as much as i love men in suits

my thoughts on nialls album:

1) on the loose - a better what a feeling has a very cowboy vibe? for some reason i dig it! 

2) this town - boring but cute

3) seeing blind - country!!! I think it suits his voice as well, probably one of the better country pop songs out there I think Maren Moris’ voice blends in well (a potential single contender? yes its good)

4) slow hands - A BOP

5) too much to ask - 1st time i heard it i didnt like it, second time… alright i think it might grow on me but still v generic

6) paper houses - LOVE IT OMG it reminds me of monsters and men one of my favorite bands maybe some of that james bay influence either way definitely an indie vibe so definitely a favorite

7) since we’re alone - sort of like seeing blind I like the background instrumental not too basic but not overlaying any crazy instrumental and he sounds good on vocals i think it could be good slowed down as well but i do like it 

8) flicker - TITLE TRACK, love this vibe, those soft i think drummers in the background, definitely a star gazing song, i think maybe at its core this is where he opens up which i think is interesting definitely one of my faves as well 

9) fire away - love this bubblegum guitar maybe a bit of grouplove without the whimsy? not sure how i feel about it

10) you and me - im surprised hes not singing about cold beer and trucks on this one and the chorus is pretty forgettable

12) on my own - I WAS WAITING FOR THE IRISH BOP, SING IT NIALL (this is his stadium song btw i hope he sticks by this one) ALSO NIALL THANKS FOR THE NAME DROP BBY 

13) mirrors - the chorus is good!! i love that harmonization one of the better tracks

14) the tide - a good closing, a good pace, love the lyrics definitely a on the knees screaming on the beach song if that makes sense fjsdflkdsjfd but a good song

SO THIS WENT BETTER THAN EXPECTED. the bar was set at on tolerable and i ended up with coming out with some faves. I liked how cohesive it was but maybe some ppl might find it boring but since its the kinda music i dig i was into it. fourteen songs can be a bit much but the album also doesnt have interludes so i think its a decent length. Its more james bay less ed sheeran which is what i was hoping for definitely surpassed recommendations i feel like its a good album to listen to while studying just because it has a nice general rhythm again there were songs i felt that were boring or maybe repeated songs but yeah overall i enjoyed it!!

faves: paper houses, the tide, on my own, slow hands, and flicker

least fave tracks: too much to ask, you and me, this town

5

Mike Mignola’s comic adaption of Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992)

anonymous asked:

Hey sorry do you know any ‘being a couple for a case’ fic ? Thank you'

I CERTAINLY DO. It’s one of my favourite tropes of ALL TIME. Like, I reread these fics ALL THE TIME. I am just SO SAD that there’s no long-fic really strictly from Sherlock’s POV. Like I would LOVE for a fic where we see Sherlock’s thought processes about trying to get John to be his date / partner / whatever. 

FAKE RELATIONSHIP 

ANYWAY. I added a few onto this list here, but here’s a full list of the ones in my bookmarks.

  • Wars We Fought, Things We’re Not by blueink3 (M | 55,126 w.) Five months after John’s world has fallen apart, Mycroft sends the consulting detective and his doctor on a case that neither is prepared for. [[**FAVE. You have to check this one out!**]]
  • I can’t pretend by Salambo06 (E | 7,692 w.) - They had arrived more than a hour ago, and the moment they had walked inside the hotel reception, John had understood why Sherlock hadn’t wanted to come. Two men, posh suits and expensive watches on their wrists, had come to greet them with sharp remarks and badly hidden mockery, and John had seen red. Sherlock hadn’t said anything, mostly ignoring the two men entirely, and without thinking twice about it, John had slid an arm around Sherlock’s waist and introduced himself as his husband. [[AHHH so much pining John, I love it. Sherlock is so good to him!!]]
  • A Hundred Thousand Ways to Say the Name John by Jberry (E | 16,825 w.) John Watson and Sherlock Holmes must solve a case on a cruise ship. To get close to the crew and passengers, they must get married for the case on the Baetica. However, their relationship hits rocky seas both due to the case and internal conflicts. Part 1 of Baetica [[FAVE!!! MUST READ!!]]
  • Twelfth Night by yourdykeinshiningarmor (E | 15,139 w.) - John is invited to his aunt’s Twelfth Night ball. Sherlock offers to attend with him as a friendly face among strangers, but John’s family force him to address his true feelings for Sherlock. [[this one is cute]]
  • Till Death Do Us Part by prettysailorsoldier (M | 15,390 w.) - When Sherlock links a recent spree of murder-suicides to a psychologist who specializes in marriage counselling, there’s really only one thing to do: Go undercover as a couple in hopes of drawing the killer out. Faking a relationship seems easy enough, but things take a turn when their real issues start to creep into the sessions, and, all the while, a killer is watching, waiting in the shadows for their chance to strike. Part 12 of 25 Days of Johnlock [[OH GOD this one is lovely. Lots of pain but happy ending]]
  • That Partitioning of the Things of Youth by wearitcounts (Sher_locked_up) (E | 35,353 w.)Victor Trevor is in town, and nobody’s happy. [[I really like this one. Jealous John AND Sherlock and lots of Angst]].
  • What I Hide By My Language, My Body Utters by PixChuu22 (M | 9,047 w.) - Based on a prompt from Tumblr user thetwogaydetectives - “fake relationship that ends up being so real, they finally realize they are in love.” (I like this one. They end up together because of a case).
  • The Case of the Made-Up Case by DoubleNegative (T | 2,394) - Sherlock takes John to a club. For a “case.” Yes, John, a case. Part 1 of The (Secret) Adventures of Sherlock Holmes [[CUTE!]]
  • The Newlywed Game: Johnlock Edition by patternofdefiance (E | 9,020) - John and Sherlock pretend to be married in order to be contestants in a Newlywed Game. Of course it’s for a case. Of course it doesn’t stay that way. Part 8 of I Blame Tumblr [[LOVE THIS ONE. It’s so cute!]]
  • A Case of Identity by jkay1980 (T | 91,009 w.)John and Sherlock have succeeded in rebuilding their friendship after Sherlock’s fake suicide, but an unusual case puts their relationship to the test. They pretend to be engaged and attend a marriage counseling workshop. Under the pretext of the case, Sherlock turns out to be a master of seduction, and John finally learns he might like Sherlock more than he thought. Slowly, John discovers that he loves Sherlock not only in a friendly, brotherly way, but both men have to fight their own demons before they can think of taking their relationship to a new level… [[I love this fic. It’s a really great long-fic!]]
  • A Bit of Indulgence by beltainefaerie (NR | 3,364 w.) -  A case leads John and Sherlock to fake being boyfriends and John runs into an old acquaintance. [[This one is so domestic and cute GUH I love it.]]
  • The Norwood Love Builders by flawedamythyst (T | 47,798 w.) - Sherlock and John go undercover to solve the murder of Joanna Oldacre, but things are complicated by the many feelings John has been repressing in the wake of Sherlock’s faked death and return. [[OMG this is like my FAVOURITE fic in this genre ever. It’s SO good and well characterized]].
  • Hitting the Water at Sixty Miles an Hour by what_alchemy (E | 30,568 w.) “You love your mother, Sherlock?”John watched the muscles in Sherlock’s jaw jump. He nodded in one sharp jerk.“Then we’re going to her party and making her happy.” John let out a resigned sigh. “As a ruddy couple, you bastard.”
  • Once More, With Feeling by cellard00rs (T | 21,178 w.) - To put off his meddlesome, matchmaking mother, John convinces Sherlock to play the role of his significant other. Unparalleled awkwardness ensues. [[nice amount of fluff and pining!]]
  • Hope Springs Eternal by QuinnAnderson (T | 4,054 w.) - John Watson and Sherlock Holmes go on holiday, and Sherlock has romance on the brain. [[Another cute one!]]
  • Five Times They Kissed for a Case, and One Time They Kissed for Real by fleetwood_mouse (M | 32,406) - A stolen ring! An artful blogger! And many more adventures for your enjoyment.
  • Disguises are always a self-portrait by yellowteapots (NR | 6,223 w.) - They were headed to a Pride Fest for a case-triple suicide/murder- which, of course mean they had to pretend to be couple. John had a suspicion Mycroft took a fairly sadistic glee in booking them a (single king-sized bed) room at the most romantic B&B in town. (I LOVE THIS ONE SO MUCH)
  • A Silver Sixpence by doodle (E | 16,400 w. LIVEJOURNAL) - John and Sherlock have to get married for a case, and learn some things about each other. I LOVE LOVE LOVE this story, though its only fault is that it’s on LiveJournal… (PITA to read on mobile)

AMNESIA:

Here are a couple where either John or Sherlock have amnesia and they think that they are each other’s husband or partner.

  • Among the Secret Things by Kate_Lear (E | 26,073 w.) - Sherlock would be the last person to describe himself as given to flights of fancy, but at the look on Lestrade’s face he could swear that something inside him curls up and dies. Part 1 of Among the Secret Things
  • What Meets the Eye by worldaccordingtofangirls (M | 8,251 w.) Amnesia is just another case to solve. Piece together unfamiliar faces, reconstruct the old identity, the lost reality. A challenge that Sherlock could even enjoy. He can read people like books. The man with the silver hair is his boss. The tottering old woman, his landlady. The girl with the worried look in her eyes…infatuated. And as for John Watson? His husband. Obviously.

“FOR A CASE” TROPE

So these aren’t necessarily relationships, or weren’t tagged as such, but contains some other “for a case” fics!

  • Midnight Blue Serenity by BeautifulFiction (E | 151,907w.) - When Sherlock infiltrates a club in order to track down a serial killer, his altered appearance is enough to make John question his assumption that Sherlock is beyond his reach. However, is he the only one who appreciates his flatmate’s charms, or is Sherlock at risk of becoming the next victim? [[THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVE FICS OF ALL TIME. tw for gore-ish type things near the end.]]
  • It Isn’t Strange Until You Think About It by ivyblossom (T | 4,596 w.) - John tells the truth about how it happened. For some reason, “it’s for a case” always seems to do the trick.
  • The Case of the Vanishing Pants by SwissMiss (E | 44,025 w.) - Five times John and Sherlock lost their pants for a case. [[there are some angsty bits in this, but I did giggle at a few scenes]]

OTHER SORT-OF RELATED FICS:

Here are a few that aren’t REALLY “for a case” but they end up together or the Johnlock is strong in it because of cases or because of situations.

  • Rescue by missilemuse (T | 2,574 w.) - If this was the way Sherlock Holmes loved, it was no wonder why he had avoided the damned emotion for over half of his life. Part 6 of Reichenbach To Return [[this isn’t really Johnlock, but it is… it’s non-ad10ck ad10ck. You have to read it to understand. It’s SO good and painful, trust me. Sherlock!Whump and pining]].
  • Five Times John Noticed But Didn’t Really by ScandalousMinds (T| 6,383 w.) 5 times John (thought) he noticed something peculiar about his and Sherlock’s relationship but really missed the obvious.
  • A Need To Know Basis by mattsloved1 (K+| 964 w., FFNet) - As the cab door shut firmly, the DI had yelled out they were to make an appearance at Scotland Yard the next day. It was while John watched London pass by that it happened. (short and sweet!! I love it!!)
  • Hallowed Eve by EventHorizon (T | 14,750 w.) - It probably wasn’t the smartest idea to let Sherlock choose the costumes for Halloween, but John never considered himself the smartest man in the room, anyway. (It’s a couple’s costume thing!)
  • Equine Arse Anonymity by Kayjaykayme (E | 3,834 w.) - Sherlock needs to speak with suspects at a fancy dress ball. He chooses a couple’s costume for himself and John. It is logical, practical and well thought out. John doesn’t agree and exacts sweet revenge.
  • Maybe This Christmas by feverishsea for leopardwrites (T | 6,021 w.) Anthea has given up her life, her own desires, even her name in service of something greater than herself. But that doesn’t mean she can’t see when someone else wants something – even if she doesn’t happen to care overmuch for that person. And it doesn’t mean she isn’t willing to help. (Anthea gets the boys together)
  • You Can Imagine the Christmas Dinners by ardenteurophile  (T | 23,584 w.) Sherlock takes John along for Christmas dinner with Mycroft and Mummy (And “Anthea”, too). Over the course of the evening, John realises that everyone in the room - apart from him - seems to think that he and Sherlock are a couple. Part 2 of Xmas Dinners Verse (I LOVE THIS ONE)
  • The Sexual Awakening of Sherlock Holmes and Dr. John Watson by suitesamba (M | 24,579 w.) Sherlock owes Mycroft a favor. Mycroft calls in that favor by offering Sherlock’s consulting services in a charity auction. Sherlock and John soon find themselves at the country manor of Mrs. Ives-Patton Smarmington III - not very coincidentally a long-time friend of Sherlock’s mother - where they are reluctant participants in her Murder Mystery Weekend. It’s a play within a play for Sherlock and John, and their roles for the weekend event bleed over into their real lives, waking the sleeping dragons within. Or In which John learns that Sherlock owing Mycroft a favor is very suspect, and Sherlock has a very bad idea.

Hope those satisfy! Alex also has a list that has some ACD Holmes on the list too!

know no better

Summary: Eggsy’s got a weakness - you. || Kingsman/Marvel au!crossover

Pairing: Eggsy Unwin x Reader, feat. Bucky Barnes

Warnings: Mentions of self-hatred, insecurity

Word Count: 2.7k [wow I am so sorry]

A/N: Inspired by Sebastian’s Hugo Boss campaign photos - Bucky Barnes and Eggsy Unwin together? Hell yeah. This is dedicated to my beloved soulmate Nicole. [@buckyywiththegoodhair] - happy birthday, again, my love. | masterlist



Keep reading

Gendry x STARK!reader...

((I’M SORRY IF GENDRY IS WRITTEN BADLY! Or…if this is written badly in general :/))

Word Count: 1,891

Warning: NONE but…occ Gendry?

Keep reading

⭐️1920s UNDERTALE: UNDYNE!⭐️

A beautiful and confident woman, turning the heads of all the men on the street and at parties… too bad she’s not interested in any of them.
At all.
Ehehe.

I have a hunch that people would most likely stick a 1920s-era Undyne into a suit…and I think she would look absolutely KILLER in a suit, but I just really love putting Undyne in really pretty clothes.
Realistically, too, she’d be wearing women’s clothing anyway.
Plus 1920s women’s clothing is FRICKIN BEAUTIFUL.


⭐️MORE 1920s UNDERTALE!⭐️
FRISK!
|| Yours To Keep || [[smut]]

{summary: you are his to keep now.}

due to such a popular demand, i’m making the mafia!bucky story into a five part series with maybe a few extra parts written at the end in bucky’s POV (since it was kind of requested) ;w; once all of the parts are posted, i’ll make a mini masterlist of some sort so you readers won’t be scrambling to find all the parts to this story.

[ {I’m Yours} series tagging list ]: @marvel-fanfiction , @sea-kale , @acunningstargazer , @imagine-thingsandstuff (if you would like to be included in this specific tag, let me know in an ask!)

warnings: wake up morning sex [♥]

**please don’t plagiarize/repost this story. reblogs are fine**

——

Keep reading

So Long Sunday - Quantico Finale!

It’s here, the end, the ending I planned from the start then doubted and stuck to. Thanks to @kateyes224 @sunflowerseedsandscience and @therobbinsnest for reassuring me when I lost my nerve at the eleventh hour, and to you, everyone who has reblogged and cmmented and supported this surprise of a series. And to David and Gillian, for Mulder and Scully, and I guess Chris too, for thinking of them and then leaving me so much unfinished business to play with….

Monday Night is Laundry Night || Tuesday Night is Taco Night || Washout Wednesday || Three Acts on a Thursday || First Thing Friday || Friday Night by Headlight || Sunrise Saturday || Words for a Weekend


SUNDAY

Reality arrives with a sudden shift in the sheets and then the most awful noise Scully has ever heard in the dead of night. Somewhere between a scream and the word “NO”, Mulder is thrashing beside, her, sweat-slicked and just shouting over and over again as his eyes flicker desperately behind their screwed shut lids. Everything she knows about sleepwalkers and nightmares flies out of her head, she can’t not wake him, not when his fingers are twisted cruelly in the sheets as if he’s grasping for something or someone who is just beyond his reach. Trying to stay out of range, in case he startles, Scully reaches over and starts to smooth Mulder’s hair rhythmically back from the stress lines gathered on his forehead, he jerks a little and so she starts speaking, just his name and that he’s safe and she’s there, in the soft, bedside voice she learned on her pediatrics rotation.

‘Come back, Mulder, it’s okay. Just wake up. Shhh. I’ve got you’

And slowly, painfully slowly, her kindness wears the edges from his anguish, his cries become whimpers, and then subside, hands loosening in she sheets as his eyes, dark with terror flutter open.

‘Scully?’ he manages, and then she is crushed to his chest, closer than close and he’s sobbing into her hair. She holds him just as tightly, holding him together, Mulder’s strength and size so diminished by his terror that Scully almost believes despite her petiteness she could shield him, wrap him completely in her strength and so fight off his demons before they can reach him.

When his grip and breathing have relaxed enough to let moonlight and air between them Scully asks,

‘What did you dream?’ half expecting that he won’t answer. Mulder rolls away onto his back, waits a breath and then reaches back for her hand, unable to meet her eyes but needing her touch.

‘I’m walking down a long corridor with a group of other men. We’re all in suits, we work together I think, and as we walk we pass doors on either side. The doors stretch endlessly away, in both directions and at each door someone stops, opens a little hatch and looks through. Then they make a note, close the hatch and move on. It all seems very normal at first. Like it’s just another day on the job. But then it’s my turn to look in and when I do, something shifts.’

He takes a deep breath and his grip on her hand tightens a little. Scully turns in so she can hold on more tightly, both her arms wrapped around one of his, and when he doesn’t shrug her off she rests her forehead on his shoulders and waits for him to continue.

Keep reading

The Joker x Reader - “Auntie D”

All villains get paired up by the Dark Shadows World - “Match Made in Hell (MMIH)” Division. It’s always such a challenge to find a suitable match for The Joker. Good thing you’re still around.

“What about her?” one of the entities points out and the others attending the meeting are fast to disagree.

“No way, he’ll kill her in a week!”

“She’s not strong enough to keep up with him!” another one vociferates.

“He’ll eat her for breakfast and burry the leftovers,” the leader concludes and the contendent is dismissed.

“Oh, what about that one?” someone points out towards the woman and nobody’s happy with the new choice.

“Are you kidding me?! She’s such a wimp; no way she can handle The Clown Prince of Crime!”

“Wouldn’t last two days,” another committee member complains.

“Bad choice!” more and more object.

“I’m so sick of this, we have the hardest time finding him a girlfriend,” the youngest entity sighs and suddenly you are seen on the board.

“What about Y/N?”

“Didn’t we try before and it didn’t work?” one recalls, intrigued.

“Yeah, but it’s been a while. I always thought they should have stayed together, they can handle each other. How did they break up?”

“Something about him being selfish and her not paying attention to him,” the boss remembers.

“That’s it?! We can fix this, I see she has no match yet either. We’re running out of options so I think we should make it happen again and go with the flow. No better choice. Y/N is in the same building with The Joker as we speak and we’ll have to force things a bit but it could work. All in favor, raise your hands. Oh, right, we don’t have any.”

Just a bunch of shapeless Dark Shadows.

“Yes, yes, might as well, it’s frustrating to keep on meeting about this problem.”

“Agree, I’m sick of it myself. Let’s do it!” the youngest entity impatiently speaks.

“They are so close to one another, we need to act NOW.”

“Proceed,” the leader gives its blessing and…

*********************

You and The Joker almost - kind of- sort of –nearly…well … definitely had a thing going about a year ago. You are actually thinking about that at the present moment as you crawl through the vents of “Diamond Emporium” store so you can get to the goodies.

Mister J is there on a heist with his men and you have no clue about each other’s presence…yet.

MMIH Division is taking care of it.

You suddenly hear the cracking sounds under you and before you can move another inch the ceiling gives out and you land right in front of your ex, almost killing Panda in the process.

“I’ll be damned, Frost, a fallen angel ! Is it Christmas already?” J grins, instantly recognizing you. “What are you doing here, Doll?”

You gather yourself from the floor, dusting debris off your clothes, grateful you didn’t break anything.

“Same thing as you, J: making sure the air ducts are clean.”

“Ha!” he snorts, signaling his guys to spread around so they can collect as many items as possible.

“Sir, the seif is over there,” Frost announces and you turn around to look.

“Want me to open it for you?” you offer, this way you can get a few things as payment instead of The Joker getting everything. You know how he operates: too bad he had the same wretched idea of robbing the place in the same time with you.

J debates and decides after a few seconds:

“Are you as fast as you used to be?”

“Faster,” you smile, fixing your hair.

“OK then, go for it,” your former boyfriend pouts, watching you head over the seif. A very sparkly necklace gets your attention so you break the small glass case and get it out, tossing it to the ground after analyzing it.

“Too shiny,” you answer J’s soundless question when he looks your way with an intrigued expression on his face.

“Too shiny?!” he repeats. “Since when a woman complains about diamonds being too shiny?! Never heard of it before,” he grinds his teeth, puzzled.

You just lift your shoulders up, you don’t need to explain your taste in sparkly stones – he should know that by now.

Jonny is waiting by the seif and you just have to say it:

“My, my, Frost, you always look so sharp in your perfect tailored suits. I love men that dress fancy for every occasion.”

Frost straightens his back, pleased at your compliment:

“Thank you, Y/N.”

“Oh, please, don’t let me interrupt your flirting,” The Joker shouts. “Can we finish this faster? We need to move out !”

Ahhhh, he’s getting annoyed, one of his “qualities” you like so much.

You start your work and J is messing around with his cane. He doesn’t want to bring it up but when does he ever know how to control himself?

“What’s wrong with my outfit, hmm?”

“Huh?” you stop what you’re doing so you can hear him.

“What’s wrong with my outfit? Since …ummm…apparently you like guys in suits. I wasn’t aware.”

You stare at his attire: no shirt -  just the purple coat, Batsy shorts and boots. About 4 heavy gold chains around his neck, a handful of bracelets on his wrists and a bunch of rings on his fingers.

“Nothing, it looks…good,” you smirk, getting back to your stuff and…done.
“My God, you are faster!” The Joker exclaims, forgetting he was irritated about your earlier statement.

“I just want a few things; you know me: I’m not greedy.”

“Go ahead,” he agrees as you open the seif.

“I want this one…and this one…” you pick what strikes your fancy, excited at the excellent quality.

“What is this?” he frowns, pulling out a chocolate bar from a small drawer inside the seif.

“Weird, why would you keep chocolate with diamonds?” you inquire, surprised.

“Maybe one of those sentimental souvenirs for someone working here?” J tries to guess, disgusted at the thought.

“How dumb, you think so?”

“Maybe,” he glares at the bar, scoffing.

“Is it expired?” you bite your cheek, in mood for sweets.

“Nope, still good.”

“Can I have it?” you reach your hand and he gives it to you.

“Suit yourself, Doll.”

“I think that’s all I want. I’m done,” and you rip the plastic foil, beginning to munch on the chocolate.

The Joker’s henchmen stashed a lot of diamonds in bags and you linger around for a bit.

“I heard you have a kid,” J sniffles, puckering his lips.

“Yes, I’m taking care of my niece. My sister died last year, shortly after we…e-hem…went our separate ways,” you bring him up to date since he’s gazing at you with those hypnotizing blue eyes, expecting a briefing.

“She died?” he replies, not really giving a crap and you are aware of it.

“Car accident,” you mumble and your eyes get teary, saddened at the memory.

“That sucks.”

That’s the best he can say for “I’m Sorry” in Joker language. Thank goodness you speak that language.

“It does…” you whimper, trying to keep it together.

“We finished, sir!” Frost announces and you are glad for the interruption.

“I’m going then,” you back out, holding tight to your backpack.

“I might need you again, Y/N. Your skills have improved even more. I have a heist in 2 days, 3 seifs inside Gotham Bank. Interested?”

“Yes, of course,” you mumble, wanting to hurry up and run before the cops show up.

“Want me to pick you up?” J offers.

“Sure, I’ll text you the address.”

“You don’t have my new phone number,” he yells before you disappear behind the stairs.

“I’m an excellent hacker, I’ll figure it out!” you scream back before sneaking through the gap in the wall J’s henchmen opened for themselves to get in.

***********************

You managed to get J’s phone number and text him your address ; it was a piece of cake. Yummm, cake…you love sweets. Anyway…

He came to pick you up for the robbery, wearing… a suit. Dark green. Looks ravishing on him, not that you pay attention to such details.

You are going to take a shower and get ready. In the meantime, he’s left alone in the living room with Mikah, your niece.

She’s 7, going on 40.

MMIH Division’s strongest ally and she’s not even aware.

“I know who you are, I saw you on TV,” the girl inspects J, curious to hear him speak.

“Did you now?”

“Yes, plus Auntie D has pictures of you on her cell.”
“You don’t say!” J grins, suddenly more interested in the conversation.

“Are you a bad man, mister?” Mikah wants to know right from the source.

“Yeah,” the short answer confirms it.

“Can I sit in your lap?”

“NO!” J growls, hoping you’re coming back soon.

“My aunt says she has the biggest crush on you,” the kid reports, not understanding why.

“Does she now?”

“U-hum, she talks about you quite a lot.” The little girl tightens her pony tails. “Hey, mister, are you single?”

“Supposedly,” he rolls his eyes, wishing she would shut up.

“Auntie D too. You should take her on a date.”

This feels like an interrogation: The Joker is the one that likes to ask questions, not the other way around.

Mikah just ignores his earlier reply and places herself in his lap. J doesn’t know how to react. She touches his face and he tils his head backwards because surely doesn’t like to be touched by strangers.

“Are you shy?” she bounces her legs, giggling.

“No, kid, I’m not.”

“Why do you have tattoos on your face?”

“Because I wanted them there, that’s why.”

“Auntie D says you are very handsome. I guess you are…in a strange way. Why do you look different? Auntie says we shouldn’t judge people for being different.”

Why can’t she quit talking?! J thinks. Is there a turn off button somewhere?

“Do you dye your hair?” she caresses the green locks, smitten with the wild color.

“No, it grows like this.”

“I think that’s cool. What happened to your teeth? Why are they silver?”

“Do you ever shut up?!” your ex snaps, fed up with the questionnaire.

“No, only when I sleep, ” your niece innocently blurs out. Mikah notices the numerous tattoos under the almost unbuttoned shirt. “Untie D loves guys with tattoos. She told me once you are a stud and then she covered my ears, but I heard it. I asked what it means because you don’t look like a horse in pictures. Auntie said to forget about it, it’s not for children.”

J snorts, finally amused.

“Did Y/N say that?”

“U-hum,” she nods. “Why do you have a cane? It doesn’t look like you’re limping.”

“So I can spank people that don’t behave,” J winks, entertained.

“Are you gonna spank Auntie D with it?!”
“Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!” he laughs. “Maybe, if she doesn’t behave.”

Interesting kid, he never had a dialogue with one before.

“Do you have children mister?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

The Joker lifts his shoulders up, not replying. Mikah continues her tirade:

“Auntie D says you’re the Daddy type. So how come you don’t have any kids yet?”

J is getting quite immersed in this crazy spiral consisting of the little girl spitting out things he shouldn’t know about.

“You should have a baby with Auntie D, I would loveeee a sibling,” she continues yammering and J wants to cover her mouth.

He finally has to seek for an answer to the burning question:

“Why do you call her Auntie D? Her name doesn’t start with a D.”

Mikah places her index finger on her lips, getting secretive.

“It’s girl stuff, I can’t tell you if you’re not part of the girl club.”

“I can be,” The Joker grins, hoping to trick Mikah into telling him.

“You’re a boy, can’t be part of our club.”

“Ohhh, that’s too bad, little Doll. But if you tell me, I’ll take your aunt on a date.”

She gasps.

“Oh my God, for reals?!”
“A-ha,” The Clown Prince of Crime is fast to utter.

“You promise?”

“Yeah.”

She gets close to his ear, whispering:
“My auntie’s bra size is a D-cup, that’s why I call her Auntie D.”

The Joker doesn’t remember hearing anything funnier than this for the past few months. He snickers, closing his eyes and Mikah giggles, happy the bad man is laughing at something she said.

“I’m ready,” you finally step in the living room, gathering your wet hair in a messy bun. You are intrigued seeing your little niece in J’s lap, both laughing, accomplices on a secret for sure; you can tell.

Before you can express your curiosity regarding the scene unfolding in front of your eyes, J gets up, leaving the kid on the chair he sat and cracks his neck, approaching.

“Change of plans, Princess, we’re going on a date. Go put something nice on.”

“We’re going on a what?!” you crinkle your nose, watching Mikah’s mouth opening in amazement - she seems delighted.

“Hurry up, I don’t have all night,” he pushes you back towards the bedroom.

“I don’t want to go on a date with you,” you protest, displeased and baffled.

“Shut up, woman, don’t talk back to me! Be grateful you have the honor of having a date with The King of Gotham,” he snarls, shoving you in the bedroom and closing the door behind him. “And hurry up…Auntie D!!!!” and you hear him laugh as he distances himself from the door.

What the hell is going on? You debate, perplexed about tonight’s twist, digging in your closet for a dress. But you have to admit you don’t really hate the present situation. After all, you still have the biggest crush on your ex, too bad he doesn’t know.

********************

Match Made in Hell Division is absolutely, utterly and indisputably more than happy to close two difficult cases in the same time: The Joker and Y/N aka Auntie D.

You took enough of their precious time, even if they have an eternity to their disposal.

Plus, J is the first male villain to be part of a girls’ club, another legendary skill he will forever be praised for in The Shadow World.

It all started with a bra size.

Also read- MASTERLIST

http://diyunho.tumblr.com/post/153664676321/joker-x-reader-masterlist

Oscar Wilde Anecdote #82

A long story of blackmail and sass

Lord Alfred Douglas had accidentally left one of Oscar’s love letters in his suit jacket; an unemployed clerk named Wood found it and hired a pair of men to blackmail Wilde. But of course, even in this situation, Wilde was witty and collected as ever. 

When one of the blackmailers, Allen, came to his door, Oscar said, “I suppose you have come about my beautiful letter to Lord Alfred Douglas. If you had not been so foolish as to send a copy of it to Mr Beerbohm Tree, I would gladly have paid you a very large sum of money for the letter, as I consider it to be a work of art." 

Allen replied, "A very curious construction can be put on that letter." 

"Art is rarely intelligible to the criminal classes,” said Wilde. 

“A man has offered me £60 for it,” said Allen. 

“If you will take my advice,” answered Wilde, “you will go to that man and sell my letter to him for £60. I myself have never received so large a sum for any prose work of that length: but I am glad to find that there is someone in England who considers a letter of mine worth £60." 

For a moment Allen remained speechless and bewildered, but he composed himself and said, "The man is out of town." 

Wilde replied, "He is sure to come back,” and repeated his advice. 

Allen now admitted that he was in a considerable amount of debt and had been looking for Wilde for a while; the latter gave him half a sovereign for his trouble, and commented, “The letter is a prose poem, will shortly be published in sonnet form in a delightful magazine, and I will send you a copy of it." 

And with that, Allen left. 

The other hired blackmailer, Clibborn, arrived on Wilde’s doorstep five minutes later. 

"I cannot bother any more about this matter,” Wilde answered the door wearily. 

He was taken aback when the man pulled out the original letter and, handing it to him, said, “Allen has asked me to give it back to you." 

Hesitant, Wilde asked, "Why does Allen give me back this letter?" 

Clibborn replied, "Well, he says you were kind to him, and there is no use trying to rent you, as you only laugh at us." 

"I will accept it back,” announced Wilde, taking the letter, “and you can thank Allen from me for all the anxiety he has shown about it." 

Oscar frowned as he noticed the crumpled state of the letter, and said, "I think it quite unpardonable that better care was not taken of this original manuscript of mine." 

Clibborn apologised, explaining that it had been passed between so many different people. 

Handing him a sovereign as he had Allen, Wilde remarked, "I am afraid you are leading a wonderfully wicked life." 

"There is good and bad in every one of us,” said Clibborn. 

“You are a born philosopher,” said Wilde, and closed the door on him. 

anonymous asked:

Psst. You hear meh? ... Think about this: Soukoku model AU.

shit MAN I LOVE THIS IDEA SO MUCH OKAY LISTEN

  • I personally feel like Photographer/Model AU would fit them better because Dazai would be really self conscious of his skin and, as a model, that doesn’t really make for a good career. We could forgo the bandages for an AU but ehhhh… So personally I would say, Dazai is a photographer and Chuuya is a model
  • Chuuya is an extremely famous model due to his peculiar working style. He models both men and women’s clothing. Suits, dresses, casual wear, swimsuits, lingerie, you name it, he’ll wear it. The fact that his body is so androgynous and that a lot of people can’t tell where he is actually a “he” is very controversial and that’s why he’s so famous and also why he is so sought-after in the modeling industry
  • The thing is, he’s one of those lucky few celebrities who manages to live a quiet life. There’s little to nothing in the tabloids about him. All the gossip about him is confined to internet forums that never see the light of day. He’s like a chameleon with the way that he can change his appearance so easily. Most people who see him out on the town don’t even realize that it’s him. He only has one social media account and it’s an instagram with nothing in the bio and no personal information on his picture captions. His website has very little personal information and mostly consists of contact information for his agent, Ozaki Kouyou, and his portfolio. 

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I can’t draw. I’m so bad even stick men mock me. 

My problem is I like seeing my Levi in the style of line art and considering I can’t draw to save my life, Photoshop is my only option. This flat and lifeless look was surprisingly difficult to achieve but holy moly I’m so chuffed with the result. It may not seem like much to you but to me, it’s utter magic! (*̩̩̩ᵋ *̩̩̩ )  It’s silly but I’m easily amused.

For those who are interested, nosey, or just plain bored, the original image is under the cut! 

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anonymous asked:

So on John's blog he mentions a case where him and Sherlock shared a room for a case (The Speckled Blonde) are there any fics???

In relation to this case specifically, I don’t know… but there are plenty of “for a case” bed sharing fics! I am interested though to know if there are any fics related to the Speckled Blonde!!! 

Here are some of my faves!

  • Nothing Left Untouched by ForeverShippingJohnlock  Prompt: Sherlock rearranges the flat. So what if John’s bedroom is now a research library. It’s not like John needs a bedroom, he can share with Sherlock. They’re friends and John has obviously slept in close quarters with men before and it’s not like Sherlock sleeps much anyway. It’ll be fine.
  • 3:00 in the Morning is a Great Time to Talk by Aztecwarfareandcrumping - “Are you trying to talk your way into my bed?” “Obviously.”
  • BBCSH ‘The Comfort of Company’ by tigersilver - It’s a trope that John and Sherlock end up sharing in the same bed eventually and I admit I do adore it unconditionally, along with all it infers as to the lowering of defenses and the heightening of trust. I put forth for your consideration that the notion persists because those who think about these things realize these two men are each in dire need of some good company.
  • A Restless Pillow by CaffieneKitty - John and Sherlock share a bed, or at least they try to. GEN, Conversation-format.
  • Baskerville After Dark by Ttime42 - John and Sherlock have to share a bed at Baskerville. PG-13. Gen, but can be preslash. Rated for swearing.
  • To Sleep, Perchance to Smother Your Flatmate with a Pillow by Linpatootie (G) - Sherlock wants to conduct a sleep study of sorts. John contemplates smothering him with a pillow.
    Part 1 of Two Coffees One Black One with Sugar Please (this whole series is amazing, and I love it so much).
  • I can’t pretend by Salambo06 (E) They had arrived more than a hour ago, and the moment they had walked inside the hotel reception, John had understood why Sherlock hadn’t wanted to come. Two men, posh suits and expensive watches on their wrists, had come to greet them with sharp remarks and badly hidden mockery, and John had seen red. Sherlock hadn’t said anything, mostly ignoring the two men entirely, and without thinking twice about it, John had slid an arm around Sherlock’s waist and introduced himself as his husband.
  • Everything by patternofdefiance (E) John wakes up with an armful of Sherlock. This – situation – is unusual, yes, and definitely unfamiliar, but in no way does it feel wrong. Rather, it feels the exact opposite.
  • A Discourse on the Inadequacy of a Duvet by guns_and_poses (T) For a prompt: Sherlock keeps stealing the covers when they share a bed because he wants John to move closer to him when they are sleeping but of course doesn’t want to ask. John gets annoyed at first until he realises what Sherlock wants and is more than happy to oblige.
  • Bed-Sharing Between Flatmates by testosterone_tea (T) 5 times Sherlock had an excuse to share John’s bed, and the one time he didn’t need one.
  • A Terrific Soporific by antietamfalls (T) Sherlock, a long-time sufferer of insomnia, is forced to share a bed with John at a hotel while on a case. To his astonishment, he finds that spending the night next to John helps him sleep and becomes determined to maneuver himself back into John’s bed.
  • Knotted by naughtyspirit (E) John has to cancel a date because of Sherlock’s case, which leads them to be tied up in a basement from which they have to escape.They get wet, get tied up close and John has to step up and save them.Because he’s pretty. And hot. And just a little bit of a BAMF. (This is one of my FAVOURITES so so much).
  • Assurance by belovedmuerto (T) It’s not so much the ‘you’re half-dead, you wanker,’ or even the broken ribs, the hairline fracture of the pelvis, the dislocated shoulder and knee, and the wrenched ankle.
  • So, this is normal for us now? by TooManyChoices (M) John and Sherlock have been sharing a flat, and a life for some time. This is a story of how the glacially slow movement of their relationship makes another agonising crawl forward another inch.
  • A Love with No Name by aceofhearts61 (T) In which Asexual!Sherlock and Straight!John are platonically in love life partners.
  • To Sleep, Perchance to…Cuddle by nerdyandiknowit (NR) Almost immediately after they got together Sherlock formed this dependency on John-he could not (or would not as John believes) sleep without John being there, in bed, next to him. Sherlock has perfected the art of molding himself entirely to John’s body. Every now and again John will attempt a Houdini like escape, but he has mostly resigned himself to the fact that Sherlock would use him for a life sized teddy bear. Well resigned isn’t really the word, and even though John will never admit it, he always looks forward to this time he gets to spend with Sherlock.
  • Moonshine by CKLizzy (T) Sometimes, routines changed.—Sequel to “Nightfall”, second part in what is now a series that will explore how it goes on from this story and John and Sherlock’s new arrangement. Part 2 of Solace
  • The Second Law of Thermodynamics by entanglednow (T) In which there’s no heating and there’s a dead owl in Sherlock’s bed. Part 1 of Thermodynamics (this whole series is really great, I love it!)

I know I’m missing a tonne more but those were the ones I could remember in my bookmarks on both Ao3 and FFNet. Feel free to add your faves and shameless self promos! Again, if there’s any “Speckled Blonde” ones, please link us! (’Speckled Band’ welcome as well!)

Mono No Aware — 物の哀れ

FANDOM: Kissed by the Baddest Bidder
CHARACTERS: Eisuke Ichinomiya/MC
WORD COUNT:  2216
GENRE: Angst
WARNINGS: Illness, pregnancy.
AUTHOR’S NOTE:
Part one of two. Dedicated to @kiserusmoke and @catchthespade, I should really be working on my ongoing fics but Shauna challenged me to write in a tradeoff since I was having a horrible writer’s block. 

Mono no aware (物の哀れ)
1. the awareness of impermanence
2. the particular sadness or sensitivity regarding the passage of time
3. understanding the transience of life

Eisuke and her want a baby and get exactly that; but no good things come without a price.

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Everybody out there!

Hi fam! I need your help! Through all of you I already found some wonderful new material to make my kindle blush. Now I have another question for you.

What gay fandoms can you recommend? I need more things to stalk!

Here is what I am stalking so far:

- Johnlock (I’ll never abandon this ship, the community is too awesome to leave)

- Matteusz x Charlie (Class, they are just too cute! I hope there will be another season)

- Dorian x John Kennex (Almost Human, It’s a shame but I feel like the fandom died some time ago *cries* I love the android-love!)

- Dragon age Fenris x m!hawke and Dorian x inquisitor (So pretty)

- Wilson x house (why can’t they just admit it, damnit!)

- eggsy x Harry hart (I kind of dig them so hard!)

- Malec (obviously)

- Merthur (though my interest has dwindled a bit and I am not as aktice as I used to be)

- Nagron (hot warrior boys!)

- Mike x harvey (Suits, I should catch up, definitely)

- Thorki (It isn’t incest, they are NOT related! I won’t give up hope!)

- Janto (rest in piece Ianto, the community is still kind of going though)

- Ilya x Napoleon (U.N.C.L.E., Ilya tore of a piece of the car and love was born. Kind of active community)

- Chris x josh (until dawn, wendibros for life! sadly not so much community activity any more)

- Cherik (x-men, I don’t need to say anything, do i?)

- carlos x cecil, adam x caleb (because podcasts are important!)

- Zude (Hit the floor, I thank all the stars that the series was picked for a fourth season!)

Has anybody a great recommendation? A series? a movie?

anonymous asked:

alright, so i'm really tired when people say that Bale!Batman is better than Batfleck when he's actually doing a better portrayal of Bruce Wayne??? do you think so? and could you maybe give some reason to shut down these fools people? lol

I know the feeling entirely and since I agree with the statement and you asked. Here’s why Batfleck is better than Nolanverse Batman:

The idea of Batman/Bruce Wayne has become one with pop culture since before I was born. I enjoyed Batman films when i was young and even the not-so-good film Batman & Robin. It wasn’t until i was older that i realized there was so much more to Batman that people don’t necessarily see when they see the character since the whole pop culture thing. 

The reason why Batfleck is better for me and many others when were talking about a comic adaption Batman its because of his raw emotion, his brooding hurt self. Batfleck suffers from PTSD at the loss of his parents. He shows and conveys that pain in so many ways throughout Batman v Superman. Batfleck emodies Bruce Wayne from the comics unlike every other Batman before him in a way that is not just some rich white man with a deep voice in a batman suit, He’s essentially like Logan from X-Men, constantly losing his loved ones but also his parents death is apart of him. The sheer difference between Nolanverse Batman and Batfleck is that Batfleck conveys so much emotion surrounding their death and is quite human where his rage is fueled from things he cannot control. If you just want a short and sweet way to argue that Batfleck is best, here’s a decent article. This will mostly be about uplifting Batfleck as the best batman rather than pitting it against Nolanverse!Batman. 

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Part 3 - The King, The Prince, and the Lion

Down the Voltage Rabbit Hole is an ongoing story about our MC, who could easily be anyone in voltage fandom. She woke up in hospital bed only to discover that she’d somehow been transported Voltage universe:

Part 1 (Down the Voltage Rabbit Hole)

Part 2 (The Tres Spades)

Part 3 - The King, The Prince, and the Lion

I’ll admit that “game” Eisuke had always turned me off. I found him far too arrogant for my liking and borderline abusive in his behavior towards the MC.

However, standing in front of the “real” Eisuke Ichinomiya, I finally got what all the fuss was about.

Unlike the others, Eisuke was far more handsome than his sprite ever let on. In our world, there’s no way he would ever have been a hotel mogul - he was far too beautiful for that. He would have been given a reality show like the Kardashians, and toured the world making appearances at clubs, all the while promoting his male skin care line or clothing brand.

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