as if i could help myself

mouseyfox  asked:

Seanan, how do you deal with writing on days when you're low on spoons? My depression and anxiety has been kicking my ass since yesterday and I have a short story I need to work on. I just can't seem to smack through this depression/anxiety fog well enough to get back to work and it's frustrating the hell out of me.

So my situation is somewhat different now than it was, say, ten years ago, because now writing is my sole means of supporting myself and my mother.  I have two housemates, in part because knowing that people with Reliable Day Jobs are chipping in for approximately ½ the mortgage and bills helps me a lot with keeping the creeping panic from taking me out, but that’s only ½.  Everything could go to shit in a hurry if I stopped writing.

TL;DR on the first paragraph alone: I write when I’m low on spoons because if I don’t write, I can’t afford to buy food.  The only days I will reliably allow myself to skip are days when I’m on an airplane (zoom!) and days when I’ve just had dental work and am thus too stoned to spell.

But before that…

If you need to be writing–if it’s your path to less depression, or you have a deadline, or you need to feel like you’ve accomplished something for the sake of your sanity–figure out where the lines of “need” are.  Now break it into as many pieces as you feel is necessary.  Do you need to write 1,000 words?  That’s ten units of 100.  Maybe you can’t sit down and write 1,000 words, no problem, but I bet you can do 100.

Now do it again.  Now do it again.  Count it off however you like–pennies in a pile, or a d10 that you turn, or Magic health tokens–and keep doing it, until you have that 1,000.  It’ll come faster than you think, and having little goals makes the big one seem less distant and terrifying.

Remember that first drafts are allowed and expected to suck.  You’re not writing for publication, you’re writing for productivity.  You can revise your first draft into awesomeness, but that comes later.  Keep moving forward.  Go back only when you absolutely must.

Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t accomplish as much as you wanted to!  If you don’t hit 1,000, but you hit 400, you still met four goals!  Be proud of yourself for making it that far.

Believe in yourself.

I believe in you.

catch me forever crying about how sana and even’s entire connection and backstory and the similarities between them could have been explored so much better with endless convos between them, if only we had more time, more seasons. they both could have helped one another, each other, when they needed someone to talk to bc we would have KNOWN from way back, that of course they both knew each other.

my 2 kids could have gotten such better treatment, perhaps such better seasons for both of them where they were respected. i … can’t … believe this.

anonymous asked:

Hi! I see that you accepted a prompt about Yousana, so I decided to send one myself... could you write about the first time Yousef realizes he's in love with Sana + the first time Sana realizes she's in love with Yousef + the first time they confess their feelings for each other? Like these three moments that are so important in their love story. Thank you so much in advance, I hope you decide to write it! 😘

Hey :) Well, I wrote it and thank you for trusting that I could write this properly. I hope these moments are like you imagined them to be :) Let me know how you like it :)

The lovely @nothesc helped me think of the moments they first realized they were in love. Thanks for that <3


Yousef has liked Sana for a long time now. At first she was just his friend’s little sister. The first time he saw her she was sitting at the kitchen table with her school books scattered all over the table. She was so immersed in her work that she didn’t notice Elias being home, with a friend.

However, over the years Sana got Yousef’s attention more and more. And she didn’t have to do anything for that. Elias and Yousef became best friends and Elias always invited Yousef over to his house. Yousef would see Sana walk past the living room when they were playing video games there, or she would be in the kitchen when he went there to get something to drink and sometimes she would join Elias and his friends in a game of basketball or even video games.

For many years Yousef didn’t think about it much. Sana was just his best friend’s sister. But the older they got, the more he saw Sana, the harder it got to see her as just Elias’ sister. Yousef found himself wishing Sana would be sitting at the kitchen table doing homework, whenever he got up to get something to drink. Sometimes even when he wasn’t thirsty. 

It didn’t help that Sana started being more friendly with him. She was always nice to Elias’ friends. Some of them basically live at the Bakkoush house so it wouldn’t be easy for Sana to ignore them all. However, at one point her friendliness towards Yousef changed. Yousef didn’t know what that meant, if she just got more used to him being at her home whenever Elias was home or if she started to feel the same way as he did. Then, Yousef didn’t know what exactly it was that he felt. He just knew that seeing Sana, even if they didn’t speak more than a Hello, made his day better.

Then, Sana started to hang around the guys more. She didn’t just say Hello or answer questions. She initiated conversations. Yousef wasn’t sure if he just imagined it or if Sana really spend more time talking to him than to the other guys. His thoughts were validated by that one time they were all sitting in the garden and Sana came outside with a basketball under her arm and her phone in her hand. She didn’t notice that the guys were outside at first, neither did Elias, Adam, Mikael, Adam or Even notice Sana coming out of the house. Yousef did though. He always did. For one reason or another Mutta and Adam screamed at the same time which made Sana look up from her phone, a confused and kind of annoyed look on her face. She didn’t come closer and when Elias called her: “Hey, sis. Wanna join us?”, Sana had only shook her head. Eyebrows furrowed and a small frown on her lips. Then she met Yousef’s gaze and he smiled at her. His attempt at making her frown go away. Yousef felt the need to get up and walk over to her; he had stopped listening to what the boys were talking about when his eyes landed on Sana. But Yousef didn’t have to get up, Sana’s small frown turned into the smallest smile when she saw Yousef ginning at her. Yousef took the smile as a good sign and nodded lightly, to indicate that Sana should join them. He looked from his friends over to Sana and waited for her to react. And she did. Slowly she walked over to the boys and sat down close to them but didn’t say anything because Elias and Mikael were in a big discussion about something… Yousef didn’t pay enough attention to know what the topic was. 
Once Sana sat down Elias turned to her and exclaimed loudly: “You did decide to join us! What changed your mind?” Sana smiled at her brother but shrugged. Elias didn’t ask any more and Sana rolled the basketball on the ground next to her to preoccupy herself. She didn’t know that Yousef’s eyes kept on finding her and that he couldn’t do anything to stop. When she looked up and they shared a look, both of them smiled at each other, not saying anything. 

That is how things were between them for a long time. Communicating with looks more than with words. She is just a nice girl Yousef tried to tell himself but could never stop himself from thinking, and smart and beautiful.

Something changed once they had a real conversation, just the two of them, about something other than Elias’ whereabouts, information about a game the boys were playing which Sana joined or how school is going. Looking for a way to keep talking to her, Yousef offered to teach her how to peel carrots. 

After that Yousef felt like he was able to make a move. He knew that him wanting to see Sana and talk to her about anything, really, was not just because she was nice. He admitted to himself that he might have a crush on Sana. 

“Don’t stare if you want to hide your little crush.”, Mikael had whispered to Yousef with an knowing smile when they were eating at the Bakkoush house once again; Elias, Yousef, Mutta, Adam, Mikael, Sana and her parents. Yousef had immediately turned to Mikael to deny it but Mikael looked at him knowingly and turned away from him. 

That day he admitted his crush on her to himself.

And when he felt like Sana would be comfortable enough with it, he added her on Facebook. Asking what she’s up to was not weird anymore, being alone with her wasn’t weird anymore, spending time with her outside of the Bakkoush house wasn’t weird anymore.

It was like the universe hated him because one day after they finally had their first date, after a few weeks that made Yousef’s heart ache because Sana distanced herself, he had to leave. He was more than happy to see that part of his family again that he only ever sees in the summer but the evening he had spent with Sana made him want to stay and spend the summer with her. They had so much fun and for the first time he felt really secure that Sana did see him as more than her brother’s friend. 

Sitting at the gate at the airport, with 15 minutes until boarding, Yousef couldn’t keep thoughts about the previous evening out of his head.
Sana never stopping smiling, her dimples always showing. Sana trusting him enough to catch her when she jumps down those big stairs. He could almost hear her laughter from when they did the ‘trust test’ with the showers. The way she grinned and teased him about him bringing food to break her fast. He remembers Sana opening up to him. At the thought of Sana being bullied, even when it was in the past, he clenches his jaw and his chest tightens. Yousef doesn’t want her to hurt, ever. At the same time he couldn’t describe the warm feeling inside about Sana trusting him enough to open up to him even if he tried. He loves that Sana and him can be silly one moment and talk about serious topics in the next one. Disagreeing doesn’t make them fight; it makes them try to understand the other one.

His phone beeps and pulls him out of his thoughts. 

“I hope you have a lot of fun with your family! <3”

“And keep me updated if you are attacked by swans or not… then I can hit up Stephen Curry if necessary!”

As soon as Sana’s name appears on his screen, a big smile finds its way on Yousef’s face. It’s still very early, He knows she went to bed late last night, but she still got up early and thought of texting him. But once again, it dawns on him that he won’t see her all summer, at least not in person. That thought makes him lower his phone slowly and stare into nothingness for a few moments. His chest tightens, his mouth goes dry, breathing is hard for some time. 

Yousef closes his eyes and swallows the lump in his throat. It shouldn’t be this hard to not see your crush for a few weeks. And it’s not. It’s not just a crush anymore, maybe hasn’t been for some time now.

With the worst timing ever, Yousef realizes one very obvious thing.

He is in love with Sana Bakkoush. 

Two months. Two months Sana didn’t see Yousef. Well, at least in person. They talked pretty much every day. Yousef shared his summer adventures with Sana and Sana told him about everything that happened in her summer holidays.

Every time Sana got a text she quickly unlocked her phone. Usually it was Yousef and seeing his name on the screen of her phone made her smile from ear to ear and her heart skip a beat. The times it was not Yousef she had to remind herself not to get sad about it because if it wasn’t Yousef it almost always was one of the girls.

Now, after two months of just texting, and facetiming once in a while, Yousef would arrive in Oslo any minute. He told Sana when he would land and she kept on staring at the clock. She needed to know that the flight went well and Yousef and his family landed safely. Sana had prayed for them. Walking up and down in her room, she turned her phone in her hands, a nervous habit. She’s not only worried about him landing safely but also about seeing him after such a long time. The last time they were together they were on a date and had a great time. But what if he doesn’t feel the same anymore? A lot can change in two months. Especially if you’re not seeing the other person in that time.

Sana thought about going to the airport but quickly realized that that wouldn’t be the best idea. Technically, Yousef and Sana only went on one date. That doesn’t promise anything. However, Sana remembers their conversation that night very well and knows that they silently promised something to each other. Her nervousness just makes her doubt things she knows.

Sana’s phone beeps and Sana’s heart beats faster. It’s Yousef.

“We landedJ”

Sana let’s out a breath and smiles to herself. She doesn’t really know why she gets so anxious about him being on a plane. Technology is advanced enough to get people from one country to another in a few hours, she flew before.

Finally, she stops pacing in her room and sits down on her bed and answers Yousef’s text.

“Good J How was the flight?”

Sana lets herself fall on her back and closes her eyes for a second. She starts scrolling up in their text conversation. Many pictures of old buildings Yousef saw on a sightseeing tour and thought Sana would enjoy. Pictures of Yousef with his cousins. A lot of pictures of Turkish food Yousef thought Sana needed to see. Sana didn’t realize that they texted this much. She knew she had her phone in her hand pretty much always but now that she’s been scrolling for 5 minutes, she’s still at the text from two days ago.

She gets another text from Yousef which makes her smile a lot again. She sits up and reads the text.

“Good. This older lady sat next to me and talked about her children the whole way. I can tell you her sons’ biographies later!”

Sana leaves her room and goes to the kitchen. And what a surprise: Mutta, Elias, Mikael and Adam are there, eating. When are they not here? Not that it bothers her. They all arrived home from their holidays earlier than Yousef.

“Hi, sis!”, Elias says loudly as soon as he sees her enter the kitchen.

Sana answers with a ‘Hi’ directed to all four guys and gets herself something to drink. Whatever they were talking about before, they stopped and all turned around to look at Sana, who was standing by the window.

Sceptically Sana looks at each of them and waits for one of the four to say whatever they felt like they needed to say.

Elias speaks up and Sana is very aware of the four pairs of eyes trained on her. “Yousef landed in Oslo.” Sana just nods and presses her lips together to not break into a grin. The guys look disappointed that Sana didn’t give them a bigger reaction.

“Of course she already knew!”, Mutta laughs and shakes his head.

“He probably texted her before us!”, Adam exclaims.

Sana once again just shrugs. It is a very amusing view seeing them half offended and half amused themselves.

“Are we going to see him later?”, Mikael asks the guys and sends a look in Sana’s direction as well. Just the thought of seeing him again makes Sana take in a sharp breath and a smile grow on her face.

Elias on the other hand answers: “That dude just landed. He probably wants to sleep when he gets home. We’ll see him tomorrow.” While the other guys in the room agree, Sana tries to not show them how disappointed she is and shortly after leaves the kitchen. Even before she arrives in her room her phone beeps again. A message from Yousef.

“Meet me at the basketball court in an hour? J”

The whole way to the basketball court, the court they played at after bringing Elias to Noora’s, Sana can’t keep a smile off of her face. She missed him. She knew she would miss him but she couldn’t imagine how much.

And there he was. Standing at the other end of the basketball court. He had arrived even before her and she left the house earlier than necessary. The closer she got, the more excited she grew. The big smile on her face doesn’t leave for a second.

When Yousef heard her footsteps he turns around and watches as Sana came closer. Sana’s eyes travel along his body. He is in sweatpants and a white t-shirt. His hair is covered by a snapback and he has his phone in his hands.

Sana always laughed when people talked about having butterflies in their stomach. She didn’t think she would get a feeling like that. But here she is. Seeing Yousef in his very chill clothes, looking a little exhausted but greeting her with the biggest and brightest smile. She felt butterflies and a whole zoo in her stomach.

“I’m sorry that I look like this but I just went home to leave my stuff there and came to meet you right away.”, Yousef says as Sana finally stands in front of him. Sana’s heart starts racing even faster at this. He could’ve gone home and rest and meet everyone later but he choose to meet her now. And she’s over the moon about it. She missed him so much. Sana wouldn’t miss anyone she only has a crush on this much. She wouldn’t feel this happy seeing someone who is only a crush after two months of being apart.

Standing there, on the basketball court, Yousef matching Sana’s huge grin, she realizes something very important.

She is in love with Yousef Acar.

Mondays are Yousef and Sana’s day. It’s his free day and it has become a tradition that Yousef picks Sana up from school and they do something together.

Today, they went to eat something first and ended up going to a park, sitting in the sun and talking. Sana and Yousef seem to never run out of things to talk about. And sometimes they sit next to each other, not saying a word and simply enjoying each other’s presence.
Sana is sitting on her jacket while Yousef is lying in the grass. He has his head turned to look at Sana and watches her as she reads a book for her English class.

“Can you stop that?”, Sana asks Yousef without looking up from her book.

“What am I doing?”, Yousef asks back even though he knows what she means.

“Stop looking at me. It makes me nervous.”, Sana says and can’t help but laugh. Now she turns to look at Yousef as well, who sits up and tilts his head to the side.

“I make you nervous?”, he asks in a challenging way. He looks her in the eyes and Sana doesn’t look away. The sun is shining right into Sana’s face and she has to squint to be able to look at Yousef. She leans in a little closer, obviously with a sarcastic remark on her mind. However, she doesn’t get to answer because out of nowhere, it starts to rain. No, it starts pouring rain. Quickly they both stand up; Sana packs the book in her bag which Yousef takes from her. He grabs her hand and they start running to find a dry place to stand until the rain calms down. Neither of them has brought an umbrella.

They find a canopy and once they stand there, they are already drenched. That doesn’t bother neither Sana nor Yousef. They are both laughing.
Still holding her hand, Yousef watches how Sana tries to wipe away her smudged make up, she thinks there is. Sana tries to be careful and her light violet colored hijab is sticking to the sides of her face. In that moment Yousef is sure that he has never seen a more beautiful girl in his life.

Yousef lifts his free hand and wants to wipe a big raindrop from Sana’s face. She sees what he’s doing and just nods. While he is doing that slowly, they look each other into the eyes and Sana starts to say something.

“Did you know..”, she starts and Yousef starts smiling broadly. He knows that an interesting fact about anything will follow now. “If there is rain in the desert, the chances are that you might not get wet. The droplets fade away under the influence of hot air. And that’s why it’s hard to tell when it rains in the desert. It’s called Phantom rain.”

Yousef has a tender look on his face and there is only one thought on his mind. How can Sana be this beautiful, and funny, and smart? He is fascinated by her, how she is so eager to learn more about everything, how she is so understanding and open-minded.

“God, I really love you.” It slips out of Yousef’s mouth before he can register what’s happening. Sana’s eyes widen and she looks at him with a small smile on her face. But she doesn’t say anything. She’s not able to in that moment. But Yousef understands it different from what Sana thinks.

“O God. I… I… It just slipped, I was thinking it and I couldn’t…”, Yousef starts to ramble. Did he say it too soon? He didn’t plan on saying it but it was what he was thinking and it just happened.

Sana interrupts him by squeezing his hand a little. Yousef’s gaze falls on their intertwined hands and then he looks up, into Sana’s eyes again.

“Yousef, breath.”, she says and chuckles lightly. That Sana is smiling and not reacting negatively lifts a weight of Yousef’s chest. He nods and takes a deep breath. Then Sana continues to talk.

“I wouldn’t want the guy I’m in love with to die because he forgot to breath.”

This sentence didn’t help Yousef to breath properly. His breath hitched in his throat, his eyebrows shot up and then a grin appeared on his lips.

“Does that mean…?”, is all he can say because his heart is racing too much.

Sana nods and answers: “I love you, Yousef.”

Slytherin to My Heart | Yoongi

Originally posted by yoonseok

Pairing: reader x slytherin yoongi | Hogwarts AU

Genre: angst + fluff

Summary: You hated Min Yoongi. He hated you. But the both of you were about to find out that hate was just a way to mask another passionate emotion.

A/N: lmao such a horrible pun but I couldn’t help myself nor could I help myself in writing a love-hate relationship with Yoongi. This is the longest one-shot I’ve ever written omg. I hope you all enjoy & as always if you have any questions about my BTS hp AUs or feedback on this one-shot, don’t hesitate to send an ask! I’ll be more than happy to answer them (:

p.s let’s pretend that prefects are allowed to take house points away from houses other than theirs.

Word Count: 9,176

“Muffet.” You cooed quietly as you cautiously walked down a hall, your wand producing a red laser-like light to attract your cat.

You hadn’t seen her all day and you were worried so not caring that it was past curfew, you snuck out of the Gryffindor dorms in search of her. You hoped you’d be able to find her before Filch or Mrs. Norris caught you or worse-

“Past curfew, Gryff.” Yoongi tsked as he appeared out of nowhere, tapping his wrist in a disapproving manner. His prefect badge glistened under the flames from the torches that lined the halls. “I think that amounts to ten points from your house, doesn’t it?”

And there was worse. Min Yoongi. The Slytherin prefect who loved to torture you with deduction of points.

“Or how about you admit you snuck out of your dorm because you knew you’d find me? I can’t blame you for that. I’m quite irresistible.”

He noticed the slight frown on your face and since you were taking a while to answer, he began to wonder if ten points was too harsh. But those thoughts were all thrown out as you opened your mouth.

“I’d rather insult a hippogriff, you nit-wit.”

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

I am that confused gay anon again!!! I just wanted to say thank you to all that helped shed some light on my sexuality. I still need a lot of time to think on this and figure myself out, but right now I am pretty sure I am still gay ahaha. Happy Pride Month everyone!!! <3

glad we could help!! <3 <3 <3

Everyday Demons pt. 3

(A/N): I had no idea how to even end this and i’m honestly so disappointed in myself. I’m sorry.

Pairings: BuckyXReader

Request: Can you please make a part 3 to everyday demons btw her powers sounds kinda like Raven from DC. Could you also describe the demon on the other side of the portal more detailed???

Warnings: Creepy creatures? idk

Tags: @sxph-t @iamwarrenspeace @bigfootsiddhartamama

Bucky felt horrible, all he wanted to do was help (Y/N) control their powers and he only proceeded to scare them more. He knew all the potential (Y/N) had but he ruined everything. The following day Bucky had not heard from (Y/N) at all, not like he expected to but it still concerned him so that night he goes to check up on them. He knocks on (Y/N)’s door but receives no answer and he gives a sigh. “(Y/N), it’s me. Can we talk?” Again, he receives no answer and his concern level increases. “(Y/N)?” Bucky asks banging on the door and he tries the doorknob and the door opens wide. He stares into the dark room and he cautiously enters, looking around the room for any sign of (Y/N).

What once housed a personalized room, full of pictures and items that screamed (Y/N) is empty with only a few things here and there. Bucky frantically checks the whole room but finds no sign of (Y/N) and he notices a small note on the bed. He picks it up and his heart drops. He sits on the bed staring at the perfect handwriting and his body is swimming with multiple emotions, he can’t pick what he is. He gives a defeated sigh, guilt washing over his entire body. “No, I’m sorry, (Y/N).”

It had been a month since (Y/N) left and Bucky was a mess. He never knew how much he really liked (Y/N) and how much he wanted to help them but it was all his fault. The whole team noticed Bucky’s change in attitude and it concerned them, Steve more than anyone. He knew Bucky had already poured half of his heart in helping (Y/N) and since they left Bucky was emotional wreck. He knew Bucky had a hard time making connections with people and (Y/N) was one of the first one that seemed thankful of him trying. It hurt Steve seeing Bucky so heartbroken over (Y/N).

The team got an urgent alert that Hydra was attacking in the middle of New York City. It was rare for Hydra to attack for no purpose but it was usually to send a message. The team suits up quickly before using their quickest ways to get to New York City, ready for anything that they were faced with. When they arrive, they see hundreds of Hydra agents running around, destroying anything they could get their hands on and the team immediately gets to work.

Bucky and Steve fight side by side as they take on several agents and it doesn’t take long when they take care of them when a loud whistle is heard. They look over seeing a man, standing in the mist of the chaos with a devilish grin plastered on his face. “You’re right on time. Are you ready for a show?” They both stand in defensive positions, ready to fight when a cloud of black appears out of the man’s shadow. Bucky freezes as the cloud clears up, showing a person’s form but not just anyone. It was (Y/N).

“(Y/N)?” His heart drops seeing (Y/N) wearing a standard Hydra uniform, staring at them with no emotion and he can’t help at stare at them with hurt. The man’s smirk grows seeing their shocked faces.

“Let’s see who’s afraid of the dark, shall we?” (Y/N) looks at the man before giving a nod. (Y/N) stands back, creating a big, black energy ball in their hands before they throw it up in the air, leaving a trail of black as it goes. It goes up some ways before (Y/N) jerks their hands outwards causing the black to spread, covering the sky leaving only a little bit of the sun’s light to come through, making the atmosphere dark and creepy.

“(Y/N), It’s me, Bucky!” Bucky yells and their gaze snaps towards his, face suddenly softening at the sound of his voice and Bucky wants to run up to (Y/N) but before he can they send another burst of blackness next to them, making a giant portal he is all too familiar with. (Y/N)’s eyes glow its goldish red as they begin to speak some language Bucky has never heard before and he sees horror like hands beginning to come out of the portal. Bucky takes a step back as multiple creature begin to crawl out of the portal, creatures that are scenes in nightmares and horror movies.

A creature with wrinkly skin, red eyes, large claws and fingers and a mouth that expands outwardly with large teeth comes out first. It gives a loud snarl as it stands next to (Y/N) before being followed by a large dog with two heads, glowing red eyes and large sharp teeth but the one that scares Bucky the most is the creature with long limbs, similar to slender man. No eyes are visible but when it opens its mouth, rows and rows of long, sharp teeth are seen, as long tentacles come out of it. Even more crawl out but Bucky can’t describe them as he’s frozen in place. (Y/N) points in the direction of Bucky and the team and the demon like creatures begin to crawl and run towards them. “Run!” Steve yells as he pulls a still shocked Bucky with him.

Everyone, even the Hydra agents begin to run out of fear but the creatures are quicker as they begin to take hold of Hydra agents, dragging them away into the darkness. The whole team runs fighting them off if they become close when Bucky feels something wrap around his leg, pulling it out from underneath him. He looks behind him seeing the slender man creature pulling him closer to its mouth and Bucky begins to struggle to get free but to no avail. He hears the whole team screaming at him as he’s only feet away from the mouth when (Y/N) suddenly appears between him and the creature. (Y/N) places their hands on the creature face, panic clearly seen on their face. “No, stop! Let him go!” (Y/N) yells and the grip on Bucky’s leg vanishes and he quickly scrambles back but what happens next surprises him.

Bucky watches as (Y/N) gently pets the creature, face filled with relief. “It’s okay. It’s okay.” In that instant, the creature doesn’t seem scary at all as it melts at (Y/N)’s touch. (Y/N) then speaks the unfamiliar language and all the creature begin to make their way back to the portal. The whole team watches as the darkness also begins to be sucked in, light becoming visible. The blood hound runs past (Y/N) brushing up against them, licking their face before hopping into the portal and they smile.

When everything is back in place, (Y/N) closes their eyes before shutting the portal and when they open them their eyes are back to normal. (Y/N) turns to look at Bucky, eyes full of worry. “Are you okay? I-I didn’t mean for him to get you…they’re all pretty harmless…” Bucky nods, quickly getting up and embracing (Y/N) in a tight hug. (Y/N) freezes at the contact but wraps their arms around him, burying their face in his shoulder.

“I thought I lost you for a second. I was so scared. I’m so sorry, (Y/N). I never intended to scare you away, please come back with me. You don’t have to be alone.” Bucky mumbles and (Y/N)’s heart flutters in their chest. (Y/N) pulls back with watery eyes and an innocent look that makes Bucky’s heart melt.

“Y-You mean that… but what about…” (Y/N) whispers, gesturing to themself and to where the portal was and Bucky nods, pulling them back in for a hug.

“Every word and despite it being a bit scary… you’ve got it. You’ve got it under control.” Bucky chuckles out and (Y/N) smiles. Bucky begins to lead (Y/N) back towards the team, who all have small smiles on their faces at how happy they both look. As they walk, Bucky frowns looking at (Y/N). “Did you say the monster that tried to eat me was a ‘he’?” (Y/N) chuckles before looking at him with amused eyes.

“His name is Zyron.” (Y/N) smiles out and Bucky purses his lips together but can’t help but chuckle. (Y/N) named the creatures like they’re everyday demons.

Kill me, this is horrible. I’m done.

lonely-sylveon  asked:

Excalibur: Lugia... what do I do if my other side (the murderous side) takes control of me. What can I do to stop my other half? Please I need your help.

Even I have faced another “side” of myself when emotions have taken control. Different situations call for different responses, and it is our responsibility to chose the one best fit for the task at hand. Something that I was unable to do, but would advise others to try, is to take a moment to think. Consider all the alternatives, all the possibilities, and most importantly–WHO are you affecting with your response?

Perspective is the key to solving the issue of control…Because when it involves others aside from yourself, when your choice could mean the destruction of something, the death of another–There are always other options.

@staff i have been on your site for a very long time. i created this same account when i was 15 or so, and i am 21 now. 

tumblr is where i realized i was a lesbian. actually, tumblr is to thank for much of my gender and sexuality self-acceptance. now, being a legal adult, with experience being “out,” having more resources to me, etc., it might be easy for adults to forget what a website can mean to a teenager. 

staff, i plead with you– marking LGBT identities as NSFW is unhelpful at best, damaging and reinforcing LGBT trauma at worst. i was able to recognize my love for women because i saw other gay women. i saw photos of lesbians, butches: i saw myself and who i could become. these images represented something to strive to, it gave me the encouragement to not kill myself as a teenager. 

more importantly, seeing images of women kissing, seeing soft nudity expressed by lesbian couples, helped me. it showed me that there was another future i could aspire to. sex education is so poor as it is, to know there was another kind of sex out there for me than the (heterosexual) one i hardly understood to begin with helped me to accept and understand myself. so many minors are so alone, trapped in a homophobic town in homophobic households. to take away perhaps the one safe outlet they have, claiming it is for their safety? that is evil, and completely detached from what LGBT minors actually need. 

if you want to make your site safer for minors, you need to find the porn blogs, the ddllg blogs, the kink blogs– and put restrictions on those. do better.

anonymous asked:

Hey! I was wondering how you personally cope with stress without resorting back to bad foods. I had a rough day yesterday and I ended up eating junk food (which I almost never ate even before my starting my weight loss journey). Now, of course, I feel like crap physically and mentally. Any tips for a better way?

Working out usually helps me destress and I would say I probably handle it that way like 70% of the time. Even just a long walk can help. But sometimes I’m mad/sad/stressed/anxious and I do overeat/eat crap to make myself feel better, which obviously doesn’t really solve anything, but it happens and then I just move on and do better the next day. It’s not the end of the world. Some people channel those feelings into something artistic like writing or drawing. That isn’t really my thing, but it could help you!

I wish I could show you how I see myself in my eyes. I look like a Goddess. But I can never get the perfect angle when trying to take a selfie. Plus cameras tend to alter images. I might need to do a plus-size photo shoot to help show the world how I see myself. I am beautiful and glowing!

anonymous asked:

Juliana posted a photo of herself reading Birds Of Prey and I can't help but find myself upset and feeling like they're not going to turn Black Siren into Black Canary.

They could call her Batman for all I care at this point. 

Dinah Laurel Lance is the Black Canary. And Black Siren is still Dinah Laurel Lance, and therefore… well, people can connect the dots. As for Dinah Drake, she’s Laurel’s mother. So this character — this fake pretender — is never going to be anything of what they call her. She’s just not. And I take solace in the fact that while there’s so much disrespect and while I hate “Black Canary” being used for a character that is so far from Black Canary, she will never be Dinah Laurel Lance and she will never be Dinah Drake. So what’s helped me with all of it is knowing that this is still Dinah Lance, this is still Dinah Laurel Lance. It’s a version of her. Whether the show calls her Black Canary or not… it doesn’t truly matter. I mean, it does in the sense that I don’t want to throw all the disrespect under the rug, but… she’s still Dinah Laurel Lance. Do you get what I mean? They can’t take that from us or from Katie. And this Tuna Sub will always be a fake, and she has to coexist with a version of Dinah Laurel Lance on the show (who is the real fucking Black Canary). So I don’t know if that perception will help you feel less depressed about the whole thing, but that’s what’s helped me keep a level of excitement about Black Siren without letting this stain on the show and on Black Canary ruin it. I don’t know if a redemption arc will happen and I don’t know if Siren will become Black Canary by series’ end, but it’s still Dinah Laurel Lance and I love Dinah Lance dammit :) 

httpcchu  asked:

Your first bias in EXO and why they were/is your bias?

it’s always been jongin, it deadass never changed, not once. i’ve seen him in the first teaser trailer and i’ve been gone and have loved him ever since. he’s just such a talented, hard-working, dedicated, gentle, loving person. his dancing mesmerizes me and i could lose myself in him for hours when he dances. he’s so goofy and funny and i just want him to be happy at any given time. exo and especially jongin helped me through a lot of shit and every time i needed a distraction, a quiet place, a little happiness, he was the one i went to. his smile could put the sun to shame and all in all he just means a lot to me and he deserves the world :)

magicandfandoms  asked:

If your still doing it! 5. And merthur Thank you ❤️

(I’m unsure whether you want me 5 on the 50 OTP things or the Sweet and Affectionate Moments Meme so ask again if you want something different and I’ll totally whip that up for you–I’ve got so many asks and writing things going on I confuse myself lol)

But 50 OTP Things: Who usually has the nightmares?

It’s Merlin. He’s seen so much and talked about so little, he can’t help but replay them over and over again in his mind, especially when his subconscious is left with no distraction while sleeping. Before he and Arthur got together, he would wake up after these nights of terror exhausted and heavy with guilt and sadness. After a few weeks of being together, Arthur woke up in the middle of the night by Merlin’s fist hitting his chest. Before he could get properly annoyed, however, he realized that Merlin was crying and thrashing. He wrapped his arms and legs both around Merlin and whispered as soothingly as he could into Merlin’s skin that he was safe, he was safe. Merlin settled soon into a deeper sleep, and that became Arthur’s go to method to calm Merlin’s nightmares, since Merlin seemed unable or unwilling to talk about the cause of them. He never truly stopped having nightmares, though after a while his hands wrapped themselves in Arthur’s tunic rather than thrashing out at him, and he automatically buried his face in Arthur’s chest rather than twisting away. Some wounds never heal, but they can be comforted. 

spells-world  asked:

Hi! I'm new to the Studyblr community and trying to challenge myself with the 100 days of productivity challenge. Is there any advice you could give me? I'm an arts major and am trying to fit everything in while I still have the time between my shows and semesters. Thank you!

Welcome to the community! I’m actually pretty bad at the challenge myself - I’m still at 33 even though I’ve been doing it for a year now lol. I don’t really post on here though even when I’m productive on a day. I have a productivity tag that could help you! You don’t need to post your notes or journal for the challenge - you could also post pictures of you organizing your stuff or when you’re performing! Just remember that discipline and not motivation is what’s going to keep you productive on most days and that planning ahead is very important to get everything done c:

Second Dear Diary

Dear Rosewood,

Never have I felt so much dread in seeing Dana than right now. i don’t know where to begin…. The end, might be the best.

Last night we faced trolls. There were hundreds of them. I went because Lady Reinhardt needed those who wielded the Light to come along. In addition, It was my duty to stand in for Doctor Corwin and make sure injuries were documented. A task I must get to today, surely. I am beyond relieved that Lady Miersae was there to assist in healing Mr. Bales. My skills with the Light are no where near hers. Eva was able to tend to Squire Kasgard’s wounds with the help of Lorna. Had I not been so overwhelmed with the situation, I would have been inspired by so many. I would be now but… My heart is torn apart.

All night I have not been able to rid myself of their injures. Even my dreams - if I could call them dreams - were of the event. I see the shield bearers fighting bravely to defend us casters and the Rangers lending aid from a distance; Lorna- lady Rivercroft, slaying troll after Toll. Surely, If I mentioned anything to her House, or the Penmonts…. no one would believe she could fight as she had with that hammer. Seeing her covered in blood was something I’d rather not see again. Thankfully, it was not her own. Such could not be said for the Other Squires. I give blessings to High Sorcerer creating a shield around us. Had Milly Mr. Manaboom not been there with his Arcane magic and his staff, I honestly *the words are smudged from tear drops*-nkful everyone was safe. Lord Marshal Caerow most notability defended us as we were flanked. I could not focus on all he did. My concentration went to calling forth the Light. It was wondrous and humbling all at once. Lady Reinhardt had Eva and myself assit with focusing the light to charge … something magnificent with her staff. Thanks to the shield, we were able to get more people to assist. Light filled the few inches of scriptures engraved on Miersae’s staff, making her gem light up. There was a pulse… there was…

Words cannot describe what happened. Nor how I felt. How I feel… I feel so enthralled and devastated. I got my hopes and dreams of assisting in combat, yet I acted as a scared child most of the time. It was my hope to be a Battle priest as Lady Miersae, yet such training, such focus… Dana was right. It would take years of me to even hope such a path. Yet *another tear drop stains the page. No ink is disturbed by it.*

I had committed myself to staying at bay in the clinic. To helping heal others, not to face combat yet. Dana knows I am not a warrior. I’m not a fighter, most certainly not yet. Yet by nightfall of the morning she found me hidden from being distraught over not being able to stop a fight, I find myself in mine battling trolls. 

This is the first time I have ever gone against her wishes. Tyrdana is going to be furious.

Possibly Farewell Forever, Gilly

@house-reinhardt @emilliacorwin @madame-miersae @lorna-rivercroft @machine-and-magic @missevangelinewinter @sirdanverscaerow

Tour de Columbus

If anyone you know or you yourself are going to tour de Columbus to the nationwide arena and going to be on ground level please contact me I would love to speak with you and have a favor to ask of someone who will be on the floor, I would love some confetti from the trees finale as a souvenir for myself and some friends (who weren’t able to go) and I’m in the lower bowl and was wondering if some lovely human could get some and meet up afterwards and bring it to me. Please help me get in contact with someone it’s my first tøp concert and it would mean so much. Thanks guys 💕🖤

I wish I could do more. I wish I made more income. I see a lot of posts of fellow Transgender individuals and I want to throw money at them to help, but I can barely keep my head above the water. I wish I was more successful in life :’D . I always look back and tell myself that I could have taken a different path. Instead I’m kind of stuck on this one. I’m just rather exhausted to attempt things. With rent and hormones alone (mind you, I really want to go on injections), it’s just a little tricky. Then there is transportation, food, etc. I barely do anything for entertainment because I have no drive and little money to go out and enjoy things. I don’t mind though, home is decent enough! I feel terrible for even posting this, I shouldn’t really complain. I have a job that keeps things going. Bah, I’m just a bag of  frustration I guess. I just wish I could help my friends out more.

no tea no shade but this website is probably the worst place to come to when questioning your gender, seriously

Of course I owe it to this site for making me question things in the first place, and I don’t regret that one bit. But everything here is so black and white and filled with toxicity. Between every positive post is three negative ones that tear down any kind of progress you thought you made.

I highly suggest looking elsewhere, literally anywhere. The reddit trans communities are very friendly and supportive and have helped me learn and accept more about myself than this site could ever dream of

sonicaspeed123  asked:

Hiya! I think I might be a demigirl but I'm not quite sure yet? (I'm afab) Whenever people point out 'oh, it must suck to be the only girl in your household' I feel really uncomfortable. Like whenever people bring up the fact that I'm a "girl" I just wanna push myself away from that. But I'm totally okay with using she/her pronouns, as long as people aren't like 'oh, you're such a GIRL haha'. I also like presenting more androgynous than feminine (no dysphoria though). Plz help, I am confuse??

You definitely could be a demigirl! It’s completely okay to be alright with she/her pronouns, that doesn’t make you cis, and neither does your lack of dysphoria. If you feel like you aren’t a cis girl, then you’re not. I can’t assign you a label, but I definitely think you’re headed in the right direction. Good luck!