I want you to know something no matter what happens no one will be able to take your place, no one will ever be able to steal me away from you. There is only one you and I only have room in my heart for one special person and that person is you and it always has been.
‘Why did you fall for him?’
I’ve never been able to answer this question and I wonder if I ever will be. The only thing I know is that I spent years not knowing him and one day he just was there.
I still remember him, just sitting there on a wooden picnic table, I still remember him looking up at me, I still remember the look in his eyes, I still remember the feeling I had. Both were pure, clean because nothing had happened yet.
There we were on that chilly spring morning, not yet knowing how we would change each other’s lives.
'Why do you still love him?’
How will I ever be able to answer? I just do. He’s such a big part of my life, I can’t imagine it without him. No, there hasn’t been an easy moment ever since I met him and yes, at times it hurts, a lot.
But I guess I just live for him, for the signature grins I get from him, for the way he calls my name, for the sparkle in his eyes when I make him laugh. For the way he can still make me stutter after 5 years and for the princess-like feeling he can give me.
I know everyone tells me to let him go. And I get why. Perhaps I could let him go if I only met him a few months ago, but he has marked too many memories, predominated too many years. He’s the only thing in my life that never changes.
A little context - i am part of a group of a Goliath, an elf, a dwarf and a half elf (me). I tended to keep everyone in check, as I’ve played with this group of people before and they’ve done some rather….odd things. I left for about 5 minutes to search the rest of a war camp for survivors.
DM: After Liberating the prisoners of the war camp, Goliath, you start to look through everything, see what missing and forgotten possessions you can find, you find some things of value but the very last thing you find is a small bundle of cloth, you go to leave it but then it starts kicking and crying
Goliath: (Without a second of hesitation) I’ve always wanted to be a dad
Dwarf: Look. Buddy. I’m all about finders keepers when it comes to loot, i really am. but you can’t keep the child.
Dwarf: we’re planning on fighting a dragon in a few weeks! you really think we can keep a baby? it’s parents are probably right here.
Goliath: Fine. I hold the baby up lion king style and yell “DOES THIS BELONG TO ANYONE?!”
DM: Everyone immediately looks to you as you shout, holding this baby which now up close looks to be a half orc child. As everyone looks, nobody owns up to the child belonging to them.
Elf: Looks like you get to have your dream to being a dad after all
dwarf: don’t encourage this!
The Goliath not only kept the baby, but it’s a re-occurring character in our story, the Goliath learnt to write so that he’d be able to write is half orc daughter letters from where ever we go, when we’re out adventuring it stays with the Goliath best friend, a halfling and her gnome girlfriend.
<b><p></b> <b><p></b> <b>sirius:</b> remus<p/><b>sirius:</b> hey, remus<p/><b>sirius:</b> have you ever noticed that dog spelled backwards is god?<p/></p><b>sirius:</b> do you reckon that means something?<p/><b>remus:</b> i don’t know sirius but if you keep me from sleeping any longer you'll be able to ask god in person very soon<p/><b>sirius:</b> really? how come??<p/><b>remus:</b> because I'll bloody murder you<p/></p><p/></p><p/></p>
ok so, usually even for my big pieces, i tend to only spend about 4-5 hours on them, BUT GODDAMN I’ve spent like….15+ hours on this?? I’m exhausted. I feel like it really paid off though???? I mean I’m really happy with it. I’m also trying to be more art positive, so I’m forcing myself to like it (ง'̀-‘́)ง
i. I know I told you this, but I haven’t heard from you in a while and I just wanted to remind you that I left the ball in your court. That I will sacrifice my happiness and give you another chance, all you have to do is reach out and tell me you don't want to throw this friendship away.
ii. So by the looks of it you are having a lot of fun with your new friends, don’t get me wrong I’m happy you found happiness. But I just want to make sure that this isn’t you escaping your past and letting these new friends be a band-aid for old wounds. I am here if you ever want to talk.
iii. I miss you. I can’t believe this happened again, that after reconnecting you chose to put me second again. You hurt me more than I thought. And I know I told you that you were hurting me, and you said you were sorry; but are you?
iv. Do you miss me? Or have you replaced me enough to forget me? Because I worry about you every day, your state of mind and if you’re being kind to yourself. But when I picture how you’re spending your day, I can't imagine you missing me.
v. I am no stranger to the notion of people leaving me. I have been told ‘forever’ only for 'forever’ to expire later on. This isn’t new for me, missing people is almost routine for me. But you linger more than others. You creep up on me.
vi. I thought I would be able to move on, because you hurt me so bad. But turns out you too are a bad addiction of mine that I just can’t shake.
Texts I would text you if I ever got drunk enough and brave enough.
Date yourself. No, really. Take yourself on dates. Go to the movies alone. Go to a restaurant for dinner by yourself. Go get a coffee by yourself. Don’t mess on your phone while you’re there either. Give time to yourself.
Because if you can’t do things by yourself, how are you ever going to be able to do them with someone else and be content?
you don’t know what you did to me.
you think that you left and that i’ll be okay eventually.
but that’s not true.
i look for you in every man i meet.
i always check if their hand fits in mine as yours did and if it feels as sweet around my neck as yours.
i always wait for them to tell me how much they love my laugh and how adorable they find it.
they never do.
i kiss them just to find out if my heart beats faster and my knees get weak just as they did with you.
that doesn’t happen.
so, do you see what you really did to me?
you spoiled me for every other man because all i’ll ever be able to think about is you.
i’ll be with another man and i’ll think about you.
it’s always going to be you.
i’m trying to focus on something else but my mind is like: SOUNDGARDEN
SOUNDGARDEN CHRIS CORNELL TEMPLE OF THE DOG
TEMPLE OF THE DOG
TEMPLE OF THE DOG
TEMPLE OF THE DOG CHRIS CORNELL
CHRIS CORNELL AUDIOSLAVE
AUDIOSLAVE (im tiny)
My heart is pounding as you walk towards me, you gently slid your fingers betwe mine, we binded so perfectly together. My heart races out of control as you pressed your lips against mine, so delicately. That was your way of telling me not to worry anymore, you’re real, you’re here and you won’t ever abandon me, I’m safe, I’m home.
Tenari Ioapo // Dear Handsome
Words will never be able to describe the way I felt when I saw you for the first time and how incredibly lucky I feel to call you mine.