as my heart breaks

Thoughts That Keep Me Up At Night

  • Jumin has never had a donut
  • Jumin has never had a corn dog
  • Jumin has never had cup noodles
  • V and Jumin have probably never held actual change before a day in their lives
  • I /still/ don’t know why V has 20 spoons
  • I /still/ don’t know why Jumin counted said spoons
  • Jumin has never been to Lotte World
  • Zen’s computer from the early 1900’s still worked somehow

Goodbye Moo.

Today I lost a piece of my heart. Today I had to say goodbye to Moo, my precious darling of 18 years. Goodbye Moo. I’ll miss you more than words can ever say.

(AKA: Miss Moo, Miss Lady, Ladykin, Honeykin, Littlekin, The Lady, Miss Lady Moo, Moo Lady, Lady Pants, Beebo, Beeblebrox, Beebleboo, Meemoo, Meemlemoo, Lady Poo, Miss Poo, Poo Moo, Miss Moo The Poo, Punkinpoo, Honeysweet, Sweet Lady, Sweetlove, Sweetpea, Darlinsweet, Sweetiekin, Honeybabe, Ladyface, Sillykin, Crazy Pants)

To all of you who have offered their support and kindness and friendship during this hard time (you know who you are), my deepest thanks.

I’ve been feeling so sad and upset over something that makes me so happy. I feel like I can’t even be happy over Joshua with the people I know irl. They always have to bring it down, “that’s all you talk about” “it’s just a phase” “he probably didn’t even wave at you”

The reason I made this blog was to find a way to express my love for joshua because I feel limited to my own happiness, it makes me so sad. It breaks my heart. I can’t even express my love for joshua with my family or anyone, they don’t understand. Please someone understand.

Happy birthday, Riko-chan!


Or should I say Princess Riko?
Because this fic turned into something that even I wasn’t expecting … :’) it might turn into a proper AU if people enjoy it haha … But I really don’t know how this fic will be received, so for now, I just hope that you’ll have fun reading it, or that you’ll just enjoy it a little …

Thanks for your time again, guys! But don’t expect a wild party and cake and candles and all, we’re kinda far from all this


Once all the guests have taken a seat and comfortably settled down, loud chatter erupts and fills the huge dining hall, much to Riko’s great displeasure. It is not like she isn’t happy to be here, at the head of the table with the two Queens –her parents– sitting next to her, surrounded by most of the servants who saw her grow up … and, of course, by far too many acquaintances.

No, honestly. Riko loves dining with her doting parents, and with ‘Auntie’ Tsubasa and ‘Auntie’ Honoka, two housemaids who are close friends with her Mama and Mommy, and whom she holds close to her heart. But, dining today with so many strangers is quite unnerving and nerve-wracking for the crimson-haired beauty. She couldn’t care less about the old aristocrats who were invited to her baptism years ago ; she couldn’t even care less about the other royal families, who are certainly here today out of obligation.

Truthfully, Riko would rather run away from that formal dinner than stay here, on her comfy seat, listening to the annoying chit-chat of all those toffs. She knows that the Queens aren’t the ones who orchestrated all this. After all, they are so thoughtful, so nice and so involved when it comes to their little princess that the idea of organizing a big ceremony for Riko’s twentieth birthday would have never crossed their mind. It is certainly their old and exasperating advisor behind this … setup. But her parents must have agreed because it was an occasion for them to adorn most of the rooms and halls and corridors with Riko’s favorite flowers –among all the flowers the princess tends to on a day-to-day basis.

Riko’s love for gardening comes from her childhood, the moment when her Mommy unconsciously conveyed her passion for plants and flowers to her. Riko remembers it as if it were yesterday : she was barely starting to learn how to speak when, one day, she escaped from her Mama and Honoka in the kitchens and ran to the garden. Where she bumped into her Mommy, who was watering a bush of light blue flowers. A few years later, she learnt that they were hydrangeas –and they quickly became her favorite–, while learning at the same time how to tend to an entire garden and everything related to the world of flowers.

“Mommy,” Riko once asked as she was sitting in the grass, the Queen tenderly braiding her daughter’s shoulder-length hair, “Why did you tell Auntie Tsubasa to take our pink p- … Peonies for her wedding bouquet?”

“Because peonies are known to be a symbol of romance and love, and even of beauty and honor,” her Mommy replied, fingers combing a few unruly crimson locks. “Pink peonies are often used in wedding bouquets, and I want your aunties to express their love for each other even with the bouquet.”

“Oh … Can they put my favorite flowers in their bouquet?”

Riko leaned her head back when she heard an uncharacteristic snort behind her, meeting her Mommy’s amused lilac eyes. “Unfortunately sweetheart, no one should make a wedding bouquet with blue hydrangeas.”

“Why? Don’t the other flowers mean love and beauty and grace? Like, all the flowers?”

“No,” Anju answered her daughter after tying the end of the braid with a magenta
kosumosu. “Yours, as it happens, don’t really represent love between two persons. If you give a blue hydrangea to someone, it means that you’re turning them down … With refinement,” the Queen giggled before seizing the ivory watering can, on which were drawn blossoms.

Riko stood up and grabbed her mother’s hand, following her under an arch with ivy and climbing roses creeping it up. “Mommy, can you tell me more about the flowers?”

“Of course.” She smiled, before loosening her grip around the little girl’s hand and handing her the watering can. “What if you water the tulips and I tell you everything about them, for now?”


Riko heaves a discreet sigh as she straightens her back once again, lowering her gaze and looking at the empty plate in front of her. Ah, she desperately wishes she could have shared this copious meal with someone else. How she misses those amazing sapphire irises …

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