her over me.
I forgive you  for falling for me.
I get it now.
We are just simply not meant to be.

You know me…
I always have so much to say to you.
I could write books about my love for you. 
But I have one more important thing to say….

Happy birthday. 

Love always and forever, 
The boy with the brown eyes 

youtube

I was informed that @ohnips was super transphobic and racist on her twitch stream on 8/8/17. I was sent this video by one of my kind followers. You can find out more on ohnips from my #ohnips tag. If google does not answer a question you have related to gender, feel free to ask. 

My transcription is under the cut with the most interesting quotes in bold.

Please reblog this and let trans people and allies know what this woman believes in. 

***ALSO DO NOT SEND DEATH THREATS YOU ANIMALS***

Keep reading

every day i find it so hard to believe i have multiple diagnoses, as though there’s a limit and all symptoms must belong to one diagnosis.
comorbity is a common, ordinary thing. no symptoms exist in a vacuum and everything affects everything else. conditions and illnesses intertwine and compound each other. there isn’t always a clean cut answer, and that’s okay.

Noises

content: After hearing some suspicious noises coming out of Dean’s bedroom the night before, Sam decides to confront his brother.

word count: 2,088


“Dean, we need to talk.”

Sam’s voice sounds very serious while he leans against the kitchen counter and folds his stupidly long arms in front of his chest, glaring at his older brother with the familiar I-don’t-support-your-life-choices look. He doesn’t even waste his time with a “Good morning” or something similar and that’s always a bad sign.

Dean, however, isn’t really impressed by that. He places the bacon onto the hot pan at a leisurely pace, ignoring Sam completely, until he finally shoots a quick glance over his shoulder.

“And what’s so important at 7 a.m.?”

Sam huffs impatiently. “You know!”

Dean rolls his eyes. “No, I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking.”

Sam fidgets uncomfortably as if he’d rather be somewhere else and doesn’t want to have this discussion at all. And then he starts to gesticulate, flailing his limbs in Dean’s vague direction, and performs a very complicated dance with his eyebrows.

“How about we talk about last night?”

Quite suddenly Dean’s attention is grabbed, but he keeps himself from acting like a deer in the headlights. Instead he clears his throat and asks, a bit croaky, “What do you mean?”

“Well, just look at you!” Sam says, pointing at Dean’s face with an accusatory expression. “There is that stupid grin I’ve seen so many times and I think it’s even worse than ever before. And let’s not even mention that huge hickey on your neck.”

Dean ducks his head and tries forcefully – and highly unsuccessfully – to fight back a blush.

Damn.

Keep reading

Okay I just need to get this off my chest since I’ve bit hit with John feels from a fic and my bitterness about John’s ending in the comic has hit me at full force.

Listen I love the endings for the others I really do. I love that Rose and Kanaya got married, I love that Dave got past his awful childhood and is now with someone who loves him unconditionally and that Davekat is canon and that Jade is no longer alone and may also be dating both Dave and Karkat in a beautiful poly relationship. I love that Karkat no longer feels he has to prove himself because he has people who love him.

I love that Jane got her company and had the whole ‘you don’t need a relationship to be happy’ because she’s a successful business women though she may also be seeing Roxy and Calliope on the side. I love that Calliope is with people that constantly tells her that she’s beautiful and she’s in a relationship with Roxy. I love that Roxy ended up with one of her best friends! I love that Jake and Dirk managed to resolve their issues and may have gotten back together but this time in a much more healthy relationship.

I’m even happy about Vriska and Terezi, Vriska got to be a big hero and Terezi is looking for her which is satisfying.

Yes the ghosts get a short end of the stick but to be fair they were already dead. And I am wondering about the fate of Aradia, Sollux and Davepeta but Aradia and Sollux have always kind of been doing their own thing off screen and Davepeta though I absolutely love them was introduced a bit late.

But while Rose, Dave, Jade, Kanaya, Karkat, Jane, Dirk, Jake, Roxy and Calliope and even GCATAVROS and most of the sprites all got their happily ever after in the new universe and Vriska, Terezi, Aradia, Sollux, Davepeta and the ghosts we actually cared about are sort of in this weird limbo where we’re not quite sure how they are but it might be positive John’s ending is actually a negative one.

John does not get a happy ending plane and simple.

He gets depression. He gets to watch all his friends be happy and he gets to be happy for them but he gets no happiness of his own. He gets a dead dad and a man who will constantly remind him of said dead dad. In the credits what do we see Dad Crocker doing? Standing next to Jane when she becomes ruler of the Human kingdom, clapping for Jane when she becomes a mayor because he’s Jane’s dad. Jane’s the one Dad Crocker cares about and while John will be close to the Crocker I bet you he feels more like a family friend to them.

John is the only one other than maybe Jane who is living by himself!

This isn’t a ‘why is he not in a relationship?” point I’m making this is a ‘why does he have no goddamn emotional support!?’

I’ve seen some people say things like ‘oh well this is a satisfying end to John’s character arc because he’s finally accepted the negative emotions and now can think through them’. To this I say Bull shit!

Depression isn’t a satisfying end it is’t a satisfying anything! It’s awful and horrible and sure as hell shouldn’t be worked through by yourself which might be what John’s doing because lets face it yes John’s friends love him but I will bet money that they’ve never actually had to have a proper feelings jam with him. Look at the time John got angry on the ship Jade had no clue that John had been feeling frustrated. Because all that time that John spent convincing himself that he was alright he also convinced everyone else which was understandable because they had their own shit to deal with but it also meant that when John finally found he wasn’t alright no one is there to help him.

Sure they’d help if John were the one to reach out but reaching out is so fucking hard and John’s not going to want to ruin their happiness with his issues because he always puts his friends before himself.

And lets not forget that John probably feels like an outsider since the meteor crew had 3 years of bonding and John’s own bonding with Jade was retconed out of existence so while the meteor crew has reasons for being close to one another Jade and John don’t have the same connection they should have had because for Jade she hasn’t seen John for three years just like everyone else. Though on the ship it was implied Jade spent most of her time with Davesprite pre retcon anyway. And don’t say Roxy has the same problem because she doesn’t she could easily jump back in with her friends she missed a day at least and a few months at most John is missing three whole years of connections with his friends. They must feel like strangers sometimes.

So yes John gets the worst ending out of any character in the comic but people don’t really care as much because as much as they should because he isn’t the most interesting™  or deep™  out of all the diverse characters of Homestuck but surprise bitch because in reality John actually is the most complex character because he’s the most fucking human. Sure you can’t make up a bunch of angsty head canons for him but his problems and issues are something that is so relatable and the reason that you don’t find him the most interesting character is because while the others thrived living the arc of legendary heroes and have a heroes journey and all that John would have thrived just living a normal life. That’s why he was the only Beta to get married and have a happy life in the Alpha universe. John’s you and me and that’s why he’s the most deep character because he’s the most relatable and the most human.

Him being the ‘ordinary’ one doesn’t make him boring it makes him one of the most interesting characters out of the whole comic and we are fools for not appreciating it more.

So yeah forever bitter about John’s ending and forever bitter that there was not enough uproar over John’s ending like there was for Terezi before the credits came out.

By the way Terezi fans had to wait around 194 day before the credits came out to find out that Terezi was actually alright especially after the fandom was worried about whether Terezi was going to go to the new universe or not or how long she was going to wait for Vriska so they might get a pass.

It has been roughly 232 days since the credits though so that’s a little longer than you had to wait to know if Terezi was okay, so if the epilogue comes out I pray to whatever higher power is out there that John you know the most selfless character in the comic who constantly put every one above himself gets some sort of happy ending because he deserves it just as much as his friends especially considering out of the beta kids John was the one that lost the most from the game. Jade was living alone isolated on an island and Dave had an abusive guardian their life could only improve and yes Rose lost her mom but she had a fulfilling character arc and now has a wife and she has Roxy!

John lost everything to that game and got nothing but he’s just satisfied with the fact that his friend are happy but please give this boy a happy ending!

JUNGKOOK GETTING JEALOUS AT YOU DANCING WITH ANOTHER GUY AT THE CLUB

Hey guys, so if you have been following us, I recently wrote a smut but then compared to my other admins smut and I was like ‘DamN, I reaLLY Need tO rewrite mine’ so I thought i would give this a second go :) This was a request and the request was that you are in a club with jungkook and the gang, and you start dancing with a random guy and Jungkook starts getting jealous :)

It is a bit of a long intro but please bare with :)

Originally posted by kuromel


‘Oh come on , that song is SooOOO OLD! Play a different tune. A tune everyone can jam to!’

Taehyung and Namjoon were bickering away at what to play on the journey to the club. You were stuck in the middle of Taehyung and Jungkook in the cab while Namjoon at the front with the driver. In a way, it was good because Tae always kept the journey’s fun, but it was also difficult because you couldn’t keep your mind off of one thing. While staring out the window and into the pouring rain, You couldn’t keep your mind off of how good Jungkook looked today and the thought of it slightly aroused you. He was wearing his usual black jeans with his timbs, his blue shirt with his top 4 buttons undone, which slightly revealed his chest. It was accompanied by a thin silver chain and he had one diamond stud in his right ear. You snapped out of this thought track when the driver shouted ‘We’re here!’

You had to patiently wait for either Jungkook or Tae to get out of the car. But of course, Tae was busy fixing his oh-so-beautiful hair, so you waited for Jungkook to get out. As you shuffled your way to his seat, you were met with his soft hand reaching out for yours, ‘Careful, its really slippery out’

God You thought. I really need to do something tonight to get my mind off of him. I can’t hold this in anymore
Hesitantly, you take his hand and climb out of the car. You catch Jungkook staring at your arse and then realise that your dress is half way up your arse. You giggle to yourself and think wow, I’m really not helping myself today
You start to make your way towards the club when you feel cold fingers touching your back. You felt a sudden shiver down your spine, and already knew whos delicate hands they were. ‘We don’t want you tripping or slipping do we?’ You turned your head slightly to be met with a face that was angelic and beautiful and eyes that anyone could be lost in.

But it was also in that moment when you questioned whether you really wanted him doing this. His fingers touching your body, his eyes gazing into yours. And you so badly wanted to escape this torture of his body not against yours.

With these thoughts in mind, you shrugged and walked off with Tae and Namjoon to meet with the rest of the gang at the club.

After Tae handed in the tickets to the bodyguard and let you lot in, you could suddenly feel the rhythm of the music and the pounding of the beat. You just badly wanted to get onto the dancefloor, get as drunk as you can, dance and take your mind off things.

As you walked further into the club, you realised that to really take your mind some place else, you needed to take a couple of shots. You scan the club looking for the bar, and spot a bright lit sign saying ‘shakers’. You start to make your way there when some random guy bumps into you and steps on your toes.

‘OW!’ you screamed while hopelessly hopping around with your foot half in the air. The guy immediately bent down and put your foot on his knee. He started to massage it and kept saying sorry and how he wasn’t looking properly. You started laughing and he looked up at you, confused.

‘I’m a bit of a drama queen. It didn’t actually hurt that much. Sorry!’

You start giggling to yourself and realise that you made yourself look like a complete fool. He started laughing with you, got up and leant closer to your ear.

‘Why is a gorgeous girl like you, alone in a club like this?’

‘Trying to get away from all my problems’ you replied back

‘Why don’t I help you get rid of them’ he teased.

He grabbed your hands and twisted you half around and pulled you against his body. You could feel his bulge against your ass and he started to push your hair to one side. He started to caress your neck with his lips and then sucking your skin into his mouth, while one hand was on your hips. You were both moving rhythmically to the beat and he started to make his way to your shoulder.

It was then when you looked across the dance floor to see those very eyes that met with yours when you came out the cab. The very eyes that made you fall in love with him in the first place. But this time, they looked different.

They looked sexy. They were filled with jealousy and for some strange reason, this turned you on. You loved to see this side of him. The side of Jungkook that only ever came out when he saw something he wanted, being taken away from him. And it was only moments after when you saw him striding towards you. But you didn’t want to give him the pleasure of winning just yet. So you turned around and started to unzip the guys trousers.

‘OOhh, I like where this is going’ He purred into your ear

But only you really knew where this was going and you couldn’t wait to see it happen. When seconds after you felt a grapple on your arm that yanked you away, making you tumble back.
‘OI!’ You shouted. ‘I was ENJOYING myself’

‘You hardly FUCKING know him’

You loved it. You loved it when you saw this side of Jungkook. The sexy, angry and dominant side of him that never failed to turn you on.

‘what does it matter to YOU’ you replied aggressively, trying to hold back a lip bite.

He walked up to the guy and shoved him back. ‘Don’t you DARE touch my girl like that again’
‘It’s not my fault she’s not getting what she wants from you’ the guy started to laugh with his hands up as if he surrendered. He started to back away and it brought a smile to your lips. You knew this was going to end one way.

'We were enjoying ourselves. Whats wrong with you?’

‘Your MINE!’

Although you two were not in a relationship, Jungkook felt as though he had to protect you. A responsibility to protect you from everyone and everything. It was as though you belonged to him and no one else

But thats all it took. Those two simple words that you were longing to hear. And as you looked into those brown eyes, that were full of dark jealousy and lust, you knew then and there where the rest of night was going to lead.

Slowly, You started walking towards him. The music in the backround started to slowly fade away. Everyone else’s existence in the club seemed irrelevant. And in that moment, your eyes were not wandering anywhere else but towards him. You noticed the way he was looking at you. Filled with lust and desire. When you had finally reached him, you wrapped your arms gently around his neck and he wrapped his hands around your waist.

‘It was never really going to lead anywhere you know. If anything he was only reassuring me on what I really wanted’ you teased

‘Yeah? And what was that?’ He purred into your ear

‘You,’

‘Well maybe, we should leave the rest of them here and have the couple of hours to ourselves back at the apartment’ he cooed

And without hesitation, you grabbed his wrist and started to make your way out of the club. You waved for a cab and when it pulled up, Jungkook opened the door for you

‘After you M’lady’ he smirked

You climbed and as soon as he sat down in the car, you pulled on his shirt and grabbed his hair. He instantly pulled you on top of him and started to unzip your dress. You put his other hand on your ass and whispered into his ear ‘Maybe we should wait for that part when we’re alone.’

He chuckled to himself but pressed his soft, plump lips against your shoulders, slowly making his way up your neck

‘But how can I resist such a delicious thing like you’ he mumbled

‘You’ve waited this long…I’m sure you can wait a bit longer’ you whispered while gently licking your lips.

And before you knew it the cab pulled up to the kerb where your apartment was. Jungkook signalled to his pockets and you giggled as you realised he needed his wallet. You jumped out the cab and impatiently waited for this beautiful creature to hurry up. You couldn’t wait for him to do you right. You’ve been waiting for this day for what felt like years. He finished paying the driver, stepped out and immediately flung you over his shoulders.

‘You’re going to take way too long to walk to the lifts, I’ll take you there myself’

You started laughing while playfully hitting him. You got to the lifts and as soon as the doors opened he put you down and pressed you against the wall.

‘You’ve been a bad girl tonight you know’

‘Well then show me how I should behave’ you teased back gently stroking his face

You reached your floor and he flung you over his shoulders again. When he reached your door he already knew where the spare key was. He slowly kneeled down and retrieved the key from under the map. Hastily, he opened the door, walked in, slammed it shut and started striding towards your bedroom.

‘And now…for the fun part’

He half chucked half placed you onto your bed and climbed ontop you. As your dress was already unzipped, he gently started to take each strap off and slid your dress off of your body. He then leant in towards your inner thigh. He licked his lips first and started to kiss every part of your skin there. He slowly started making his way up, but then came across the barrier that was your knickers. He bit into them and started sliding them off maintaining eye contact with you the whole time. As soon as he was done, he went back to finish the job.

He steadily made his way towards your clit and although he was not fully touching you, you could feel his lips lingering over. You grabbed his hair instantly as to pull him up, but he growled back. ‘Today you’ve been a bad girl, going off with guys you’re not supposed to be with’

You licked your upper lip as he continued and finally, he delved his tongue into your pussy, tasting every bit of your juices. Your hands grasped onto his hair even more and you let out a moan. And to your surprise, he went even further in, and kissing the lips of your pussy between every flick of his tongue. And between every lick and every kiss, you felt weaker and weaker but never felt more alive. He made sure to go slow. He wanted to savour every taste and every moment he had with you. You head jerked forward and he started to slow down. But you knew he wasn’t finished.

He made his way up your torso, nibbling on it bit by bit and he finally met with your breasts. Again he was met with the obstacle of your bra but already knew what to do. Without even trying, he unhinged the hooks and threw them off. He let his breath tickle over your breasts and then went on to gently kissing and sucking at them. You hooked your legs over his waists only to realise that you were the only one undressed.

‘It’s only fair if I try too,’ you breathed desparetly, while trying to flip him onto his back And he did just that. You went down on him and put his trousers zips in between your teeth, you slowly started to unzip them and you pulled back his trousers. You could see his bulge under his tight Calvin Klein boxers and bit your lip.

Immediately, you ripped them down and grabbed his waist and put straight away put his cock into your mouth. Your mouth hollowed during every suck and you could hear him gently moaning and could feel his nails raking through your hair. His breathe

‘Babe…’

‘I know’ You groaned back. His breathing started to go deeper and deeper while you putting his cock further into your mouth. You never would’ve guessed that it was this big, but still you wanted every taste of it, Savouring every bit of it with pleasure, with your wet saliva all over it. Your lips were red with pleasure and you glanced up only to see his head jerk back. He clenched onto your hair even tighter and tried to pull you up.

You slowly came to a stop and kissed his tip. But you both wanted more. You licked your way up his torso.

‘And now I need to treat a girl who’s been misbehaving tonight’

He grabbed your waist and flipped you onto your stomach, slapped your ass and climbed onto your thighs. Every fibre f your being was set alight and you could feel electric shocks being sent down your body as you felt his skin touching yours

You could feel it slowly going in and him sinking into you but then he thrust harder and started to set a rhythm. You wanted to grab onto the headboard, but he stopped you. He set his hands onto your wrists and buried them into the pillows. You could feel his breath tingling on your shoulder blade and his tongue started to make way for his lips to viciously clasp your neck. You took a sharp breath while gripping the bedsheets. He bit your neck and then licked off the sweat that you were producing from this rhythm.

And then finally…You felt the world spinning on its axis as your mind dissolved into the world of pleasure. You hear him slowly panting but you let out a loud moan and you both finally release. He smacks your ass again and the bed finally stops shaking. He comes to join you lying down.

Two beautiful bodies lying next to each other on the bed, legs intertwined.

While simultaneously panting and breathing aloud together, Jungkook, slides his hand over your breasts and starts to play with your nipples.

‘And thats what happens to girls when they grind up against the wrong guy’

‘Maybe I should grind up against him harder next time’

You both chuckle and the rest of the night was something never to forget…

Originally posted by smallkpoplove


OHHHHHHH DEAAAAAARRRR LOOORRRRRRRRRRD. GUYS YOU ACTUALLY DON’T KNOW MY STRUGGLE WHILE WRITING THIS. To be absolutely honest, this was my first ever smut that I wrote completely. I still feel its pretty crap and hopefully my next couple of smuts will get better and bbetter.. Please leave some comments on how it went lol

~~Admin M xx

alright so y’all want me to talk more kingdom hearts

dammit @soradinnersready​ @chiplikesit i said not to make me talk about them and i should be working on my paper BUT YOU ASKED FOR IT

note: this is a follow up to my last kingdom hearts psa

long post so its under the read more

Keep reading

Black and White - Chapter 2

Characters: Baekhyun x Reader

Genre: Bad Boy AU // University AU // Fluff

Word Count: 3227 words

Plot: Baekhyun is the typical heartthrob that always gets what he wants.. until you came along.

Black and White: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3Chapter 4Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9 (M)

“Okay, i’ll just say this here. You’re really cute. How about we take this upstairs?” Baekhyun queried.

You felt your heart drop slightly.

This. This was exactly what you wanted to avoid. What you didn’t want to happen.

You were flattered by his words, of course. But you knew they were merely nothing but empty words. Ones that held no meaning whatsoever.

Keep reading

what it means

When they finally kiss, it feels like time has stopped. Or maybe it was going too fast, they didn’t know.

For him, the kiss means ‘thank you’. Thank you for bringing me back. Thank you for remembering me even though it was practically impossible for you (or anyone else for that matter) to do it. Thank you for believing in my existence even though eveybody thought you were crazy. Thank you for convincing Scott and my dad and Malia that I actually was a real human being and not some idea that was stuck in your head.

It also means ‘you’re so smart’. Like you actually opened a rift through space and time to save me. And you were the one to know where I was and how to get to me. Once again, you figured it out. God, you are so smart, that’s probably my favorite thing about you.

It also means ‘I’ve been wanting to do this since I was a child’ and I don’t care that we’ve already kissed because right now I’m not having a panic attack, even though the feeling of your lips against mine could actually give me one. I have been dreaming of kissing you hundreds of times, in my dreams, in math class, in the morning or when I went to sleep, and now I’m finally doing it, I still don’t realize it’s really happening.

It also means ‘god, I missed you so much’ and now you’re actually in my arms so I’m probably never letting go of you. I finally found what’s my favorite feeling in the world, and it’s having your body pressed against mine while your hands are on my face and mine are on your waist.

Finally, it means ‘I love you and you don’t have to say it back’’. God, I love you so much I would die for you, but I know I wasn’t going to die in the Hunt, because I had to see your face once more first. Then, I could have died if it meant you were going to be safe. I love you so much I actually can’t believe that you love me back. And you don’t have to say it back, Lydia, because I know. I have known for a while, because the way you used to look at me changed, and I felt more alive than ever everytime your eyes met mine. And I knew, but I didn’t want to believe it, because it would practically impossible for Lydia Martin to actually love me, a pale boy with lots of bones and flannel shirts. But I knew, Lydia, and I know now, and it makes me so happy that I don’t have time to hear you say it, I just want you in my arms right now. You can tell me later though.

For her, the kiss means ‘I’m sorry’. I’m sorry I didn’t remember you earlier. But as soon as you left, I knew something was wrong, I knew someone was missing, and I knew that this someone was important to me. I’m sorry I didn’t convince everyone you were real on the first try. I’m sorry I almost doubted myself when it came to you.

It also means ‘I didn’t say it back, but I do’. Since i first kissed you, I knew. I didn’t know that I loved you, but I knew that something was different between us. I knew the way I looked at you had changed, and the way you looked at me was still the same loving, tender and sweet look you used to gave me since the third grade. But I was scared of admitting it to myself, because I was scared of the consequences and I was afraid of being weak.

It simply means ‘I love you’. God, I do. I love how you make me feel, like I can do everything I never thought I could. You make me feel like I could climb mountains, and bring the dead back to life. You make me feel more beautiful than I’ve ever felt in my whole life, inside and out, even when I’m screaming at the top of my lungs or when I have spent the night working instead of sleeping or when I have been stuck in a mental house or when I look like a zombie. And my favorite part, you make me feel smart and important. God, nobody ever made me feel smart, not even my parents because they thought it was ‘normal’ to be smart. You make me feel like I could win the Field’s medal and solve the Riemann hypothesis. You make me feel like I am the most important person in your eyes, and sometimes in the world. I love how sassy you are, even when we’re being attacked by zombie cowboys or nazi werewolves. I love how you’d do everything to save the people you love, even though you say you’re ‘just a human’ and you have no superpowers (I love how you always fight with a bat, I told you it was stupid but I secretly love it). I love how you always look out for us, all of us, and you feel like Atlas, because you don’t care about your problems, you just want to carry everyone’s problems on your shoulders. I love your smile. God, your smile is everything, it could light up the whole town. And your eyes. Your eyes are not brown, they are the most unique shade of hazel and everytime you look at me, I feel like you can see through my soul.

And it means ‘I missed you’. I’m not a fan of intimacy, but I missed you so much I couldn’t not touch you. I couldn’t wait. And I just had to run to you because you had been missing for 3 months and I have missed your face and your flannel shirts and your scent and your height and your hands and your smile and your everything about you. When I found your jersey in your room and your dad kept it, I almost cried because I wanted to keep it to myself so I could at least have your scent with me and you could be with me, even if it was not physically. I hated being alone. When you were there, you were my bestfriend, and I never felt lonely when I was with you. When you came back, as soon as we collided, I knew I would never be alone again. And as we were kissing, our bodies were almost intertwined but I still wanted to get closer to you. Because I missed you so much, and I finally got you back.

When they finally kiss, it feels like time has stopped. Or maybe it was going too fast, they didn’t know. But they knew that they had a lifetime to figure it out together.

wolfbro92  asked:

Hello, I am trying to avoid falling into the pit fall that is trying to write a female character who is very in control of her sexuality and also dresses in fairley reveling way, without objectifing her. She dresses like she does because she wants it to be very clear to every one around her that it is not a matter of whether not she could punt you through a wall but rather how far you would go after that. and she is well out of the 'confused' period of her life, and into the 'proud to be me' .

Hello!  For the purposes of this response, I’m going to assume you’re a (heterosexual?) male author, in which the first step I’d recommend for writing about this is to consult as many women as possible about it.  Seeing as I am a women, I’d say you’re ahead of the game in this department.  

Next, here are some personal tips and rules of thumb for writing about sexual female characters without sexualizing them:

1.  Treat them as people.  

Regardless of how promiscuous, attractive, and sexual your character is, she will have defining traits beyond that.  Focus on your character’s personality before you describe her appearance.  Spend some time working out her idiosyncrasies, quirks, likes and dislikes, that don’t involve sex.  Make sure she’s a well-rounded character before you even think about focusing on her sexuality;  her appearance should be an afterthought, not a defining feature.  

This goes for characters of all genders:  regardless of how stunningly attractive they’re emphasized to be, regardless of the author’s relentless descriptions of their “rock hard abs” or “ample breasts,” the characters I find most attractive are invariably the ones with a strong and well-defined personality.  

Basically, regardless of how sexy your character is, she is, first and foremost, a person, with a fully developed personality.  Remember that, and you’ll be several steps ahead of your fellow male authors.

2.  Make sure she’s dressed practically and appropriately.   

Revealing clothes are great.  I’ll show cleavage like nobody’s business.  But don’t fall into the false empowerment purgatory of ridiculously revealing clothes that are neither appropriate to the situation nor practical for what your character is doing.  

For instance, if your character is kicking ass and taking names, she should not be doing it like this:

If your character is setting out for a fight, avoid gratuitous cleavage, showing too much skin, and basically anything that looks like it could just as easily be exhibited in a Victoria’s Secret ad.  

Some more practical options for your female characters include full-body spandex (like male superheroes have been wearing since spandex was invented), cargo pants and tank tops, and athletic-wear.  I also personally enjoy basically any character in full-body latex or leather, and it’s totally not because its a personal kink of mine.

In a quiet, controlled, dress up-y setting, your character can wear the revealing clothes she prefers, but there are some basic guidelines for this as well:      

3.  Stay away from gratuitously focusing on breasts. 

“My full breasts swelled invitingly over the lacy rim of my sports bra.”  “Her small breasts swung loosely beneath her poncho.”  “She purred as she contentedly patted her young breasts dry.”

So many male writers do this, and it never fails to grate on me.  Even if your character is wearing the most cleavage-bearing, Jessica Rabbit-esque getup imaginable, she will not be thinking about her boobs 24/7, especially if it’s told in the first person. 

The only time I’m actively thinking about my breasts is when I’m thinking about how much they’re fucking annoying me.  Right now, for example, I’m thinking about them because all my bras are in the wash and the only one available was one of my mom’s sports bras, and it feels like a goddamn binder.  

Do I love them?  Am I happy to have them?  Yes, but sometimes they fucking suck, man.  

On that note, however, the feeling of taking off a bra is heavenly, and I do occasionally like putting my hands on them for no particular reason.  

If you want to emphasize that your character is physically beautiful, and she’s wearing revealing clothing, here are a few body parts that I wish authors would pay more attention to: 

“The lean, well-defined muscles of her back rippled like liquid.”  

“The slit up the side of her evening gown showed off a smooth expanse of thigh.”  

“Her hair was braided to one side, calling attention to her slender neck and sharp jawline and showing off her toned shoulders.”     

This might be the queer gal in me talking, but I’d say that’s a definite improvement.

4.  Allow her to have physical flaws.

“Her lovely sloping waist gave way to voluptuous hips, perfectly mirroring the ample roundness of her bosoms.  Luscious locks of silky blond hair framed her heart-shaped face and high cheekbones, accentuating lush lips and a petite button nose, large eyes framed with lush lashes.”  

This is a condensed version of the descriptions I’ve read.  Authors, particularly male authors, will take up entire pages describing flawlessly beautiful female characters that probably couldn’t exist outside of a magazine.  

Don’t do this.  Even if your character is stunningly gorgeous, it’s her physical idiosyncrasies that will make her memorable.  Give her a honking laugh, a birthmark, a scar, one crooked tooth that stands out in an otherwise perfect smile.

Moreover, as a general rule of thumb, stay away from cutesy descriptors “petite button noses,” “doe eyes,” “lush, long lashes,” “doll-like,” “porcelain skin,” and basically anything else that sounds as though you’re describing a children’s toy.  One or two characters can have these features, but when every female character sounds like a porcelain doll, it gets tiresome. 

Confession time:  I like to endow my male characters with these traits just to throw people.  A lot of my male main characters will be described as having large, doe-like eyes with long lashes, lush pink lips, delicate features, and/or basically everything else cute and “feminine” with which female characters are frequently endowed. 

I feel like it’s quietly subversive, because there’s a lot of pressure for male characters to constantly be masculine (if not, it’s usually presented as comedy relief), just as it’s customary for female characters to consistently be effortlessly cute, delicate, and feminine.  

Your female characters will not always be cute, delicate, and feminine.  Even the most gorgeous people in the world will occasionally wake up with static-y, bird’s nest hair and dark raccoon circles under their eyes.  They get body odor, they go to the bathroom, they get bad breath, they get unsightly rashes, have allergic reactions, get bug bites.  

Granted, you probably won’t need to describe that in gratuitous detail, but you need to realize that women aren’t goddesses.  If your character has perfect makeup, she’s put a lot of time and energy into learning how to do perfect makeup, applying it every morning, et cetera.  If she has a perfect body, she probably works out a lot, eats a steadily healthy diet, and/or has some pretty perfect genes.  Traditional femininity is hard work;  it isn’t simply a natural state of being for women and girls.

Basically, it all goes back to point one:  treat your female characters as people.   

5.  Be open to criticism.

This applies for writing all marginalized groups to which you don’t belong.  I can and do write characters of color, for example, but I need to be open to criticism from actual people of color for when I’m doing it wrong.  

If you’re straight (which I am not), you can and should write queer characters, but you need to be open to the critiques of actual queer people when they tell you how to improve.  

And you (and again, I’m only assuming you’re male here, as it isn’t specified) can and should write female characters, but you need to keep an open ear to real women if they say you aren’t doing it right.  

This isn’t personal, and it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person;  what a lot of people need to understand on this website (and the internet in general) is that we will never reach a state of total ideological purity, just as we will never understand the experience of groups to which we do not belong.

Accept it, commit to the journey of bettering yourself as a person and as a creator, and realize that criticism is not a personal insult to you;  it’s a means by which you can grow.


I really hope this helps!!

Yooseven hurts me so fucking much. They’re best friends, they are each other’s b e s t friends, and that fact is so sad bc Yoosung probably has so few true friends that he can bullshit around with and pull allnighters with on school nights, and the one that he trusts and loves the most can’t even share the most basic fact about himself, and Yoosung is literally Seven’s only friend bc everyone else in the RFA just kind of puts up with him. And it’s not surprising because Seven literally doesn’t exist, he’s a fake name slapped onto a fake personality with a hidden background and he isn’t even allowed to have friends at all so he doesn’t even try, but Yoosung puts so much love and trust into Seven even though he knows that he doesn’t really even know Seven at all. And I

Memories Are Made || Jungkook

Pairing - Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Genre - Angst, Fluff

Summary - With Jungkook having lost his memory, and you told not to drop the ‘hey guess what I’m your girlfriend’ bomb on him, things take an unexpected yet pleasant turn when he’s the one to drop the bomb.

Inspired by the teaser of Love Yourself


Jungkook remembered nothing. He remembered his name because you kept addressing him with it, and he was beginning to get to know you because you were hanging around in his room every time he slipped in and out of consciousness.

He didn’t know what kind of relationship he shared with you. You claimed to be his friend, which you’d said with much difficulty and hesitation, making him wonder if you were somebody else to him. Somebody who meant more.

Nonsense, he thought. You’d tell him if you were…wouldn’t you?

Getting into an accident was not his hobby, thank you very much. But if people can’t learn to not drive recklessly on the road, the world might even end up with less than seven billion people. And out of all of them, he was found on the street, bleeding and unconscious. The doctors would later declare him almost brain dead. Jungkook would be in a coma.

Miracles existed, he supposed. Or the doctors did. Two months later, a nurse walked in getting the fright of her life seeing Jungkook wide awake, confused as hell, which he very easily conveyed, “Where am I?”

Everything to the last moment was forgotten. No faces were recognizable, no names were familiar, nothing. Nil; Zero.

And then you were there. Every morning, you’d chirp a “Good morning, Jungkook! How are you feeling today?” Like as though you were expecting another miracle to happen and he would remember who you were. Or who anybody else was. One miracle was fine; two was being greedy.

Like that - in moments of unfamiliarity and uncertainty - two more months passed. Jungkook had a good eye, and noticed you were exhausted greatly. It didn’t have to be dark circles, or frizzed and unkempt hair. The chirpiness in you voice had abandoned you, now becoming a slightly boring version of it, “Morning, Kook.” - He loved that nickname, but he still couldn’t shake off the feeling of having heard it somewhere - “You doing good?”

He always answered you, “Yeah, I’m fine. You?” When he’d first asked you that, your eyes brimmed. He wanted to take his words right back because, poor him, he didn’t know you weren’t expecting any sort of reply. But soon enough, the two of you were accustomed to the brief greetings.

One day, Jungkook was curious.

“Didn’t we ever talk more than ‘Hello, how are you?’” He asked, genuinely curious eyes drifting to catch yours. You were frozen stiff, almost scared. Why was he asking you this? Did he remember something?

“No, we didn’t.” Came your clipped reply.

He was disappointed. He really wished he could find out what kind of connection the two of you had shared. Because, right now, he was developing a crush on you. A huge, massive, heart fluttering, stomach-butterflies-giving crush. And if the two of you hadn’t been dating, or hadn’t been as close as he was assuming the two to have been, then oh boy, he was in deep trouble.

It’s okay, he thought, I’ll find my way.


Jungkook was bored. Utterly, and inconsolably bored. “Pleeeeaaase,” he whined like a kid, “I want out of this room, it’s so suffocating in here!” And when he noticed you weighing different options and consequences, he added a little bit more effort in helping you making a decision. He cocked his head ever so slightly, puckering his lips into a tiny pout. You’d fall for it. Definitely; he was so sure.

“Fine!” You exclaimed, beaten by his puppy-dog look. Getting up and making your way to an excited twenty year old - God, was he really twenty? He seemed ten at that moment - you made a deal. No wandering out of your sight, and no funny business. Like a mother cautioning her kid. He agreed instantly.

You helped him stand, and just those moments of intimacy were enough to set sparks flying. He’d fallen for you - so hard.

You grabbed his hoodie, and brought it above his head to help him wear it, you having to stand on your tippy toes and in very close proximity. Although you’d been used to such closeness, you worried over whether he would be. But he seemed to enjoy it way more than he should’ve. Just as you’d helped him put his arm through the sleeve, you tripped over your own feet - clumsy you - and would’ve fallen over if it weren’t for Jungkook’s strong arms catching you immediately.

Red color creeped up your neck as he continued watching you, his eyes - somehow - holding the same adoration he used to watch you with before the accident. It made a wave of mixed feelings crash into you. What was happening?

You cleared your throat awkwardly, and he took it as a signal to let you go, you were okay. Thanking him quietly, you brought over the IV pole, rolling it into his reach. He held it, and you made sure he was able to walk straight without toppling over. When you still were fussing over him, he said, “Y/N, it’s okay. I won’t get better if I just sit around all day. Come,” He stretched out a hand. You stared at it, transfixed. Did he want you to hold it?

Why isn’t she holding it? Panic began flowing, Jungkook suddenly worried that he had struck the wrong chord. And just as he was about to retreat his hand, you held it. First, with both your hands.

He stared at your hands - much smaller, compared to his. So cute. He wanted to reach over and squish your cheeks. He actually was about to, but then images began overflowing into his mind; memories, maybe. A sudden sense of deja vu washed over him. This happened before. Well, not in the same setting or not down-to-the-detail before…but, he’d had this familiar feeling of wanting to pinch your cheeks.

“Jungkook?” He snapped from his thoughts; you were looking at him, worried. Worried about what? He’d remember something?

He figured he’d keep quiet. He didn’t know for sure if that really was a memory.

The two of you walked out of his suffocation room, and into the lobby. Barely filled, it was easy to fit in the narrow corridor, among rushing doctors or nurses. It felt as though everything was moving so fast, in a blur, and you two were just there, walking; taking your own time.

You didn’t realize you’d walked out of the building and into the garden behind the hospital. Well, at least you both were getting some much needed fresh air. While walking, you felt your hand brush his repetitively. It was hard to resist the urge to just turn around and hug him. Kiss him. And tell him everything. About how you two had been dating for more than a year, how he was on the way home to you and had almost died in the accident but blood transfusion at the right moment prevented a great loss. So close to death, he was. And now, look at him: strutting about like his memory loss was no big deal.

You hadn’t said a word only because the doctor had asked you not to. He’d just advised you to drop subtle hints, and see if he could take it. To you, it was like starting the friendship all over again. It was agonizing, but you hoped it would be worth it. Suddenly, you just felt burdened. You wanted to sit down. Ready to tell him you were tired, you opened your mouth. But he beat you to it by holding your hand.

It happened fast. Yet slow. His eyes were blank, no kind of familiarity or recognition in them as he progressed towards you, closing the gap between you two. Your pulse quickened in sickening anticipation. What was happening?

He stared at you like that, without any emotion in his eyes, like the first time he’d seen you after waking up. Then, before you could do anything, he bent down and kissed your lips. You didn’t dare move, lest you trigger some sort of defense from him.

He kept his lips pressed firm against yours, and when he straightened, his eyes shone with something new. And right then, you dared to hope. Had he remembered?

“Y/N…” It trailed off, his voice gentle.

“I remember you.” He said.

He remembered.


HAPPY JUNGKOOK DAY AYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA ITS MY BIAS’ BIRTHDAY AYAYAYAYAYYAYA

Let Me Help You

Fandom: Twilight

Word count: 2332

Characters: Paul x reader, Jared, Sam, Emily, the rest of Sam’s pack

Warnings: mentions of asshole parents, reader cutting herself off, reference to Paul’s anger management issues

Summary: After Paul imprints on you, he changes your attitude to the world.

The summer job in Forks was only supposed to be a temporary stop-off. After you graduated and your parents kicked you out, you’d taken off on a trip across America. Where you could, you picked up jobs to covers the costs of fuel and food and somewhere to stay, and coasting along by yourself suited you just fine. It was more peaceful that way.

You had no doubt that, if Paul hadn’t walked into your life, you may well have spent the rest of it living that way.

As it was, though, you’d been working at a supermarket checkout when you looked up to see one of the most muscular men you’d ever seen staring down at you. He was hot, but that wasn’t why you’d kept looking back.

In that moment, it felt like everything else had ceased to exist. There was an expression of wonder in the stranger’s face as he looked at you, and you’d felt drawn to him in a way you’d never felt about anyone else. It was intense, and it was scary.

Then he grinned, still looking wonderstruck, and held out his hand. “Paul Lahote.”

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Two years ago, you were all white knuckle and grit.
You abandoned your softness in a cardboard box
on the side of the road—decided it was
someone else’s problem, now.
Two years ago, your depression was
an undiagnosed monster in the pit of your stomach
and it swallowed everything.
You felt like a cardboard cutout of a person;
you felt like TV static.
You wrote yourself into something ugly
so that you didn’t have to be so soft–
so small, so honey-heart.
It didn’t work, did it?
Take a good look at the person you become
two years from now: look
how she is frayed at the edges
like hand-me-down lace. Look
how her bones are too old for her,
how they creak like a house
full of someone else’s photo albums.
Look how soft she is:
like you could press your hand right through
her stomach and
come out the other side. She knows, that
every boy you fall in love with between there and now
takes you for granted.
Every girl who lets you kiss her
stops texting you back.
That you keep filling your empty bed,
because you don’t know how to fill your empty chest.
Trouble is, you keep falling in love with open wounds
then acting surprised when you are left with nothing
but blood in a lifeboat.
It’s time to stop sinking.
You are important,
even if no one ever likes your poetry.
You are important,
even if he doesn’t love you back,
even if she’s only interested in sleeping with you,
even if he isn’t.
Your voice matters, even if no one listens to it.
Your worth does not come with
clauses and conditions.
It does not disappear
with no one to validate it–
you
are valid.
Even if no one else thinks so.
Two years from now, you will be soft.
You will be all split-ends and paperbacks.
It will hurt.
And it’ll be okay.
These are the growing pains we never grow out of.
I know
you never asked to be born.
But that’s because people don’t ask
for miracles: they are given.
You exist, even though it would be
much easier for you not to. Even though
there are literally billions of events
that had to happen before you could happen,
which makes you
one of the most improbable things in existence
and yet, you are here.
But I don’t expect you to say thank you.
There is too much ache in your upbringing.
There have been too many bad days.
Two years ago,
you declared war on your gentle everything.
It will take the full two years to realize
you are only hurting
yourself.
—  SELF PORTRAIT DRESSED AS A SELF-HELP PROGRAM by Ashe Vernon
FANNY HAGDAHL SÖREBO

Fanny Hagdahl Sörebo is a creative powerhouse who wields extraordinary draftsmanship. Whether it is on the screen or in her sketchbook, her work is as professional as it is warm.


“Once I got accepted to Gobelins, I got very torn up because all of a sudden I realized I’d have to leave all the friends I’d made in Savannah and for a hot second I wanted to turn down my spot. But my friends gave me a pretty much unanimous ‘ARE YOU AN IDIOT?’ so I went.”

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“I love you.”
It’s one of the most sought after phrases in the world. The things people will do to hear someone say, “I love you,” have surprised us in countless stories, movies, and songs. The things people will do for someone who loves them are equally as astounding.

Why do we love hearing, “I love you” so much? Maybe its the promise of holding a place in someones heart, or the awakening knowledge of a new significance you hold in someones life. Often its the phrase expressed before a relationship takes its next step, the expression that one is loved for all their silly quirks, for their looks, for their heart, or for who they are (the good, the bad, and the imperfection). People thrive off that idea, that they are enough, that they are someone’s everything.
We love to be loved.

I believe in love. I believe in its strength and significance in relationships. But I have also learned, that love isn’t always enough. You need more than love to make a relationship work. Love starts many great romances, but love alone won’t make a relationship last forever.

There are six phrases that I think are as important, and possibly more important than, “I love you.” Phrases that I think we should all desire to hear from those we want to be close too. Phrases that should be as important to us as a declaration of love.

6 Phrases More Important than, “I Love You”

1. “I forgive you.”
I forgive you for all the things have done, or will do, that may hurt me. I forgive the way you may lash out when you are hungry, I forgive the things you may say, when you’re tired after a long day. I forgive the times you didn’t even know you upset me. I forgive your big mistakes and the small ones. I forgive you for not knowing what I needed, when I thought you would, or even expected you to know. I forgive you when you fall short, because I see how hard you are trying. I forgive you the way I hope you’ll forgive me, because I know neither of us our perfect.

2. “I’ll sacrifice for you.”
I’ll sacrifice my time for you. I’ll be selfless for you. I’ll stay up late with you as you learn to care for our new baby, even though I have work in the morning. I’ll hold you when your sick. When you are weak, I will be your strength. I’ll be there for you at 3am as readily as I would at 7pm. I’ll be there when no one else is, and I’ll be there 100%. In sickness and in health, my willingness to be there won’t change. My sacrifice is not dependent on your state of being, but rather it is there because you exist and you are someone worth sacrificing for.

3. “I respect you.”
I respect you for who you are, and not for what I feel you deserve. I respect you because you deserve my respect, not because you earned it. I’ll respect your opinions, and consider your feelings. I’ll treat you like a person with your own thoughts, hopes, dreams, and desires. And, those thoughts, hopes, dreams, and desires will matter to me the way they matter to you.

4. “I’ll support you.”
I’ll support your hopes and your dreams. I will always have your back. You can rely on me. I’ll raise you up, and never tear you down. I’ll always make sure you have what you need, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. I’ll lift you back up when you fall.

5. “I’ll protect you.”
I’ll protect you from harm. I’ll protect your heart from pain. I’ll protect the idea of us. I won’t demean you. I’ll treasure you and shield you from that evil, bad, and ugly. I won’t let others put you down. You will be safe in my arms, safe in my hands, and safe in my heart. I’ll be your safe haven, your safety net, and someone you can always trust.

6. “I’m committed to you”
I won’t leave you. I will be here for you again and again. I’ll make, making this work a priority in my life. I’ll look back on our beginning, I’ll work on our now, and I’ll look forward to our future, because we are something that I want to last forever.
Some may argue that if you ‘love’ someone, all these things will be part of that love. That someone who loves you automatically sacrifices for you, respects you, forgives you, supports you, protects you, and is committed to you.
In an ideal, perfect world, I truly believe that all these attributes come together as one and are expressed through pure and unconditional charity. It is a trait we should all strive to develop. But from my experience, we are human, and we fall short of this perfection… even towards those we love.

If it was true that love was all we needed, love wouldn’t be so hard, and relationships wouldn’t fall apart so easy.
The truth is there are lot of people you can love, but very few relationships that you can make last forever. That’s why a person is capable of loving someone more than life, but knowing deep inside that it would never work. That is why people are capable of walking away from those they love. That is why someone can give up a life full of love for a single moment of weak and selfish pleasure. That is why people lie, steal, and cheat, to, from, and on those they love.

Bookworm [c.m x reader]

Warnings: swearing, vague drug mention

requested?:yuppp

Connor and reader where the reader works at the bookstore Connor goes to, and she notices. They have convos and it’s sweet??? And like ye.

word count: 3.7k

hi yeah hope you like it! it got confusing at the end and it’s midnight and I rly need sleep so I hope you like this

xoxo cass

It initially took you by surprise when you saw Connor Murphy walk into the local book shop you worked at every day after school. He would walk in and buy a new book or take out his own then walked to the tiny café in the bookshop to chill out. Reading wasn’t something people associated with Connor because they all assume he’s just a junkie, but every day like clockwork, he would come in and sit.

The old shop which was aptly named ‘The Authors Attic’ was small, warm, and overflowing with different knick-knacks and shelves stuffed with books of all sorts. The place screamed ‘home’. When you got the job, you were ecstatic. The small store was basically your home before you even got the job! So when the owner saw your application, he didn’t even bother to interview you.

Watching the doors for the tall boy from your tiny perch behind the desk became a habit fairly quickly after you noticed his frequent visits to ‘The Attic’. Whenever you would see him from the window walking towards the store, you tried your best to somehow communicate with him.

You made mental lists of whatever book he was currently reading or have already read, wanting to understand his preference better. He liked the poetic ones, you noticed, and he mostly enjoyed novels.  You noticed a lot about him over the first week or so on the job, even if you hadn’t really talked other from the mandatory greeting and smiles. He was striking, all in black despite whatever weather was outside. Longer hair was unusual for the small town you lived in and if anything, it made you more curious.

Ding                                                                                                                  

You snapped your head up from the small notebook you were doodling in. It was still early for your curious muse to be here but there he stood in all his dark glory. It was hard not to stare at him. The light caressed his sharp features perfectly and the hair the stuck out from his head in messy curls seemed to glow in the ray of sun. He was angelic, to say the least. He took in the scent of the small shop and relaxed his stance. He was so breathtaking you almost forgot to greet him, stuttering idiotically.

“Hi welcome to, uh The Author’s Attic um, sorry,” You tried desperately to straighten out the papers that were messily strewn across the counter, desperately trying to hide the fact that you were staring and that your cheeks were rapidly heating up.

He nodded awkwardly in response, quirking his eyebrow at your suddenly flustered state.

Cute. Wait what? Whatever, she wouldn’t like you anyway you idiot, no one like you. He thought as he turned towards the bookshelves and scowled. Idiot.

“So what are you looking for today? Or are you just gonna chill by the café? Not that I watch you because that would be super creepy and- uh.” You piped up, realizing how creepy you sounded halfway through and jumbling your words together so fast they were almost inconceivable.

He turned and looked at you, almost… angrily? His eyes scanned your face for what seemed like hours, searching for something that wasn’t sincere. All he was met with, though, was your petrified face as you watched him glare at you,

He probably thinks you’re a stalker, Y/N. Why did you have to be so creepy? Now you’ll never get to know more about the tall boy with the high cheekbones who loves to read.

“Uh- I’m sorry ill just… make myself busy.” You mumbled as you looked down, willing to do anything to have him stop staring at you so feverously.

“No- I mean fu- just…” He let out a frustrated growl and hurried off into the infinite aisles of books, leaving you confused and even more curious about the ‘tall boy with the high cheekbones who loves to read.’

SPACE SHIT THIMNGYU

Monday morning was… eventful. Disappointing, but eventful nonetheless. Connor was seated next to you in English class, courtesy of the uptight teacher and her ‘put the good kids by the not-so-good kids and let them rub off’ philosophy. You didn’t think Connor was a ‘bad seed’, but everyone else seemed to sigh in relief when the teacher called his name and pointed next to your seat.

When confronted with this situation, he did what any reasonable person would do; sighed, sat down, and never said a word or even made eye contact with ‘the nice girl with the pretty eyes who works at the bookshop.’ Reasonable.

You were confused when he didn’t return your small smile as he walked up to the desk next to yours, and then you were sad because he didn’t acknowledge your existence. You learned one thing though, ‘the tall boy with high cheekbones who loves to read’ was named a bit simpler: His name was Connor.

Once school was over and you were at work, which you nicknamed ‘The Attic’, you were nervous for Connor to make his way into your tiny sanctuary. Connor. It was so strange to say his name, even if it was just in your thoughts.

So, you continued to scribble on the notepad in front of you and reposition books until the dreaded ‘ding’ would ring through your ears to reveal the tall boy with th- Connor.

Maybe you were just really focused on alphabetizing the books marked ‘fiction’ by Authors name, or maybe your brain just didn’t want to hear the warning bell. Either way, you turned around to find a tall boy in dark clothes staring at you from the gap between isles. You almost dropped the books that were wrapped securely in your arms.

He seemed like he was about to say something but decided against it and began to walk away.

“Wait! I mean- sorry, Connor right?” You said as you realized he was turning away.

He looked confused at first, probably wondering how the hell you knew his name or even his existence,

“You apologize a lot.” He stated bluntly.

Quickly realizing how douche-y he sounded, he continued.

“…But yeah, I’m Connor I guess.” He scratched the back of his head and shrugged his shoulders as if it was a question.

“Y-you guess?” You smiled lightly at him and placed the books down on top of the stool you used to reach the books stored up high.

He shoved his hands in his pockets grumpily and grunted in response. He was oddly welcoming with the ghost of a smile hidden behind his curtains of brown curls. Then the impossible happened, he laughed. His smirk turned into a small huff and the corners of his eyes crinkled as he raised his head and pushed the hair out of his face,

He laughed. It wasn’t a big laugh where he couldn’t breathe or even a giggle, it was just a wisp of happiness that made your knees feel wobbly and your cheeks feel warm.

He noticed your shocked stare, equipped with light pink cheeks and mouth agape in awe. He stood there awkwardly waiting for you to throw some quip or joke at him. When you asked him what book he was reading he didn’t register the punch line… because there wasn’t one. You were being decent to him and he didn’t know what to do except awkwardly fumble for the yellow-paged, bent up, and old-from-use book.

You gently grabbed the book from his paper-white hand, knuckles brushing for a split second before you hummed in response to the title you vaguely recognized. DART By: Alice Oswald

“This is the one with the river, right?” You muttered as you traced the intricate cover, flipping it over to see the back.

“Yeah the uhm, it’s the one with the river.” He gaped at you as you gently traced his book with your fingertips.

He didn’t think you would know (or care about) what he was reading, not even his mom seemed to bother to notice what he was always focused on in the mornings.

You handed the book back in his direction and offered a warm smile.

“I’m Y/N, by the way. We have English together.” You kept your hand out held after he took the book back from you, a small peace offering.

He wiped his hand on his jeans before grasping yours hesitantly.

“Yeah sorry, I just hate all those people… not you! I just don’t like being around them so I ignore ‘em.” He shrugged sheepishly, watching as your eyes lit up as you got an idea.

“Just make it up to me then. Buy me a coffee and tell me about your book.”

“Are you, like, sure you wanna be seen with the emo stoner kid?”

“Depends,” his disappointment was evident, “Are you an emo stoner kid or did you just start accepting the labels?”

He fell in love right then and there… you know in like the metaphorical way. I wouldn’t just instantly fall in love with someone don’t be an idiot, Connor.


“So it characterizes a river?” You asked over the small white mug full of steaming cocoa he had bought you.

It had been four long days since your encounter and you were finally off work and available to be taken out for coffee. In English, he kept trying to figure out what things you like in your coffee and what books you read etc. He wasn’t used to being interested in someone else’s preferences, but watching you try and explain thing the character’s turmoil in your recent book made him enamored with your brain. Every sentence seemed to flow so elegantly from brain to your voice, it was peaceful to listen to you.

“Yeah but it’s like, oddly poetic? It’s weird.” He shrugged and focused n the dark liquid sloshing around in his mug.

“Tell me more.” You reached for his hand and his head shot up confusedly.

The look in your eyes was full of curiosity and determination, how could he say no?

The rest of the evening the both of you were entranced by each other’s conversations and ideas about anything and everything ranging from favorite authors to how his nails were painted a dark navy blue other than the usual black. Explanation: He lost the black nail polish and didn’t want to ask Zoe, his sister.

Your mugs may have been empty, but your stomachs and brains were full of warmth.


Ding

“Hi, welcome to ‘The Authors Attic’ is there anything you’re looking f- Connor!” you chirped from your stool behind the counter, getting up and walking over to him.

“hi.” He said breezily while watching you walk towards him. He took in your uniform, a dark blue lanyard hanging from your neck with a big employee sticker hanging from it. On the part that wrapped around your neck pins were placed haphazardly reading either ‘books!’, or a cute quote. The one that made him give a ghost of a smile, however, was the one right near your heart reading ‘I have a degree in being a bookworm!’

Adorable.

“OH!” You hopped and clapped your hands, “I just found something in the newest shipment I think you might like…” you ran back behind your desk and bent down under the tabletop. Victoriously, you pulled out a small paperback book.  An Ember in the Ashes printed in big gold letters.

“Okay, so it isn’t poetry but its one of my favorites and there are some really good one-liners and uh…” You saw his blank expression and retreated back inside your mental shell.

“It was just an idea, you don’t have to read it or anything. Sorry.”

He was confused at your sudden change of demeanor and then realized he was still in the same spot he was when he came in, not even bothering to walk up to the counter with you. He probably looked disinterested.

“No! I was just surprised is all. Oh, and stop apologizing for being adorable.” He mumbled the rest under his breath after ‘apologizing.’

“Sor- I mean, okay. Here.” He was standing at the counter now and you handed the book towards him. Your knuckles brushed again and he felt the tips of his ears grow warm.

“Thank you, really. Not many people care enough to see stuff and think I would like it.”

“Consider me the exception that shows decent human affection then.” You smiled sadly and sighed.

When he got home that night, he never read a book faster in his life.


He didn’t come to school the next day.

He didn’t come to the bookstore the next day either.

You were left alone at both.

You tried not to worry about it, he missed school all the time! Even when he didn’t come to school you would always see him at the bookshop, regardless if he had a cold or smelt like smoke. There was nothing you could do, so you sat and reorganized books; once by color and once by authors name.  You ran your finger across the spines of the books in boredom until one caught your eye.

DART By: Alice Oswald

You sat down behind the front desk and read.


A week later and still no Connor. you sighed and stood on the ladder trying to reposition the books when your foot slipped, you yelped and felt something try and catch you but you both ended up on the floor groaning in pain.

“Oh my god I’m so sorry, sir!” You yelped as you leaped up from on top of whoever tried to catch you.

“Not to alarm you, but I think you literally just fell for me.”

You looked up in shock at the tall boy with hi- Connor,

“Connor? You’ve been gone for a week!” You yelped as you stepped closer and hugged the lanky boy.

“Oh you, well, I didn’t think you would notice… I got grounded so I couldn’t really stop by.” He said timidly as he slowly reciprocated your hug, arms gently placed on your lower back.

“Of course I noticed! I was…” you trailed off and shook your head as if it would erase what you had begun to say.

“What?” He pulled away and held you at arms distance, hands on your shoulders as he looked at you concerned.

“I was, um… I was lonely,” you squeaked as you rubbed your arms awkwardly.

He opened his mouth to say something and closed again, furrowing his eyebrows and scowling confusedly.

“Forget it. Oh hey! I read DART!” You tried desperately to change the subject as you skipped towards the counter.

He followed you, still confused as hell, as you dragged him along with you. How were you lonely? You were nice and smart and interesting, you had to have friends! Is it possible you’re somehow like him? Lonely and desperate for any sign of affection that you go to books for comfort? Holy fuck you probably were like him! But you were so…You! And he was so…

“Here,” you slid the book over the counter. “I thought maybe we could discuss it or something… Maybe at the café here!” you said excitedly.

He nodded confused and stared at the fresh copy.

You retreated from him, scared you were being too enthusiastic.


“You don’t have to! I just had a nice time last week and thought maybe we could…” you rambled off as your voice rose to an embarrassed squeak.

“You read it?” He whispered in disbelief as he traced the cover with his finger.

You gulped and nodded so fast he thought your head might fall off.

The hope and admiration in his eyes was beautiful, but his eyes themselves; don’t get yourself started. They were cold, but not without feeling. Sometimes he would notice when you were staring and raise his guard back up, but you always saw the isolation, regardless. His eyes were a cold blue, and his right eye had a streak of brown cutting the ice of his eyes with warmth.

“When are you free?”

“Oh! Uh, in like 10 minutes, actually.” You said as you quirked your head sideways to look at the clock behind him.

“I’ll go order the coffees then.” He did that ghostly smile you had grown so fond of after not seeing it for so long.

“It’s a date!” you giggled after him as he stalked off towards the café.

“It’s a date? I mean, yeah. It’s a date.” He stuttered out as he turned around to look at your fading figure as he kept walking backwards.

[space thing]

Once the coffee was gone and it was getting late he took you by surprise.

“Can I walk you home? Since this is a date and all.” He asked as he gently placed his hand out towards you, trying not to scare you away.

To his relief and to your hearts consistent fluttering; you held it.

“So you said you were lonely earlier, but how? You’re normal.”

You squeezed his hand tightly, mentally deciding if you should actually open up to this boy you’ve known for a few months.

“Well, Mister outcast, I’m not who you peg me to be.” You replied lowly.

“Then who should I think you are?” he scoffed, almost bitter.

“Did you ever notice the girl who reads in the corner of your English class? Or ever stop to look at the people who accidentally bump into you in the halls? I’m like the ghost of that shitty school.” You laughed at yourself and continued.

“I’m the girl who is vaguely recognizable. If I didn’t show up for a week no one would notice! I mean, ask around at school for me and all you would get was a faint recognition of my name.” You sighed and looked over at him.

“I would notice.” He said softly as he rubbed his thumb across the top of yours.

“Why?” was all you could really say. It was all your mind could think of.

Then it was all too fast but the look he gave you after you said that… you couldn’t help yourself. You grabbed his face and gently leaned in, waiting for any sign of permission. He nodded lightly and closed the distance between your faces. It was like a mixture of sorrow and longing and love, it overwhelmed you, but the good kind.

And you were happy and kissing and he was happy and kissing back. Happy wasn’t something Connor was used too, but he knew what it was as soon as you leaned in. You were gentle and kind and you made an effort to know him, something he couldn’t say about his own dad.

You pulled away breathless and smiling from cheek to cheek. He relished in the sight of the pretty girl who loves to read so close to him, having just kissed him and breathless. He smiled back at you; not the ghost smile you would occasionally see but a full, nose crinkled and eyes almost shut smile that he reserved for no one. Well, until you.

Then he did what you would’ve least expected the tall boy in dark clothes with high cheekbones who loves to read to do, he pecked your cheek and whispered really softly;

“I know you fell for me earlier but I think I prefer this way of showing it instead.”

Bees Buzzing

I know I should have worked on the next chapter for my Existence story, but this popped into my head and demanded to be written. It’s family fluff (what else). 

Fox Mulder believes in a lot of things. He wants to believe, anyway. One thing he doesn’t believe in, hasn’t in the past, is perfection.

He has to admit, though, that today comes damn near close.

It’s Sunday and they’re at Maggie’s. It’s one of these Scully family gatherings that baffle yet fascinate him. Siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles, nephews and nieces in abundance. He once asked Scully who this or that person was. She looked, squinted, and shook her head. No idea, she’d chuckled. Now that he’s attended a few of these parties, Mulder knows who to smile at, who to charm and who to stay away from. Though that has never changed, really. Bill Scully Jr. will never like him.

Children run around, trampling a few flowers here and there, and no one says a word. It’s a sea of red-haired heads that come in several heights and even more shapes. Yet Mulder can always spot his son. William’s hair has darkened this past year and Bill, upon laying eyes on the boy, merely glanced at Mulder, shaking his head. As if there had ever been any question as to who the father was.

Mulder watches his son as if he’s never before seen him. Watches him attempt to keep up with his older cousins, looking up at them, holding out his pudgy hands in an act of participation. William gets up with difficulty, sticks his tiny butt in the air, and uses his hands to crawl a step, then he stands up. His concentrated face reminds Mulder of Scully. Their son pushes his bottom lip forward and his tongue out. He takes a step and then another. His happy squeal is so loud that Mulder can hear it clearly, from a distance, through all the other voices and noises surrounding him. All he sees, all he hears, is his son, bathed in sunlight, his grin brighter than any star.

“Hey you,” Scully whispers into his ear unexpectantly, making him shiver. She puts her arms around him, and even though it’s been two years, Mulder still expects someone to wake him up, laugh into his face, and tell him it was just a dream, a joke. He doesn’t wake up, though, and Scully’s grip tightens around his chest. She feels warm against him, smells like the sun, and yes, this is perfection, he thinks. It has to be.

“What are you doing?” But he doesn’t need to answer. Scully finds their son, who is running after a butterfly, and chuckles.

“Chasing butterflies.” She mumbles against his skin and Mulder shivers despite the heat. She starts trailing soft kisses along his neck, and he thinks about stopping her; they’re in public, surrounded by what feels like a hundred different Scullys. Instead his body betrays him and he moans softly.

“Do you think this is a good idea?” He croaks out.

“Hmmm.” Is her only answer. Her mouth wanders over his skin, taking claim here and there. Her lips move closer to his mouth and he can almost feel her there already. No matter how often they kiss, and sometimes he wishes he’d kept count, it never fails to amaze him. He anticipates her touch, waits and longs for it. Out of the corner of his eyes he sees William, still running, with his arms outstretched. There is a huge smile on his face, his mouth open wide, revealing the first few teeth. A perfect moment of pure perfection.

Then it happens.

William stops, freezes. The smile falls from his face as his lip starts to quiver. His hand comes up and touches his cheek before he starts wailing. His legs give in and he lands on his butt, tears streaming down his face. Both Mulder and Scully run towards him, fear in every breath, in every move.

“Baby, what happened?” Mulder takes William into his arms and the boy clings to him as Scully tries to get a look at his face.

“A bee,” she tells Mulder with a sigh, “Just a bee sting.” William continues to cry and Mulder holds him tightly, kisses his hair, promises him that it will be fine. Just fine.

He waits outside, a glass of lemonade in his hand that someone must have given to him at some point in the last ten minutes. Scully is inside, cleaning up Will. When they come out of the house a moment later, Will is grinning again. There is a big red blotch on his cheek and he points to it when he sees his father.

“Beeeeeee.” He says proudly and Mulder just nods, bewildered. “Beeee!” He sings, letting go of Scully’s hand and running towards the other children as if nothing had happened.

“It’s always the bees with us, isn’t it?” Scully says, standing close to Mulder. They watch as William, in his very own words, tells the story of his first bee sting to his cousins.

“Just a bee.” Mulder repeats Scully’s words from earlier, but his thoughts are years in the past. Not just a bee then.

“Just a bee.” Scully says with emphasis and touches his jaw, making him look at her. “A very normal bee, Mulder.”

“Interrupting kisses since ‘98.”

“Not this time.” Scully says and kisses him, finally, perfectly.