….so I wrote some Obikin Christmas crack….I’m not sorry. Um, enjoy?
In which Anakin, Padme, and Ahsoka embark on a quest to find the hottest mall Santa at the Corcuscant mall and Obi-Wan may just be actual Santa Claus. (With Cody, Rex, Waxer, and Boil as his military-trained elvish helpers/bodyguards.)
Ten days before Christmas, Anakin drags Ahsoka to the Coruscant
mall where he’s supposed to meet Padme for their annual Hot Santa Hunt.
“What exactly is this?” Ahsoka asks, sipping
on her smoothie.
“This is the most wonderful time of year, Snips!
This is the time of year when people, mostly men, strap a pillow to their
chests, put on a fake beard and a thick red coat, and pretend to have magical
powers where they can answer all the little kids’ requests for toys and ponies.
This is the time of year when Padme and I roam the corridors of the mall
to scope out all the men in suits and try to divine how hot they are under all
the beard and the pillow-belly,” Anakin announces. Padme snickers next to
him. “And now that you’re eighteen and legally an adult and therefore no
longer a believer in Santa Claus, you can join us on our crusade!”
“I haven’t believed in Santa since I was six, Skyguy,”
Ahsoka says dryly.
Anakin waves a hand at Ahsoka’s correction.
“And why start so early?”
“Because sometimes there’s a tie and we need to come back
another day to reassess,” Padme answers matter-of-factly.
“Alright, enough of the chit chat. Time’s a-wastin’! Let’s
go!” Anakin says enthusiastically and takes off.
“He really gets into this, doesn’t he?” Ahsoka mutters
to Padme who just shrugs with a smile.
“We’ve got scorecards and everything,” Padme says,
handing one such card to Ahsoka who snorts at what’s on the list.
“‘Crinkly eyes’?” she reads out. “'Sparkling eyes,’
'jolly laugh,’ 'bright smile,’ 'wears his suit well,’ 'likelihood of being 100%
ripped under the pillow-belly’?” She chortles. “I can’t believe you
guys do this every year and have never invited me!”
“Well, you’re invited now, Snips, but if you keep holding us
up, I will disinvite you for next year,” Anakin says mock-threateningly as
he doubles back. “Come on. We’ve got four floors and four wings on each
floor and one Santa per wing and we don’t want to miss them because they’ve
gone on break. Chop chop, people.”
Padme rolls her eyes but they do set off for the top floor.
“We’ll work our way down and then sit at the food court on
the first floor to review the scores and debate over the rankings,” she
tells Ahsoka in the elevator.
HI THIS FIC IS REALLY REALLY LONG I DID NOT MEAN FOR THIS TO END UP REALLY LONG. this is for you, dwightdangershrute , you told me to write whatever for your christmas present so I went with long-distance Kawoshins. MERRY CHRISTMAS DARLING!!!!
When Shinji first posted a question on his math homework on the college forums, he didn’t expect an answer within a half hour, and certainly not an incredibly detailed one.