‘Home…’, she said, her voice barely more than a whisper.
'It’s a funny word, isn’t it? Something so well known to anyone and still so utterly different in its subjective definition.’
'What does it mean to you?’, I asked and her gaze wandered off into distance. She did not say a single word for several seconds and when she looked at me again, a frown was wrinkling her forehead.
Her lips said 'I don’t know, what about you?’ but her eyes gave away what she did not want to speak out loud; that her home was on the road, at a different apartment each night, constantly under an ever changing sky.
So how would I have been able to tell her that I, undeniably, undoubtedly, had found home in the wrinkles when she laughed and that colour when she blushed?
I want you to know something no matter what happens no one will be able to take your place, no one will ever be able to steal me away from you. There is only one you and I only have room in my heart for one special person and that person is you and it always has been.
So I’m going to preface this by saying I am white and I am a lesbian. I am one minority but not another. And because of that, I often see what I’m missing as a gay woman, but don’t see what I have as a white woman. Watching Kat and Adena though, I’ve realized the impact of this. I feel completely represented by Kat and Adena. Their race, while so so so important, doesn’t change their ability to be representation for me, because I connect with them as women and as a woman who likes women. And more significantly, because I already have enough white representation in my world. I don’t need their race to match mine to feel represented in that way. But I can’t imagine how it would feel if I didn’t have that white representation. If I was fighting to see not one, but two (or possibly three if you consider religion) parts of myself represented. This isn’t a story I’ve seen on television before - two women of color in a budding relationship. I’m sure it exists in some form, but I’ve never been on the lookout for it. I never needed to. My privilege as a white woman has given me that advantage. It sucks fighting for gay rep, but fighting for gay non-white rep seems emphatically worse. And I want to hear more about it. I want to start looking for it. I want more stories like Kat and Adena’s. Because if I don’t need the racial representation, then why not find the people who do?
A little context - i am part of a group of a Goliath, an elf, a dwarf and a half elf (me). I tended to keep everyone in check, as I’ve played with this group of people before and they’ve done some rather….odd things. I left for about 5 minutes to search the rest of a war camp for survivors.
DM: After Liberating the prisoners of the war camp, Goliath, you start to look through everything, see what missing and forgotten possessions you can find, you find some things of value but the very last thing you find is a small bundle of cloth, you go to leave it but then it starts kicking and crying
Goliath: (Without a second of hesitation) I’ve always wanted to be a dad
Dwarf: Look. Buddy. I’m all about finders keepers when it comes to loot, i really am. but you can’t keep the child.
Dwarf: we’re planning on fighting a dragon in a few weeks! you really think we can keep a baby? it’s parents are probably right here.
Goliath: Fine. I hold the baby up lion king style and yell “DOES THIS BELONG TO ANYONE?!”
DM: Everyone immediately looks to you as you shout, holding this baby which now up close looks to be a half orc child. As everyone looks, nobody owns up to the child belonging to them.
Elf: Looks like you get to have your dream to being a dad after all
dwarf: don’t encourage this!
The Goliath not only kept the baby, but it’s a re-occurring character in our story, the Goliath learnt to write so that he’d be able to write is half orc daughter letters from where ever we go, when we’re out adventuring it stays with the Goliath best friend, a halfling and her gnome girlfriend.
I told you, you should have read the manual before using a lawn mower for the first time!
How important can your pinky toe even be?
*from another room* Did you put the groceries I bought for the bbq tonight, away?
*with a watermelon rind in their mouth and their hand in a bag of chips* Definitely!
We should take a road trip!
I think you've tripped on the road plenty already.
*walks into their living room* Why is there a pillow fort in my reading spot?
*from inside the fort* I think the real question is why WASN'T there a pillow fort in your reading spot??
I am the s'more making master! No one in the entire world has ever been able to compete with my complex s'more making skills. Im telling you this is about to be the greatest chocolatey, graham cracker treat you have ever tasted!
Your marshmallow fell into the fire.
Will you come shopping with me? I need new summer clothes.
No way, watching you shop is so boring.
I'll buy you a lush bath bomb.
I love summer!
It's so hot I think I've literally descended into hell and Satan himself is force feeding me volcanic lava.
I’m fucking crying my eyes out right now over how amazing perfect my goddess is in her Halloween outfit.
Nana is too adorable in general for my already bursting heart and then they throw me a witch Nana?????
Bandai are trying to kill me with these recent Nanas and I’m all for it
do you remember?
that night where our laughter lit up the night
that time where I fell apart and you sat with me
until I was able to stand on my own
that moment where we locked eyes and I knew
that the world was no match for us
do you know?
that the minute you touched me, I was marked for eternity
that the first time you ever spoke my name
pieces of my fragmented heart starting fitting together again
that you saved me, not by being my other half but by
being the jump start to having hope
have I have told you?
any of this, any of it at all
that we proved the universe so wrong that the myths forced us to part
that I love you
do you love me too?
can you remember the quiet of the stars
when it was just us and our beating hearts?
is it just me or whenever you think about meeting Taylor you get emotional and all happy over just the thought of it and you have this huge goofy smile on your face as butterflies burst into your stomach and your eyes tear up?
<b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b>sirius:</b> remus<p/><b>sirius:</b> hey, remus<p/><b>sirius:</b> have you ever noticed that dog spelled backwards is god?<p/></p><b>sirius:</b> do you reckon that means something?<p/><b>remus:</b> i don’t know sirius but if you keep me from sleeping any longer you'll be able to ask god in person very soon<p/><b>sirius:</b> really? how come??<p/><b>remus:</b> because I'll bloody murder you<p/></p><p/></p><p/></p>
i. I know I told you this, but I haven’t heard from you in a while and I just wanted to remind you that I left the ball in your court. That I will sacrifice my happiness and give you another chance, all you have to do is reach out and tell me you don't want to throw this friendship away.
ii. So by the looks of it you are having a lot of fun with your new friends, don’t get me wrong I’m happy you found happiness. But I just want to make sure that this isn’t you escaping your past and letting these new friends be a band-aid for old wounds. I am here if you ever want to talk.
iii. I miss you. I can’t believe this happened again, that after reconnecting you chose to put me second again. You hurt me more than I thought. And I know I told you that you were hurting me, and you said you were sorry; but are you?
iv. Do you miss me? Or have you replaced me enough to forget me? Because I worry about you every day, your state of mind and if you’re being kind to yourself. But when I picture how you’re spending your day, I can't imagine you missing me.
v. I am no stranger to the notion of people leaving me. I have been told ‘forever’ only for 'forever’ to expire later on. This isn’t new for me, missing people is almost routine for me. But you linger more than others. You creep up on me.
vi. I thought I would be able to move on, because you hurt me so bad. But turns out you too are a bad addiction of mine that I just can’t shake.
Texts I would text you if I ever got drunk enough and brave enough.